【有所谓的真命天女吗？】【两性真相】《the rational male》 翻译02

【正文开始】

THERE IS NO ONE 没有真命天女！

ONEitis：真命天女症

An unhealthy romantic obsession with a single person. Usually accompanied by unreciprocated affection and completely unrealistic idealization of the said person.

定义：对一个人不健康的浪漫痴迷。通常伴随着无回报的感情和对所说的人的完全不切实际的理想化。

ONEitis is paralysis. You cease to mature, you cease to move, you cease to be you

真命天女症让你瘫痪。你不再成熟，你不再行动，你不再是你自己

There is no ONE. This is the soul-mate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something. There are lots of ‘special someones’ out there for you, just ask the divorced / widowed person who’s remarried after their “soul-mate” has died or moved on with another person they insist is their real soul-mate. This is what trips people up about the soul-mate myth, it is this fantasy that we all at least in some way share an idealization of – that there is ONE perfect mate for each of us, and as soon as the planets align and fate takes its course we’ll know that we’re ‘intended’ for each other. While this may make for a gratifying romantic comedy plot, it’s hardly a realistic way to plan your life. In fact it’s usually paralyzing

没有真命天女。这是灵魂伴侣的神话故事。有一些好的女人和一些坏的女人，但没有真命天女。任何告诉你其他事情的人都是在向你推销观点。有很多“特别的人”在等着你，只要问问那些离婚/丧偶的人，他们的“灵魂伴侣”去世后再婚，或者与另一个他们坚持认为是他们真正灵魂伴侣的人继续生活。这就是让人们对灵魂伴侣神话感到困惑的地方，这是一个我们所有人至少在某种程度上都有一个理想化的幻想——我们每个人都有一个完美的伴侣，一旦行星对齐，命运顺其自然，我们就会知道我们是“命中注定”的。虽然这可能是一个令人满意的浪漫喜剧情节，但这几乎不是一个现实的方式来规划你的生活。事实上，它通常会瘫痪你的生活。

影哥注：神话的意思就是想象中的，美好的，现实不会发生的事情。不要再想着有一个完美的女人，我爱她她也爱我的女人在世界上的某个角落等着自己了。

What I find even more fascinating is how common the idea is (and particularly for guys) that a nuts & bolts view of life should be trumped by this fantasy in the area of intersexual relationships. Men who would otherwise recognize the value of understanding psychology, biology, sociology, evolution, business, engineering, etc., men with a concrete awareness of the interplay we see these aspects take place in our lives on a daily basis, are some of the first guys to become violently opposed to the idea that maybe there isn’t “someone for everyone” or that there are a lot more ONEs out there that could meet or exceed the criteria we subconsciously set for them to be the ONE.

我发现更吸引人的是，在两性关系领域，这种看法(尤其在男生中）竟然是压倒性的普遍。认识到理解心理学、生物学、社会学、进化论、商业、工程学等价值的人，对我们日常生活中看到的这些方面的相互作用有着明确认识的人，是一些最早强烈反对“人人有真命”的想法人，或者说有更多的人可能达到或超过我们潜意识中为他们设定的真命天女的标准标准。

影哥注：说白了就是说大多数被社会假象限制住的男人都比较认同真命天女，真爱这种说法，做题家尤为普遍。

I think it comes off as nihilistic, or this dread that maybe their ego- investment in this belief is false –it’s like saying “God is dead” to the deeply religious. It’s just too terrible to contemplate that there maybe no ONE, or there maybe several ONEs to spend their lives with. This western romanticized mythology is based on the premise that there is only ONE perfect mate for any single individual and as much as a lifetime can and should be spent in constant search of this ‘soul-mate.’ So strong and so pervasive is this myth in our collective consciousness that it has become akin to a religious statement, and in fact has been integrated into many religious doctrines as the feminization of western culture has spread

我认为这是一种虚无主义，或者说他们对这种信仰的自我投资是错误的，就像对虔诚的宗教徒说“上帝死了”。这太可怕了，无法想象可能没有灵魂伴侣，或者只有几灵魂伴侣可以共度一生。这种西方浪漫化的神话是基于这样一个前提，即任何一个人只有一个完美的伴侣，并且一生都可以而且应该花时间在不断寻找这位“灵魂伴侣”上。这个神话在我们的集体意识中是如此强烈和普遍，以至于它类似于一种宗教声明，事实上，随着西方文化女性化的传播，它已经融入了许多宗教教义.

影哥注：跟有些人说相反的观点，就相当于跟做题家说你18年来都做错了，他不会信，因为信了就代表他从出生以来赖以生存的价值观坍塌了，在他的潜意识里他就死亡了，人是不能接受这种事情的。所以真相往往只有少数人接受并且掌握。

I think there’s been a mischaracterization of ONEitis. It’s necessary to differentiate between a healthy relationship based on mutual affinity and respect, and a lopsided ONEitis based relationship. I’ve had more than a few guys seeking my advice, or challenging my take on ONEitis, essentially asking me for permission to accept ONEitis as legitimate monogamy.

我认为很多人有对真命天女症的错误理解。我认为有必要区分基于相互亲和力和尊重的健康两性关系和基于偏袒的两性关系。我已经有好几个粉丝寻求我的建议，或质疑我对真命天女的看法，他们基本上是要求我接受一夫一妻制的想法。

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