【龙腾网】为什么有些人从未感到孤单
正文翻译
Feeling socially connected is a need all of us share, but human interaction isn’t the only way to get it
感觉与社会有联系是我们所有人都需要的，但人际交往并不是获得它的唯一途径
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There was a point, midway through quarantine, where I started to wonder if I was made for it.
有一次，在隔离期间，我甚至开始怀疑我是否适合这样做。
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I’m used to alone time in abundance — I spent seven years living on my own. And I know firsthand that loneliness and being alone are two different things, and that the presence or absence of other people isn’t necessarily tied to the emotional state. Still, as the time in lockdown stretched on, I braced myself for the wave of loneliness to hit.
我已经习惯了大量的独处时间——我独自生活了七年。我亲身体会到，孤独和独处是两件不同的事情，其他人的存在或不存在不一定与情绪状态有关。尽管如此，随着被封锁时间的延长，我还是做好了迎接孤独浪潮的准备。
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Strangely, it never did. I’m not saying I’ve been enjoying this time — I’d do some terrible things for a carefree dinner out right now — but for the most part, I’ve been doing okay without in-person socializing. I’m bored. I’m anxious. But I’m not terribly lonely.
奇怪的是，从来没有。我不是说我很享受这段时间，我现在会做一些糟糕的事情来享受一顿无忧无虑的晚餐。但大多数情况下，我不进行面对面的社交也还可以。我会觉得无聊和焦虑，但我并不感到十分孤独。
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Some people, it turns out, really are less susceptible to loneliness while alone. Or, more specifically, some people have already been living the conclusion of a recent study: that spending time with other people isn’t the only way to feel a sense of belonging. And while the country may be inching toward reopening right now, the warnings of new spikes, second waves, and returns to lockdown mean all of us would benefit from getting to know the alternatives.
事实证明，有些人在独处时确实不太容易感到孤独。或者，更具体地说，一些人已经经历了最近一项研究得出的结论：与他人相处并不是获得归属感的唯一途径。虽然这个国家现在可能正在慢慢地重新开放，但是新的高峰、第二波和重新封锁的警告意味着我们所有人都将受益于其他替代选择。
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We’ve adapted to find connection where we can. Watching Friends can make you feel like you, too, are settling into the sofa at Central Perk. Cooking up your grandmother’s lasagna recipe can feel like a moment of bonding, even if you’re the only one in the kitchen. In fact, Paravati Harrigan and her co-authors found that people who turn to these nontraditional strategies aren’t any lonelier, less happy, or less fulfilled than those who rely on traditional social sources.
我们已经适应了在可能的地方找到联系。看老友记也可以让你觉得自己坐在Central Perk咖啡馆的沙发上。即使你是一个人待在厨房做祖母的千层面食谱也是一种亲密的时刻。实际上，Paravati Harrigan及其合著者发现，转向这些非传统策略的人们比那些依靠传统社会资源的人们不会更孤独，更不幸福或更不充实。
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The same activities won’t have the same effect for everyone. One person’s Instagram deep dive on their favorite reality star might be another’s gaming session or time curled up with a book. The key is to find whatever works for you, both to keep you feeling socially fulfilled and to beat back feelings of loneliness that may have already taken hold. (Pavarati Harrigan notes that the strategies in the study have also been shown to blunt the sting of social rejection.)
相同的活动不会对所有人产生相同的效果。有些人获取快乐的方法可能是通过追随他们最喜欢的真人秀明星，另一个则可能通过游戏，其他人可能沉迷于书籍。关键是要找到对自己有用的方式，既可以使您感到社交满足，又可以消除可能已经占据上风的孤独感。（帕瓦拉蒂·哈里根（Pavarati Harrigan）指出，该研究中的策略也被证明可以减轻社会排斥感。
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Pavarati Harrigan says it helps to think of your social needs with a fuel tank metaphor: The fuller the tank, the less lonely you’re likely to feel. When our options for filling it with normal socialization are limited, relying on alternative sources can help you make up some of the difference.
帕瓦拉蒂·哈里根（Pavarati Harrigan）说，用油箱这个比喻有助于思考你的社会需求：油箱越满，你越不会感到孤独。如果我们无法通过正常社交来填充它，那么依靠替代资源可以帮助你弥补一些差距。
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This is reassuring in the midst of social isolation, and it may also come in handy when alone time is in short supply once again.
这在社会隔离期间是让人安心的，当我们再次缺少独处时间时，它也可能派上用场。
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评论翻译
Laura Stewart
I’ve long been trying to reassure my parents that I’m fine and never get lonely, even though I spend a lot of time alone and am not married. I have a ton of interests and pursuits, many of which are just as fulfilling done alone as with a group. I’ve never understood why people pressure others to socialize constantly.
我一直在努力安慰我的父母，，即使我花了很多时间独处，没有结婚，但我很好，我也并不孤独。我有很多兴趣和追求，其中很多都是独自完成的，就像和一群人一起完成一样。我一直不明白为什么人们总是强迫别人去社交。
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Nandanan Kannan Pulakal
You can add me to the list of people who do not feel lonely.
Very insightful article.
我是属于感觉不到孤独感的人。
非常有见地的文章。
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Dom Powell
I honestly can’t understand how anyone could feel lonely in this age of the internet and easily available books, films and music. They allow us to connect to people through time and space. I’m never lonely if I have a good book to read.
老实说，我无法理解在这个人们很容易能获得书籍，电影和音乐的互联网时代，都会感到孤独。 互联网帮助我们穿越时空，与他人建立联系。 如果有一本好书，我永远不会孤单。
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Trisha Traughber
This article is really validating--thank you for writing it. I am often exhausted by ''too many people'' and have changed from being an ''in person'' high school teacher to an online teacher/coach--so this confinement has changed literally nothing for me professionally. But, suddenly my whole family is home, so I''m with people all the time :) --interestingly, that has been my challenge. Not loneliness.
这篇文章确实很有说服力，感谢您写下了这篇文章。 我经常因为和太多的人交往而感到疲惫不堪，我从线下的高中老师变成了线上老师，这种限制对我的职业实际上没有任何改变。 但是，突然间我整天都待在家里了，所以我一直和家人待在一起。有趣的是，我把它看做挑战。而不是孤独感。
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Erica Johnson
I was wondering why the social distancing wasn''t affecting me much! Don''t get me wrong, I''m a very social person. But I really didn''t notice much of a change from my day to day. I did manage to pick up a knitting project, started 2 years ago. And I''ve started playing guitar, with online lessons. I have so much that I''m doing and want to do …
我在想为什么社交距离对我影响不大！别误会，我也是个很爱社交的人。但我真的没有注意到每天都有什么变化。我开始着手一个两年前开始的针织项目。我开始在网上学习弹吉他了。我有太多要做和想做的事情了。
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Lee Chapman
I vastly prefer my own company to spending time with others. I find most people far to annoying and needy too waste time on.
我非常喜欢和自己相处，而不愿意与其他人在一起。 我发现大多数人都很烦人，并且和他们在一起是浪费时间。
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Theodor Dimitriou
Well said Deanna!
Your best friend is and should be yourself, and then anyone else.
I would add only that people who are not happy with themselves do feel more lonely and need constantly someone to keep them busy.
说得很好Deanna！
你最好的朋友应该是你自己，而不应该是其他人。
我只能说人们对自己不满意的话可能会觉得更加孤独，所以需要他人让他们忙碌起来。
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Oakley Roberts
Still, as the time in lockdown stretched on, I braced myself for the wave of loneliness to hit.
Great read! I have always been outgoing and extroverted, so I was concerned that I would feel lonely, bored, and depressed during social distancing, but actually I found the opposite. This time has more or less forced me to turn within to find new sources of energy. I’ve started (and really enjoy!) doing yoga, writing poetry, and reading more for…
但是，随着封锁时间的延长，我为即将到来的孤独浪潮做好了准备。
很棒的文章！ 我一直都很外向，所以我担心在社交疏离过程中我会感到孤独，无聊和沮丧，但实际上我发现情况恰恰相反。 这次或多或少地迫使我寻找新的能量来源。 我已经开始并且非常享受做瑜伽，写诗和阅读。
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Sajad Sepehri
The study, published in the journal Self and Identity, found that so-called nontraditional social strategies—such as playing with a pet, eating comfort foods, listening to music
The ways we, as humans, feel belonging is changing as the communication technologies are changing. Nothing can replace the interpersonal and face to face interaction in our social life. That is the fact that we feel connected in so many ways with our surroundings, but the human environment is other humans.
这项研究发表在《自我与身份》（Self and Identity）杂志上，发现所谓的非传统社交策略，例如与宠物玩耍，吃舒适的食物，听音乐。
随着通信技术的变化，我们人类获取归属感的途径也在发生变化。 在我们的社会生活中，没有什么能取代人际互动和面对面的互动。 我们与周围环境有很多联系，这也是事实，但人类环境是与其他人类互动。
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Emma V. R. Noyes
some people don''t get lonely?!? sounds amazing.
一些人从来没有感到孤独，听起来太神奇了。
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Oloya Joseph
I’m not saying I’ve been enjoying this time
I thought it was only me.
我不是说我很享受独处，我以为只有我一个人。
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Galit Birk, PhD
We’ve adapted to find connection where we can.
As an ENFP personality type, an extrovert who derives energy from being around others, I have surprised myself during this time in that I too have adjusted to being alone and not lonely. I believe that some of this is simple a state of mind and a shift in how I related to alone-time.
我已经学会了自娱自乐。
作为一个ENFP（外倾/直觉/情感/理解）人格类型，一个从周围的人中获得能量的外向者，我在这段时间里感到惊讶，因为我也适应了独处并且不感到孤独。我相信这其中的一些原因很简单.
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Ilana Kearns
I love My alone time!!
我爱我的独处时间。
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Proxy
Is that necessarily a good thing? I think people should be able to be alone and handle being alone, we cant always be around people. But, is it ideal if we all simulate friendship alone even if we all feel okay. Seems like something may be missing there. Something deeply human which is connection with others.
这一定是件好事吗？我认为人们应该能够适应独处，应对孤独，我们不能总是和其他人在一起。但是，如果我们都独处，使用模拟友谊，即使我们都感觉很好，这是理想的吗？这好像少了点什么。一种与他人有深厚感情的东西。
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Jill Reid
Great perspective on this aspect of the current situation, as well as human nature in general. Thank you for posting.
Take care - Jill Reid
@JillReid
这是针对当前形势的这个方面以及一般人性的很好的观点，感谢你的帖子。
保重- Jill Reid
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Jill Ebstein
Excellent piece. I guess I bake and walk my dogs for more reasons than I realized.
很好的文章，我发现我烘焙和遛狗有了很多我没意识到的理由。
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AnthonyleeGMC
Most of us will feel less lonely in the day time when busy with work and relationships. But the time that people can easily be lonely is the night time when they staying alone after a hard-working day.
But personally, I think that the mindset will decide if someone feels lonely or not yet.
在忙于工作和人际关系的一天中，我们大多数人不会感到那么孤独，但是很多人会在辛苦工作一天后晚上一个人呆在家的时候感到孤独。
但是就我个人而言，我认为这种心态可以决定一个人是否感到孤独。
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Deborah Barchi
I have really experienced this and not just during the current isolation period. Reading, writing, walking, watching good movies, playing with my cat need only myself to make them work. I enjoy time with friends and family, but equally, if not more so, I enjoy my time alone. In fact, I crave it. Thanks for sharing these insights about being alone vs being lonely.
我真的经历过这一切，不仅仅是在目前的隔离期。阅读，写作，散步，看电影，撸猫，只需要我自己就能让它们发挥作用。我喜欢和朋友和家人在一起，但同样，但即使不是更多，我也喜欢独处的时光。事实上，我渴望它。感谢分享这些独处与孤独的见解。
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Sealskin
Some people, it turns out, really are less susceptible to loneliness while alone.
I’m one. I literally have not been feeling the dying need of some people to get out. I was made for quarantine life!
事实证明，有些人在独处时确实不太容易感到孤独。
我也是其中一个。我真的没有感觉到迫切需要和一些人相处或者出门。我是为隔离生活而生的！
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Khemra
I guesss. I don''t know about social media filling that void. I say continuing to educate yourself on new work skills or just any productive skill is way better than chasing someone else on social media. Wasn''t there a study that said social media actually makes people more depressed? I don''t ever get lonely bc I always have something to do. I''ve disconnected from all forms of social media.
我猜想，我不了解社交媒体填补了这一空白。我觉得继续学习新的工作技能或任何生产技能要比在社交媒体上追赶别人更好。难道没有一项研究说社交媒体实际上使人们更加沮丧吗？我永远不会孤单，我总是有事要做。我已经不用各种形式的社交媒体了。
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Itxy Lopez
I’m the same， I don’t feel lonely, and I think part of is that I work and read a lot. My mind’s always busy, always caught up something, I don’t have the space to feel lonely. That’s not to say I don’t miss my friends and whatnot, but I’m okay.
I’d never considered thinking why. Thanks for teaching me something new today!
我也一样， 我不会感到孤独，我认为部分原因是我有工作并且读很多书，我的大脑总是很忙，总是忙于某些事情，我没有时间感到孤独。并不是说我不会想念我的朋友，但我很好。
我从未考虑过为什么。 感谢您今天让我学到了一些新知识！
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최승현
Some people, it turns out, really are less susceptible to loneliness while alone.
事实证明，有些人独自一人时确实不太容易感到孤独。
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Darcy Stewart
This is interesting and unique side of this conversation. Glad I found your piece!
对于这个问题这是一个非常有趣和独特的视角，很高兴我找到了你的文章。
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Munish Kohli
Truly well written. Will help people who struggle with FOMO. Making an effort to learn new things everyday and having targets small helps in keeping one busy.
写得是真的好，这会帮助在和错失恐惧症抗争的人。每天努力学习新事物，设定一个小目标有助于保持忙碌。
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Josh Kiev
Sometimes we equate going out to huge gatherers as feeling okay and being on top of our game, because we can''t face ourselves in a quiet room. I don''t mind creating a new world from my own home space that limits going out with the masses.
有时我们把出去参加大型聚会感觉处于游戏的顶端等同于感觉很好，因为我们无法在安静的房间里和自己相处。我不介意在自己家里创建一个新世界，而这个新世界不会限制与外界的交流。
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Dr. Derek Austin
Watching Friends can make you feel like you, too, are settling into the sofa at Central Perk.
Fascinating! This explains why I felt overwhelmingly lonely and started crying when I finished watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine recently on Netflix. It was the show I watched the most going through my divorce this past year, and it kept me from feeling so alone.
看老友记会让你感觉你也坐在Central Perk.咖啡馆的沙发上。
讲得太对了！这就解释了为什么我最近在网飞上看完《星际迷航：深空九号》时感到极度孤独并且开始哭泣。这是我在过去的一年里看的离婚经历最多的一部电视剧，它让我不再感到孤独。
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Jordan Friedman
Jun 20
When our options for filling it with normal socialization are limited, relying on alternative sources can help you make up some of the difference.
That’s absolutely true. They can definitely help make up *some* of the difference. But for some people, that “some” might be a healthy 70–80%, while for others it might be 50
当我们用正常社交来填补他的选择是有限的，那么依靠替代资源可以帮助你弥补一些差距。
那是绝对正确的。他们肯定能帮助弥补一些差距。但对某些人来说，“一些”可能是70-80%比例，而对其他人来说可能是50。
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J Nap
As long as I have my Calculus, Physics books, and computer for programming, I’m never lonely.
自从我有微积分，物理书和编程用的计算机，我就从来没有感觉到孤独。
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Delaney Closs
I identify as an extroverted introvert. Meaning I like being around people, but I need alone time to recharge. Such a relatable read! Sometimes i think I like my me time too much
我认为我是一个外向的人，意思是我喜欢和人进行社交，但同时我也需要独处时间来充电，写得太好了，有时候我觉得我太喜欢我自己的时间了。
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Lior Avni
A person is never really alone. Even when you are isolated, your parents DNA is in you. Also, the voices of spirits and ancestral guardians can talk to you. Just because this is not provable by Western Science doesn’t mean it isnt true. Some people feel most happy with company, some are hermits. But it is good to avoid extremes and be moderate in staying alone and interacting. Moderation destroys all sorrow.
一个人永远不会真正孤单。即使你被隔离了，父母的DNA也在你体内。同时，灵魂和祖先守护者的声音可以和你交谈。西方科学无法证明这一点并不意味着它是不真实的。有些人和人相处很幸福，有些人则偏向一个人在一起。但最好避免极端，在独处和互动中保持适度。适度能消灭一切悲伤。
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Ryan Breen
Supplements are great in a pinch when necessary such as in times like these. However, feeling lonely and being lonely are two different things. Social/emotional diets are like food diets. I can theoretically fill my cupboards with processed foods and take vitamin supplements but eventually I’m going to break down.
在必要的时候，例如现在，补充剂非常有用。但是，感到孤独和孤独是两回事。 社会情感饮食就像食物饮食是一样的。从理论上讲，我可以在橱柜中装满加工食品并服用维生素补充剂，但最终我会崩溃。
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Katerina Nieboer
Interesting article! I find that the more I feel as though I should feel lonely the more lonely I feel. However, when I concentrate on those activities such as reading or other hobbies loneliness disappears.
有趣的文章，我发现我越觉得自己是孤独的，我就越感到孤独，但是，当我专心于阅读或者其他爱好时，我的孤独感就消失了。
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Li Charmaine Anne
I have felt this for years and now feel less like a freak. Thank you!
很多年前我就已经有这个感觉了，我现在终于感觉自己不像个怪胎了，谢谢你！
