【战锤40k】如果帝皇与原体们看讲话器 10
原文地址：https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-the-text-to-speech-device.408752/#post-23864804
今天后知后觉试着用了一下chatGPT辅助翻译，结论是它真的……
……尚且无法替代我的人工翻译。
偷懒计划大失败！
哦还有，tts原文部分我决定不翻译了，否则后面越来越长我真的头大。真想知道原文说什么可以对着标题集数再去回顾一下“如果帝皇有了讲话器”系列剧集。
第十集：大胆！哦，太蠢了！
“圣吉列斯兄弟，我理解这些剧集某种程度上的……幽默，但有一说一，它所讲述的很有可能就是我们所面临的未来。”罗伯特用他浓郁的马库拉格口音娓娓道来。
“我当然理解，智慧的罗伯特。但我也没法否认自己确实想看看这位负责的审判官想干什么，毕竟他的态度就和瓷器店里的grox差不多。”圣吉列斯回答道；基里曼也略带内疚地扭过头，因为他也想看。
“那么，解答这个问题的方法只有一个，对不对？技术神甫，下一集。”福格瑞姆对着火星神甫做了个手势，屏幕在片刻之后亮了起来。
(Terra burning with roaring flames, a storm of sparks, and the grim tone of a bell)
*Valjeanus tenderly kisses the forehead of a deceased woman. Suddenly-*
♫ Valjeanus, at last! We see each other plain. Magos Techenicus, You'll wear a different chain! ♫
“额滴神啊，别再来这玩意了！”帝皇用手扶着他的额头哀叹道。
“父亲，这有什么问题吗？”是荷鲁斯开口询问。
“我从来不该看那出戏。”帝皇之叹息再次出现。“The '32 Revolution压根不是音乐剧。”他的话戛然而止。
*Javerticus pulls up a clothes hanger with a chainmail bra*
“噢神圣泰拉在上！”罗伯特翻了个白眼。
....♫ Before you say another word, Javerticus. Before you burn me like a heretic, listen to me, there's something I must do~ ♫
*Javerticus leans forward with a glare*
♫ This woman leaves behind a suffering child, there is none but me who can intercede. In the Emperor's name, three days is all I need~ ♫
“至少在这个疯狂的银河系中，还有人愿意干些改善他人生活的善举！”看到这个孤身男子对那个已逝女人和她幸存孩子的善意，圣吉列斯不禁微笑。
*Javerticus glares harder, and Valjeanus stands solemnly*
♫ Then I'll return, I'll pledge my word. Then I'll return- ♫
*Javerticus Glares hatefully and interrupts with a draw of the sword*
♫ You must think me mad! ♫
*Jarverticus stomps forward, Valjeanus moving back in step. Both grim in expression*
♫ I've hunted you across the years! Heretics like you can never change! Heretiiiiiiiics such as you!~♫
*Javerticus takes a breath and slowly raises his sword to-*
一些兄弟不自觉地倒吸冷气。
(Javerticus gets run over)
MOVE IT BITCH!
“……什么鬼？”原体与帝皇的反应一模一样。
“我不记得这个戏剧或者电影会像这样结束。”帝皇说着，一脸懵逼。
“歌唱只能说中规中矩。”沃坎说着，他的语气明显是在打圆场。
(Javerticus doesn't move after the morons left. Valjeanus stands for a moment...then bolts.)
=Imperial Court=
帝皇非常不满。到目前为止，有用的主线一点没见着。难道他们还不明白在这傻坐着无聊透顶吗？都快和养老院旗鼓相当了！
“如果你有任何忠于职守的精神，你会亲自去找到你的‘罪魁祸首’。”康拉德咬着牙嘶嘶作响，他对于卡拉马佐夫正义的看法越来越少。
Hey! Hey, Fyodor! Isn't it Boring around here? Like, incredibly boring?
“我相信那个男人是这位审判官的某种弄臣。”罗格用他如磐石般稳固的语气打趣。
[Annoyed Inquisitorial Grunt]
Be quiet, Dominique! That's what I just said.
No, that's what I just said!
“我也这么觉得。”可汗挑起了他一条华丽的眉毛，对帝国之拳表示同意。
You know what would be fun? Letting me sit on your throne! I've always dreamed of being up on that throne with all the... [Uncomfortable Breathing] fun things I can do up there...
“有关那些禁军的记忆又回来了，”荷鲁斯低声说，“没有任何冒犯您现任同伴的意思。”
“我明白。”帝皇答道，“我有种感觉，这会成为一种大势所趋。”
I said QUIET! ...You're giving me a headache.
No! You be quiet!
Uuh, can someone feed the goat so he quiets down? We're trying to do important High Lord things here.
“你管那叫正事？！你们这群傻逼刚才只是在嗷嗷叫唤‘重要重要’！”黎曼气的不行，流行于他军团的一些独特……“传统文化”也开始渗入他的大白话。不幸的是，他的父皇也注意到了，并且脸色也随着黎曼的妙语连珠逐渐变得苍白。
SHUT UP LITTLE BILLY! Now, to the business at hand. Wuw...What were we discussing? I think it was something relating to banning the breathing of air...from anyone that is not us. Air is one of the few natural resources left here on Terra, and if all the 'normals' use it, there will be none left for us!
“红沙啊，纽科里亚的高骑手老爷们都比他们谦卑！”安格隆从未预料到他有一天会这样想，但此刻，他有点怀念他那些奴隶主了。
Requirement of air is only another reason to replace your lungs with circuits.
Well, I'm not sure...My Generals need to breathe as well as to make command of whatever it is they are communicating again, and I don't think they can do that very well without air...
Why I usually seem to generate currents of air right before I have to poo.
“要是我想知道有关肠胃胀气或者粪便玩意，我会直接去问Grox饲养员。”基里曼对于这样直率的愚蠢嗤之以鼻。
Wait...Isn't breathing important? I don't remember...I'm gonna lay down...
[Frustrated Inquisitorial Moan]
I should just go out there and find this heretic myself...
“他终于干事了！”科拉克斯嘟哝着。
Fyodor! We have urgent news!
Oh hey, are you the guys I sent to buy my sandpaper cigarettes? I really need my fix of nicotine and throat lacerations. How else do you think I sound so calm and sexy?
“砂纸烟？！”马格努斯几乎停止了思考。
[Inquisitorial sighing]
What is it that you want...? Don't you three have some sewers to investigate?
“就连卡拉马佐夫都意识到这疯狂三重奏毫无价值。”科拉克斯与科兹对视了一眼，达成共识。
We were confronted by three Custodes while...interrogating some citizens.
Custodes? You are joking with me, are you not? The Custodes never leave the Imperial Palace!
They were right there though. And the Custodes told us that the Emperor really is the one who sent the message.
“啊，这没可能往好的方向发展啊。”荷鲁斯轻声说。像往常一样，他赢得赌注。
In the name...of a thousand DEAD. FUCKING. HERETICS. ARE YOU SAYING!?
The Custodes are the heretics we are looking for!
“他们到底是怎么得出这个结论的？！”马格努斯的灵魂仍然被困在上一集，走不出来。
Well in THAT case, we are all walking STRAIGHT into the imperial palace, and taking those mutant exhibitionists with us!
*Decius Stomps onto the scene like a bawss*
Hold your mecha-chairs for just a moment Inquisitor! What do you think you are doing!?
“终于啊！终于有脑子还没掉线的人可以对这荒谬的游行做些什么了！”洛嘉脱口而出。
[Very frustrated Inquisitorial noise]
Not you!
“我从没想到一万年后我会对任何宗教人物说这话，但干得好，国教。”帝皇微笑着说道。
（在遥远的未来，某个男子发觉他的帽子突然无缘无故生出双脚）
==Inside the throne room==
“摄像头又回到你身边了。我还在想我们什么时候才能看到你的形象呢。”狮王对他的帝皇笑了笑。
STOP STANDING AROUND THERE ALL SILENT AND DEAD LIKE AN UNPLUGGED FUCKING MECHANICUS ADEPT, AND TELL ME WHO THESE SPACE MARINES ARE. THIS ANTICIPATION IS FOR SOME REASON KILLING ME. THEN AGAIN...I'M A DECAYING CORPSE. SO THAT MIGHT ALSO BE A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.
“也许你变成某种健忘人士了。我会优先考虑这是年龄因素。”罗格说。而帝皇向他投去的眼神绝非高兴。
Well, they are renowned in the Imperium for stealing alot of relics from both other chapters and factions within the Imperium. It's not really known how they do it or exactly why, but they have somehow managed to amass an astounding amount of wargear due to this.
“马格努斯，也许他们是你的好朋友？”黎曼看向马格努斯咧嘴一笑，而马格努斯只是向他的狼哥回敬了一个责备的眼神。
SO WHAT ARE THEY CALLED?
I believe they are called...the...th...b...Uuum...Something. Actually I don't remember.
WAY TO FUCKING GO DILDO HEAD. YOU JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF STUPID. THE DISAPPOINTING KIND OF STUPID.
COME TO THINK OF IT. DID YOU SAY CHAPTER? AS IN ONLY A SINGULAR CHAPTER WITHIN AN ENTIRE LEGION IS GOOD AT THIS?
Oh no no, my Lord. They are not a part of any Legion!
“……我刚刚听到了什么？”若非受限于身体硬件，否则黎曼的耳朵早该竖起来了。“一个独立于军团之外的战团？谁他狼的会干这么多余的事？”基里曼刚想发言，但王座帝皇就已经抢过话茬。
WHY THE FUCK WOULD THERE EVER EXIST A SINGLE CHAPTER OUTSIDE OF A LEGION?
“我也想问这个。军团必须以某种形式存在，哪怕它只是一个总体指挥结构！失去军团的战团会低效得可怕！”基里曼沸腾了。他的兄弟们也点了点头，因为他们知道马库拉格执政官对效率低下有多厌恶。
Well you see, seven years after the Horus Heresy-
原体们脑内所有那些严重冒犯“军团”存在性的问题，在此刻都像被没给制动器上润滑的毒刃给创停了。“荷鲁斯大叛乱？”房间内每个人的喉舌都发出了这段惊恐的低语。有这么一小会儿，没有人能够动弹，这一信息才刚重重砸向了他们的大脑。
黎曼第一个采取行动，他用极度震惊——甚至可以说备受创伤——的表情看向牧狼神，然后拔出了霜刃，只是眨眼间就跃向了荷鲁斯的座位。“别动，叛徒，否则你永远别想再动弹哪怕一下！”他声如狼嚎，即使在场的原体们也没一个能看出他的剑尖有哪怕一丝颤抖。圣吉列斯猛地从惊骇中清醒，跳出来为他的弟弟辩护；荷鲁斯却仍只是盯着暂停的大屏幕，一遍又一遍地重复“这不可能”。大天使拔出自己的剑，迫使鲁斯的霜刃从荷鲁斯·鲁珀卡尔的颈静脉处放下。
除了荷鲁斯外，唯一没有说话的是帝皇本人。他只能想，“所以这必将发生。所有的那些事情……都必将来临，对吗？我的儿子们……他们将迷失，又或者是背叛帝国。”
荷鲁斯只能呆呆看向黎曼和其他的兄弟们，他们的暴怒可以预料。他们刚刚听到了自己的兄弟背叛了他们建立起来的帝国，就连安格隆也几乎无法控制自己。红沙之主这辈子最瞧不起那些变节者，其中甚至可能包括他的父亲。
“黎曼！”圣吉列斯向他的兄弟大喊，帝皇的刽子手已经快要向牧狼神挥下剑了，“这一切都还没有发生！我们仍有阻止这种疯狂扎根的可能！我求求你，黎曼！”大天使绝望地向他的兄长呼喊，而若非帝皇干预了争斗，狼王也会毫不犹豫向圣吉列斯出手。
“以你们的帝皇之名，停止这种疯狂行径！”帝皇的命令如雷贯耳。黎曼与圣吉列斯的注意力转移了，帝皇整理了一下自己的思绪，再次开口：“截至目前，我们之间不会发生任何变化。荷鲁斯没有犯下我所知道的任何背叛之事，而你只是凭一个老旧的全息视频就轻信了这条信息，我很失望。虽然我必须承认我也有些震惊。” 面对帝皇的愤怒，黎曼只能遵从他父亲的意愿，低头致歉。
“现在，荷鲁斯。我对未来的发展没什么头绪，但我明白一点。你仍然是我的儿子，祂们也不会拥有你。我可能无意间·允许·了你落入那些恶魔手中。这是我傲慢的代价，我应该在此之前告诉你一切。在所有这些事情发生后，甚至就在这观看期间，你都将了解一切。”帝皇的声音中有一个安静的承诺，兄弟们听闻此言，只能各自回到自己的座位上；但某件事明显不会再被拖延太久了。
-an event took place known as the Second Founding.
THE SECOND FOUNDING? OH MAN...THIS ALREADY SOUNDS AS UNNECESSARY AS THE DARK ELDAR. WASN'T THE NAMED 'ONLY FOUNDING' GOOD ENOUGH?
“仔细想想，您之前是不是管这叫‘伟大建军’（Great Founding）来着？”圣吉列斯提问，帝皇对此表示肯定。
Actually, I think the name was changed to the First Founding after they came up with the second one.
REALLY? WOW! WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE EXCESS OF STUPID.
Not the exact words I would have used to describe it, but…Aaaaanyway...The Primarch of the Ultramarines, Roboute Guilliman-
MY SINGULAR CYBERNETIC EYE JUST DETECTED A LARGE RISE IN IGNORANCE AND HUBRIS IN THIS ROOM FROM THE MERE MENTION OF THAT NAME.
安格隆与洛嘉一听到这个，都绷不住笑了。
-Created the Codex Astartes which is a set of rules and guidelines that nowadays is used by thousands of Space Marine Chapters throughout the galaxy.
“……什么？”
*Dramatic Horror Music*
THOUSANDS?
*Sparks and thunderous Emperor based Warp Pissed Offery*
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
The Codex Astartes became the foundation for a Second Founding as Guilliman decreed that all Legions still loyal were to split up and organized into armies consisting of roughly ten Companies each. One of these Chapters were to retain their parent Legion's original name, symbol and color scheme, while the others could basically go and do whatever they wanted with that.
SO NOW WE'VE GOT FUCKING ULTRAMARINE BABIES SPREAD OUT ACROSS THE GALAXY. ALL SECLUDED FROM THE REST OF THE IMPERIUM TO FORM THEIR OWN BELIEFS, DOGMAS, AND HATREDS INSPIRED BY THE ORIGINAL WHICH WAS ALREADY AN ENORMOUS PILE OF STUPID TO BEGIN WITH. SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU ACTIVELY TRYING TO MAKE MY UNLIFE EVEN MORE DIFFICULT?
“都没谁能管管这群人吗？要是我堕落了，那帝国应该像盘旋的老鹰一样密切关注仍然与他们站一边的势力才对！”荷鲁斯真的气炸了。
Euuuhm...well...
IN ADDITION, THIS DUMB BOOK HAS SPLIT UP THE IMPERIUM'S MIGHTY BULWARK, AND MADE IT INTO A ROTTEN PICKET FENCE THAT EVEN A SMALL CHILD COULD BREAK DOWN. WHAT MADE YOU PEOPLE THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?
“如果叛徒们都被真正诛灭了那我也许可以理解，但绿皮呢？”圣吉列斯也提出了疑问。
But my Lord! Guilliman's intentions were noble! He recognized that in order for something like the Horus Heresy to not ever be possible again, the massive Marine armies should be separated and spread out.
“好吧，只要他们真的被打败了，并且帝国处于一个和平时期。”基里曼说，他悬着的心稍稍放下。
AND NOW THE XENO ACTIVITY IS MORE RAMPANT THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY THAN EVER. PERHAPS IF GUILLIMAN'S HEAD WASN'T STUCK SO FAR UP HIS BUTTOCKS, FERVENTLY KISSING HIS OWN ASS, HE WOULD'VE PROOF READ HIS WORK BEFORE PUBLISHING IT.
“除非这不是什么和平时期。”黎曼用眼神向他尖叫“你这疯狗！”。
FOR ALL WE KNOW, RIGHT NOW, THERE COULD BE HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS OUT THERE PLEDGING THEIR ALLEGIANCE TO CHAOS, OR PERHAPS EVEN WORSE. AND WE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA ABOUT IT OR A WAY TO STOP IT BECAUSE ALL OF OUR DEFENSES ARE SO THINLY SPREAD.
“为什么没有人对此采取行动？审判庭既然存在，那他们难道不能创建一个专门监视阿斯塔特的部门吗？”福格瑞姆极为困惑。看到他完美的面容被挫败所笼罩并不是一件愉快的事情，因为如果有任何女性和部分男性看到了这种情况，他们肯定会过来关切询问“都发生什么了？”，等等。其他原体都了解这一点，除了圣吉列斯和安格隆，其余的大家都很嫉妒这种特殊待遇。
THERE COULD EVEN BE CHAPTERS CONSORTING AND ACCEPTING BOTH XENOS AND CHAOS WORSHIPPERS INTO THEIR RANKS. MAYBE EVEN CHAPTERS SO FUCKING RECLUSIVE AND HISTORICALLY INEPT THAT THEIR MERE EXISTENCE SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLE AND SHITTY FANFICTION.
==Meanwhile, on Swedesia==
...Do you guys have the feeling we're being shit on really hard right now?
“他谁？”科拉克斯疑惑。
Aww, we're always being shat on...
“他们又都是谁？”科兹与他的渡鸦老弟问出了一模一样的问题。
Fuck you!
Go fish.
Fuck you!!
Cactus?
帝皇长叹一声，苦涩地想，“Alfa我好想你。”
Fuck You!!!
You though YOU were gonna win this poker game, BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY I, FRESH!
Fuck You!!!
*Burst of DAEMON on the scene!*
BANZAI!!!
[Eliphas goes Waffles]
“以星际战士的标准来说，他们非常的不成熟，父亲。”
“好了多恩我知道了闭嘴！”
==Throne Room==
FUCKING DAMN IT GILLSMAN. SPEAKING OF WHICH, DID YOU TELL THEM TO CUT HIS LIFE SUPPORT YET? IT IS VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT.
ACTUALLY, WHEN YOU'VE DONE THAT, MAKE SURE TO BRING THAT STASIS FIELD POWER ADAPTER HERE. I MIGHT NEED THAT EXTRA POWER TO CHARGE MY DATA SLATE TO PLAY WHATEVER NEW BATTLEMACE 42 MILLION GAME IS OUT, OR WHATEVER ELSE MIGHT EXIST. NOT CALL OF DUTY THOUGH, THEY SERIOUSLY NEED TO STOP RELEASING THOSE SHITTY FUCKING REHASH GAMES EVERY YEAR.
Right...my Lord, I'll make sure not to forget it this time... [Untrustworthy Chuckles]
ACTUALLY, COME TO THINK OF IT, ARE THE ULTRAMARINES SOMEHOW CONNECTED TO ALL BAD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED FOR THE LAST 10,000 YEARS? IT FEELS LIKE WE KEEP BRINGING THEM UP ALL THE TIME.
Well, they've kinda become the poster-boys of the Imperium so, we can't really avoid mentioning them. Oh! Speaking of which, I actually remember the name of that thieving Chapter now!
REALLY? WHAT IS IT THEN.
The name of the chapter is the Blo-
DUWANG!!!
“拜托了……别再来了……”这是房间内每个人都在呢喃的话语。
I am soooooo sorry for interupting you, little kitten, but we have something very important to inform you about.
OH SHIT, IT'S MY ETERNAL TORMENT UPON THIS THRONE MADE MANIFEST AGAIN.
“要是我也在你的位置上，我也会这么说。”帝皇嘀咕着。
You see, we were outside the Palace travelling through he spires of Terra when we noticed that everything was on fire.
Not in the usual sacred incense burning way either!
Mmmyes, indeed. Apparently there are Inquisitors running amok all around the planet. They are looking for the one who sent that message demanding the disbanding of the Inquisition and Adeptus Ministorum.
SO THEY HAVE ARRIVED.
“父亲，那是什么？”
“等会再说，圣吉列斯，这会把惊喜剧透掉的。”
Holy imperator berries, really!?
康拉德寻思着，“高坚果？那我更喜欢乔库拉伯爵。”
Really. I suggest you go to the High Lords immediately. Perhaps the Inquisitorial Representative can be argued with.
If not we can just, y'know...eat him or something...
There is no time to be lost, let's go!
*Fabstodes prance away, leaving a barely hopped kitten behind*
I'm fucking done *CLANK*.
此事一出，除了罗格多恩与佩图拉博，房间里没一张正脸。
==Senatorum Imperialis==
I was foolish to believe you would hold a promise like this one. You are untrustworthy filth, not ever worthy of the Emperor's blessing!
I am the only one here worthy of the Emperor's blessing! I am the only one who is going to save him from his very own corrupt bodyguards!
You are NOT entering the Palace, Fyodor!
I would like to see you try and stop me!
I'll gladly show you! GUARDS!
*Appearance of female Adeptus Arbites*
Stop, you have violated the law!....RAWR!
“我甚至都不知道该对此说什么。”沃坎痛苦呻吟。
[Inquisitorial Sigh]
Ah, Fyodor! We're surrounded!
Be quiet, Dominique!
Well here we are, Fyodor. At long last I can put you, and your miserable little cult away. Never to interfere with the Emperor's will again.
Hmm...Ahahahahahahaha!
Foolish! Have you forgotten that my throne is a massive weapon arsenal?
Oh, Shit!
*Arbites get Throne-PAWNED*
“也许我应该在回到泰拉时将这个功能添加到王座中。”帝皇心想。
Hey Ecclesiarch, we're gonna light you up. Like a sandpaper cigarette...IF I HAD ONE!
“所以砂纸烟到底是什么东西？”
“我要是知道那肯定是亚空间作祟，兄弟。”
Grrrrrhh...
[Content Inquisitorial Laughter]
Oh, Ecclesiarch...If you and the rest of Terra do not meet my demands, I will have this entire room, and all of its inhabitants fall prey to my Throne of Judgement! It is too bad for you that this 'passive decree' is still in effect, isn't it?
Fyodor, you absolute ass...
“别担心，兄弟。禁军马上就到。”洛嘉轻声细语。
Aww, don't feel too bad. Hehehe...At least my Melta will fry you away from this existence, instead of splattering your blood across the floor! Because that was your primary concern, wasn't it?
Now...I'm going into that Palace, and I alone, will save the Emperor...AND THE IMPERIUM OF MAN!!
SEASON 1 END.
“嗯。现在局势已经到了紧要关头。父亲，无论你有什么准备，我都希望你尽快去做。我已经厌倦了我们生活的这个破碎的星系，我希望能看到一些东西；即使最后只是虚构的好结局。”圣吉列斯低声说道。
“我自己这么希望，我的儿子。真的，我也是这么想的。”
