【TED演讲稿】抑郁了还怎么洗衣服
TED演讲者：KC Davis / KC·戴维斯
演讲标题：How to do laundry when you're depressed / 抑郁了还怎么洗衣服
内容概要：Ever had a hard time doing daily household tasks -- cooking, cleaning, laundry -- and felt like a terrible person for struggling in the first place? Therapist KC Davis is here to flip that negative internalized script with a simple yet perspective-shifting fact that may change your approach to life. Learn a gentler, more practical approach to mental health as Davis shares hard-won wisdom and helpful shortcuts on how to get by when you feel like you've barely got it together.
你有没有经历过无力完成一些日常家务——做饭、搞卫生、洗衣服，有没有一下子觉得自己有困难，真是个太差劲的人了？心理治疗师 KC·戴维斯（KC Davis）为我们扭转了这种负面的内心想法，给我们介绍了一个简单但让人豁然开朗的情况，可能会改变你的生活方式。来学一学关爱心理健康更温柔、更实际的方式，戴维斯分享了这来之不易的心得，介绍了如何在你崩溃时坚持下来的实用捷径。
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【1】Shortly after I published my book, I got an email.
在我的书出版不久之后, 我收到了一封邮件。
【2】It said, "Your book was the only thing that saved me from suicide.
邮件写道: “你的书是 让我放弃自杀的唯一救星。
【3】You saved my life."
你救了我的命。”
【4】Now, for a book about how to clean, that's sort of odd, yeah?
一本教你如何搞卫生的书, 很奇怪,对吧？
【5】But what if a new approach to cleaning could teach us a better approach to treating mental health?
但是,如果这种新的搞卫生方式 可以让我们学会一种 关爱心理健康的更佳方式呢？
【6】I'm not an interior designer or a lifestyle influencer.
我不是个室内设计师 或者生活方式网红。
【7】I'm just a therapist with ADHD.
我只是个治疗多动症的医师。
【8】And in February of 2020, I had my second baby.
2020 年 2 月, 我生下了第二个宝宝。
【9】Because with the first one, I had some postpartum anxiety and my husband had just taken a very demanding job that was going to keep him busy,
由于生第一个宝宝的时候, 我出现了一些产后焦虑, 而且当时我先生 刚接下了一份很辛苦的工作, 让他无暇顾及别的事,
【10】I developed a meticulous postpartum plan for myself.
于是我为自己 精心设计了一份产后计划。
【11】My family would rotate in in shifts for the first 60 days.
我的家人们会在 前 60 天里轮流上岗。
【12】The cleaning crew would come once a month.
清洁人员每个月会来一次。
【13】The new moms group would drop off dinners.
新生妈妈小组会送来餐食。
【14】And my toddler would go to preschool.
我的大宝宝会去上学前班。
【15】I was so proud of this plan, and it ended before it even began.
我对这个计划非常自豪, 但是还没开始,计划就夭折了。
【16】Because 2020 is when the COVID lockdowns happened and all of that support disappeared overnight.
因为 2020 年, 新冠隔离开始了, 这些援助一夜间化为泡影。
【17】In a blur, my days turned into breastfeeding difficulties, toddler meltdowns and depression.
我的日子稀里糊涂地充斥着 哺乳困难、 宝宝撒泼打滚, 还有我的抑郁。
【18】The dishes stayed in the sink for days.
没洗的碗堆在水槽里好几天。
【19】The laundry pile reached impressive heights.
没洗的衣服堆成小山。
【20】And there was often not a path to walk from room to room.
经常把房间之间堵得无路可走。
【21】And when I should have been catching up on sleep, I would lay in bed at night and think to myself, "I'm failing.
到该补觉的时候, 我会晚上躺在床上, 脑海里思考: “我太不合格了。
【22】Maybe I'm not capable of being a good mom to two kids."
也许我没有能力 成为两个孩子的好妈妈。”
【23】I decided to post a joke video on TikTok one day about my house-turned-disaster.
有一天我决定发一条 搞笑抖音视频, 拍一拍我家一团乱麻的景象。
【24】Some funny shots of my clutter and my dishes and my enchilada pan to a nice beat.
拍我家东一摊西一摊、 一池子碗 和平底锅的搞笑片段, 配上酷炫的背景音乐。
【25】Sort of a laugh to keep from cry situation, surely.
拍点搞笑的免得眼泪流下来。
【26】And I got a comment.
然后有人给我留言。
【27】'"Lazy."
“懒鬼。”
【28】Yeah, that stung.
扎心。
【29】But I must be a glutton for punishment because I kept posting videos about my messy house.
但是我估计是觉得被骂很爽, 所以还一直在发 我杂乱房间的视频。
【30】Video after video of all of the weird tips and tricks that I was using to try and get it back in order while managing my feelings of being overwhelmed.
在一个个视频里, 我分享了奇怪小贴士和诀窍, 让一切重回整洁, 也在帮助我自己不被压垮。
【31】And I braced myself for more criticism.
我让自己强大起来, 经受得住更多的批评。
【32】But what happened was entirely different.
但是后来发生的 与我想象的截然不同。
【33】In the comment sections of my videos, hundreds of stories came rolling in.
在我视频的评论区里, 上百个故事一拥而入。
【34】Stories like Amanda, who, after losing her baby in the second trimester, was standing frozen at her sink because she forgot how to wash dishes.
比如阿曼达 （Amanda）的故事, 她在孕中期失去了她的宝宝, 面对水槽呆呆伫立, 因为她忘了该怎么洗碗。
【35】Stories like Lula, whose chronic health problems and depression made it difficult for her to brush her teeth.
比如卢拉（Lula）的故事, 她的慢性疾病和抑郁症 让她连刷牙都有困难。
【36】Story after story of people with depression, ADHD, autism, burnout, bereavement, all struggling with these daily tasks.
人们患有抑郁症、多动症、 自闭症、职业倦怠、丧亲之痛, 他们都挣扎于完成这些日常琐事。
【37】And it might seem odd to some of you that someone could struggle with tasks that are so simple.
对一些人来说, 有人连这么简单的事都做不到 真是太奇怪了。
【38】But are they simple?
但是,真的简单吗？
【39】Let's think about what really goes into something like laundry.
我们可以想一想 洗衣服有一些什么步骤。
【40】Everyone picture your laundry pile right now, OK?
大家来想象一堆脏衣服。
【41】How many clean clothes do you have left right now?
你还剩多少件干净的衣服？
【42】Can you wash tomorrow, or must it be today?
明天洗可以吗？ 还是今天必须要洗掉？
【43】Do you need to prioritize, presort pre-treat anything?
你需不需要排个序、理一理、 先特别处理一下哪件衣物？
【44】Did you grow up with anybody that taught you how to do that?
在你长大的过程中,有没有人 教过你该怎么做？
【45】You're out of laundry detergent, if you work three jobs, when are you going to get to the store next?
家里没洗衣液了, 但是你要打三份工, 那什么时候去店里买呢？
【46】If you get there, can you afford it?
你到了店里,买得起洗衣液吗？
【47】And if you can, which one you choose?
买得起洗衣液,那买哪一款呢？
【48】And you get it all home, get in there, Now pick a setting. Which one? I don't know. Google it.
把洗衣液带回家,站在洗衣机前, 得选一个模式。选哪个呢？ 不知道。百度一下。
【49】By the way, you have memory problems, so you'll remember that wash in about three days, when it's mildewed into the washer.
加上你记性不太好, 三天以后才想起来 洗了这锅衣服, 衣服已经在洗衣机里发霉了。
【50】It's OK, just re-wash it, and get it into the dryer.
没关系,再洗一遍好了。 然后送入烘干机。
【51】You'll forget that too, and it'll wrinkle. Now dry it again.
你又忘了你去烘干了, 于是衣服起皱了。那再烘一遍。
【52】Now all you have to do is get it out and fold it.
然后你得把衣服拿出来,叠好。
【53】But also you have three small children.
但是你有三个年幼的孩子。
【54】And those three small children haven't given you a moment alone in quite some time.
三个年幼的孩子已经让你很久没有独处的时间了。
【55】When you finally get that moment, you have to decide, are you going to finish the laundry or eat a sandwich or take a nap?
等你终于有了独处的时间, 你得决定 你是要把衣服洗完、 吃个三明治还是打个盹？
【56】Time's up, you didn't do any of it, you stared at the wall.
没时间了,你啥也没做, 你直勾勾盯着墙。
【57】You have decision fatigue because the burden of carrying a home all by yourself has burnt you out.
你已经到了决策疲劳, 因为一个人拉扯一个家的重担 已经让你精疲力竭。
【58】You see, for some of you, all of the steps and the skills that go into care tasks run on autopilot.
对一些人来说, 这些家务的流程和技能 都能自然而然地完成。
【59】But for millions of people, the autopilot is broken.
但是有几百万人 根本做不到这种“自然而然”。
【60】And what's worse, what if you had to do all of that when your mom just died or your job just fired you or you're using every ounce of strength that you have to just not kill yourself today?
更糟糕的是,你有可能需要 在你母亲刚刚去世、 刚刚被炒鱿鱼、 或者竭尽每一分力气 不让自己自杀的时候 完成这些任务。
【61】If you have access to therapy, it's unlikely your therapist will ever ask you about your laundry.
如果你有机会接受心理治疗, 你的医生也不太可能会问 你衣服洗得怎么样。
【62】I've worked in mental health for about a decade.
我在心理健康领域 已经从业大约十年。
【63】I've been in therapy even longer, and the only time I ever had a provider talk to me about things like cooking and cleaning and brushing my teeth was when I was in a psych hospital as a teenager.
我从事心理治疗有更长的时间, 但是我唯一一次听到 一位医生提起 做饭、打扫卫生、刷牙, 是在一家精神病院, 那时我还是个孩子。
【64】Yet here were hundreds of thousands of people in my comment sections telling me that these daily care tasks were a major pain point in their life.
但是仍有成千上万的人 在我的评论区留言告诉我, 这些日常照料工作就是他们生活中 最大的痛点。
【65】And so I started to wonder, what if we started here?
所以我不禁想到, 我们就从这里开始如何？
【66】What if we started with these care tasks?
我们就从日常家务开始如何？
【67】Could making daily tasks easier improve mental health quicker?
让日常琐事变得更简单 能不能更快地改善心理健康呢？
【68】In the two years that I've been posting and writing about the intersection of mental health and care tasks,
我在过去两年里发表、撰写 关于心理健康和照料工作的交集,
【69】I've come up with a philosophy that does just this.
由此想出了一个 可以做到这点的想法。
【70】And it all starts with one simple idea.
一切源自一个很简单的点子。
【71】Cooking, cleaning, laundry, it doesn't make you a good person.
做饭、搞卫生、洗衣服, 这些都不能让你成为一个好人。
【72】Or a bad person.
或者坏人。
【73】Listen to me.
听我说。
【74】Care tasks are morally neutral.
照料工作在道义上是中立的。
【75】Now, I know that if you've been watching Martha Stewart for decades - and scrolling the perfect Pinterest aesthetic every day, that it can feel like struggling with these tasks is a moral failure.
如果你看了好多年 玛莎.斯图尔特 每天刷一刷 Pinterest 上的美图, 你会觉得如果自己在这些工作上 有困难就是道德败坏。
【76】Like, it's because we're lazy or irresponsible or we're immature.
都是因为我们懒惰、 不负责、不成熟。
【77】But having an organized closet doesn't make you a success.
但是,衣柜整洁 不代表你是成功人士。
【78】And living out of a pile of laundry on the floor doesn't make you a failure.
地上堆着一大堆脏衣服 也不代表你是个失败者。
【79】You know where the shirt you want to wear is, it just ...
你知道你想穿的衣服在哪儿, 只是……
【80】It might take you a bit of sifting to find it.
只是你得挖掘一番把它找出来。
【81】The truth is, it's not about morality.
事实上这与道德无关。
【82】It's about functionality.
而是和实用性有关。
【83】Does your home work for you?
你家适合你的日常起居吗？
【84】Not some hypothetical houseguest that is coming to inspect your closet.
而不是某个假想的客人 来细细检查你的衣柜。
【85】I mentioned Amanda, who had lost her baby and forgot how to wash dishes.
我刚提到了阿曼达, 她失去了宝宝, 忘记了如何洗碗。
【86】She told me that when her husband would go to work, she would lay on the floor next to the empty crib and say to herself, "What can I bring to my family if I can't even wash dishes?"
她说她先生去上班的时候, 她会躺在空空的婴儿床边的地上, 告诉自己: “如果我连碗都洗不了, 我还能为我的家带来什么呢？”
【87】But that changed when she began to see care tasks as morally neutral.
但是当她把照料工作 与道德分开看待时,
【88】All of the sudden, the dishes in the sink weren't representations of her failure as a wife, but instead she would look at the pile and think to herself, "What do I need to function tomorrow morning?"
一瞬间,水槽里的碗 不再代表她作为一名妻子的失败, 她会看着这一大堆碗, 问问自己:“我明天早上 需要完成哪些任务？”
【89】And then pull two coffee cups out of the pile to wash.
然后从这堆脏碗里拿出 两个咖啡杯,洗一洗。
【90】She had her coffee the next morning, and it was a little bit easier to get up off the floor.
第二天早上,她喝了杯咖啡, 已经有点精神从地上爬起来了。
【91】When we liberate ourselves from the idea that we are a good person or a bad person with care tasks, we can stop thinking about the right way to do things.
如果我们将自己从由料理家务判断 是个好人还是坏人的想法中 解放出来, 我们就能停止思考 做事的正确方式。
【92】About the way that things should be done, and instead start thinking about what we can do with our current barriers to improve our quality of life today.
停止思考该怎么做事, 而是去思考 在眼前的困难面前, 我们能做些什么, 让我们眼下的生活质量更高。
【93】And this is the fun part.
有趣的部分来了。
【94】Because you get to customize a life that works for you.
因为你可以定制一种 适合你自己的生活。
【95】When Lula realized that her problems with brushing her teeth were not moral failings, she gained the confidence to speak to her dental hygienist, and together they came up with solutions that work around her barriers.
当卢拉意识到她没法刷牙的问题 并不是道德败坏, 她就有了与洗牙师交流的自信, 一起想出克服困难的方法。
【96】She now relies on pre-pasted disposable toothbrushes that she keeps in her desk, floss she keeps in the living room and a no-rinse prescription toothpaste.
她现在会使用 带牙膏的一次性牙刷, 放在桌子抽屉里, 在客厅放一些牙线 和不需要漱口的处方牙膏。
【97】Because by breaking down the component parts of a dental hygiene routine and ensuring that each step was accessible to her mental and physical needs, for the first time in a year, she's done every step in that routine for two weeks straight.
通过分解牙齿清洁的任务, 确保每一步都可以 满足她的心理和身体需求, 她在这一年里第一次 连续两周完成了 牙齿清洁的每一步。
【98】She says that now that her teeth are clean, she's a little less stressed about tomorrow's problems.
她说,现在她的牙齿 清洁干净了, 对于接下来的问题 就没那么有压力了。
【99】And this approach can work with any care task that you struggle with.
这个方法适用于每一项 你有困难的日常照料工作。
【100】Simply ask yourself, "What am I trying to achieve and how can I achieve it in my way?"
就这么问问自己: “我想做到什么？ 怎么用我自己的方式做到这点？”
【101】In a rare moment of folding clothes ...
我难得叠一下衣服……
【102】I looked down at the baby onesie that I was folding, and I thought to myself, "Why am I folding this?"
我看了看我正在叠的 宝宝连体衣, 对自己这么想到: “我干嘛叠这个啊？”
【103】Baby onesies don't really wrinkle.
宝宝连体衣不怎么会起皱。
【104】And even if they did, nobody cares if a baby's in a wrinkly onesie.
就算它会起皱,也无人在意 宝宝穿着一件皱巴巴的连体衣。
【105】Furthermore, I was probably going to change her four times before lunch.
而且说不定在午餐前 我还要给她换四次衣服。
【106】This doesn't need to be folded.
根本不需要叠啊。
【107】I said it out loud and literally braced myself for the laundry police?
我大声说出了口, 让自己振作起来, 面对洗衣服警察？
【108】I don't know.
不知道啊。
【109】There are rules to laundry.
洗衣服要守规矩。
【110】But for the first time, I stopped thinking about the way that laundry should be done.
但是这是我第一次 停止思考该怎么洗衣服。
【111】And instead, started thinking about how I could make laundry functional for me.
而是开始思考 如何让洗衣服服务于我。
【112】And I looked down at the fleece pajamas and the underwear and the athletic shorts and the tank tops and realized almost none of my clothes actually needed to be folded.
我看了看毛绒睡衣、 内裤、运动短裤、 背心, 发现几乎没有一件我的衣服 是需要被叠起来的。
【113】And I haven't folded any of it since.
从那以后我再也没叠过这些衣服。
【114】I moved all of my family's clothes into one closet off the laundry room, and now I just toss things into organized bins unfolded.
我把家人的衣服都挪到了 洗衣房边上的一个衣柜里, 然后就把衣服叠都不叠地 丢进一个个筐里。
【115】My new motto is: "Good enough is perfect."
我的新座右铭是: “不错就是完美。”
【116】And everything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.
该做的事情随便做做就得了。
【117】You have to give yourself permission to do a little.
你得允许自己 做一点点就足够了。
【118】To do it with shortcuts.
巧妙地偷偷懒。
【119】To do it while breaking all of the rules.
不守规矩地乱做。
【120】And replace that inner voice that says, "I'm failing,"
不要再对自己说: “我做得不够好”,
【121】with one that says, "I'm having a hard time right now.
而是说: “我现在遇到了点困难。
【122】And people who are having a hard time deserve compassion."
遇到困难的人值得别人同情。”
【123】If it's too hard to shower today, grab the baby wipes.
如果今天没精力洗澡, 就拿宝宝湿巾擦一擦。
【124】It may not be the normal way to do it, but you deserve to be clean.
虽然这不是正常的做法, 但是你把自己弄干净 没有任何错。
【125】If it's too hard to cook dinner, get paper plates, heat up something frozen.
如果没精力做饭, 那就拿个纸盘, 热一热速冻食品。
【126】You'll go back to cooking and washing another day, but the day is not today.
你可以改日再做饭洗碗, 但不是今天。
【127】And in the meantime, you deserve to eat.
但是眼下, 你就该填饱肚子。
【128】If you're too depressed to do your dishes, get a two-gallon Ziploc bag and keep it in your bedroom.
如果你很抑郁,不想洗碗, 那就拿个两加仑的密封袋, 把它们扔在卧室里。
【129】Because if you put a dirty plate into a two-gallon Ziploc bag and seal it, it will keep the bugs away.
因为如果你把脏碗 扔进两加仑的密封袋再封起来, 就不会有虫子了。
【130】And it'll be there for you when you're ready to go back to the kitchen.
等你想回到厨房的时候, 它们还是那样。
【131】Because you deserve a sanitary environment even if you can't get out of bed.
就算你不想从床上爬起来, 你也配拥有一个卫生的环境。
【132】I could share with you hundreds of other genius solutions that people have come up with once they embraced the idea that care tasks are morally neutral.
我有几百个天才小妙招 可以与大家分享, 它们都来源于人们接受了 照料工作与道义无关的这一想法。
【133】In my experience, people will exhibit mind-blowing creativity when they are only taught how to speak compassionately to themselves.
根据我的经验,人们在学会 如何与自己宽容地对话时, 会爆发出惊人的创造力。
【134】So what if mental health treatment started here?
心理治疗就从此处开始怎么样？
【135】By shifting the idea of care tasks as these external measurements of your worthiness to just being morally-neutral tasks that you can customize to care for yourself.
不要再把料理家务 当作衡量你价值的外界量尺, 而是把它看作与品行无关的任务, 你可以自行决定该怎么做 给予自己关爱。
【136】Because if it's true that regardless of what you struggle with, you are worthy of a functional space, what else might you be worthy of?
因为如果无论 你在什么家务上有困难, 你都值得一个实用的空间, 你还值得拥有一些 什么别的东西呢？
【137】Thank you.
谢谢。
