Sadness can be an adaptive emotion with real benefits.

悲伤可以是一种有实际好处的适应性情感。

Posted July 30, 2015 |  Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

发布于2015年7月30日 | 由Abigail Fagan审核

Our tendency to avoid sadness is almost instinctive. From a very young age, we try to avoid sad feelings. As adults, we’re quick to shush wailing babies or offhandedly say to sobbing children, “Don’t be sad. Cheer up. You’re fine. Stop crying.”

我们避免悲伤的倾向几乎是本能的。从非常小的时候开始，我们就尝试避开悲伤的感觉。作为成年人，我们会很快让大哭的宝宝安静下来，或立即对啜泣的孩子们说：“别伤心了，高兴点。没事的，别哭了。”

Though not intentional, we tend to pass on the message that sadness is bad and should be avoided. Yet, research has shown that sadness can be an adaptive emotion with real benefits. So, why is it that we are so afraid to feel sad?

尽管不是有意的，我们倾向于传递一种信号：悲伤不好，应该被避开。然而，研究表明悲伤可以是一种有实际好处的适应性情感（译注：有助于我们适应环境的情感）。那么，我们究竟为什么如此害怕悲伤呢？

Sadness is often mistakenly confused with depression. Unlike depression, sadness is a natural part of life and is usually connected with certain experiences of pain or loss or even a meaningful moment of connection or joy that makes us value our lives. Depression, on the other hand, can arise without a clear explanation or can result from an unhealthy, non-adaptive reaction to a painful event, where we either steel ourselves against our natural reaction to the event or get overwhelmed by it.

悲伤通常与抑郁混淆起来。不像抑郁，悲伤是生活自然的一部分，并且通常与特定的经历有关。比如痛苦，丧失，或是一种有意义的“连接时刻”，甚至是能让我们重视生命的喜悦。然而，抑郁可能没有明确的原因就出现，或者是对一个痛苦的事件的不健康的、非适应性的反应所导致的。在这种情况下，我们要么与这个事件带来的本能反应做抗争，要么被这个事件所压垮。

When we’re in a depressed state, we often feel numb or deadened to our emotions. We may have feelings of shame, self-blame or self-hatred, all of which are likely to interfere with constructive behavior, instead creating a lack of energy and vitality. Sadness, on the other hand, can be awakening.

当处于抑郁的状态时，我们经常对我们的情感感到麻木。我们可能会感到羞耻、自责或自我仇恨，这些都可能干扰有建设意义的行为，反而导致缺乏能量、缺乏活力。但是悲伤可以是令人觉醒的。

Sadness is a live emotion that can serve to remind us of what matters to us, what gives our life meaning. As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, has pointed out, “When we feel sadness, it centers us.” In general, when we recognize our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them in a healthy and safe capacity, we feel more grounded, more ourselves and even more resilient. On the contrary, suppressing emotions can actually make us feel more depressed. So, what are we really avoiding when we cut off our sadness?

悲伤是一种鲜活的情感，能够提醒我们什么是重要的，什么给了我们生活的意义。我的父亲，心理学家、作家Robert Firestone指出：“当我们感到悲伤的时候，我们更完整。”一般来说，当我们意识到我们的情感，并允许自己用一种健康的、安全的方式去感受它们时，我们会感到更加踏实，更加真实甚至更加坚韧。相反，压抑情感实际上能够使我们更抑郁。那么，当我们在切断悲伤的时候，真正在避开的是什么呢？

Throughout our lives, we are confronted with painful realities, pain from our interpersonal relationships, rejections, frustrations and the incidental hurts we experience in our interactions with others. We face the pain of existential issues, loss, diseases and deterioration and, ultimately, death. In addition, most of us harbor a lot of old pain from our past and have implicit memories of difficult emotions we experienced but were too young to make sense of. As children, we depended on others for survival, making many things, like an angry or inattentive parent, feel scary or even life-threatening. At this early stage, we couldn’t verbalize or articulate our pain and fear. Yet, we carry this sadness with us throughout our lives.

在我们的一生中，我们经常面对痛苦的现实。这痛苦可能来自于人际关系、拒绝、挫折，还有当我们和他人互动时难免会体验到的伤害。我们面对的痛苦有关存在问题（译注：有关自我存在的问题）、丧失（译注：丧失亲友）、疾病与恶化，和最终的死亡。此外，我们大多数人都承载了许多来自过去的痛苦，还有在小时候经历过但当时没搞清楚的、困难情感的含蓄的记忆。作为孩子，我们的生存依赖于他人，这使得许多的东西都感觉起来是吓人的或者威胁生命的——比如一个生气的或忽视的家长。在这个早期阶段，我们没有能力说出或者说不清楚我们的痛苦和恐惧，然而，我们带着这种悲伤走过了整个人生。

Most of us are, to varying degrees, fearful that tapping into any sadness will strike into this well of buried emotion. This fear can drive us to seek methods to cut off our emotions. As children, we develop certain psychological defenses to adapt to painful circumstances, so life may feel more bearable if a bit duller. Often, the methods we use to cut off or dampen our pain, in actuality, end up being harmful to us and those we care about the most.

我们中的大多数人都不同程度地害怕，害怕探索任何的悲伤都将击穿这口掩埋起来的情感的井，这种恐惧可能驱使我们寻找方法来切断我们的情感。作为孩子，我们发展出了心里防御机制去适应痛苦的情形——如果更加木讷一点，生活可能会更易忍受。通常情况下，我们使用的这些能切断或者抑制痛苦的方法，实际的结果往往会伤害我们自己和我们最关爱的人。

These methods may have been adaptive once, but they now serve to limit us in our adult lives. For example, we may avoid getting too close to someone or fail to pursue meaningful goals in a misguided attempt to protect ourselves. We may form an addiction to substances to numb us from pain, but these behaviors often lead to hurt. We may engage in activities like working all the time or busying ourselves with trivial matters to ward off difficult emotions, but these behaviors keep us from spending time relating to the people who matter to us or engaging in the pursuits that bring us joy. The lengths we go to avoid emotion actually push us away from life itself.

这些方法曾经或许是适应性的，但它们现在只会限制我们的成年生活。比如，我们可能避免跟某人走得太近，或者因为错误地想保护自己（译注：夸大了实际并不存在或并不严重的危险）而没能成功追求有意义的目标。我们还可能为了让我们对痛苦麻木而对药物上瘾，但这样做通常导致伤害。我们可能一直忙于工作，或者忙碌于不重要的小事来避开困难的情感，但是这样我们就没有时间，为了我们的快乐，去和那些对我们而言重要的人交流。我们费尽周折去避开情感，实际上会推着我们远离真正的生活。

In therapy, I’ve witnessed time and time again the widespread, indiscriminate depths of emotion that people of all ages and experiences are able to access simply by lying down and letting themselves feel. Sometimes, this starts with the person just breathing or making a soft noise. Other times, people will use current examples of frustration or anxiety to tap into their feelings.

在心理治疗中，我一次又一次地见证了，所有年龄、经历的人只需要通过简单地躺下并让自己感知，就能够打开那扇通往广泛的、包容的、有深度的情感的大门。有时候，他只需要呼吸或发出轻微的声音就能做到；有时候，人们需要一些当下的挫折或焦虑的例子才能打开他们的感受。

Yet, in pretty much all cases, the people I’ve worked with have been able to access much deeper, primal emotions. Many of these feelings originated in the very early years of their lives. With these feelings come memories, images, and flashes of painful events as well as a strong sense of the raw realities of the human condition. It never fails to surprise and touch me how such deep emotions can so quickly rise to the surface. It’s a brave act to witness, especially when most people, just going about their daily lives are trying so hard to avoid these feelings.

然而，几乎在所有案例中，与我一起合作过的人们都能获取到非常深刻的、原始的情感。许多的这些情感来源于他们生命非常早的时期，并且与之俱来的有记忆、图像、痛苦事件的片段和一种强烈的人类境况的粗狂的现实感。情感能够如此迅速地浮现，每每使我惊讶、使我感动。尤其是在当大多数人只是浑浑噩噩地活着，想尽办法来避免这些感受的时候，去见证这些感受是多么得勇敢啊。

The problem is that we can’t selectively numb pain without numbing joy. Our ability to feel emotion is part of our human heritage. Emotions provide us with information and help us survive and thrive. When we suppress “negative” emotions, we lose touch with our adaptive emotions like love, passion, warmth or desire, and, therefore, lead a much more deadened life. When we feel our feelings, our lives have meaning, texture, depth, and purpose.

问题的关键在于我们没有办法只麻痹痛苦、而放过快乐。我们感知情感的能力是与生俱来的。情感给我们提供了信息，帮助我们生存和成长。当我们压抑“负面的”情感时，我们就与适应性的情感失去了联系——比如爱、热情、温暖或欲望，并且，会因此导向一个更加死气沉沉的人生。当我们感知我们的情感时，我们的生活就有了意义、纹理、深度和目的。

As author Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “Sorrow is one of the vibrations that prove the fact of living.” When we avoid feeling, we often lose touch with our real self and our attachment to it. When we feel our emotions, our lives tend to hold more value to us. We care more, want more, love more, grow more and aspire more. The fuller we live our lives, the happier we are, and yet, the more poignant sadness we feel. This adds a dimension of meaning to our experiences.

如同作家Antoine de Saint-Exupery所说：“悲伤是证明生命本质的震颤之一。”当我们不去感知时，我们通常会与真正的自我失去联系。当我们感知我们的情感时，我们的生命对我们而言更有价值，我们在乎得更多，想要得更多，爱得更多，成长得更多，并有更多、更大的志向。我们的生命越充实，我们就越快乐，同时，也会感到更酸楚的悲伤。这为我们的经历增添了一个维度的意义。

Of course, we can misuse our negative emotions by allowing ourselves to dwell on them or by feeling victimized by our circumstances. Often, people tend to either diminish or dramatize their emotions instead of just feeling them. To exaggerate or ruminate in our sadness or to engage in self-pity can be very destructive and maladaptive. On the other hand, if we let ourselves feel our real sadness about real things, the emotion can move through us like a wave, reaching its peak, then washing over us and eventually dissipating. That’s not to say all the pain will be smoothed over or gone forever, but we can learn to feel it when it arises and then continue to live our lives, feeling more vital, truthful and balanced within ourselves.

当然，我们可能会滥用我们的负面情感，允许自己过度思索它们，或者感到被自己是环境的受害者。通常而言，人们倾向于压抑情感或者夸大情感，而不是仅仅感受它们。夸大或反刍我们的悲伤，或是陷入自我怜悯可能是破坏性的、不适应环境的。另一方面，如果我们允许自己去感受关于真实事物的真实悲伤，这种情感就能够像波浪一样穿过我们，抵达巅峰，洗刷我们，并最终消散。这并不是说所有的痛苦都会被抚平或永远消除，但是我们能够学着在它出现的时候感受它，然后继续我们的生活。并且与此同时，感到更有活力、更真实、内心更平稳恒定。

If we choose to feel our emotions – to let them move through us – we make better choices about our actions and lead a more goal-directed life. We can learn to accept that we need our pure and real feelings, because they connect us to ourselves, what we love and what we want.

如果我们选择去感受我们的情感——去让它们穿过我们——我们就能做出更好的决定、采取更好的行动，并过上一个更加有目标感的人生。我们可以学着去接受我们需要我们纯粹的、真实的情感，因为它们让我们与他人、与我们所爱的和想要的事物产生连接，

Read more from Dr. Lisa Firestone at PsychAlive.org

About the Author 关于作者

Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, an author, and the Director of Research and Education for the Glendon Association.

原文地址：

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/compassion-matters/201507/the-value-sadness