【战锤40k同人作品翻译】Ennui 第十九章：时光 Time
本章概述：
伊莎莱慢了下来。
In which Isarae slows down.
正文：
这很是奇怪，是你能逐渐习惯的那种奇怪。
“再快点！你这么移动的话连只屁精都能打到你！”
我曾经觉得亲自训练一个人类狂信徒完全是异想天开。
咔嚓
“再快点！”
亚历桑德拉扛下了我的第一记击打，随后俯身躲过了第二记，她的双拳在瞬息间以狂暴的力量猛烈挥击却只打中了空气。我嘲弄着每一次错失目标的击打，看透了短短几秒后发起的每一次攻击。
“你，”亚历桑德拉气喘吁吁，“是怎么……”她又在我头顶打出了几组回旋踢，“一直都这么快的？”
在她的全身的重量都压到了左腿上的那一刻，我俯下身子并猛地击中了她膝关节上的肌腱。她的腿顿时弯曲了下去，她也在一声惊叫中轰然倒下，毫无形象地拍在了地板上，汗流浃背、上气不接下气的她翻过身来，郁闷地盯着天花板。
我站到了她的身边，她也抬头瞪着我。她苍白的发丝紧贴在她的脸颊和脖颈上，伴着她一口接着一口地喘着粗气，被汗液浸透的无袖作训上衣向我呈现出一副好光景。随着我向她伸出手去，我能看到她试图再碰碰运气，想从地板上对我发起攻击。
就像上次那样。
“够了，Cre’yth，”我在她做出尝试前劝告道。“现在我们休息，随着时间的推移你会越来越强。”
亚历桑德拉翻了个白眼，然后点点头，伸手抓住我的前臂，让我把她拉起来。
“你比我交手过的任何人都要快，”亚历桑德拉一边抱怨着一边笨拙地站起来，随后在一阵噼啪声中伸展身体。“就算卡利昂修女也不在你这个级别里。”
“没几个人类能做到这样，”我指出这点。“一个科摩罗的巫灵，至少是个活过了好几场角斗的，都经历过能让你们的基因强化过的阿斯塔特退缩的训练，除此之外还得加上一套化学和手术强化方案。”
“这么说来你在作弊咯，”亚历桑德拉调皮地说，我得意地笑了笑，抓起一瓶水扔向她。
“可仍不及你们的‘死亡天使’们，”我反唇相讥。
她用一只手臂——她的左臂——接过水瓶，我对此颔首微笑。
“进展如何了？”
亚历桑德拉挑了挑眉，然后瞥了眼她的手臂，耸了耸肩，随即拧开瓶盖一饮而尽，又一把将之捏瘪。
“好多了，”她对我得意地笑了笑。“相当多。”
十五个昼夜。
十五个太阳周期以来，我们一直都窝在这个尖顶里，只是偶尔出去寻找补给。一半多的时间里亚历桑德拉都在卧床休息，从我们见面前受到的身体损伤中恢复。她仅在过去的几天里开始有明显的好转。
事实上，我对于她恢复得如此之快颇感惊讶。诚然，我与人类打交道的经验大体上限于快速地杀死而非护理他们直至恢复健康，科摩罗的奴隶们很少处于最佳的健康状态，可亚历桑德拉……
她的瘀伤褪却之快如石块激起的水波，她的割伤恢复到了只留下极淡的疤痕。她的手臂受到的伤曾严重到让我担心起她在缺乏真正的医疗护理的情况下的的长期功能。
“我一直都比大多数人恢复得快，”亚历桑德拉说着将水瓶扔进了垃圾桶。“即便还在我尚是忠嗣的时候我的恢复力就很强，这是我总被置于排头的原因之一，。”
“只是单纯地比他人恢复得快就能让你获得一定优势，”我缓缓的同意道，亚历桑德拉则在我对上她的目光时平淡地看着我。
“我们已经谈过这个了，（伊莎）‘莱，我不是个灵能者，”她刻意地说，“教官修士甚至怀疑过我有潜在的生理天赋，但所有的测试都是阴性。”
“所以你只不过是很皮实？”
亚历桑德拉耸耸肩。“我从未知晓过我的父母……我或许来自死亡世界或某个高重力世界。更强大的耐力和恢复力并非天方夜谭，神皇会根据我们每个人的需要降下赐福。”
“或许吧，”我以惯用的回答应付道。
“不过，我变得越来越敏捷了，”她倒在沙发上，朝着我得意地笑了笑。“又或者是你变得更迟钝了，那一次我几乎打中你了。”
“几乎，”我拖拖拉拉地说，一边喝下自己的那份水一边用微笑掩饰我的不悦。
她的评论让我有些生气，我希望这只是个玩笑话。或许确实如此，鉴于她缺乏严肃感和忧虑心，可仍然…….
我正在变得越来越迟缓。
这一迹象十分不明显，不明显到只有我有可能注意到这点，但我还是能感受到它。
她的击打一天比一天更接近我，哪怕只有剑刃的宽度那么多，这并不是说她没有进步，只是依照我的经验没人能在与一个巫灵的交手中进步得如此之快。除此之外，这也不仅限于速度……我能感到那份寒意侵蚀得越来越深，我的四肢每天早上都要花上更多次呼吸才能暖和起来。
在小教堂那时，巨蛇就已经尝到了我的灵魂的滋味，而我非自然的漫长寿命正在逐渐退潮并带走我了的活力。
“你进步得比我对你们的种族的期望值要快得多，”我不情愿地承认道。
“我的种族会适应，”亚历桑德拉玩味地回击道。“整个银河都是我们的合法领土，而承蒙地球之主的恩泽，以及技术神甫们的神圣技术，我们被塑造成能在任何地方活下来。”
“那是当然，”我戏谑地深鞠一躬，“我怎么能忘了这点呢？”
亚历桑德拉笑出声来，我也微笑着直起身来走到她那边。她的笑声在我最喜爱的声音之列，自她的胸膛中饱满地发出来，而那笑容充盈着她的脸庞的样子……
好吧，我自认为能在生命的尽头遇到她是我三生有幸。
我坐在她的身旁，她也向我靠近，依偎在了我的身上并把双脚收到沙发上面，她的头靠上了我的肩膀，我则环抱着她的腰。
我们还没有谈及教堂里的那些事。没有谈到我从她那里汲取，抑或是那个吻，也没谈到之前和之后发生的事。可是，我们确实在沉默中愈发地适应了身体接触。
“伊莎莱？”亚历桑德拉轻柔地开口。
“嗯？”
“你有……多大了？”
我对此报以轻笑。“说真的，我也不确定，”我承认道。“从生物学的角度上讲我正处于生命中的壮年，”或者说，至少曾经是，“但按照时间顺序来讲情况有所不同……根据你们的计算方式，我大概活了将近六千个你们的标准年。”
亚历桑德拉在我的臂弯里明显地绷紧了下，我又一次笑了起来。
“神灵族的寿命不一而论，而只要满足了饥渴者，黑暗精灵就压根不会衰老，”我解释说。“目前，你大概能明白为什么对我来说活着已经令人厌倦了。”
“那真是……”亚历桑德拉又在我的触碰下放松了下来，随即贴得更近了些。“你出生在哪里？”
“科摩罗的下水道吧，我觉得是，无论如何我在那里度过了自己的第一个世纪，”我咬着嘴唇试图回忆起来。那已经过去了很久很久了。“我在那之后的很多个世纪里都是一个奴隶，先是受制于快感，而后受制于战斗。”
我的早年经历完全是一团致幻剂和暴力构成的模糊阴影，我试图定位几场重大事件的发生，可只取得了短暂的成功。
“你……生在下水道，”亚历桑德拉重复道，恐惧在她的嗓音中逐渐增长，“然后被用作娼妓和角斗士？”
“有时候是两个一起，”我微笑着补充道，使得她苦涩地看了我一眼。
“你记不得了，我并没有必要反对你的神皇对于灭绝我这类人的关切，”我指出。“我对黑暗灵族毫无热爱，考虑到我对他们的了解之深我甚至不比你自己的种族更关心他们。”
亚历桑德拉低声叹了口气，却又比之前靠得更近了。她的汗水的味道有些强烈，但我并不介意。
羞耻的是，我还挺喜欢的。
“你有过家人吗？”她过了一会儿又问道。
我摇了摇头。
“我猜我们至少在这一点上是相同的，”亚历桑德拉幽默地说。
她叹了口气，又更舒适地靠在了我的身上，我令自己享受她贴合我的方式。亚历桑德拉并没有真的摊在我的身上，但她坚实的体温令人愉悦地温暖和安心，随着昼夜推进我们就这么在善意的沉默中坐在一起，其中一人会时不时地向对方挪动，像是在提醒她们对方的存在一样。
像是我可能会忘记一样。
鉴于我通常的肉体接触，生理上的爱慕对我来说是一个奇怪的概念，但亚历桑德拉总是简单地满足于把头靠在我的身上，憩息在我的肩窝里。
嗯，还有——
她的嘴唇轻柔地印在我的脖颈和肩膀间的皮肤上。缓慢而甜蜜，随即在这之上又是另一个吻，然后又是一个，然后又是一个，缓缓地沿着我的脖子直到下颌的轮廓上，而后又转变了方向朝上升起，与此同时亚历桑德拉的手轻轻抱着我的脖颈的另一侧。
而一如既往地，她在我的耳垂附近踌躇不前。她的呼吸急促起来，又俯身将额头靠在了我的肩窝里，浑身颤抖着。
“对不起，”她小声说。
“你老是道歉，”我边说边抬手覆在她的手背上，动作轻柔地缓缓抚过她的头发。“我从来也没抱怨过。”
“我不该这么做的，”亚历桑德拉的声线紧绷着，她的语气中带着正直的羞愧。
“我……我做不到。”
“你想让我在下一次阻止你吗？”
我感受到了她的紧张，我默默地责备自己说出了“下一次”，好像是她对自己的承诺毫无意义一样，好像是我在假定她不会信守诺言一样。当然了，我们都知道还会有下一次，但厚着脸皮将之开口说出来还是刺痛了她的自尊心。
“我想要我阻止我，”亚历桑德拉终于说出口，我感觉到她正强迫自己放松下来。
“我能帮你，”我提议道，但它摇了摇头。
“谢谢你，’莱，”她抬起头来，俯身在我脸上印下一吻。“但如果我自己做不到的话将毫无意义。”
“这有什么关系吗？”我问道。如果这并非明显是亚历桑德拉的痛苦的源头的话，我也真的不会如此在意，可它确实是……“冷暖自知，不是吗？”
“而我感受到的是诱惑！”亚历桑德拉厉声喊出，与我拉开了距离，她的眼中泪光闪闪。“我的感受离异端只有一步之遥！”
她猛地跨在了我的身上，用有力的双腿夹紧了我的跨部，同时她以燃烧着渴望的目光紧盯着我，让我的腹部深处的某个地方腾起了火焰。
我的双手扶上了她的腰间，而她抬起双手，开始用手指摸索着我脸庞的线条。
“我所渴望的是深不可测的罪孽，”亚历桑德拉粗重地喘息着。“而我心中所想将会把我带离神皇之光，投入到我…….我也不知道有没有可能从中返回的阴影中去。”
她的手指缠在我的发丝之间，有力的抓握在我浑身激起阵阵快感，她轻柔地将我的头拨向一侧，让她自己能够倚在我裸露的脖颈上，深深地吸了口气。
“我不知道……自己是否想回来，”她承认道，在我的脖颈上印下另一吻，声音紧张而不加掩饰。“对不起……”另一吻，这次稍往上了些，“对不起，”又是另一个。
“对不起。”
她从我身上离开，面色红润，双目低垂。
“我要去洗个澡，然后……”她停顿下来，环抱着自己，“然后我要你别跟过来。”
我小心地看了她一会儿，然后点头。
“如你所言，亚历莎，”我轻声回答。
在那之后又过去了十个昼夜，而我们的每一天都是差不多的。我们会继续练习拳击，而亚历桑德拉会继续慢慢赶超我，然后我们会一同休息，保持亲密，偶尔我们会牵上对方的手，亚历桑德拉则假装没有注意到。
其中几天会出门寻找补给，在另一边亚历桑德拉会探索这座尖塔。她一直也没有穿上我们从教堂里拿走的那套盔甲，即便她的旧动力甲上的动力包早早就被装了上去。它完全可用，尽管她拒绝这么做，并一直都跟我说拖着另外两倍的体重在尖塔里游荡并不值当，如果有的话，她最好还是避开它。
取而代之的是，她会穿上紧身服，拿上我的其中一支毒晶手枪——在格斗训练期间我一直用它们训练她——四处游荡。偶尔她会带回来食物或者更多的医疗补给，尽管我们已经有了不止够用的量，其他时候会带来一些零碎的小玩意，像是儿童玩具。
我从未向她问起过这些。
我们的日子带着某种时不时被战争的噪音所打断的奇怪的平和。没有人知道我们在这里，无论是兽人还是帝国，也没有我怀疑从网道里过来的，捉摸不透的阿苏焉信徒。
如果不是因为我正日趋衰弱，我大概会觉得……这样的日子会一直持续下去。
或者类似的什么。
然而并非如此，它并不会持续下去，因为这并非我的命运。我生来便有芒在喉，一把刀刃一直以来都在从肋间逐渐滑向我的心脏。它慢得像冰川这点并不重要，因为我无法将之移除，一如我无从重振灵族帝国的黄金岁月。
总有一天它会杀死我，而今日就是我确信它即将到来的那一天。
至于为什么？
因为我睡着了。
我比正常情况下晚起了一个小时，浑身散发着前所未有的疼痛。即便我熟睡过，我也仍倍感疲惫，我的四肢如灌了铅般沉重，而我唯一的安慰是亚历桑德拉还不知道这一点，毕竟她仍像昨晚那样在睡在我的怀抱里。
就像她在过去的二十来个昼夜里所做的那样。
诱惑，我确定她会这么说，但这也是事实，因为她上一次独自睡觉时曾尖叫着惊醒。即便在那之后，每当我主动提出与她一同过夜，她也一直试图拒绝我，哪怕她明显想要说好。
直到我指出她每个早上起来时的尖叫声几乎能引来一整队兽人或别的什么为止，她才同意，不过……
亚历桑德拉的争辩以我确信大多数人都会认为是心里有鬼的仓促而收尾。
我把她更紧地抱在怀里，享受着她的温暖。我并不常常感觉寒冷，但随着我的身体愈发衰弱，我越来越频繁地感到如此。
“亚历莎，”我低头凝视着她的睡颜，她的名字轻柔地从我的唇边滑落。
她美得惊心动魄。
我直到现在才允许自己产生这个想法，但考虑到我漫长到恶心的一生已经临近终点，我选择丢弃这一丝内疚。
亚历桑德拉很美丽。
我的嘴唇轻轻刮过她的脸颊，嗅着她身上温暖的芬芳。
“你的笑颜明亮得令伊莎自惭形秽，你的嗓音即是莉莉丝的欢笑。”
“嗯？我不说灵族语，’莱，”亚历桑德拉昏昏欲睡地嘟哝着。“那是什么？”
“没什么，亚历莎，”我用手指拂过她洁白的美丽发丝。“回去睡觉吧。”
她对我含糊地咕哝了一声，把脸埋在了我的肩膀上，随着她环抱着我的躯干，一丝口水从她的嘴角渗了出来。
远处的爆炸声回荡在墙外，提醒着有一场正在进行的冲突。我也变得过于习惯久坐了……我能感觉到它，即便我的生命力正在衰退，我已经沉溺于与亚历桑德拉的这种居家生活将近一个月了。
而我一直享受着这么做则是另一回事。
我叹了口气，亚历桑德拉同时倚着我小声咕哝着梦话。我现在有一个选项……我离自己的死期已经近到我参与任何战斗都危险重重，但如果我再这么拖下去，那也没有寻求战斗的意义了。
那我是不是该战死呢？是不是要在帝国的刀剑或者是兽人的巨斧的锋芒上四处寻死呢？
又或者，我是否该留下来，在亚历莎，我的亚历莎身边安静地逝去？
就这么把她抛在身后会更残忍还是更仁慈？我该不该让她看着我在一次次呼吸间走向死亡？无论以哪种方式，她都会痛苦万分。
与亚历桑德拉之间发生的事实在是太快了，至少以我的标准如此，这令我深感震惊。以年龄以世纪计算的灵族的标准，在我与她之间生突然出现的这种短暂的强烈情感足以引起警惕。
灵族，作为一个种族，并不喜欢改变，自然也会厌恶迅速的变化，可在我们的严防死守下，上一次剧变发生之时，我们的帝国已经堕入了尖啸的混沌，而从今往后，我们每个人的灵魂已经被一个宇宙级的灾厄贴上了食品标签。
我们并非没有自力更生过，但这个观点仍然成立。
亚历桑德拉在睡梦中依偎着我，随着睡眠的愈发深沉发出了一声赞同的呜咽。
改变不可避免，这一个倒也没那么坏。然而讽刺的是，在我生命的终点，我竟然会期望着能和她再度过哪怕一点点的时光。
我还有多少个昼夜的光景？
二十个？
在外面的话能有二十五个？
现在它发生得更快了……我只知道这些。过去的每一天都把我向巨蛇的口中的坠落拉得更深一步，这种下坠已经快得令人难受。
我叹了口气，悄悄地离开了床铺，亚历桑德拉随着我离开她的怀抱发出了半梦半醒的一声抗拒，随后在我留下的一丝暖意间蜷缩起来，我伸了伸懒腰，切肤的寒冷令我畏缩。
我低头瞥向仍在睡着的亚历桑德拉，看着她呼吸时抽动着的嘴唇，感受到了另一阵不同的疼痛……一阵饥渴的回响。
我可以再活得久一些。我可以把不可避免的死亡再推迟五天左右，也许更久……只要我再次从亚历桑德拉那里汲取。只要我再次喝下一口她的灵魂，那液态的阳光，以恢复我的活力。
不。
我承受不起再次放纵于饥渴者的代价。我曾一度屈服于它，而出于如亚历桑德拉所说的某种奇迹，并没有任何副作用产生，可是……我只愿意也只能有那么一次接受这种不可能。我没有傲慢到愿意两次考验命运，一边期待着另一次奇迹一边再次从亚历桑德拉那里汲取。
奇迹曾经发生过一次，那完全是天上掉馅饼，我不会重复我族犯过的错，不会一遍一遍又一遍地索取直到再也没有什么能拿走的了。
不会是从亚历桑德拉那里。
永远不会。
离开卧室前我又一次瑟瑟发抖，顺道拿起一件浴袍穿上，然后四处寻找早餐。
我激活了小厨房里灶台上的加热器，放下一支平底铁锅，又拿出一些亚历桑德拉称之为“纳拉蛋”的东西。很明显这些常用作早餐的食物来自该节区内某个农业世界，她对能在一个还有几格电的冷藏单元里找到这些东西的库存感到相当满意。
这些蛋做起来快而容易，带有一种我颇为享受的轻微的薄荷风味，在我马上要把它们装完盘的时候，一双手臂环在了我的腰间，亚历桑德拉的脸蛋熟悉的重量压在了我的肩头。
“早安，’莱。”
我强行让自己不要抽搐或绷紧，相反我只是把我的头倚在她的头上，希望这个反应足够让她意识不到自己实际上对我完成了偷袭。
我的感官已经严重迟钝了。
“亚历莎，”我用打招呼回应她，递给她一盘子纳拉蛋，她愉快地收了下来，我看着她转身坐到桌子前。
她穿着一件与我的非常相似的灰色长袍，尽管她选了只到她大腿中部的那件，我怀疑它属于曾住在这里的消瘦的矮小女人。我也怀疑亚历桑德拉选这件是因为她知道我喜欢看她的双腿，但我没有证据证明这一点。
厨房里充斥着我们大口吃早餐时器皿碰撞的轻响。
“今天有什么计划吗？”她在咀嚼间发问道。
我咬了会儿嘴唇，然后看向我的战斗装备，点了点头。
“跟那个类似。”
“又是拳击？”亚历桑德拉风卷残云般吃完纳拉蛋，给了我一个微笑，然后把盘子放在了水槽里以备清洗。“我几乎要赶上你了。”
“你说啥就是啥，亚历莎，”我嘲笑道，尽管她说得没错。“至于拳击练习？不……”我把盘子和她的放在一起，然后走向我的装备，拿起我挚爱的，目前收缩在长刀的样式的剃刀连枷，转身面对亚历莎。“今天，你要学怎么用这个。”
亚历桑德拉睁大了眼睛。
一直以来，我都没有允许她触碰我的连枷。我已经教过她怎么使用我的毒晶手枪，藜芦（Hellebore）和悔恨(Rue)，尽管扣扳机时还是有些沉重，但她还是迅速地掌握了。但是，我的连枷在这之前从来也没被这样放在桌子上，亚历桑德拉试探着向刀柄伸出手去。
“刀柄由嵌合兽的骨骼制成，在这套机构里有一张连在一根有机金属肌腱上的生物活性网格，”我在她握住它时解释道。“你的拇指像这样沿着这条线滑动，”我抓过她的手，让她的拇指轻轻划过网格的一部分，“来释放连接各个部分的单纤的张力。”
“就像你的手枪那样？”亚历莎发问道，同时掂量着长刀状态下的连枷的重量和配重。“只施加一点压力，而非挤压？”
“理论是相似的，”我肯定道，后退一步给她练习挥刀的空间。“使用剃刀连枷的真正难点是在不同的形态间转换，收缩和伸展，伸长和收回……你在网格上施加的压力会以一千倍传到连枷上。”
我伸手去拿连枷，她便把它递给了我。
我拿起这件武器，让她看着我的手是如何抓握的，然后我轻轻地在网格间伸缩我的拇指。连枷随着细微的咔嚓声猛地伸到了全厂，盘在地板上。我在相反的方向上重复了这个动作，它便收回了刀状。
“现在看我用更大的力度释放它时会发生什么，”我对着握把点点头，亚历桑德拉小心地看着我用拇指更用力地压在网格上。
剃刀连枷伴着金属的嘶鸣骤然弹开，一路穿过房间刺进了远端的墙面里。
亚历桑德拉的眼眸上扬到能触及她苍白的刘海，她从刀柄沿着单纤连接的一节节刀片，一直看向了穿过金属墙面的尖端，轻轻地吹了声口哨。
“随着时间推移，你会熟练掌握如何依照你的所需所想用这套释放机构出力，一点也不超出，”我拔出武器，把它抽回来，然后把连枷放到一边。“现在，我会教你起手式，以及如何在不切下自己的胳膊的同时移动。”
她的双眼看上去几乎在已经在按捺不住的激动下闪闪发光起来。
“那么？”
我微微一笑，点了点头。
“很好，Cre’yth，”我拉近距离，把手放在她的肩膀上，挪动起她来。“第一式叫Ao’lanya，它是这个样子的……”
原文：
It’s strange, what you can get used to.
“Faster! A grot could hit you moving like that.”
Once I would have imagined training a human zealot to be beyond possibility.
Crack
“Faster!”
Alessandra weathered my first hit, then ducked and wove around my next, her fists lashing out with punishing force a breath later and striking nothing but air. I smirked with each missed blow, and with each attack that I’d seen coming entire seconds before they’d been launched.
“How,” Alessandra gasped, “are you…” she lashed combinations of spinning kicks out that soared over my head, “always so fast?”
In the moment when all of her weight was balanced on her left leg, I dropped low and snapped out a strike to the tendons of her knee. Her leg bowed and she crumpled with a squawk of alarm, dropping gracelessly onto the floor, sweating and panting as she rolled onto her back and stared sullenly up at the ceiling.
I stood over her and she glared up at me. Her pale hair was plastered to her face and neck, while sweat-soaked her sleeveless training top giving me quite a view as she heaved in breath after breath. As I held out my hand for her I could see her considering trying to attack me from the floor and trying her luck again.
Just like last time.
“Enough, Cre’yth,” I admonished her before she could make the attempt. “We rest now, you’ll grow stronger with time.”
Alessandra rolled her eyes, then nodded as she reached up to grip my forearm, and let me heave her to her feet.
“You’re faster than anyone I’ve ever fought,” Alessandra groaned as she got clumsily upright, then stretched to the tune of a few cracks and pops. “Not even Sister Kalion was in your league.”
“Few humans would be,” I pointed out. “A Wych of Commorragh, at least one who survives more than a few bouts, undergoes training that would balk one of your genhanced Astartes, in addition to a regime of chemical and surgical enhancement.”
“So you’re cheating,” Alessandra said playfully, and I smirked at her as I snatched up a flask of water and tossed it to her.
“No more than your own ‘Angels of Death’,” I countered.
She caught it with her arm, her left arm, and I smiled and nodded towards it.
“How is it coming along?”
Alessandra raised an eyebrow, then glanced at her arm and shrugged, then pried the cap from the flask, drained it, and crushed it with her grip.
“Better,” she smirked back at me. “Much better.”
Fifteen cycles.
We had been holed up in this spire, barring a few occasional forays for supplies, for fifteen solar cycles. For better than half of that Alessandra had been laid up, resting and recovering from the damage her body had taken prior to our meeting. Only in the past few days had she begun to get significantly stronger.
In point of fact, I was surprised at just how rapidly she recovered. Admittedly, my experience with humans was mostly confined to quickly I could kill them, not nurse them back to health, and slaves in Commorragh were rarely in the best of health, but Alessandra…
Her bruises faded like water off of a stone, and her cuts healed leaving only the faintest of scars. The damage to her arm should was bad enough that I was concerned about her long term capabilities without the attention of real medical treatment.
“I’ve always recovered faster than most,” Alessandra said as she tossed the flask in a disposal. “Even as a Progena I had a lot of stamina, it’s one of the reasons I was always at the head of my classes.”
“Simply taking less time to recover than most would give you an edge,” I agreed slowly, and Alessandra gave me a level look as I met her gaze.
“We’ve discussed this, ‘Rae, I’m not a psyker,” she said pointedly. “The Drill Abbots even suspected I might be a latent bio-talent, but all the tests came back negative.”
“So you’re just hardy?”
Alessandra shrugged. “I never knew my parents… I might come from death world stock or a high-grav world. Greater stamina and recovery isn’t impossible, the God-Emperor blesses each of us in accordance to our needs.”
“Perhaps,” I allowed in what was becoming my traditional response.
“I’m getting faster, though,” she smirked at me as she collapsed onto the couch. “Or you’re getting slower, I nearly hit you that bout.”
“Nearly,” I drawled, masking my discomfort by a smile as I took a drink of water for myself.
Her comment set my hackles up, and I hoped it was only in jest. It probably was, given her lack of gravity and concern but still…
I was getting slower.
Only by the narrowest of marks, so narrow that only I could possibly be noticing it, but I could feel it nonetheless.
Her strikes were growing closer every day, if only by the width of a blade’s edge, and that wasn’t to say she was not improving but no one improves that quickly against a Wych of my experience. Besides, it wasn’t just her speed… I could feel the chill biting a little deeper every day, and my limbs took breathes longer every morning to warm up.
The Great Serpent had gotten a taste of my soul back in the chapel, and now my long, unnatural lifespan was ebbing and taking my vitality with it.
“You learn more quickly than I would expect from one of your kind,” I conceded.
“My kind adapt,” Alessandra replied with a playful tension. “All the galaxy is our rightful dominion, and by the grace of Him On Earth, and the holy technologies of the Techpriests, we are made capable of living anywhere within it.”
“Of course,” I made a deep, mocking bow, “how could I forget?”
Alessandra laughed, and I smiled as I straightened and moved to her side. Her laughter was one of my favorite sounds, it was full and it came from her chest, and the way it filled her face was…
Well, I considered myself surprisingly fortunate that I had met her at the end of my life.
I sat beside her and she moved closer, meshing herself against me and pulling her feet up onto the couch as she rested her head on my shoulder and I looped my arm around her waist.
We had not spoken about the events of the chapel. Not about my drinking from her, or about the kiss, or about what had followed or preceded it. We had, however, silently grown more comfortable being in physical contact than not.
“Isarae?” Alessandra began softly.
“Hm?”
“How… old are you?”
I chuckled at that. “Truthfully, I am uncertain,” I admitted. “Biologically I am in the prime of my life,” or I was, at least, “but chronologically is a different matter… by your reckoning I suppose I am close to six thousand of your standard years.”
Alessandra stiffened noticeably under my arm, and I laughed again.
“Aeldari lifespans are highly variable, and the Druchii don’t age at all so long as they slake their Thirst,” I explained. “Now, perhaps, you can understand why life has grown so wearisome for me.”
“That’s…” Alessandra relaxed again under my touch and nestled a little closer to me. “Where were you born?”
“The sewers of Commorragh, I think, that was where I spent my first century at any rate,” I chewed my lip as I tried to recall. It had been a very long time ago. “I was a slave for many centuries after that, first for pleasure, then for combat.”
My early years were a blur of narcotics and violence, and I tried to pin down the major events as they occurred with only passing success.
“You were… born in the sewers,” Alessandra repeated, horror growing in her voice, “and then used as a whore and a gladiator?”
“Sometimes both at once,” I added with a smile that drew a sharp look from her.
“You forget that I do not necessarily disagree with your God-Emperor concerning my race’s extermination,” I pointed out. “I have no love of the Druchii, perhaps even less than your own kind considering how well I know them.”
Alessandra sighed quietly, but moved even closer than before. The scent of her sweat was strong about her, but I did not mind.
Shamefully, I rather liked it.
“Do you have any family?” She asked after another moment.
I shook my head.
“I suppose we’re the same in that, at least,” Alessandra remarked in wan humor.
She sighed and relaxed more comfortably against me, and I let myself enjoy the way she conformed herself to me. Alessandra didn’t precisely melt against me, but her solid warmth was pleasantly soft and reassuring, and we sat together in companionable silence as the cycle ticked away, occasionally one would shift against the other as if to remind them of their presence.
As if I could forget.
Physical affection was an odd concept for me, given my usual interactions with physicality, but Alessandra was always content to simply lay against me with her head resting in the hollow of my shoulder.
Well, that and-
The soft press of lips brushed against the skin where my neck and shoulder joined. It was slow and sweet, and followed quickly by another kiss just above the first, and then another, and another, slowly trailing up my neck until they reached my jawline and diverged, rising up as Alessandra’s hand crept up to cradle against the other side of my neck.
And as always, she faltered just shy of my earlobe. Her breath hitched, and she leaned in to pressed her forehead into the hollow of my neck as she shuddered.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered quietly.
“You always apologise,” I said as I raised my hand to rest on the back of her hand, stroking her hair slowly in calming motions. “I’ve never complained.”
“I shouldn’t be doing that,” Alessandra’s voice was tight, and her aura tasted of righteous shame. “I am… I can’t do that.”
“Do you want me to stop you next time?”
I felt her tense, and I silently chided myself for saying ‘next time’ as if her promise to herself meant nothing, as if I was simply assuming that she wouldn’t be able to keep to her word. Of course, we both knew there would be a next time, but saying it aloud so brazenly had stung her pride.
“I want me to stop me,” Alessandra said finally, and I felt her force herself to relax.
“I can help,” I offered, but she shook her head.
“Thank you, ‘Rae,” she raised her head and leaned in to press a kiss to my cheek. “But it means nothing if I can’t do it myself.”
“Why does it matter?” I asked. I honestly wouldn’t have cared so much if it wasn’t clearly a source of pain for Alessandra, but as it was… “You feel how you feel, yes?”
“And what I feel is temptation!” Alessandra snapped as she pulled away from me, her eyes blazing. “What I feel is the precipice of heresy!”
With a surge of motion she was astride me, straddling my lap with her powerful legs on either side of me while she stared down into my eyes with a burning expression of want and desire that lit a flame somewhere deep in my belly.
My hands trailed up to rest on her hips as her own hands rose to start tracing the lines of my face with her fingers.
“What I want is a sin beyond measure,” Alessandra breathed raggedly. “And what I want will take me out of the God-Emperor’s light and into a shadow where I… I do not know if there is a possibility of return.”
Her fingers tangled into my hair, taking a hard grip and sending ripples of pleasure through me, and pulled my head gently to the side as she could lean in against the bare skin of my neck again and take a deep, slow breath.
“I don’t know… if I would want to return,” she admitted, and her voice was tight and raw as she pressed another kiss to my neck. “I’m sorry…” another kiss, a little higher, “I’m sorry,” and another.
“I’m sorry.”
She dismounted from me, her face ruddy and warm, and her eyes downcast.
“I’m going to take a bath and…” she paused, wrapping her arms around herself, “and I need you to not follow me.”
I eyed her carefully for a few moments, then nodded.
“As you say, Alessa,” I replied quietly.
Another ten cycles passed and our days were filled with much of the same. We would spar and Alessandra would continue to slowly overtake me, then we would rest together, staying close, occasionally with our hands finding one another to link together while Alessandra pretended not to notice.
Some cycles I would go seeking supplies, on others Alessandra would explore the spire. She would never put the armour on we had taken from the chapel despite having long since attached the power cell of her old armour to it. It was perfectly usable, and despite that she refused to don it, always telling me there was nothing worth lugging around another two bodies of weight for in the spire and if there was that she was better off just avoiding it.
Instead she would pull on the bodyglove, take one of my Splinter pistols that I’d been training her with in between sparring, and wander about. Occasionally she would return with food or more medical supplies, despite us having more than enough, other times with oddments and knick knacks like children’s toys.
I never asked her about them.
Our days were a strange kind of peaceful punctuated by the background noise of a war. No one knew where we were, neither Orks nor Imperials, nor the elusive Asuryani I suspected had come through the Webway.
If it weren’t for my slow recession into weakness, I would think that… that maybe this could last.
Or something like it.
But no, it couldn’t last because that was not my fate. I was born with a blade at my throat and a knife slowly sliding between my ribs towards my heart. That it moved at the speed of a glacier was meaningless because I could no more remove it than I could reignite the golden age of the Aeldari Empire.
One day it would kill me, and today was the day I became certain that it would be soon.
Why?
Because I slept in.
I woke a full hour after I normally would and my body ached like nothing I’d ever known. Despite sleeping in, I was still weary, my limbs felt leaden, and my one consolation was that Alessendra didn’t know about it because she was still asleep in my arms the way she had been last night.
The way she had done for the past twenty or so cycles.
A temptation, I’m sure she would say, but also a practicality because the last time she had gone to sleep alone she had woken up screaming. Even after that, when I offered to stay with her during the night, she had tried to turn me down despite clearly wanting to say yes.
She had only agreed after I pointed out that her waking up screaming every morning would almost inevitably draw down an Ork squad or more, although…
Alessandra's arguments died with what I’m sure would be considered indecent haste by most.
I gathered her a little more closely in my arms, relishing her warmth. It was not often I was cold, but it was growing more common lately as my body began to weaken.
“Alessa,” her name fell softly from my lips as I stared down at her sleeping features.
She was so phenomenally beautiful.
It was a thought I had not permitted myself until now, but granting that I was near the end of my obscenely long life I had opted to dispose of that compunction.
Alessandra was beautiful.
I brushed my lips over her cheek, inhaling the warm scent of her.
“Your smile shines such to shame Isha, and your voice is the laughter of Lileath.”
“Hm? I don’t speak Aeldari, ‘Rae,” Alessandra mumbled sleepily. “What was that?”
“Nothing, Alessa,” I ran my fingers through her lovely, pale hair. “Go back to sleep.”
She gave a vaguely affirmative grunt and buried her face against my shoulder, a touch of drool leaking from the corner of her mouth as she wrapped her arms around my torso.
Distant detonations echoed beyond the walls, a reminder of the ongoing conflict. I was becoming too sedentary as well… I could feel it, even aside from my fading vitality, I had been indulging this domesticity with Alessandra for near on a full lunar cycle.
That I had enjoyed it was aside from the point.
I sighed as Alessandra murmured small, sleeping noises against me. I had a choice now… I was near enough to my death that any battle I fought would be a risk, but if I dallied longer there wouldn’t be a point to seeking a battle at all.
So did I die in battle? Did I rove out in search of my end at the edge of an Imperial blade or Ork axe?
Or did I remain, and pass quietly with Alessa, my Alessa, by my side?
Would it be crueler or kinder to leave her behind? Should I make her watch me die breath by breath? She would agonise over it either way.
This matter with Alessandra had happened so quickly, at least by my standards, and it left me reeling. By the standards of an Aeldari, who measures their lives in the span of centuries, this short and sudden intensity that had cropped up between her and I was alarming.
Aeldari, as a people, do not like change, and they certainly detested when it happened quickly, but in our defense the last time a very quick change had occurred our entire empire had dissolved into shrieking chaos and each of our souls, present and future, had been ear-marked for the larder of a cosmic nightmare.
Not that we hadn’t earned it all, but the point stands.
Alessandra nuzzled against me in her sleep, making a quiet murr of approval as she fell deeper into slumber.
As changes go, this one was not so terrible. Still, it was ironic that here and now, at the end of my life, I should find myself wishing for just a little bit longer to spend with her.
How many more cycles did I have?
Twenty?
Twenty-five at the outside?
It was happening more quickly now… I knew that much. Every passing cycle brought the angle of my descent into the Great Serpent’s maw another degree steeper, and the downward slide had become uncomfortably rushed.
Sighing, I slipped out of bed, untangling myself from Alessandra who made half-sleeping sounds of protest before curling up in the warm spot I left behind, while I stretched, wincing at the cold throb that settled into my muscles.
I glanced down at the still-sleeping Alessandra, at her lips as she drew in her slumbering breaths, and felt an altogether different ache… an echo of thirst.
I could have a little longer. I could stave off the inevitability of death for an extra fistful of cycles, maybe a little more… all I had to do was drink from Alessandra again. All I had to do was take in another mouthful of that liquid sunlight that was her soul to bring back the edge of my vitality.
No.
The Thirst was not something I could afford to indulge again. I had given in once and by some miracle, as Alessandra named it, there had been no ill effects but that… that was an impossibility that I was willing to accept once and only once. I was not so arrogant as to test fate a second time and drink from Alessandra again in the expectation of another miracle.
It had happened once, and that had been a gift, I was not going to repeat the mistakes of my kind and continue to take and take and take until there was no more left to give.
Not from Alessandra.
Never from Alessandra.
I shivered again before making my way out of the bedroom, picking up a robe on the way out and tugging it on before nosing around for some breakfast.
I activated the burner of the stovetop in the small kitchen, laid down a flat iron pan, and drew out a few handfuls of something Alessandra had called ‘Nara Eggs’. Apparently they were a common breakfast food originating from one of the pastoral Agriworlds in the subsector, and she had been incredibly pleased to have found a stock of them in a cooling unit that still had power a few levels up.
They cooked quickly and easily, and had a slightly savory flavor to them that I quite enjoyed, and I had almost finished plating them out when a pair of arms slid around my waist and the familiar weight of Alessandra’s chin settled on my shoulder.
“Good morning, ‘Rae.”
I forced myself not to jerk or tense, and instead just turned to lean my head against hers, hoping that it was enough of a reaction that she wouldn’t realise that she had actually snuck up on me.
My senses were dulling badly.
“Alessa,” I replied by way of greeting, lifting up a plate of Nara to her which she happily took, and admired her as she turned to sit at the table.
She was wearing a gray robe much like mine, although she had chosen one that only reached the middle of her thighs, and I suspected it belonged to the small, waifish woman who lived here. I also suspected that Alessandra had taken to wearing it because she knew that I liked looking at her legs, but I did not have any proof of that.
The kitchen was filled with the quiet clinking of utensils on plates as we tucked into our breakfast.
“Plans today?” She asked between bites.
I chewed my lip for a moment, then glanced over my combat gear and nodded.
“Something like that.”
“Sparring again?” Alessandra asked with a smile as she polished off her nara and set the plate in the basin to be washed later. “I’ve almost caught you.”
“Believe what you will, Alessa,” I replied with a smirk, although she was right. “As to sparring? No…” I joined my plate with hers before walking over to my gear, taking up my beloved razorflail, currently contracted into its blade form, and turning back to Alessa. “Today, you learn to use this.”
Alessandra’s eyes widened.
In all this time, I’d never permitted her to touch my flail. I’d taught her to use my Splinter pistols, Hellebore and Rue, and she had caught on with fair speed although she was still a little heavy on the trigger. My flail, however, had never been on the table before and Alessandra tentatively reached out to lay hand on the handle.
“The grip is made up of Kymaera bone and has a bioreactive mesh linked to an organic metal tendon inside the mechanism,” I explained as she took a grip on it. “You run your thumb along this,” I took her hand and passed her thumb over a portion of the mesh gently, “to release the tension of the monowire that links the segments.”
“Is this like your pistols?” Alessa asked as she tested the weight, heft, and balance of the blade-form of the flail. “Minimal pressure, and don’t squeeze?”
“The theory is similar,” I agreed as I took a step back to give her room for some practice swings. “The real test of using a razorflail is rotating between its forms, to contract and expand, reach and withdraw… the force and pressure you use on the mesh translates into the flail a thousandfold.”
I held out my hand for the flail and she passed it back to me.
Holding up the weapon, I let her see how my hand rested, then I gently twitched my thumb across the mesh. The flail rattled quietly as it snapped loose and hung to its full length coiled on the floor. I repeated the process in opposite and it retreated back into blade-form.
“Now watch what happens when I release it with more force,” I nodded to the handle, and Alessandra watched carefully as I ground my thumb more forcefully against the mesh.
The razorflail snapped out with a metallic snarl and the length of it launched across the room to bury itself in the far wall.
Alessandra’s eyebrows edged up to her pale fringe as she looked from the haft, down the length of wire-connected blade segments, to the hooked tip that was piercing the metal hab walls, and let out a low whistle.
“In time, you will master how to get just the amount of force out of the release mechanism that you want and need, and no more,” I pulled the weapon free and drew it back in, then set the flail aside. “For now, I will teach you the opening forms and how to move without cutting your own arms off.”
Her eyes seemed to almost glow with poorly restrained excitement.
“Well?”
I chuckled softly, then nodded.
“Very well, Cre’yth,” I crossed the distance and laid my hands on her shoulders to start moving her. “The first form is the Ao’lanya, and it goes like this…”
