Talking to solve friendship problems

朋友之间产生大大小小的摩擦是在所难免的事情。遇到问题或矛盾，最好的方式是及时沟通，防止问题进一步恶化，但这类谈话并非易事。怎样才能有效地与朋友沟通，以化解矛盾？本文介绍几个在困难对话中能用上的谈话技巧。

词汇：problems with people 人际关系问题

Sometimes our friends' 

behaviour

 can 

offend

 us; sometimes we can see changes they need to make – but how do we tell them? Are there any ways to make difficult conversations easier? 有时朋友的行为会冒犯我们;有时我们可以看到他们需要做出的改变——但我们如何告诉他们?有没有什么方法可以让困难的对话变得更容易? It's important to have solid evidence that there is indeed a 

problem

. Evidence that can be agreed upon makes it easier for other people to recognise 

issues

. Once you have proof, it's important to highlight how it 

impacts

 us and others. Psychologist Andrea Bonior suggests 

framing

 problems with 'I'. Saying 'I feel hurt that you spend less time with me' is less 

accusatory

 than 'You never spend time with me!' and is focused more clearly on the impact. 重要的是要有确凿的证据证明确实存在问题。可以达成一致的证据使其他人更容易认识到问题。一旦你有了证据，重要的是要强调它如何影响我们和其他人。心理学家安德里亚·博尼奥尔建议用“我”来定义问题。说“你和我在一起的时间少了，我感到很受伤”比说“你从来没有和我在一起”更少是一种指责。，并更清楚地关注其影响。 Staying 

calm

 is vital. Becoming tense might lead you to 

react

 badly and cause an 

argument

. Bonior recommends that you should acknowledge the conversation could make you 

anxious

. If you think about this yourself, it can help you focus on positive results. If you admit your 

anxiety

 to your friend, you will show a more human side. Another psychologist, Laura Brennan, points out how it's important that we let go of our 

ego

 and don't focus on the need to be proved right. This can help reduce tension.  保持冷静至关重要。变得紧张可能会导致你做出糟糕的反应，引发争吵。Bonior建议你应该承认谈话可能会让你焦虑。如果你自己思考这个问题，它可以帮助你专注于积极的结果。如果你向你的朋友承认你的焦虑，你会表现出更人性化的一面。另一位心理学家劳拉·布伦南(Laura Brennan)指出，放下自我，不要把注意力集中在证明自己是对的这件事上，这是多么重要。这有助于缓解紧张。 We can lower the potential for 

conflict

 by listening to the other person and asking questions. Many experts recommend planning your words, so that you can say things in a way that avoids conflict. However, Bonior cautions against 

overplanning

 as this can stop you being flexible enough to genuinely follow and participate in the 

discussion

.  我们可以通过倾听他人并提出问题来降低发生冲突的可能性。许多专家建议规划你的措辞，这样你就可以用一种避免冲突的方式说话。然而，Bonior警告不要计划过度，因为这可能会阻止你足够灵活地真正跟随和参与讨论。 Be realistic. Complicated problems are unlikely to be solved with one conversation. Consider what is possible in one discussion, and that it may be harder than you initially thought. This will help you to set realistic goals for what you can achieve. 是现实的。复杂的问题不可能一次谈话就能解决。考虑一下在一次讨论中什么是可能的，它可能比你最初想象的要困难。这将帮助你为你能达到的目标设定现实的目标。 词汇表 behaviour 行为 offend 得罪，惹恼 problem （须解决的）问题 issue 问题 impact 对…产生影响 frame 表达，说出 accusatory 指责的，谴责的 calm 沉着冷静的 react 对…作出反应 argument 争吵，争论 anxious 焦虑的，不安的 anxiety 焦虑，不安 ego 自我 conflict 冲突，争执 overplanning 计划过度 discussion 讨论，交谈 测验与练习

1. 阅读课文并回答问题。

1. What makes it easier for both sides to identify a problem?  2. How can you make something sound less accusatory? 3. Why should you stay calm? 4. What is the benefit of admitting your anxiety to your friend? 5. Why shouldn't you overplan what you want to say?

2. 选择意思恰当的单词或词组来完成下列句子。

1. Sometimes you have to challenge your friends' _______. discussion        impact        conflict      behaviour 2. Your _______ can mean you need to be proved right. discussion       ego           calm       offend 3. It can be good to admit your _______. anxiety          conflict         argument   ego 4. A bad relationship with a friend can have a huge _______. issue           problem        argument    impact 5. Find a positive way to _______ problems. react           offend          frame       behave

答案

1.阅读课文并回答问题。

1. What makes it easier for both sides to identify a problem?

Having solid evidence makes it easier to identify problems. 

2. How can you make something sound less accusatory?

By expressing your concerns using 'I' to show the impact on you.

3. Why should you stay calm?

You should stay calm to avoid an argument.

4. What is the benefit of admitting your anxiety to your friend?

It helps you show a human side.

5. Why shouldn't you overplan what you want to say?

Because you might not be flexible enough to follow the discussion. 

2.选择意思恰当的单词或词组来完成下列句子。

1. Sometimes you have to challenge your friends' 

behaviour

. 2. Your 

ego

 can mean you need to be proved right. 3. It can be good to admit your 

anxiety

. 4. A bad relationship with a friend can have a huge 

impact

. 5. Find a positive way to

 frame 

problems. 文章来源BBC侵权删