【音乐记忆】第十七篇 月光-鬼束ちひろ
感谢一些美好的人和事物陪伴着我——曾经、现在、未来。
以上是我在半年前写的草稿。
这首歌，很早我就想写一写了，但总是因为心情不适合而放弃。
前段时间出差，酒店大堂的角落里摆放着这样一系列书。《哭出来也没关系》、《受批评也没关系》、《不是第一名也没关系》……看到这一系列书，挺感慨的。我其实很希望有人能在我小时候把这些话告诉我。
I contribute this song to a special palylist of mine. I take it as "A Tribute to My Crazy and Desperate Life". Songs here are mostly the desperate ones. If passed by, please keep the slience and peace for me. I just need a paradise to break out.
It's been a long time since I quit from Ningbo. The date I created this playlist is exactly one year after my resignation. None of my firends, nor my family knows what I've been throgh. Sometimes I was wandering around the edge of my mind, suicide came in.
I got so anxious and sensitive in my life or work time. I go cycling everyday, just to remind myself that I could do something great and impressive. I shall keep this habit for long since I heard from Siqieer that she's in favor of the way I live, especially with this habit. It shows great vitality, even life is so shot and fragile. I've learned this saying from Yanni's live show, Until the last moment.
I am always motivated and aggressive when dealing with colleagues and friends. But only me knows how reluctant I was to keep myself alive. "希望明天好天气" comes to my motto for a long time. In another list of mine, named "Cozy, Cozy", I collect the songs that bring warmth.
To be frank, I felt quite cozy or released when thinking about suiciding. Just onething that keeps me sober——I wanna see Siqieer. I do agree that it's NOT a good choice to bind your emotions to others. But my dear friends, it's so empty and so estranged here. I wish WE could loll on the coach and enjoy the cozy melody together.
Last weekend, a friend from high school came to me, crying to me about his ex-girlfriend. We went on a walk around the lake in the afternoon. When I saw the people chatting and eating by the lake, I can‘t help to imagine how it feels if WE were here, just sitting in the cozy wind, staring at the boring crowd. That shall be something I would chasing for.
I went for a bike ride in Aug. Fortunately, and also unfortunately, I was not killed by a car during the 200km journey. To some extent, I acquiesced to my violent death. Sometimes, I wish I could avoid the sun in the morning, just die tonight.
As mentioned above, I just need a place to break out. Many ways to collapse, right? If you asked me whether "this" would be committed, I would say "I don't know but I am always trying to prevent ."
After all, the only things I really care about is my bunny.
We will see, what will be.
Regarding why I want to write this in English, I consider writing itself as a good filter, and English is just another protection.
P.S.
F THE COVID
F THE COVID POLICY
