【龙腾网】你有什么有趣的经历，假如讲给别人他们会觉得你在说谎？

正文翻译

How can I control my anger?

如何控制自己的愤怒的情绪？

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Shikhar Agarwal，Top Writer 2013. Been There. Done That.
There once lived a boy who had a bad temper. He would get angry at every little thing. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and told him, "Every time you get angry, hammer a nail into that front wall."
And so the activity started. On the first day, the boy hammered 50 nails. The next day, he hammered 40. Each time he used to go there, he repented being angry - it was quite a challenge to hammer a nail into that damn brick wall! Slowly, he discovered that controlling anger was easier than hammering, and the number of nails hammered started going down.
Eventually, a day came when he didn't get angry, and he felt the joy of it. Now his father gave him another task, "If you do not get angry the entire day, remove one nail from the wall." After several days, all the nails were removed.
Now his father took him near the wall and asked him what did he see. The boy replied that he can see holes in the wall. The father then explained to his son: "These holes are like the scars that you leave on people when you get angry. No matter how many times you say sorry, the scar does not go."

从前有一个男孩脾气很坏。他会为每一件小事生气。有一天，他的父亲给了他一袋钉子，告诉他：“每次你生气的时候，就在前面的墙上钉一颗钉子。”
于是活动开始了。第一天，男孩钉了50颗钉子。第二天，他钉了40颗。每次他去那里，他都后悔生气了——要把钉子钉进那该死的砖墙，真是个挑战！慢慢地，他发现控制愤怒比敲击更容易，于是敲击的钉子数量开始减少。
最终，有一天他没有生气，他感到了快乐。现在他的父亲又给了他一个任务：“如果你一整天都不生气，就把墙上的一颗钉子拔下来。”几天后，所有的钉子都拔了。
他父亲把他带到墙边，问他看见了什么。男孩回答说他能看到墙上的洞。父亲向儿子解释道：“这些洞就像你生气时留给别人的伤疤。无论你说多少次对不起，伤疤都不会消失。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

So I suggest you two things:
Realize that words once spoken cannot come back. Your anger hurts others and leaves a sour impression that lasts forever.
Each time you get angry, "hammer a nail". Simplest thing you can do is to carry a pocket diary and put a line each time you get angry. Then at night, count the number of lines for that day. If you make this a habit, each time you would get angry, you would be reminded to note it down. Indirectly, you would also realize that you getting angry. And because you are conscious and aware at that time, you would find it easier to control your actions and subdue anger.
I hope the day comes soon when you don't have any line in your diary.

所以我建议你做两件事：
要知道，话说出口就回不来了。你的愤怒会伤害别人，并给人留下永久的坏印象。
每次你生气，“钉一颗钉子”。你们能做的最简单的事情就是随身携带一本袖珍日记，每次你们生气的时候写一行。然后在晚上，数一数当天的行数。如果你养成了这个习惯，每次你生气的时候，都会被提醒记下来。间接地，你也会意识到你在生气。因为那时你有意识，你会发现更容易控制自己的行为和抑制愤怒。
我希望你的日记里没有任何一行字的这一天很快就会到来。

Ankita Sinha
How can I get rid of anger?
My husband and I were arguing over something.
None of us was ready to listen to the other, and very soon I got very irritated.
‘Why is he not agreeing to me?’
‘Why can’t he look at my point of view?’
Something that was bothering me more was the undisturbed way he was responding with a counterargument.
It didn’t feel good ‘not to respond’. My ego kept pushing me to give it back, and in no time I started shouting.
It continued for a while when a courier person knocked on the door.
I went out, smiled at him, took the package, said ‘Thank you’ in a lovely tone, and came inside ready to shout again.
Husband said, ‘How could you just change in seconds from being a lovely person to someone exactly opposite? Are you making this up?’
It made me introspect.

我怎样才能消除愤怒？
我丈夫和我在为一件事争吵。
我们谁也不愿意听对方说话，很快我就非常恼火。
“他为什么不同意我？”
“为什么他不能接受我的观点？”
更让我困扰的是他不受干扰的反驳方式。
“不回应”感觉不太好。我的自尊心不停地催促我反击，很快我就开始大喊大叫。
过了一会儿，一个快递员来敲门。
我走了出去，对他笑了笑，接过包裹，用可爱的语气说了声“谢谢”，然后走进屋里准备再次大喊。
丈夫说:“你怎么能在几秒钟内从一个可爱的人变成一个完全相反的人呢?”你是装的吗?”
这让我开始反省。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

How did I do that? Yes, it all happened on its own. Yes, it was out of impulsiveness that I got angry. But then how did it change to normal so automatically?
‘Teleology’, a term used in Adlerian psychology says that we use anger as a tool. A tool to achieve the goal.
And the subconscious goal is that the other person submits to you, and listens to whatever you say. You don’t realize but you want to overpower the other person so that you can assert your opinion.
So, how can you get rid of this?
By using this tool as little as we can.
No, we will not be submissive, we will still respond but the way my husband did.
Calm and assertive.
Backed up with logic and reasoning.
Sure, it might take some time to get rid of that impulsive behavior but aren’t we all on the path of self-improvement?

我是怎么做到的? 是的，这一切都是自然而然发生的。我生气是出于冲动。但它是如何自动恢复正常的呢?
阿德勒心理学中的"目的论"说我们把愤怒当作工具。实现目标的工具。
潜意识的目标是让对方服从你，听你说的任何话。你没有意识到，但是你想压制别人，这样你就可以坚持自己的观点。
那么，如何才能摆脱这种情况呢?
我们尽量少用这个工具。
不，我们不会屈服，我们仍然会像我丈夫那样回应。
冷静和自信。
有逻辑和推理支持。
当然，摆脱这种冲动行为可能需要一些时间，但我们不是都在自我提升的道路上吗?

Julie Gurner，Doc of Psychology and Executive Performance Coach1y
As long as someone has the ability to make you angry, they control you.
I’m going to tell you exactly how to move forward when you carry anger…so here we go…
First, I just want to say that I’m not against anger…it can be entirely justified, and humans are meant to experience a range of emotions, including anger. When you *never* experience anger, that’s a problem too - so I want you to feel it. Even feel it strongly. That’s good for you.
The problem isn’t that you *experience* anger, the problem comes when you *carry* anger.
This is an important distinction to make.
Experiencing anger is natural…carrying anger can literally destroy your life.
Anger is rarely as simple as it seems, and takes many forms - like resentment or rage.
At its worst, anger that is carried around starts to bleed into two main areas:
Your Thinking - You become more cynical, mistrusting, skeptical, and wary.
Your Disposition - You become more guarded, less “light hearted,” fun, warm, and it changes how you relate to others.
This changes the nature of not just the relationships you have with the person you may be angry at…but it changes YOU. This is the toxin of anger.

只要有人能让你生气，他们就控制了你。
我将告诉你当你带着愤怒时如何前进，所以我们开始吧
首先，我只是想说，我并不反对愤怒，这是完全有道理的，人类注定要经历一系列情绪，包括愤怒。当你“从未”体验过愤怒时，这也是一个问题——所以我希望你能感受到它。甚至强烈地感觉到它。这对你有好处。
问题不在于你“体验”愤怒，而在于你“带着”愤怒。
这是一个重要的区别。
经历愤怒是很自然的，带着愤怒可以摧毁你的生活。
愤怒并不像它看起来那么简单，它有很多形式——比如怨恨或愤怒。
最糟糕的情况是，人们的愤怒开始渗透到两个主要方面:
你的想法——你变得更加愤世嫉俗、不信任、怀疑和警惕。
你的性格——你变得更加谨慎，不那么“轻松”，不那么有趣，不那么热情，这改变了你与他人的关系。
这不仅改变了你和那个让你生气的人之间关系的本质，也改变了你自己。这就是愤怒的毒素。

So, how do you control it? (the question you asked)…here are some tips to start thinking about, no matter the origin or reasons for your anger:
What serves *me* best? Anger comes from a lot of places - hurt, violation, betrayal, etc..but does it serve *you* to carry anger, to allow it to infect you or change you…or does it hurt you further? Give this some honest and obxtive thought.
Allow People to Own their Toxicity. That means that if they have done something to create this anger…allow it to live with *them,* not you. They hold the toxic qualities, not you. You responded to it, but you do not need to continue to carry it around…that is for them to do.
See it as a Boundary Issue. Know the difference between what other people should own, and what you have to take on. Draw the lines. Make it like a bubble around that person visually…they contain all of these things, not you. Limit your contact with the thing that contains this type of energy or stirs it in you.
There is a great saying that “you always want to slay the beast when it’s little” - and though I don’t advocate for killing anything, I would advocate for slaying the beast of anger very early on.
It’s okay to feel anger. It’s healthy to feel it. But it becomes something that will destroy you and your life if you don’t address it.
Consider the questions above, do some real reflections, and make the changes you need to make.
The past is done, the future is yet to be…so vow to create something amazing for yourself and allow the person who creates toxicity to stew in it alone.
You deserve better.

那么，如何控制它呢?(你问的问题)......不管你生气的起因和原因是什么，这里有一些建议你可以开始考虑:
什么最适合我？愤怒来自很多地方——伤害、侵犯、背叛等等。但它是否有助于你携带愤怒，让它感染你或改变你, 还是会进一步伤害你？ 请诚实客观地考虑一下。
允许人们拥有自己的毒性。这意味着，如果他们做了什么事导致了这种愤怒，那么就让它与他们一起生活，而不是你。有毒的是他们，不是你。你回应了它，但你不需要继续随身携带它，这是他们要做的。
把它看作一个边界问题。知道别人应该拥有什么和你必须承担什么之间的区别。划清界限。让这个人看起来像一个泡泡，他们包含所有这些东西，而不是你。限制你与包含这种能量的事物的接触或在你体内搅动它。
有句名言说得好:“你总是想在野兽小的时候杀死它“。虽然我不提倡杀死任何东西，但我会提倡在一开始就杀死愤怒的野兽。
感到愤怒是正常的。有这种感觉很健康, 但如果你不解决它，它就会毁了你和你的生活。
考虑上面的问题，做一些真正的反思，做出你需要的改变。
过去已经过去了，未来还未到来，所以发誓要为自己创造一些神奇的东西，让那些产生毒性的人独自沉浸其中。
你值得更好的。