TED演讲｜哭泣的力量！哭泣并不代表我很懦弱！！

今天推荐的演讲者是：Kathy Mendias，发布于2020年的TED演讲大会！

在传统的认知里，哭泣是懦弱的代名词；不哭代表着勇敢，坚强。的确，我们应该坚强地面对生活中的困难，但眼泪真的那么“万恶不赦”吗？

According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, we create 15 to 30 gallons of tears a year. I am what you would call a high-volume producer. Now even though we do create less tears as we age, I figure by the time I'm 80, I will have filled up 40 average-sized bath tubs.

根据美国眼科学会的研究，我们每年会分泌15到30加仑的眼泪。我就是你所说的大批量生产商。现在，虽然随着年龄的增长，我们分泌的眼泪确实会减少，但我估计到80岁的时候，我已经把40个普通大小的浴缸装满了。

Now crying in my early years? Not something I would brag about. When I was five, I thought it was a good idea to practice writing my name on the side of the house. Outside the house. Momma didn't agree with me much. She handed me a toothbrush and said, "Here, scrub." So I did.

我早年哭过？不是我吹嘘的。当我五岁的时候，我觉得在房子外练习写我的名字是个好主意。在房子外面。妈妈不太同意我的意见。她递给我一把牙刷，说：“来，刷掉。”我照做了。

I'd sit at the dining room table for what seemed like an eternity. I didn't want to eat my vegetables. You probably know the feeling. I'd miss all my favorite shows and cry like crazy. Crying was always associated with something bad.

我坐在餐桌旁，好像坐了很久。我不想吃我的蔬菜。你可能知道那种感觉。我会错过所有我最喜欢的节目，哭得像疯了一样。哭泣总是与不好的事情联系在一起。

Fortunately, I grew up. I stopped writing on the walls, started eating my vegetables, and I entered the wonderful world of motherhood. And let me tell you, crying takes on a whole new meaning.

幸运的是，我长大了。我不再在墙上写字，我也开始吃蔬菜了，我进入了母亲的奇妙世界。让我告诉你，哭泣有了全新的含义。

I was nine months pregnant and I was sitting on the couch, looking at the front door where my bags were packed, waiting for me, because I was hopeful that today would be the day.

那时我已经怀孕九个月了，我坐在沙发上，看着前门，我的行李都打包好了，在那里等着我，因为我满怀希望，希望今天就是那一天。

I settle in a little bit more, and I think to myself, "You know, we can put humans into space, but we can't seem to figure out when a baby will be born." And then I feel this pressure build up in my chest, my throat get really tight, and I just burst into tears.

我待了一会儿，我对自己说，“你知道，我们可以把人类送上太空，但我们似乎不知道婴儿什么时候出生。”然后我觉得胸口的压力越来越大，喉咙越来越紧，我突然哭了起来。

And you know what? I had no idea why. And not knowing why at the time, well, that just got me more upset, so I eventually was just upset for being upset. I took a deep breath -- (Inhales) and I let it out -- (Exhales) Thought that would help, but no, it didn't.

你知道吗?我不知道为什么。当时不知道为什么，这让我更难过了，所以我最终只是因为难过而难过。我深吸一口气——(吸气)然后吐出来——(呼气)以为这样会有帮助，但没有，没有。

Then my brother walks in with his smirky grin and he says to me, "What's wrong with you?" I said, "Nothing, just leave me alone." And he did, he ran as fast as he could. And you know what I did when he left. I cried even harder. I was ashamed and embarrassed, just like when I was a kid.

然后我哥哥带着笑容走进来对我说，“你怎么了?”我说"没事，别管我"他做到了，他跑得很快。你知道他走后我做了什么。我哭得更厉害了。我感到羞愧和尴尬，就像我小时候一样。

Now lucky for me, I only had to look at that bag sitting by the front door for another nine days, right before my expected date of delivery. And finally, my body said it was time.

现在对我来说幸运的是，我只需再看一眼放在前门的那个包，就在我预期的交货日期前的九天。最后，我的身体说，是时候了。

And after 18 hours of feeling my body try to expel this little human that weighed about the size of a bowling ball, and hours of pushing so hard that I thought for sure this baby was stuck, within a heartbeat, my beautiful baby girl Jennifer entered the world.

经过18个小时，我的身体试图驱逐这个体重约保龄球大小的小人，经过几个小时的用力推，我以为这个孩子被卡住了，就在一瞬间，我美丽的女儿詹妮弗终于来到这个世界了。

And I looked at her, and she cried and then I just cried. All of that emotion and pressure that I had inside just seconds before was immediately replaced with the most joyous sense of relief that I had ever felt.

我看着她，她哭了，我也哭了。就在几秒钟前，我内心所有的情绪和压力都立刻被一种前所未有的快乐的解脱感所取代。

And after nine months of crying over these fears and anxieties and crazy out-of-control hormones, that was instantaneously transformed into the deepest, most heartfelt, happiest cry of my life. And I had no control. Those really hard tears, those happy tears, those overwhelming joyful tears, they had nowhere to go but out.

在为这些恐惧、焦虑和失控的荷尔蒙哭泣了九个月之后，这瞬间变成了我一生中最深、最真挚、最快乐的哭泣。我无法控制。那些真的很难的眼泪，那些快乐的眼泪，那些压倒一切的快乐的眼泪，他们无处可去，只能流出来。

And it was those tears, that moment, that incredible high, that inspired me to birth three more little miracles and start to help others have their own. I became a childbirth educator, and I started a whole new relationship with tears.

正是那些眼泪，那一刻，那难以置信的兴奋，激励我再诞生三个小奇迹，开始帮助别人创造自己的奇迹。我成为了一名分娩教育者，在泪水中开始了一段全新的关系。

It was early in my 30 years of teaching, I had a class touch my heart like no other. The topic for the night -- emotions of pregnancy, go figure. And it was important for the class to first learn about the emotional changes and responses during pregnancy, and how when we cry, it can feel like the body's trying to push out that extra emotion, almost like it's processing what it can't hold inside.

早在我30年的教书生涯中，我就有一节课像其他课一样触动了我的心。今晚的主题——怀孕的情绪，好好想想。对全班学生来说，首先了解怀孕期间的情绪变化和反应是很重要的，当我们哭泣时，我们会感觉到身体试图把多余的情绪推出去，就像是在处理内心无法容纳的东西。

Like an exhaust port for extreme feelings of sadness, joy or even relief after days, years of anticipation of that one magical moment. It can literally feel like your body is squeezing out all that emotion in the form of water coming from our eyes. Our tears.

就像一个排气口，在数天、数年期待着那个神奇的时刻之后，它能释放极度的悲伤、喜悦甚至是解脱。它可以感觉到你的身体正以水的形式从我们的眼睛里挤出所有的情感。我们的眼泪。

Now tears were always expected during my classes. Not mine this time, the new moms'. And this night in this class, it was way different. I had just finished talking about the emotional changes of pregnancy and I went in to talk about the couvade syndrome. Now the word "couvade" comes from a French term, "couver," which means "to brood," similar to birds protecting a nest.

在我上课的时候，人们总是期待着我流泪。不过这次不是我，而是那些新手妈妈们。而今晚在这堂课上，情况完全不同。我刚讲完怀孕时的情绪变化，就去谈库瓦德综合症。现在“couvade”这个词来自法语术语“couver”，意思是“孵卵”，类似于鸟类保护巢穴。

Well, who better to protect this nest than the expecting mother's partner? Also called a sympathetic pregnancy, the couvade syndrome is a real-life phenomenon, where the non-pregnant partner can take on pregnancy characteristics like mood swings, loss of sleep, weight gain and for some, a really intense drive to do something new and unexpected, like buy a new sports car or start a new hobby like gourmet cooking. The class usually laughs a little bit after that and that's it. We end the night. But it didn't end there.

好吧，还有谁比准妈妈的伴侣更适合保护这个巢穴呢？couvade综合征也被称为“交感怀孕”，是一种现实生活中的现象，在这种情况下，未怀孕的伴侣可能会表现出怀孕的特征，比如情绪波动、失眠、体重增加，对某些人来说，会有一种非常强烈的动力去做一些新的和意想不到的事情，比如买一辆新跑车或者开始一种新的爱好，比如美食烹饪。在那之后，全班通常都会笑一笑，就这样。我们以此完美结束了这堂课。但事情并没有到此为止。

When I finished my sentence, this big, burly father-to-be stands up, and I thought for sure he was leaving. But instead, in a really gruff, commanding way, he says, "Alright, you guys, how many of you have cried during this thing, you know, her pregnancy?"

当我说完这句话时，这个高大魁梧的准爸爸站了起来，我以为他肯定要走了。但相反，他用一种非常粗暴的、居高临下的方式说，“好吧，伙计们，你们当中有多少人在这件事上哭过，你们知道，她怀孕了吗？”

I scan the class to make sure everybody was OK. They were fine, they were just very intent on what was going to happen next. And then, one gentleman raises his hand and says, "I have." And then another, and the stories just flowed. Even this really quiet gal -- she was the fiancee of one of the expecting moms -- she looks at her and she says, "See? I told you my crying was normal too."

然后，一位先生举手说：“我有。”接着又是另一位，故事就这样流传了下来。即使是这个非常安静的女孩——她是一个准妈妈的未婚妻——她看着她说，“看到了吗？我告诉过你，我哭也很正常。”

The class connected, they validated each other, and we all walked away with a new respect for the non-pregnant partners that night. For me, that solidified my passion to embrace those tears.

全班同学互相联系，互相验证，那天晚上我们都带着对没有怀孕的伴侣新的尊重离开了。对我来说，那坚定了我拥抱泪水的热情。

Then, it got better. On the last night of that same six-week class, one of the expecting moms came up to me. She asked to talk to me privately, and I said of course, and we went into the corner. And she says, "I need to thank you for saving my relationship."

然后，情况好转了。在同一节为期六周的课的最后一天晚上，一位准妈妈走到我跟前。她要求和我私下谈谈，我说当然可以，我们就走到角落里去了。她说：“我要感谢你挽救了我的感情。”

I let her go on, and she tells me that her husband was considering leaving her over her mood swings, out-of-control crying, and his turmoil and anger over this pregnancy. But he didn't leave. She went on to tell me that they realized now it's OK to cry. And he had told her that when he cries, he doesn't feel as angry. Wow! Not only did crying bring my class together, it kept that couple together.

我让她继续说，她告诉我，她的丈夫正考虑离开她，因为她的情绪波动，失控的哭泣，以及他对这次怀孕的混乱和愤怒。但他没有离开。她接着告诉我，他们意识到现在可以哭了。他告诉她，当他哭的时候，他不会觉得那么生气。哇！哭泣不仅使我的班级团结在一起，也使那对夫妇团结在一起。

And you know, his comment about anger was really, really intriguing to me, so I looked around, did some research, and sure enough, Dr. Oren Hasson, an evolutionary psychologist, he had some theories about when tears blur our vision, it really has the ability to, sometimes, reduce our ability to react to that anger.

你知道，他关于愤怒的评论真的、真的很吸引我，所以我环顾四周，做了一些研究，果然，进化心理学家奥伦·哈森博士，他有一些理论，当眼泪模糊我们的视线时，它确实有能力，有时，降低我们对愤怒的反应能力。

But the tears weren't the anger. They were more like the release valve. And though many of us, we try to keep those tears inside, but letting them out really may be the better move. Keeping them inside can amplify our feelings of anger or sadness.

但眼泪不是愤怒。它们更像是释放阀。尽管我们中的许多人都试图把眼泪藏在心里，但让它们流出来也许是更好的选择。把它们放在里面会放大我们的愤怒或悲伤情绪。

And while we're releasing those tears, our hormones inside, they're on high alert, and we know this because of Dr. William Frey, a biochemist. He found that inside of our emotional tears -- not our everyday, like, yawning tears, but our emotional tears -- there's high concentrations of stress hormones and leucine enkephalins, which, easier on my tongue, is endorphins.

当我们释放眼泪的时候，我们体内的荷尔蒙处于高度戒备状态，我们知道这一点是因为生物化学家威廉·弗雷博士。他发现，在我们情绪化的眼泪里——不是我们每天打呵欠的眼泪，而是我们情绪化的眼泪——有高浓度的应激激素和亮氨酸脑啡肽，我的舌头更容易感受的是内啡肽。

And while our stress hormones are helping our bodies out, our endorphins, those feel-good chemicals, they're helping to act as a pain reliever to boost our mood. Now who wouldn't want that?

当我们的压力荷尔蒙帮助我们的身体摆脱压力时，我们的内啡肽，这些感觉良好的化学物质，它们作为止痛药帮助改善我们的情绪。现在谁不想这样呢？

There are two triggers for the release of endorphins for most of us. Stress and pain. And for a woman giving birth, experiencing both stress and pain, endorphins, they are a gift. As the labor progresses, those endorphins will rise to help her with a potentially long labor. As a result, the mom is better able to cope, and she can feel more alert and almost euphoric after the birth.

对我们大多数人来说，内啡肽的释放有两个诱因。压力和痛苦。对于一个同时经历压力和痛苦的产妇来说，内啡肽是一种礼物。随着分娩的进行，这些内啡肽将上升，帮助她度过可能的长时间分娩。因此，母亲能够更好地应对，在生产后她可以感到更警觉和几乎欣快。

Crying is just awesome. I wish there was a bigger word. Crying offers us an opportunity for physical relief, for intimacy between two individuals and ultimately, it promotes physical and mental well-being. And as an expression of our most intense interior human experiences, there is no need to be embarrassed, no need to be ashamed and no need to run away.

哭真是太棒了。我希望有一个更贴切的词。哭泣为我们提供了一个身体放松的机会，促进两个人之间的亲密关系，最终，它甚至促进了身心健康。作为我们内心最强烈的人类体验的一种表达，没有必要感到尴尬，没有必要感到羞愧，也没有必要逃跑。

We need to have a healthy relationship with crying and change the way we view tears. We see them as overwhelming and scary and confusing, when they're really beautiful, soothing and reassuring. They're not to be seen as some screeching alarm bell that something is wrong but rather a natural functionality of our amazing bodies.

我们需要与哭泣建立一种健康的关系，改变我们看待眼泪的方式。我们认为它们势不可当、令人恐惧、令人困惑，但它们其实很美、令人宽慰、让人安心。他们不应该被视为是某种错误的警钟，而是我们神奇的身体的一种自然功能。

Crying is as essential to me as breathing. And now, if I'm caught crying on that couch by my wonderful husband, who has had to learn way more about crying than he ever wanted to, he doesn't run away. He'll ask me why I'm crying, and I'll let him know I just need my release. He'll take my hand, and you know what I'll do? I will let it all out. And then I'm going to sink into that deep sense of intimacy and extraordinary sense of relief that only my tears can bring.Thank you.

哭泣对我来说就像呼吸一样重要。而现在，如果我的好丈夫发现我在沙发上哭，他必须理解比他想的更多的哭，他不会逃跑。他会问我为什么哭，我会让他知道我需要释放。他会牵着我的手，你知道我会怎么做吗？我会把一切都说出来的。然后我会沉入那种只有我的眼泪才能带来的亲密感和非凡的解脱感。谢谢。