【中英双语】当朋友成为职场竞争对手，你需要做好三件事
When You and Your Friend Both Want the Same Promotion
艾玛·赛帕拉（Emma Seppälä）克里斯蒂娜·布拉德利（Christina Bradley）| 文
Research generally shows that having friends at work can increase productivity and engagement. However, a new study by Wharton researchers Julianna Pillemer and Nancy Rothbard finds that there can be a dark side to having friends at work, especially if what’s best for the friendship conflicts with what’s best for the organization.
以往研究普遍表明，在职场有朋友可以提升效率和工作投入度。然而，沃顿商学院研究者朱莉安娜·皮勒默（Julianna Pillemer）和南希·罗特巴德（Nancy Rothbard）发现，在职场交朋友也可能有负面影响，特别是友情与职场利益冲突的时候。
Take this example: Suppose two colleagues, let’s call them Lata and Andres, have worked on the same team for over five years and are close friends. They’ve supported and coached each other whenever work challenges come up for one of them. They get together with their families on weekends. And they both cherish having a close friend who is also a colleague.
比如说，拉塔和安德烈斯两人是同事，在同一个团队五年以上，而且是亲密的朋友。他们会在彼此遇到难题的时候互相支持和指导，周末一起带家人出去游玩，而且都很珍视这段职场友谊。
Recently, however, a point of tension came up for Lata and Andres. Their supervisor told Lata that they were both being considered for a major promotion and whoever received the job would end up managing the other. While both were excited about this possibility, they also felt uncomfortable. Their relationship had always been mutually supportive not competitive. And they both had good reason to want this promotion. Lata’s aging parents had moved in with her family, so she’d recently bought a bigger house — and now had a large mortgage to pay off. For Andres, as a single parent with three children, this promotion would mean he would be doing more team management and less client-related travel, allowing him to spend more time with his kids.
然而最近他们的关系有点紧张。上司告诉拉塔，两人都是某个重大晋升的候选人，得到这个职位的一方会成为另一方的上司。两人都为晋升的可能性感到激动，但也觉得别扭。他们之间的关系一直是相互支持，而非竞争。而且两人都有想要获得这次晋升机会的充分理由。拉塔年迈的父母搬来跟她一起住，所以她前不久买了更大的房子，要还一大笔贷款。安德烈斯是带着三个孩子的单身家长，这次晋升能让他多做一些管理工作，减少与客户相关的差旅，可以有更多的时间陪伴孩子。
After a grueling round of interviews, Lata was selected for the promotion. Andres felt disappointed. While he was happy for Lata, his self-esteem had taken a hit. His closest friend at work was now his manager, which meant a new awkwardness between them which inevitably impacted their ability to work together.
经过一番紧张的面试，拉塔获得晋升。安德烈斯很失望。虽然他为拉塔开心，但他的自尊受到了打击。他在职场上最好的朋友现在变成了上司，两人之间会出现一种新的尴尬，无可避免地影响他们与彼此共事的能力。
What do you do when a work friend and you are both up for a promotion — or in any other competitive scenario where one of you stands to “win” while the other stands to “lose”?
你和职场上的朋友竞争同一个晋升机会，或者处于任何形式的竞争当中、必定有一胜一负，你会怎么办？
First, emotional balance and perspective are critical.
第一，必须保持情绪稳定、客观
Remind yourself that this is just one of many promotions that will come up in your career trajectory. It’s easy to focus on the trees and not the forest and lose perspective — especially when you’re caught up in an emotional situation.
提醒自己，这只是职业发展轨迹上会遇到的许多次晋升中的一次。人很容易只见树木、不见森林，失去客观洞察力——受到情绪影响时尤其容易这样。
Brain-imaging research shows that, when you are stressed or anxious, reason and logic are negatively impacted. Taking a step back, gaining perspective and seeing things from a broader point of view can help.
大脑成像研究表明，人处于压力或焦虑情绪之下，理性和逻辑会受到负面影响。这时候要后退一步，从更广阔的视角客观看待事物。
After all, how much better is it to have a manager who respects, likes, and understands you than a stranger who may not “get” you as well? Given research that shows that our heart health is directly linked to our relationship with our boss, having a leader you like and who likes you can be a huge advantage. A supervisor who appreciates and cares about you is likely to help support your career. For example, Andres knows Lata will always vouch for him.
归根结底，让一个尊重、喜欢且理解你的人当上司，比不懂你的陌生人好太多了。研究表明，我们的心理健康与跟上司的关系有直接联系，有一位你喜欢而且喜欢你的上司可能是巨大的优势。上司欣赏且关心你，可以支持你的事业发展。比如安德烈斯就知道拉塔一定会为自己担保。
Perspective will also help you realize that your friendship is probably more important to you than the promotion. Research shows that social connection is one of our greatest needs after food and shelter. We are happier and more engaged at work when we have positive social relationships with the people we work with (even more so than when we receive a large paycheck). Loneliness, on the other hand, can harm both our psychological and physical health, as leading loneliness psychologist John Cacioppo, coauthor of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, has shown in his work.
保持客观还能帮助你意识到，对你来说友谊也许比晋升更重要。研究表明，社会关系是人除了食物和住所以外最大的需求。与共事的人有积极的社会关系，我们在工作中会感到更满足、更投入，这种满足感甚至大于拿到高薪。而孤独则会损害我们的心理和身体健康，这是《孤独：人类天性与对社会关系的需求》（Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection）作者之一、孤独心理学家约翰·卡乔波（John Cacioppo）经过研究得出的结论。
Friends at work lead to a host of benefits for us both personally and professionally, including higher performance and lower burnout rates. Rather than dwelling on his own unhappiness with the promotion outcome, Andres might remind himself of how delighted he is for Lata. That social connection is more beneficial for Lata than dwelling on what he’s lost.
在工作中有朋友，对我们有各种个人和职业方面的好处，如工作表现提升、职业倦怠率下降等。安德烈斯没有一心只想着自己对升职结果的不满，同时也由衷地为拉塔得以晋升感到高兴。这段友谊让他为朋友高兴，而不是一味关注自己失去了什么。
Second, keep your feelings of self-worth in check.
第二，注意你的自我价值感
The outcome of the promotion selection is not a judgment on you. Promotions can often be arbitrary and subjective. It’s not always about who is better for the job.
晋升结果不是对你的评判。晋升决策往往是随机且主观的，不一定是因为哪个人更适合这份工作。
For example, research shows that people get ahead at work due to relationships more than technical skills. We all know that “politics” almost always plays a role in these sorts of decisions as well. In the West, we mistakenly overemphasize situations as being about us. As pioneering cultural psychologist Hazel Markus has written about in her book Clash!: How to Thrive in a Multicultural World, if you’re from an individualist country like the U.S. or many European countries, you (erroneously) tend to think that you are solely responsible for your successes or your failures. People from collectivistic cultures like East Asian countries have a more holistic view: understanding that whether or not you win has to do with many more things than your own merit. The decision to promote (or not promote) you may have little to do with your actual skill, and more with factors outside of your control.
比如有研究表明，在工作中获得提拔，关系的作用大于技术能力。我们都知道，“政治”往往也在这类决策中发挥作用。西方文化中会错误地夸大这种情况与我们个人的关系。先锋文化心理学家黑兹尔·马库斯（Hazel Markus）在《冲突：如何在多元文化世界获得发展》（Clash: How to Thrive in a Multicultural World）一书中写道，在美国或很多盛行个人主义文化的欧洲国家，人们会（错误地）以为自己的成功或失败都完全是自己的责任。而在东亚国家的集体主义文化下，人们的观点则更加全面，理解自己的成败与自己以外的其他很多因素有关。是否让你晋升的决策可能跟你的实际能力关系不大，而是更多地取决于你控制范围以外的其他因素。
Third, communication and planning are key.
第三，关键是沟通和规划
Talk to your friend about the situation to diffuse the tension. Discuss your discomfort. Share your determination not to let this work situation impact your friendship. Andres and Lata would benefit from discussing what they would like their work relationship to look like and how to make sure the imbalance of power doesn’t impact their personal relationship. Even before a decision is made, it would help both Andres and Lata to think through the possible outcomes and how they would maintain their friendship.
跟朋友聊聊，化解矛盾。讨论你的不安，交流你不让这种工作上的情况影响友情的决心。安德烈斯和拉塔如果讨论一下如何处理工作关系、如何避免这种权力不平衡影响私人关系，一定会从中受益。即使是在晋升决策制定之前，想一想可能的结果和如何维系友情也会有帮助。
The upsides of having friends at work are undeniable. But, of course, there are tricky situations to navigate. The key is to use your emotional intelligence to make sure you — and your friendships — can survive despite what happens in the organization.
在职场上交朋友的积极作用不可否认，不过当然也会碰到棘手的局面。关键在于运用情商，确保自己和这份友谊不要受到职场环境变化的影响。
关键词：职场
艾玛·赛帕拉是耶鲁大学管理学院女性领导力项目学术主任，著有《幸福轨道》（The Happiness Track）。她也是斯坦福大学同情及利他主义研究教育中心学术负责人。
克里斯蒂娜·布拉德利是密歇根大学罗斯商学院管理与组织系的博士生。
朔间 | 译 周强 | 编校
