Red, White & Royal Blue被曝光的邮件
看完电影找了一下小说中出现的邮件
中文翻译来自微软翻译
YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
你是一个黑暗巫师
HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 6/8/20 3:23 PM
亨利·< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-6-8 下午3：23TO A
Alex,
I can’t think of a single other way to start this email except to say, and I do hope you will forgive both my language and my utter lack of restraint: You are so fucking beautiful.
我想不出任何其他方式来开始这封电子邮件，除了说，我希望你能原谅我的语言和我完全缺乏克制：你太他妈的漂亮了。I’ve been useless for a week, driven around for appearances and meetings, lucky if I’ve made a single meaningful contribution to any of them. How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose? I am driven to distraction.
我已经无用了一个星期，开车到处露面和开会，幸运的是，如果我对其中任何一个做出了有意义的贡献。一个男人如何完成任何事情，知道亚历克斯克莱蒙特 - 迪亚兹在那里松散？我被驱使分心。It’s all bloody useless because when I’m not thinking about your face, I’m thinking about your arse or your hands or your smart mouth. I suspect the latter is what got me into this predicament in the first place. Nobody’s ever got the nerve to be cheeky to a prince, except you. The moment you first called me a prick, my fate was sealed. O, fathers of my bloodline! O, ye kings of olde! Take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. If only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.
这一切都是血腥的无用的，因为当我不考虑你的脸时，我会考虑你的屁股或你的手或你聪明的嘴。我怀疑后者是最初让我陷入这种困境的原因。除了你，从来没有人有勇气对王子厚颜无耻。从你第一次骂我是刺的那一刻起，我的命运就注定了。哦，我血统的父亲！哦，你们这些古老的国王！从我这里拿走这冠冕，把我埋在我祖先的土地上。要是你知道你的腰部的伟大工作会被一个喜欢下巴酒窝的美国男孩对他刻薄的同性恋继承人破坏。Actually, remember those gay kings I mentioned? I feel that James I, who fell madly in love with a very fit and exceptionally dim knight at a titling match and immediately made him a gentleman of the bedchamber (a real title), would take mercy upon my particular plight.
其实，还记得我提到的那些同性恋国王吗？我觉得詹姆斯一世在一场标题比赛中疯狂地爱上了一个非常健康且异常昏暗的骑士，并立即让他成为寝室的绅士（一个真正的头衔），会怜悯我的特殊困境。I’ll be damned but I miss you.
我会该死的，但我想念你。x
Henry
RE: YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
回复：你是一个黑暗巫师A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 6/8/20 5:02 PM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-6-8 下午5：02TO HENRY
H,
Are you implying that you’re James I and I’m some hot, dumb jock? I’m more than fantastic bone structure and an ass you can bounce a quarter on, Henry!!!!
你是在暗示你是詹姆斯一世，而我是一个热辣的、愚蠢的运动员吗？我不仅仅是梦幻般的骨骼结构和一个你可以弹跳四分之一的屁股，亨利!!!Don’t apologize for calling me pretty. Because then you’re putting me in a position where I have to apologize for saying you blew my fucking mind in LA and I’m gonna die if it doesn’t happen again soon. How’s that for lack of restraint, huh? You really wanna play that game with me?
不要为称我漂亮而道歉。因为那样你把我放在一个位置上，我必须道歉，因为你在洛杉矶让我他妈的头脑大吃一惊，如果它不很快再次发生，我会死的。这是怎么回事，因为缺乏克制，是吧？你真的想和我玩那个游戏？Listen: I’ll fly to London right now and pull you out of whatever pointless meeting you’re in and make you admit how much you love it when I call you “baby.” I’ll take you apart with my teeth, sweetheart.
听着：我现在就飞到伦敦，把你从你参加的任何毫无意义的会议中拉出来，让你承认当我叫你“宝贝”时你有多喜欢它。我会用牙齿把你拆开，亲爱的。xoxo
A
RE: YOU ARE A DARK SORCERER
回复：你是一个黑暗巫师HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 6/8/20 7:21 PM
亨利·< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-6-8 下午7：21TO A
Alex,
You know, when you go to Oxford to get a degree in English literature, as I have, people always want to know who your favorite English author is.
你知道，当你像我一样去牛津大学攻读英国文学学位时，人们总是想知道你最喜欢的英语作家是谁。The press team compiled a list of acceptable answers. They wanted a realist, so I suggested George Eliot—no, Eliot was actually Mary Anne Evans under a pen name, not a strong male author. They wanted one of the inventors of the English novel, so I suggested Daniel Defoe—no, he was a dissenter from the Church of England. At one point, I threw out Jonathan Swift just to watch the collective coronary they had at the thought of an Irish political satirist.
新闻团队编制了一份可接受的答案清单。他们想要一个现实主义者，所以我建议乔治·艾略特——不，艾略特实际上是玛丽·安妮·埃文斯的笔名，而不是一个强大的男性作家。他们想要一位英国小说的发明者，所以我推荐丹尼尔·笛福——不，他是英国国教的持不同政见者。有一次，我扔掉了乔纳森·斯威夫特（Jonathan Swift），只是为了观察他们想到爱尔兰政治讽刺作家时的集体冠状动脉。In the end they picked Dickens, which is hilarious. They wanted something less fruity than the truth, but truly, what is gayer than a woman who languishes away in a crumbling mansion wearing her wedding gown every day of her life, for the drama?
最后他们选择了狄更斯，这很搞笑。他们想要的东西比真相更不果味，但实际上，为了戏剧，一个女人每天都穿着婚纱在摇摇欲坠的豪宅里苦苦挣扎，还有什么比同性恋呢？The fruity truth: My favorite English author is Jane Austen.
果实真相：我最喜欢的英国作家是简·奥斯汀。So, to borrow a passage from Sense and Sensibility: “You want nothing but patience—or give it a more fascinating name, call it hope.” To paraphrase: I hope to see you put your green American money where your filthy mouth is soon.
所以，借用《理智与情感》中的一段话：“你只想要耐心——或者给它起一个更迷人的名字，叫它希望吧。套用一句话：我希望看到你很快把绿色的美国钱放在你肮脏的嘴巴上。Yours in sexual frustration,
你在性挫折中，Henry
A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
一群傻瓜和傻瓜A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 8/10/20 1:04 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-8-10 上午1：04TO HENRY
H,
Have you ever read any of Alexander Hamilton’s letters to John Laurens?
你读过亚历山大·汉密尔顿写给约翰·劳伦斯的信吗？What am I saying? Of course you haven’t. You’d probably be disinherited for revolutionary sympathies.
我在说什么？你当然没有。你可能会因为革命同情而被剥夺继承权。Well, since I got the boot from the campaign, there is literally nothing for me to do but watch cable news (diligently chipping away at my brain cells by the day), reread Harry Potter, and sort through all my old shit from college. Just looking at papers, thinking: Excellent, yes, I’m so glad I stayed up all night writing this for a 98 in the class, only to get summarily fired from the first job I ever had and exiled to my bedroom! Great job, Alex!
好吧，自从我从竞选中获得启动以来，我实际上无事可做，只能看有线电视新闻（每天努力地削掉我的脑细胞），重读哈利波特，整理我大学里的所有旧狗屎。只是看着论文，想：太好了，是的，我很高兴我熬夜为班上的98分写这篇文章，结果被我有过的第一份工作立即解雇并流放到我的卧室！干得好，亚历克斯！Is this how you feel in the palace all the time? It fucking sucks, man.
这就是你在宫里一直的感觉吗？这他妈的很糟糕，伙计。So anyway, I’m going through my college stuff, and I find this analysis I did of Hamilton’s wartime correspondence, and hear me out: I think Hamilton could have been bi. His letters to Laurens are almost as romantic as his letters to his wife. Half of them are signed “Yours” or “Affectionately yrs,” and the last one before Laurens died is signed “Yrs for ever.” I can’t figure out why nobody talks about the possibility of a Founding Father being not straight (outside of Chernow’s biography, which is great btw, see attached bibliography). I mean, I know why, but.
所以无论如何，我正在浏览我的大学知识，我找到了我对汉密尔顿战时通信的分析，并听我说：我认为汉密尔顿可能是双性恋。他写给劳伦斯的信几乎和他给妻子的信一样浪漫。其中一半签名为“你的”或“深情的年份”，劳伦斯去世前的最后一部分签名为“永远的Yrs ”。我不明白为什么没有人谈论开国元勋不是直截了当的可能性（除了切尔诺的传记，顺便说一句，这很棒，见随附的参考书目）。我的意思是，我知道为什么，但是。Anyway, I found this part of a letter he wrote to Laurens, and it made me think of you. And me, I guess:
无论如何，我找到了他写给劳伦斯的一封信的这一部分，这让我想起了你。而我，我猜：The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you . . .
事实是，我是一个不幸的诚实人，向所有人表达我的情感并强调。我对你说这些是因为你知道这一点，不会指责我虚荣心。我恨国会——我恨军队——我恨世界——我恨我自己。整体是一团傻瓜和傻瓜;我几乎可以除了你。Thinking about history makes me wonder how I’ll fit into it one day, I guess. And you too. I kinda wish people still wrote like that.
我想，思考历史让我想知道有一天我会如何融入它。还有你。我有点希望人们仍然这样写。History, huh? Bet we could make some.
历史，是吧？打赌我们可以做一些。Affectionately yrs, slowly going insane,
深情地哀嚎着，慢慢地发疯，Alex, First Son of Founding Father Sacrilege
亚历克斯，开国元勋亵渎神明的长子RE: A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
回复：一群傻瓜和傻瓜HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 8/10/20 4:18 AM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-8-10 上午4：18TO A
Alex, First Son of Masturbatory Historical Readings:
亚历克斯，自慰历史读物的第一个儿子：The phrase “see attached bibliography” is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me.
“见附书目”这句话是你写给我的最性感的东西。Every time you mention your slow decay inside the White House, I can’t help but feel it’s my fault, and I feel absolutely shit about it. I’m sorry. I should have known better than to turn up at a thing like that. I got carried away; I didn’t think. I know how much that job meant to you.
每次你提到你在白宫的缓慢衰败，我都会忍不住觉得这是我的错，我对此感到非常糟糕。对不起。我应该知道比出现在这样的事情上更好。我得意忘形了;我没想到。我知道这份工作对你有多重要。I just want to . . . you know. Extend the option. If you wanted less of me, and more of that—the work, the uncomplicated things—I would understand. Truly.
我只是想。。。你知道的。扩展选项。如果你想要的不是我，多一些——工作，简单的事情——我会理解的。真正。In any event . . . Believe it or not, I have actually done a bit of reading on Hamilton, for a number of reasons. First, he was a brilliant writer. Second, I knew you were named after him (the pair of you share an alarming number of traits, by the by: passionate determination, never knowing when to shut up, &c &c). And third, some saucy tart once tried to impugn my virtue against an oil painting of him, and in the halls of memory, some things demand context.
无论如何。信不信由你，出于多种原因，我实际上已经对汉密尔顿进行了一些阅读。首先，他是一位才华横溢的作家。其次，我知道你是以他的名字命名的（你们俩有着惊人的特征，通过：热情的决心，永远不知道什么时候闭嘴，等等）。第三，一些俏皮的蛋挞曾经试图指责我的美德反对他的油画，在记忆的大厅里，有些事情需要背景。Are you angling for a revolutionary soldier role-play scenario? I must inform you, any trace of King George III blood I have would curdle in my very veins and render me useless to you.
您是否正在为革命士兵角色扮演场景而垂钓？我必须告诉你，我身上任何一丝乔治三世国王的血脉都会在我的血管里凝结，使我对你毫无用处。Or are you suggesting you’d rather exchange passionate letters by candlelight?
或者你是在暗示你宁愿在烛光下交换热情洋溢的信件？Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?
我应该告诉你，当我们分开时，你的身体会在梦中回到我身边吗？睡觉的时候，我看到你，你的腰部凹陷，你臀部上方的雀斑，当我早上醒来时，感觉就像我刚刚和你在一起一样，你的手在我脖子后面的幻影触摸新鲜，没有想象？我能感觉到你的皮肤贴着我的皮肤，它让我身体的每一根骨头都疼？那，有那么一会儿，我可以屏住呼吸，和你一起回到那里，在梦里，在一千个房间里，什么都没有？I think perhaps Hamilton said it better in a letter to Eliza:
我想也许汉密尔顿在给伊丽莎的一封信中说得更好：You engross my thoughts too intirely to allow me to think of any thing else—you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream—and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness.
你太过贪婪地吸引着我的思想，让我无法思考其他任何事情——你不仅整天都在动我的思想;但你打扰了我的睡眠。我在每个梦中都遇见你——当我醒来时，我不能再闭上眼睛，沉思你的甜蜜。If you did decide to take the option mentioned at the start of this email, I do hope you haven’t read the rest of this rubbish.
如果您确实决定采用本电子邮件开头提到的选项，我希望您没有阅读其余的垃圾。Regards,
Haplessly Romantic Heretic Prince Henry the Utterly Daft
倒霉的浪漫异端亨利王子完全愚蠢RE: A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
回复：一群傻瓜和傻瓜A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 8/10/20 5:36 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-8-10 上午5：36TO HENRY
H,
Please don’t be stupid. No part of any of this will ever be uncomplicated.
请不要愚蠢。其中任何一部分都不会是简单的。Anyway, you should be a writer. You are a writer.
无论如何，你应该成为一名作家。你是一个作家。Even after all this, I still always feel like I want to know more of you. Does that sound crazy? I just sit here and wonder, who is this person who knows stuff about Hamilton and writes like this? Where does someone like that even come from? How was I so wrong?
即使经历了这一切，我仍然觉得我想更多地了解你。这听起来很疯狂吗？我只是坐在这里想知道，这个了解汉密尔顿并写成这样的人是谁？这样的人从何而来？我怎么错了？It’s weird because I always know things about people, gut feelings that usually lead me in more or less the right direction. I do think I got a gut feeling with you, I just didn’t have what I needed in my head to understand it. But I kind of kept chasing it anyway, like I was just going blindly in a certain direction and hoping for the best. I guess that makes you the North Star?
这很奇怪，因为我总是了解人们的事情，直觉通常会或多或少地引导我走向正确的方向。我确实认为我对你有一种直觉，我只是脑子里没有我需要的东西来理解它。但我还是一直在追逐它，就像我只是盲目地朝着某个方向前进，希望得到最好的结果。我想这会让你成为北极星吗？I wanna see you again and soon. I keep reading that one paragraph over and over again. You know which one. I want you back here with me. I want your body and I want the rest of you too. And I want to get the fuck out of this house. Watching June and Nora on TV doing appearances without me is torture.
我想很快再见到你。我一直在一遍又一遍地读那一段。你知道是哪一个。我想让你和我一起回到这里。我想要你的身体，我也想要你们的其余部分。我想把他妈的赶出这所房子。看着琼和诺拉在电视上没有我的情况下露面是一种折磨。We have this annual thing at my dad’s lake house in Texas. Whole long weekend off the grid. There’s a lake with a pier, and my dad always cooks something fucking amazing. You wanna come? I kind of can’t stop thinking about you all sunburned and pretty sitting out there in the country. It’s weekend after next. If Shaan can talk to Zahra or somebody about flying you into Austin, we can pick you up from there. Say yes?
我们在德克萨斯州我父亲的湖边别墅里有一年一度的事情。整个漫长的周末都脱离了电网。有一个带码头的湖，我爸爸总是做一些他妈的很棒的东西。你想来？我有点想不住想你们都被晒伤了，坐在乡下。下个周末。如果Shaan可以和Zahra或其他人谈谈让你飞到奥斯汀，我们可以从那里接你。说是吗？Yrs,
Alex
P.S. Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky—1958:
P.S. Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky—1958：Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.
我渴望我们之间真正的阳光接触，我想念你，就像一个家。照亮亲爱的，想想我。RE: A MASS OF FOOLS AND KNAVES
回复：一群傻瓜和傻瓜HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 8/10/20 8:22 PM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-8-10 下午8：22TO A
Alex,
If I’m north, I shudder to think where in God’s name we’re going.
如果我在北方，我不寒而栗地想到我们奉上帝的名去哪里。I’m ruminating on identity and your question about where a person like me comes from, and as best as I can explain it, here’s a story:
我正在思考身份和你关于像我这样的人来自哪里的问题，尽我所能解释一下，这里有一个故事：Once, there was a young prince who was born in a castle. His mother was a princess scholar, and his father was the most handsome, feared knight in all the land. As a boy, people would bring him everything he could ever dream of wanting. The most beautiful silk clothes, ripe fruit from the orangery. At times, he was so happy, he felt he would never grow tired of being a prince.
从前，有一个年轻的王子出生在一座城堡里。他的母亲是公主学者，他的父亲是全地最英俊、最令人恐惧的骑士。小时候，人们会给他带来他梦寐以求的一切。最漂亮的丝绸衣服，橘园里成熟的水果。有时，他是如此快乐，他觉得他永远不会厌倦做王子。He came from a long, long line of princes, but never before had there been a prince quite like him: born with his heart on the outside of his body.
他来自一个很长很长的王子家族，但从来没有一个王子像他一样：出生时他的心在他的身体外面。When he was small, his family would smile and laugh and say he would grow out of it one day. But as he grew, it stayed where it was, red and visible and alive. He didn’t mind it very much, but every day, the family’s fear grew that the people of the kingdom would soon notice and turn their backs on the prince.
当他很小的时候，他的家人会笑着说他有一天会长大的。但随着他的成长，它停留在原地，红色的，可见的，活着的。他不是很介意，但每一天，家人都越来越担心王国的人民很快就会注意到并背弃王子。His grandmother, the queen, lived in a high tower, where she spoke only of the other princes, past and present, who were born whole.
他的祖母，女王，住在一座高塔里，在那里她只谈论过去和现在的其他王子，他们出生时是完整的。Then, the prince’s father, the knight, was struck down in battle. The lance tore open his armor and his body and left him bleeding in the dust. And so, when the queen sent new clothes, armor for the prince to parcel his heart away safe, the prince’s mother did not stop her. For she was afraid, now: afraid of her son’s heart torn open too.
然后，王子的父亲骑士在战斗中被击倒。长矛撕开了他的盔甲和身体，让他在尘土中流血。所以，当王后送来新衣服、新盔甲让王子把他的心安全收起来时，王子的母亲并没有阻止她。因为她害怕，现在：害怕她儿子的心也被撕开。So the prince wore it, and for many years, he believed it was right.
所以王子戴着它，多年来，他相信这是对的。Until he met the most devastatingly gorgeous peasant boy from a nearby village who said absolutely ghastly things to him that made him feel alive for the first time in years and turned out the be the most mad sort of sorcerer, one who could conjure up things like gold and vodka shots and apricot tarts out of absolutely nothing, and his whole life went up in a puff of dazzling purple smoke, and the kingdom said, “I can’t believe we’re all so surprised.”
直到他遇到了附近村庄里最华丽的农家男孩，他对他说了绝对可怕的话，让他多年来第一次感到活着，结果是最疯狂的巫师，一个可以凭空变出黄金和伏特加酒和杏馅饼之类的东西的人， 他的一生都在一股耀眼的紫色烟雾中升起，王国说：“我不敢相信我们都这么惊讶。I’m in for the lake house. I must admit, I’m glad you’re getting out of the house. I worry you may burn the thing down. Does this mean I’ll be meeting your father?
我在湖边的房子里。我必须承认，我很高兴你走出家门。我担心你会把东西烧掉。这是否意味着我会见到你的父亲？I miss you. 我想你。
x
Henry
P.S. This is mortifying and maudlin and, honestly, I hope you forget it as soon as you’ve read it.
附言：这是令人羞愧和莫德林的，老实说，我希望你一读完就忘记它。P.P.S. From Henry James to Hendrik C. Andersen, 1899:
P.P.S.从亨利·詹姆斯到亨德里克·C·安徒生，1899年：May the terrific U.S.A. be meanwhile not a brute to you. I feel in you a confidence, dear Boy–which to show is a joy to me. My hopes and desires and sympathies right heartily and most firmly, go with you. So keep up your heart, and tell me, as it shapes itself, your (inevitably, I imagine, more or less weird) American story. May, at any rate, tutta quella gente be good to you.
愿伟大的美国对你来说不是野蛮人。亲爱的孩子，我在你身上感到一种自信——这对我来说是一种快乐。我的希望、愿望和同情衷心地、最坚定地与你同在。所以，保持你的心，告诉我，当它自己塑造时，你的（不可避免地，我想，或多或少很奇怪）美国故事。愿，无论如何，tutta quella gente对你好。
HOMETOWN STUFF 故乡的东西
A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/2/20 5:12 PM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-2 下午5：12TO HENRY
H,
Have been home for three hours. Already miss you. This is some bullshit.
已经回家三个小时了。已经想你了。这是一些废话。Hey, have I told you lately that you’re brave? I still remember what you said to that little girl in the hospital about Luke Skywalker: “He’s proof that it doesn’t matter where you come from or who your family is.” Sweetheart, you’re proof too.
嘿，我最近有没有告诉过你，你很勇敢？我还记得你在医院里对那个小女孩说的关于卢克·天行者的话：“他证明了你来自哪里或你的家人是谁并不重要。亲爱的，你也是证据。(By the way, in this relationship, I am absolutely the Han and you are absolutely the Leia. Don’t try to argue because you’ll be wrong.)
（顺便说一句，在这段关系中，我绝对是汉族，而你绝对是莱娅。不要试图争论，因为你会错的。I was also thinking about Texas again, which I guess I do a lot when I’m stressed about election stuff. There’s so much stuff I haven’t shown you yet. We haven’t even done Austin! I wanna take you to Franklin Barbecue. You have to wait in line for hours, but that’s part of the experience. I really wanna see a member of the royal family wait in line for hours to eat cow parts. That would really warm my lil brown heart.
我也再次想到了德克萨斯州，我想当我对选举感到压力时，我会做很多事情。我还有很多东西还没有给你看。我们甚至还没有做过奥斯汀！我想带你去富兰克林烧烤。你必须排队等候几个小时，但这是体验的一部分。我真的很想看到皇室成员排队等几个小时才能吃牛的部分。那真的会温暖我棕色的心。Have you thought any more about what you said before I left? About coming out to your family? Obviously, you’re not obligated. You just seemed kind of hopeful when you talked about it.
你有没有想过我离开前你说的话？关于向家人出柜？显然，你没有义务。当你谈论它时，你似乎有点希望。I’ll be over here, still quarantined to the White House (at least Mom didn’t kill me for London), rooting for you.
我会在这里，仍然被隔离到白宫（至少妈妈没有为了伦敦杀了我），为你加油。Love you. 爱你。
xoxoxoxoxo 噻嘻嘻嘻
A
P.S. Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf—1927:
P.S. Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf—1927：With me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal.
对我而言，这是非常鲜明的：我比我想象的更想念你;我准备很想念你。RE: HOMETOWN STUFF 回复：故乡的东西
HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 9/3/20 2:49 AM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-9-3 上午2：49TO A
Alex,
It is, indeed, bullshit. It’s all I can do not to pack a bag and be gone forever. Perhaps I could live in your room like a recluse. You could have food sent up for me, and I’ll be lurking in disguise in a shadowy corner when you answer the door. It’ll all be very dreadfully Jane Eyre.
这确实是胡说八道。我能做的就是不收拾行李，永远离开。也许我可以像隐士一样住在你的房间里。你可以给我送食物，当你开门时，我会伪装在阴暗的角落里。这一切都会非常可怕的简爱。The Mail will write mad speculations about where I’ve gone, if I’ve offed myself or vanished to St. Kilda, but only you and I will know that I’m just sprawled in your bed, reading books and feeding myself profiteroles and making love to you endlessly until we both expire in a haze of chocolate sauce. It’s how I’d want to go.
《每日邮报》会写下关于我去了哪里的疯狂猜测，如果我冒犯了自己或消失在圣基尔达，但只有你和我会知道我只是躺在你的床上，看书，养活自己，无休止地和你做爱，直到我们都在巧克力酱的阴霾中死去。这就是我想去的方式。I’m afraid, though, I’m stuck here. Gran keeps asking Mum when I’m going to enlist, and did I know Philip had already served a year by the time he was my age. I do need to figure out what I’m going to do, because I’m certainly closing in on the end of what’s an acceptable amount of time for a gap year. Please do keep me in your—what is it American politicians say?—thoughts and prayers.
不过，恐怕我被困在这里了。格兰一直问妈妈我什么时候入伍，我是否知道菲利普在我这个年纪的时候已经服役了一年。我确实需要弄清楚我要做什么，因为我肯定会接近间隔年可接受的时间。请让我留在你的——美国政客说什么？——思想和祈祷中。Austin sounds brilliant. Maybe in a few months, after things settle down a bit? I could take a long weekend. Can we visit your mum’s house? Your room? Do you still have your lacrosse trophies? Tell me you still have posters up. Let me guess: Han Solo, Barack Obama, and . . . Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
奥斯汀听起来很棒。也许几个月后，事情稍微安定下来？我可以度过一个漫长的周末。我们可以去妈家吗？你的房间？你还有棍网球奖杯吗？告诉我你还有海报。让我猜猜：汉·索罗、巴拉克·奥巴马和......露丝·巴德·金斯伯格。(I’ll agree with your assessment that you’re the Han to my Leia in that you are, without doubt, a scruffy-looking nerf herder who would pilot us into an asteroid field. I happen to like nice men.)
（我同意你的评估，即你是我莱娅的汉人，因为毫无疑问，你是一个看起来很邋遢的神经牧民，会把我们带到一个小行星领域。我碰巧喜欢好男人。I have thought more about coming out to my family, which is part of why I’m staying here for now. Bea has offered to be there when I tell Philip if I want, so I think I will. Again, thoughts and prayers.
我更多地考虑过向家人出柜，这也是我现在留在这里的部分原因。当我告诉菲利普我是否愿意时，Bea主动提出要在那里，所以我想我会的。再次，思想和祈祷。I love you terribly, and I want you back here soon. I need your help picking a new bed for my room; I’ve decided to get rid of that gold monstrosity.
我非常爱你，我希望你快点回到这里。我需要你帮我为我的房间挑选一张新床;我决定摆脱那个黄金怪物。Yours,
Henry
P.S. From Radclyffe Hall to Evguenia Souline, 1934:
附言从Radclyffe Hall到Evguenia Souline，1934年：Darling—I wonder if you realize how much I am counting on your coming to England, how much it means to me—it means all the world, and indeed my body shall be all, all yours, as yours will be all, all mine, beloved. . . . And nothing will matter but just we two, we two longing loves at last come together.
亲爱的——我不知道你是否意识到我多么指望你来到英国，这对我意味着什么——这意味着整个世界，事实上，我的身体将是你的，你的，是我的全部，亲爱的。一切都不重要，只有我们两个，我们两个渴望的爱终于走到了一起。RE: HOMETOWN STUFF 回复：故乡的东西
A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/3/20 6:20 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-3 上午6：20TO HENRY
H,
Shit. Do you think you’re going to enlist? I haven’t done any research on it yet. I’m gonna ask Zahra to have one of our people put together a binder on it. What would that mean? Would you have to be gone a lot? Would it be dangerous??? Or is it just like, wear the uniform and sit at a desk? How did we not talk about this when I was there?????
狗屎。你认为你会入伍吗？我还没有做任何研究。我要让扎赫拉让我们的一个人在上面放一个活页夹。这意味着什么？你一定要经常离开吗？会不会有危险???还是就像，穿上制服坐在办公桌前？我在那里的时候，我们怎么不谈这个?????Sorry. I’m panicking. I somehow forgot this was a thing looming on the horizon. I’m there for whatever you decide you want to do, just like, let me know if I need to start practicing gazing wistfully out the window, waiting for my love to return from war.
不好意思。我很恐慌。我不知何故忘记了这是一件迫在眉睫的事情。无论你决定你想做什么，我都会在那里，就像，如果我需要开始练习渴望地凝视窗外，等待我的爱人从战争中回来，请告诉我。It drives me nuts sometimes that you don’t get to have more say in your life. When I picture you happy, I see with your own apartment somewhere outside of the palace and a desk where you can write anthologies of queer history. And I’m there, using up your shampoo and making you come to the grocery store with me and waking up in the same damn time zone with you every morning.
有时这让我发疯，因为你在生活中没有更多的发言权。当我想象你快乐时，我看到你在宫殿外的某个地方有自己的公寓和一张桌子，你可以在那里写酷儿历史选集。我在那里，用完你的洗发水，让你和我一起来杂货店，每天早上和你一起在同一个该死的时区醒来。When the election is over, we can figure out what we’ll do next. I would love to be in the same place for a bit, but I know you have to do what you have to do. Just know, I believe in you.
选举结束后，我们可以弄清楚下一步要做什么。我很想在同一个地方呆一会儿，但我知道你必须做你必须做的事情。只要知道，我相信你。Re: telling Philip, sounds like a great plan. If all else fails, just do what I did and act like a huge jackass until most of your family figures it out on their own.
回复：告诉菲利普，听起来是个好计划。如果一切都失败了，就做我做过的事情，表现得像个大笨蛋，直到你的大多数家人自己弄清楚。Love you. Tell Bea hi.
爱你。告诉他们走。A
P.S. Eleanor Roosevelt to Lorena Hickock—1933:
附言埃莉诺·罗斯福致洛雷娜·希科克——1933年：I miss you greatly dear. The nicest time of the day is when I write to you. You have a stormier time than I do but I miss you as much, I think. . . . Please keep most of your heart in Washington as long as I’m here for most of mine is with you!
我非常想念你亲爱的。一天中最美好的时光是我给你写信的时候。你比我更暴风雨，但我同样想念你，我想......只要我还在这里，请把你的大部分心留在华盛顿，因为我的大部分时间都和你在一起！RE: HOMETOWN STUFF 回复：故乡的东西
HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 9/4/20 7:58 PM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-9-4 下午7：58TO A
Alex,
Have you ever had something go so horribly, horribly, unbelievably badly that you’d like to be loaded into a cannon and jettisoned into the merciless black maw of outer space?
你有没有遇到过如此可怕、可怕、难以置信的糟糕事情，以至于你想被装进大炮，被扔进外太空无情的黑泥？I wonder sometimes what is the point of me, or anything. I should have just packed a bag like I said. I could be in your bed, languishing away until I perish, fat and sexually conquered, snuffed out in the spring of my youth. Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.
我有时想知道我有什么意义，或者什么。我应该像我说的那样收拾一个袋子。我可以躺在你的床上，萎靡不振，直到我死去，肥胖和性征服，在我青春的春天被扼杀。这里是威尔士的亨利王子。他死了，就像他活着一样：逃避计划和吮吸**。I told Philip. Not about you, precisely—about me.
我告诉菲利普。不是关于你，确切地说是关于我。Specifically, we were discussing enlistment, Philip and Shaan and I, and I told Philip I’d rather not follow the traditional path and that I hardly think I’d be useful to anyone in the military. He asked why I was so intent on disrespecting the traditions of the men of this family, and I truly think I dissociated straight (ha) out of the conversation, because I opened my blasted mouth and said, “Because I’m not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip.”
具体来说，我们正在讨论入伍，菲利普、沙恩和我，我告诉菲利普我宁愿不走传统道路，我几乎不认为我对军队中的任何人有用。他问我为什么如此执意不尊重这个家庭男人的传统，我真的认为我直接脱离了谈话，因为我张开了爆炸的嘴说：“因为我不像这个家庭的其他男人，首先是我是非常深刻的同性恋， 菲利普。Once Shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier, Philip had quite a few words for me, some of which were “confused or misguided” and “ensuring the perpetuity of the bloodline” and “respecting the legacy.” Honestly, I don’t recall much of it. Essentially, I gathered that he was not surprised to discover I am not the heterosexual heir I’m supposed to be, but rather surprised that I do not intend to keep pretending to be the heterosexual heir I’m supposed to be.
当沙恩设法将他从枝形吊灯上移开后，菲利普对我说了不少话，其中一些是“混淆或误导”和“确保血统的永恒”和“尊重遗产”。老实说，我不记得太多了。从本质上讲，我发现他发现我不是我应该成为的异性恋继承人并不感到惊讶，而是惊讶于我不打算继续假装自己应该是异性恋继承人。So, yes, I know we discussed and hoped that coming out to my family would be a good first step. I cannot say this was an encouraging sign re: our odds of going public. I don’t know. I’ve eaten a tremendous amount of Jaffa Cakes about it, to be frank.
所以，是的，我知道我们讨论过，并希望向我的家人出柜将是良好的第一步。我不能说这是一个令人鼓舞的迹象：我们上市的可能性很大。我不知道。坦率地说，我吃了大量的雅法蛋糕。Sometimes I imagine moving to New York to take over launching Pez’s youth shelter there. Just leaving. Not coming back. Maybe burning something down on the way out. It would be nice.
有时我会想象搬到纽约接管在那里启动佩斯的青年庇护所。只是离开。不回来了。也许在出门的路上烧掉了一些东西。那就太好了。Here’s an idea: Do you know, I’ve realised I’ve never actually told you what I thought the first time we met?
这里有一个想法：你知道吗，我意识到我从来没有真正告诉你我们第一次见面时我的想法？You see, for me, memories are difficult. Very often, they hurt. A curious thing about grief is the way it takes your entire life, all those foundational years that made you who you are, and makes them so painful to look back upon because of the absence there, that suddenly they’re inaccessible. You must invent an entirely new system.
你看，对我来说，记忆是困难的。很多时候，他们很痛。关于悲伤的一个奇怪的事情是，它占用了你的整个生命，所有那些让你成为你的基础岁月，并让他们如此痛苦地回顾过去，因为那里的缺席，突然间他们无法接近。你必须发明一个全新的系统。I started to think of myself and my life and my whole lifetime worth of memories as all the dark, dusty rooms of Buckingham Palace. I took the night I visited Bea in rehab and begged her to take it seriously, and I put it in a room with pink peonies on the wallpaper and a golden harp in the center of the floor. I took my first time, with one of my brother’s mates from uni when I was seventeen, and I found the smallest, most cramped little broom cupboard I could muster, and I shoved it in. I took my father’s last night, the way his face went slack, the smell of his hands, the fever, the waiting and waiting and terrible waiting and the even worse not-waiting anymore, and I found the biggest room, a ballroom, wide open and dark, windows drawn and covered. Locked the doors.
我开始把我自己和我的生活以及我一生的记忆想象成白金汉宫所有黑暗、尘土飞扬的房间。我花了那天晚上去康复中心拜访Bea，恳求她认真对待它，我把它放在一个房间里，墙纸上有粉红色的牡丹，地板中央有一个金色的竖琴。我第一次拿，十七岁的时候和我哥哥的一个大学伙伴一起，我找到了我能召集的最小、最狭窄的小扫帚柜，我把它塞了进去。我拿了我父亲昨晚的，他的脸变得松弛，他手的气味，发烧，等待，等待，可怕的等待，更糟糕的是不再等待，我找到了最大的房间，一个宴会厅，敞开而黑暗，窗户被拉上并遮住。锁上了门。But the first time I saw you. Rio. I took that down to the gardens. I pressed it into the leaves of a silver maple and recited it to the Waterloo Vase. It didn’t fit in any rooms.
但是我第一次见到你。力拓。我把它带到了花园里。我把它压在银枫树的叶子里，对着滑铁卢花瓶念诵。它不适合任何房间。You were talking with Nora and June, happy and animated and fully alive, a person living in dimensions I couldn’t access, and so beautiful. Your hair was longer then. You weren’t even a president’s son yet, but you weren’t afraid. You had a yellow ipê-amarelo in your pocket.
你和诺拉和琼在说话，他们快乐、活泼、充满活力，一个生活在我无法接近的维度中的人，而且如此美丽。那时你的头发更长。你甚至还不是总统的儿子，但你并不害怕。你口袋里有一只黄色的ipê-amarelo。I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.
我想，这是我见过的最不可思议的事情，我最好把它与我保持安全距离。我想，如果这样的人爱我，它会让我着火。And then I was a careless fool, and I fell in love with you anyway. When you rang me at truly shocking hours of the night, I loved you. When you kissed me in disgusting public toilets and pouted in hotel bars and made me happy in ways in which it had never even occurred to me that a mangled-up, locked-up person like me could be happy, I loved you.
然后我是一个粗心的傻瓜，无论如何我爱上了你。当你在晚上真正令人震惊的时候给我打电话时，我爱你。当你在令人作呕的公共厕所里吻我，在酒店的酒吧里噘着嘴，让我快乐，我甚至从未想过像我这样被肢解、被关起来的人会快乐，我爱你。And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. Can you believe it?
然后，莫名其妙地，你绝对有胆量爱我。你能相信吗？Sometimes, even now, I still can’t.
有时，即使是现在，我仍然不能。I’m sorry things didn’t go better with Philip. I wish I could send hope.
我很抱歉菲利普的情况没有好转。我希望我能寄出希望。Yours,
Henry
P.S. From Michelangelo to Tommaso Cavalieri, 1533:
附言从米开朗基罗到托马索·卡瓦列里，1533年：I know well that, at this hour, I could as easily forget your name as the food by which I live; nay, it were easier to forget the food, which only nourishes my body miserably, than your name, which nourishes both body and soul, filling the one and the other with such sweetness that neither weariness nor fear of death is felt by me while memory preserves you to my mind. Think, if the eyes could also enjoy their portion, in what condition I should find myself.
我清楚地知道，在这个时刻，我很容易忘记你的名字，就像我赖以生存的食物一样;不，忘记食物更容易，它只会悲惨地滋养我的身体，而不是你的名字，它滋养身体和灵魂，使一个和另一个充满甜蜜，以至于我既不感到疲倦也不害怕死亡，而记忆却把你保存在我的脑海中。想一想，如果眼睛也能享受它们的部分，我应该处于什么状态。RE: HOMETOWN STUFF 回复：故乡的东西
A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/4/20 8:31 PM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-4 下午8：31TO HENRY
H,
Fuck.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I’m so sorry. June and Nora send their love. Not as much love as me. Obviously.
我很抱歉。我不知道还能说什么。我很抱歉。琼和诺拉送上了他们的爱。没有我那么多的爱。明显地。Please don’t worry about me. We’ll figure it out. It just might take time. I’ve been working on patience. I’ve picked up all kinds of things from you.
请不要担心我。我们会弄清楚的。这可能需要时间。我一直在努力保持耐心。我从你那里捡到各种各样的东西。God, what can I possibly write to make this better?
上帝啊，我能写什么来让它变得更好？Here: I can’t decide if your emails make me miss you more or less. Sometimes I feel like a funny-looking rock in the middle of the most beautiful clear ocean when I read the kinds of things you write to me. You love so much bigger than yourself, bigger than everything. I can’t believe how lucky I am to even witness it—to be the one who gets to have it, and so much of it, is beyond luck and feels like fate. Catholic God made me to be the person you write those things about. I’ll say five Hail Marys. Muchas gracias, Santa Maria.
在这里：我无法决定你的电子邮件是让我或多还是少地想念你。有时，当我读到你写给我的那些东西时，我觉得自己就像一块看起来很滑稽的石头，在最美丽的清澈海洋中间。你爱的比你自己大得多，比一切都大。我简直不敢相信我是多么幸运，甚至能见证它——成为拥有它的人，而且拥有它，而且是幸运的，感觉就像命运一样。天主教的上帝让我成为你写这些东西的人。我会说五个冰雹玛丽。多斯格拉西亚斯，圣玛丽亚。I can’t match you for prose, but what I can do is write you a list.
我无法与你的散文相提并论，但我能做的就是给你写一个清单。AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES
不完整的清单：我喜欢威尔士亨利王子殿下的事情1. The sound of your laugh when I piss you off.
1.我惹你生气时你的笑声。2. The way you smell underneath your fancy cologne, like clean linens but somehow also fresh grass (what kind of magic is this?).
2.你在花哨的古龙水下面闻起来的方式，就像干净的亚麻布，但不知何故还有新鲜的草（这是什么魔力？3. That thing you do where you stick out your chin to try to look tough.
3.你做的那件事是你伸出下巴试图看起来很坚强.4. How your hands look when you play piano.
4.弹钢琴时你的手是什么样子的。5. All the things I understand about myself now because of you.
5.我现在对自己的了解都是因为你。6. How you think Return of the Jedi is the best Star Wars (wrong) because deep down you’re a gigantic, sappy, embarrassing romantic who just wants the happily ever after.
6.你如何看待《绝地归来》是最好的星球大战（错误），因为在内心深处，你是一个巨大、聪明、尴尬的浪漫主义者，只想从此过上幸福的生活。7. Your ability to recite Keats.
7. 你背诵济慈的能力。8. Your ability to recite Bernadette’s “Don’t let it drag you down” monologue from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
8. 你背诵伯纳黛特的“不要让它拖累你”独白的能力来自沙漠女王普里西拉。9. How hard you try.
9.你有多努力。10. How hard you’ve always tried.
10.你一直有多努力。11. How determined you are to keep trying.
11.你有多大的决心继续努力。12. That when your shoulders cover mine, nothing else in the entire stupid world matters.
12.当你的肩膀盖住我的肩膀时，整个愚蠢的世界里没有其他事情重要。13. The goddamn issue of Le Monde you brought back to London with you and kept and have on your nightstand (yes, I saw it).
13.你带回伦敦并放在床头柜上的《世界报》该死的问题（是的，我看到了）。14. The way you look when you first wake up.
14.你第一次醒来时的样子。15. Your shoulder-to-waist ratio.
15.你的肩腰比。16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart.
16.你巨大、慷慨、可笑、坚不可摧的心。17. Your equally huge dick.
17.你同样巨大的鸡巴。18. The face you just made when you read that last one.
18.你读到最后一篇时刚刚做出的脸。19. The way you look when you first wake up (I know I already said this, but I really, really love it).
19.你第一次醒来时的样子（我知道我已经说过了，但我真的非常非常喜欢它）。20. The fact that you loved me all along.
20.你一直爱我的事实.I keep thinking about that last one ever since you told me, and what an idiot I was. It’s so hard for me to get out of my own head sometimes, but now I’m coming back to what I said to you the night in my room when it all started, and how I brushed you off when you offered to let me go after the DNC, how I used to try to act like it was nothing sometimes. I didn’t even know what you were offering to do to yourself. God, I want to fight everyone who’s ever hurt you, but it was me too, wasn’t it? All that time. I’m so sorry.
自从你告诉我后，我一直在想最后一个，我真是个白痴。有时我很难摆脱自己的头脑，但现在我回到了这一切开始时我在房间里对你说的话，以及当你提出让我去DNC之后时，我是如何不理你嘴的，我曾经如何试图表现得好像什么都不是。我什至不知道你愿意对自己做什么。上帝啊，我想和所有伤害过你的人战斗，但也是我，不是吗？一直如此。我很抱歉。Please stay gorgeous and strong and unbelievable. I miss you I miss you I miss you I love you. I’m calling you as soon as I send this, but I know you like to have these things written down.
请保持华丽，坚强和难以置信。我想你我想你我想你我爱你。我一发就给你打电话，但我知道你喜欢把这些东西写下来。A
P.S. Richard Wagner to Eliza Wille, re: Ludwig II–1864 (Remember when you played Wagner for me? He’s an asshole, but this is something.)
附言理查德·瓦格纳致伊丽莎·威尔，回复：路德维希二世–1864（还记得你为我演奏瓦格纳的时候吗？他是个混蛋，但这是东西。It is true that I have my young king who genuinely adores me. You cannot form an idea of our relations. I recall one of the dreams of my youth. I once dreamed that Shakespeare was alive: that I really saw and spoke to him: I can never forget the impression that dream made on me. Then I would have wished to see Beethoven, though he was already dead. Something of the same kind must pass in the mind of this lovable man when with me. He says he can hardly believe that he really possesses me. None can read without astonishment, without enchantment, the letters he writes to me.
的确，我有我年轻的国王，他真心崇拜我。你无法形成我们关系的概念。我记得我年轻时的一个梦想。我曾经梦见莎士比亚还活着：我真的看到他并与他交谈：我永远不会忘记那个梦给我留下的印象。然后我本来希望见到贝多芬，尽管他已经死了。和我在一起时，这个可爱的男人的脑海中一定有类似的东西。他说他几乎不敢相信他真的拥有我。没有人能不惊讶地读到他写给我的信。
BAD METAPHORS ABOUT MAPS
关于地图的糟糕隐喻A <AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 9/25/20 3:21 AM
A < AGCD@ECLARE45.COM> 20-9-25 上午3：21TO HENRY
h,
i have had whiskey. bear with me.
我喝过威士忌。请耐心等待。there’s this thing you do. this thing. it drives me crazy. i think about it all the time.
有你做的这个东西，这个东西。这让我发疯。我一直在想这个问题。there’s a corner of your mouth, and a place that it goes. pinched and worried like you’re afraid you’re forgetting something. i used to hate it. used to think it was your little tic of disapproval.
有一个嘴角，有一个地方。捏捏和担心，就像你害怕你忘记了什么。我曾经讨厌它。曾经以为是你的小不赞成。but i’ve kissed your mouth, that corner, that place it goes, so many times now. i’ve memorized it. topography on the map of you, a world i’m still charting. i know it. i added it to the key. here: inches to miles. i can multiply it out, read your latitude and longitude. recite your coordinates like la rosaria.
但是我已经吻过你的嘴，那个角落，那个地方，现在已经很多次了。我已经记住了。你地图上的地形，一个我还在绘制的世界。我知道。我把它添加到密钥中。这里：英寸到英里。我可以把它乘以，读你的经纬度。像拉罗萨里亚一样背诵你的坐标。this thing, your mouth, its place. it’s what you do when you’re trying not to give yourself away. not in the way that you do all the time, those empty, greedy grabs for you. i mean the truth of you. the weird, perfect shape of your heart. the one on the outside of your chest.
这个东西，你的嘴，它的位置。当你试图不放弃自己时，这就是你所做的。不是你一直做的方式，那些空洞的、贪婪的为你抓。我是说你的真相。你心的怪异，完美的形状。胸部外侧的那个。on the map of you, my fingers can always find the green hills, wales. cool waters and a shore of white chalk. the ancient part of you carved out of stone in a prayerful circle, sacrosanct. your spine’s a ridge i’d die climbing.
在你們的地圖上，我的手指總能找到威爾士的青山。凉爽的海水和白色粉笔的海岸。你的古老部分用石头雕刻成一个虔诚的圆圈，神圣不可侵犯。你的脊椎是一条山脊，我爬上去就死了。if i could spread it out on my desk, i’d find the corner of your mouth where it pinches with my fingers, and i’d smooth it away and you’d be marked with the names of saints like all the old maps. i get the nomenclature now—saints’ names belong to miracles.
如果我能把它摊开在我的桌子上，我会找到你的嘴角，用手指捏住它，我会把它抚平，你会像所有旧地图一样被标记上圣人的名字。我现在明白了这个名字——圣徒的名字属于奇迹。give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there’s so much of you.
有时把自己送走，亲爱的。你们太多了。fucking yrs, 他妈的岁月，
a
p.s. wilfred owen to siegfried sassoon—1917:
附言威尔弗雷德·欧文致齐格弗里德·沙逊—1917年：And you have fixed my Life—however short. You did not light me: I was always a mad comet; but you have fixed me. I spun round you a satellite for a month, but shall swing out soon, a dark star in the orbit where you will blaze.
你已经修复了我的生命——无论多么短暂。你没有点燃我：我一直是一颗疯狂的彗星;但你已经修复了我。我绕着你转了一颗卫星一个月，但很快就会摆动出来，在轨道上一颗黑暗的星星，你将在那里燃烧。RE: BAD METAPHORS ABOUT MAPS
回复：关于地图的糟糕隐喻HENRY <HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 9/25/20 6:07 AM
亨利< HWALES@KENSINGTONEMAIL.COM> 20-9-25 上午6：07TO A
From Jean Cocteau to Jean Marais, 1939:
从让·科克多到让·玛莱，1939年：Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having saved me. I was drowning and you threw yourself into the water without hesitation, without a backward look.
从心底里感谢你救了我。我快要溺水了，你毫不犹豫地把自己扔进了水里，没有回头看。
希望以后有空自己翻译一遍
剧情：
当晚，两人在树下，王子控制不住自己
视频和两人的邮件被曝光，舆论哗然
