外刊 | 7 Ways to Bring a Dead Friendship Back to Life, Part2
7 Ways to Bring a Dead Friendship Back to Life, Part2
Get vulnerable.
1.敞开心扉才能建立更深的联系
Another key to cultivating stronger friendships is allowing yourself to be vulnerable:opening up and showing your friends your true self, even if you’re worried they won’t like it. Research suggests that can be particularly difficult for men, who often avoid expressing intimate feelings because they fear social rejection.
“There’s no way around it,” Tremaine says. “There’s no loophole. You’re going to have to be at least a little vulnerable and share a little about who you are to connect with other humans.”However, she qualifies, that doesn’t mean you have to immediately reveal all your most personal traumas and secrets.
2.可以先展现自己的小观点
Tremaine suggests starting by sharing small opinions: Raise your hand in whatever room you’re in, whether it’s volunteering what you thought about your book club’s latest choice or how you would grill the steaks.
“The more yourself you are, the more attractive you are to others as friends,” she says.
Challenge yourself to dive even deeper by telling your friends what you’re currently struggling with and what scares you, Franco advises.
If it feels uncomfortable, remember that it’s better for you—and the other person—than staying silent. “When we’re vulnerable, we feel like we’re burdening people,” she says. “But being vulnerable conveys that we like them and trust them. And fundamentally, that brings people closer together.”
Mix in some novelty.
3.加点新鲜感
It might be time to inject a shot of new energy into your most familiar friendships. That goes for both conversations and activities: We tend to talk about the same topics over and over, and meet at the same places at the same times.
There’s nothing wrong with that, Kirmayer notes, but novelty can open the door to deeper bonds. “Carve out moments of conversation where you can go off script,” she says.
And brainstorm new adventures you can embark on together, whether that’s traveling to a bucket-list destination or working up the nerve to join a pickleball team together.
carve out 开发，例如：“She managed to carve out a successful career in a male-dominated industry through determination and hard work. ”(她通过决心和努力，在男性主导的行业中创造出成功的职业生涯。)
go off script 自由发挥， 例如：“During the live performance, the actors can decide to go off script and ad-lib a hilarious exchange with the audience, making the show even more memorable.”（在现场表演时，演员可以决定自由发挥，与观众即兴互动，使表演更难忘。）
a bucket-list 遗愿清单
work up 激发，引起 ，例如：“The suspenseful music gradually worked up a sense of tension in the movie's climactic scene. ”(悬疑音乐逐渐引起电影高潮场景中的紧张感。)
pickleball 匹克球
Express gratitude.
4.学会感恩
When’s the last time you told your friends how much you appreciate them? There’s good reason to do so the next time you talk: Research suggests that gratitude plays an important role in helping friendships grow.
Make it a point to show you’re thankful for who they are as a person—their core traits and values—and the big and little things they do. “Notice the moment when a friend says something really supportive, or when they initiate plans,” Kirmayer advises.
You might phrase it like this: “Thank you so much for being the one to put together plans for this weekend. It really meant a lot.” If you’re feeling particularly inspired, you could even write what some experts call a “living eulogy,”or a letter that outlines everything you admire and appreciate about your friend.
Show up for the important moments.
5.出现在关键时刻
Every friendship will inevitably arrive at what Franco describes as diagnostic moments: The highs and lows in life that “disproportionately affect” how we label our relationships.
Was your friend there when you got a promotion, were diagnosed with something scary, went through a divorce, or met someone new? The answer plays a large role in determining how much we’ll value that friendship.
Commit to improving your bond together.
6.积极维护友谊，共享你的想法
If you’re feeling disconnected from a friend, bring it up in conversation. Tell them how much you care about them and let them know you’d like to find ways to stay connected or deepen your connection—and ask if they have any ideas that could help make that happen, Kirmayer suggests.
The goal is to have a collaborative, productive conversation, while making it clear how much you value the friendship.
7.遇到不舒服的情况要保持充分沟通
If you’re upset about something specific that happened, address it directly instead of simply withdrawing, Franco advises.
“When you don't bring things up, it's like holding someone guilty before giving them a trial,” she says. “Healthy conflict can just look like, ‘Hey, I was hurt when this happened, and I hoped we could talk it out.’”
8.不要积聚问题，朋友也可以一起去做心理咨询
Some friends even go to therapy together, just like romantic partners might, Franco adds. That can be particularly helpful if you have a tendency to let little issues accumulate without addressing them.
“Friendship is very important, and intimacy is intimacy,” she says. “If we need that tune-up for one type of relationship, we’re going to need it for another.”
