230623 享受我在农村的独处时光（我作为一个非完美主义者更快乐）

[230623]Enjoying My Own Company While Living Rural

(I'm Happier As a Non-Perfectionist)

Living with yourself isn't always easy - so I wanted to make a video talking about how I have and continue to slowly build a good relationship with myself, becoming my own best friend in the process, and finding it much easier to regulate my feelings and find joy in the little things. Overall my daily experience has improved with this mindset of 'observing' instead of blindly following feelings and inclinations. Instead, slowing down and allowing for self-reflection and inner growth. Hope you enjoy this and please share your own thoughts!

It is a beautiful morning. The wildflowers are dancing in the wind and looking quite pleased with themselves. I'm enjoying a long walk with my husband, watching as storm clouds mix with a gentle sun.

The weather has been changeable lately, as we all are. I think we can be sure that in our own lives, sunshine will be followed with periods of rain and vice versa. I think that is one of my favorite things about being alive – that everything is impermanent and changeable. During hard times, I take comfort in knowing things will change. During good times, I know I must appreciate the moment because I have known the rain. I even appreciate death because I think it gives meaning to life. And I've come to appreciate a lot of things that we sometimes fear or find uncomfortable and see the beauty in it.

Most scary things are not quite so when taken out into the light. I feel the same in regards to myself. There's nothing to dislike or fear in me, not when I really look at it. What I dislike is only pain, wishing to be soothed with love. And what I fear is only a call to grow and find my courage.

I was on the phone with my sister one day, telling her about a small personal challenge I was trying to overcome. And I said, "I was so frustrated that I can't just change myself at the snap of my fingers. I can't just immediately be who I want to be. I know I should love myself, but why can't I simply love? Why is it so hard to apply what I've learned?" Her response resounded with me. She said, "Paola, let's say you snap your fingers and you're suddenly exactly who you want to be. You've grown and matured in all the ways you need to. You are perfect. What then? What is the point of your life? Where do you go from here? Will you even be proud of that person?" I kept thinking of that long after I finished talking to her, as it felt deeply true. There is no thing that brings me greater joy than going through the process of learning from life and celebrating my achievements along the way. From then onward, I wanted to accept that the process of becoming your best self takes a lifetime. There isn't any point in negative self-criticism if I've accepted that my journey is about making mistakes and learning from them.

Becoming an observer of your own choices, actions, relationship dynamics, and even emotions is an incredible tool in becoming your best friend. Because you see yourself as just that – a friend, someone you must take care of and support, as well as challenge. Now you may think that that's obvious – being self-aware is just that: observing yourself and reflecting. But we often do so much in our lives where we don't apply that sense of reflection. We say things we don't mean or are unkind to ourselves and others without wondering why we do that and what does that tell us about ourselves. How can this awareness help us practice humility, which I will always believe is the starting point to all great change for the better? When I look at myself through humble eyes, I see why constant criticism isn't humble at all. Because it is as if you expect yourself to be perfect when it's impossible. This has helped me change the way I talk to myself and slowly, ever so slowly, become my best friend.

I don't know if you can actually hear me. It is not too windy, but there are so many bugs and birds out and about. I'm not sure if I'm going to be audible at all, but since this is one of my favorite places, I decided that I would give it a try. Are you going to join us?

I had to readjust the camera a little bit due to my dog breathing very loudly into the microphone. So here we are. Hopefully, you can hear me at least a bit. I had a bit of a hard week, to be honest. I kind of overloaded myself with stuff to do, and that is something I tend to do in the springtime because it is finally warm. I have all this newfound excitement for the spring and this new season, and I don't always know how to reel myself back in. And so, I felt myself feeling a little bit overwhelmed, and I did not like the headspace I was in.

Due to not feeling super great, I decided to come out here to another one of my favorite little spots around my home. This is only about a mile or so away from where I live, and it is worth the walk. I love the bright purple of the lupins and the larkspur mixed together over here, and the smell of the lupine is so distinct and it never fails to calm me down. Whenever I do make videos about being overwhelmed, I do find it interesting that quite a few people always comment that I don't seem overwhelmed at all. And I thought I'd use that as a great example for a lot of people – you don't really know what they're feeling on the inside, and you can't always tell on the outside. I am someone that likes to keep those things quite private, and there's actually a downside to that because I think that it makes it more difficult for me to let others know when I need a bit of a break. And so, it's been quite important to me as I grow older to grow into a more assertive person and someone who's more clear with what they need and their boundaries, which I know can be really hard for a lot of people to do.

One technique when I'm feeling off in any way – it doesn't matter the emotion usually – is to find a lovely place to sit. You obviously do not need a field of flowers – a peaceful corner of your room is just fine. And using that opportunity to observe your feelings instead of being them. It's thinking about it more like, "I have feelings that are rather sad" or "feelings that are overwhelming," and you are not those feelings. You are not defined by how you feel, and those feelings are not who you are. You are so much more than that. You can, over time, learn to observe your feelings so that they do not quite have the same weight over you. But that can be hard to do. It's a very, very long process. I'm still on that process. Sometimes just sitting and practicing that, separating myself from how I feel, re-labeling how I feel – instead of saying, "Oh, I'm so upset, I can't stand it" – instead being, "These feelings are rather uncomfortable right now, but they're very manageable. It will be okay," and relabeling those things and transforming my experience helps me so much.

Yeah, I should probably wrap this up. Oh, I probably need to get home. I did hear that there were storms on the forecast, but I did not realize they were going to be coming so soon. Well, I hope you enjoyed this beautiful lupine field with me. It means so much to share it with you. For anyone interested, always down below, I share links to some charity and conservancy groups that mean a lot to me. If you have enjoyed these videos, if you love nature, if you love preserving wildlands, do check out those links or find your own ways to contribute. Because this field is too beautiful, and I want places like this to last forever. And so, I appreciate you humoring me and hearing me out. And I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful week. And I'm gonna head home before I get rained on or lightning or something worse. So sending so much love. Goodbye.

享受我在农村的独处时光

（我作为一个非完美主义者更快乐）

和自己相处并不总是容易的 - 所以我想制作一个视频，谈论我如何逐渐与自己建立起良好的关系，过程中成为自己最好的朋友，更容易地调节我的情感，从小事中找到快乐。总的来说，这种'观察'的心态，而不是盲目地追随情感和倾向，使我的日常体验得到了改善。相反，放慢脚步，让自己有时间反思和内在成长。希望你喜欢这个，并请分享你自己的想法！

今天是个美好的早晨。野花在风中舞动，显得非常满足。我正与我的丈夫一起悠长地散步，看着暴风雨的云朵与柔和的阳光交融。

最近的天气变化无常，正如我们所有人一样。我想我们可以确信，在我们的生活中，阳光总会被雨水取代，反之亦然。我觉得这是我喜欢生活的原因之一 - 一切都是短暂和变化的。在困难时期，我从中得到安慰，知道事情会改变。在好时光里，我知道我必须珍惜这一刻，因为我经历过雨水。我甚至感激死亡，因为我认为它赋予了生命意义。我开始珍惜我们有时害怕或觉得不舒服的很多事情，并从中看到美。

大多数可怕的事情在光明中并不那么可怕。我对自己也有同样的感觉。当我真正去看它时，我身上没有什么是我不喜欢或害怕的。我所不喜欢的只是痛苦，希望得到爱的安慰。而我所害怕的只是一个成长和找到勇气的召唤。

有一天，我在电话里和我的姐姐说，我告诉她我正试图克服的一个小的个人挑战。我说：“我很沮丧，因为我不能只是一挥手就改变自己。我不能立即成为我想成为的那个人。我知道我应该爱自己，但为什么我不能简单地去爱？为什么把我所学到的应用起来这么难？”她的回答让我印象深刻。她说：“Paola，假设你一挥手，你突然变成了你想成为的人。你在所有需要的方式上都成长和成熟了。你是完美的。然后呢？你生命的意义是什么？你从这里去哪里？你会为那个人感到骄傲吗？”我在与她通话结束后长时间思考这个问题，因为它感觉非常真实。没有什么比从生活中学习和庆祝我一路上的成就更让我快乐的了。从那时起，我想接受变得更好的自己的过程需要一生的时间。如果我接受我的旅程是关于犯错误并从中学习，那么就没有负面的自我批评的意义。

成为自己选择、行动、关系动态甚至情感的观察者是成为自己最好朋友的一个惊人的工具。因为你只是看待自己——一个朋友，一个你必须照顾和支持的人，同时也是挑战。现在你可能会认为这是显而易见的 - 自我意识就是这样：观察自己并反思。但在我们的生活中，我们经常做很多事情，却不去反思。我们说我们不是真正意思的话，或者对自己和其他人不善，而不去思考我们为什么这么做，这告诉我们关于自己的什么。这种意识如何帮助我们实践谦逊，我始终相信谦逊是所有为好的伟大变革的起点？当我以谦逊的眼光看待自己时，我明白为什么持续的批评一点也不谦逊。因为你似乎希望自己是完美的，但这是不可能的。这帮助我改变了我与自己说话的方式，并且慢慢地，很慢地，成为了自己最好的朋友。

我不知道你是否真的能听到我。风并不太大，但是有很多虫子和鸟儿在四处飞翔。我不确定我是否会被听到，但既然这是我最喜欢的地方之一，我决定试试看。你要加入我们吗？

由于我的狗对着麦克风呼吸得很大声，我不得不稍微调整一下摄像机的位置。所以我们现在在这里。希望你们能至少听到我说话。说实话，这周对我来说有点困难。我给自己安排了太多的事情要做，春天到了，天气终于变暖，我对这个新季节充满了新的期待和激情，但我并不总是知道如何收敛自己的兴奋。所以，我觉得自己有点不知所措，我并不喜欢我那时的心态。

因为感觉不太好，我决定来到家附近的另一个我最喜欢的地方。这里离我家只有一英里左右的距离，但这段路程是值得的。我喜欢这里鲁宾花和飞燕草混合在一起的明亮的紫色，鲁宾花的气味很独特，每次都能让我平静下来。每当我制作关于被压垮的视频时，我发现很多人总是评论说我看起来一点都不被压垮。我想用这个作为一个很好的例子给很多人看——你真的不知道他们内心的感受，而且从外表上你也看不出来。我是一个喜欢保持这些事情相对私密的人，这实际上有一个缺点，因为我认为这使得我更难让别人知道我需要休息。所以，随着我渐渐变老，我觉得更重要的是变得更加果断，更清楚地表达自己的需要和界限，我知道这对很多人来说都很困难。

当我感觉不舒服的时候，我通常会采用的一种技巧是找一个舒适的地方坐下来。你显然不需要一个花田，你房间里的一个安静的角落就可以。利用这个机会去观察你的感受，而不是沉浸在其中。更多地思考它，比如：“我有一些感到悲伤的感觉”或者“有些不知所措的感觉”，而你不是这些感觉。你的定义并不是你的感觉，那些感觉并不代表你。你远比那些感觉要宏大得多。随着时间的推移，你可以学会观察你的感觉，这样它们就不会对你产生同样的压力。但这很难做到。这是一个非常非常长的过程。我仍然在这个过程中。有时只是坐下来，练习从我的感觉中分离出来，重新为我的感觉命名——而不是说：“哦，我很沮丧，我受不了了”——而是：“现在这些感觉有点不舒服，但它们是可以管理的，会没事的。”重新标记这些东西并转化我的体验对我来说真的很有帮助。

好的，我可能应该结束这个话题了。哦，我可能需要回家了。我听说预报上有暴风雨，但我没想到它们会来得这么快。希望你们喜欢这片美丽的鲁宾花田。与你们分享这片田野对我意义重大。对于任何感兴趣的人，在下面，我总是分享一些对我意义重大的慈善和自然保护组织的链接。如果你喜欢这些视频，如果你热爱自然，如果你热衷于保护野生土地，请查看这些链接，或者找到你自己的方式来做贡献。因为这片田野太美了，我希望这样的地方能够永远存在。所以，感谢你们的耐心听我说完。希望你们有一个美好的一周。我得赶回家，免得被雨淋到或被闪电劈到或其他更糟的事情。送上我最深的爱。再见。