一个大作文的解析+写作（仅主体段）+学生作文批改
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
题目解析，这是一个多大程度同意还是不同意的问题，比较好写的是一边倒。social problems，不仅仅是社交问题，还是社会问题，几乎涵盖所有问题，广义上甚至包括经济问题economic problem。practical problems实际问题、实践问题，相对而言更倾向于个人的、生活上的、操作层面的问题。这样的话，用层次分析法的话，一层是“社会层”
我把我心里的社会层粘在这
• follow social rule, safe community, lifestyle more sustainable, live in harmony, social progress，voluntary services, technological progress ，a socially responsible way, break the cycle of poverty, building a prosperous society， improve productivity, international cooperation, levying taxes, public service
可以摘出来一个观点，“使用不同语言的居民住在一起可能会造成社区的不和谐。因为不同的本土语言往往意味着不同的文化背景和生活习惯。这正是冲突形成的原因。例如，一些国家的人认为一边吃饭一边喝酒是正常的，而另一种文化传统的人认为这是非常不文明的行为。在日常生活中，他们会对彼此带有偏见并且不会相互帮助甚至不会交流信息。这会让一些冲突出现”
One social problem associated with the mentioned situation may be the community disharmony. Using different native languages is a sign of different cultural backgrounds and living habits. Cross-cultural lifestyles often lead to conflicts. For example, it is a custom to drink wine when eating, yet another cultural background population believe that drinking while eating is uncivilized behavior. Then they may have biases towards each other. In daily life, dwellers using different languages did not have passion on helping each other or even have willing to talk with each other. As a result, a series of conflicts come into existence.
接下来实际操作层面
• money is a great motivator-earn more money, acquire some skills, earn a fortune, pour more money in, earn higher salaries, a well-educated workforce, increase their income ; low profit margin , tangible benefits 实实在在的利益
• vital: nutritional contents, develop and maintain healthy habits, endanger their health, reduce diseases
• safety: a sense of security, personal wealth, permanent job, find employment, afford home ownership
灵感，“生活在不同的语言环境中，会对一个人的身心健康有害。身体方面，缺少从小到大习惯的食材和物料而不能维持已经养成的生活习惯，这会导致疾病。（这里不好举例因为实在是特别切题的文化差异性，比如我一天不吃面食就浑身难受，但其实是心理层面的难受）。另一个是影响心理健康。当地的娱乐活动或电视节目必须有当地的语言背景才能获得享受。跨文化的谈话中的玩笑故事彼此很难理解。最后，长期不说母语会让你的大脑很疲累并且得不到释放压力的途径。
Living in different language atmosphere for a long period can be harmful to a person's physical and psychological health. In terms of body, the shortage of ingredients for residents' traditional cuisine that people have eaten from young age cannot make a delicious dish for them. There is a saying that one man’ meat is another man’ poison. As a result, it is easy to make their stomach uncomfortable. What’s more, mental health can also be attracted by not native language environment easily. Entertainment activities or TV programs which using local language especially with some laughing point cannot appeal to migrates. Population with another language background cannot enjoy the amusement so they have limit approach to ease pressure. Finally, not speaking your mother tongue for a long time can make your brain very tired or get into bad mood.
下面来看作文修订
Migrating to a foreign countries where people speak another language has been a popular thing for a lot of people(侧重点不是移民，而是讲外语). However, I argue that this behavior many bring them a series of problems, including social and practical aspactsaspects.
Firstly, they may have to face a serious of fanancial financialburden as they do not know what is the real worth of a certain good（第一句是观点句，这个有点像解释，因为没提language的事，可能考生想说people may have to face a seriesoffinancial problems when theycouldnot use their mother tongue. Theyalways have troublestodeeplyunderstand some native commercial rules orthe real worth ofcertainlocal material. Itisa long period of timethata newcomerhave totake.虽然强调句有凑字之嫌，但是丰富了语法）. (举例for example,)at the beginning of migrating a personTheymay havesometrouble in understanding some local consumer items’introducing wordsinstructionsas they are always includingwith several technicalstrangewords, sotheyhehasveto spend more money on them.When they need burgenning, they are not able to use lacal language, while the businessmen are dare to ask a higher price than their original worth.举一个例子就行了。该到结论了。A dweller whohas not acquired a skills of usinglocal languagefluently will have to pay a higherlife cost.
Secondly, 想说沟通不畅，心理不舒服啊Anunfamiliartalking atmosphere can lead to an unhappy emotion.a migrate person may live an uncomfortable lives there.For example, when people chatting, the cross-culture joke can not begotten byonenewfriends orneighbor,andboth sidesfeel uncomfortable.communication, you have to use another language with your new neighbours, In your mind ,you are a bilinguager.As a result,he or she will alway merge in an atmosphere of pressure and strangercommunacation is always short ofamusement . 总之注意观点-举例-结论。逻辑关系词要有
At last,these felling不要段和段之间混淆，另一个观点段中不要参杂上一段的观点must have influnce other side of your body,not only in your mind,but on your physicially parts. For instances, one will have difficuilty in chooseing better foods which containing nutritiaonal contents they need. It is not good for one's health. When a person got into a disease, he may have trouble in talking about the body details with the doctor without his native language because this situationhasveto use some special words.
In a word, I think living in a foreingn country especially with language barren is not a good chioice.
