【搬运】【译】叉婊Pitchfork评 Justin Bieber 2020年单曲《Yummy》

搬运自：微信公众号【评论搬一堆】（在原文基础上添加了英语原文与排版调整）

翻译：Ryan-Chopin

审译：Emma.Z

排版：Ryan-Chopin

Was any other pop star’s decade in the spotlight as chaotic as Justin Bieber’s? Mop-bucket piss and police charges aside, he’s certainly the only heartthrob that the Obama administration formally dunked on when a White House petition to revoke his green card garnered over 273,000 signatures in 2014. Through all the turmoil, Bieber’s music became a more gainful way to shed his tween image: Adopting the Y2K handbook of cribbing elements from rap and R&B hits, he cooked up his own wildly successful whitebread version, with his share of peaks and flops throughout.

Please toss “Yummy,” Bieber’s first single since 2015’s Purpose, in with the flops. In the trailer for a docuseries about his upcoming fifth album, Bieber and his crew speak in platitudes that suggest he’s in a healthier, more creatively fulfilling place now that he’s “found his wife,” model Hailey Baldwin. If that’s so, “Yummy” makes a compelling case for staying single: Shamelessly engineered for the truncated attention span of TikTok (he joined the service just for the occasion), it’s a bloodless shell of an R&B song crippled by asinine lyrics and a tired, syncopated backdrop. The song plateaus as soon as it starts, never inching past the toddler-like repetition of “yummy-yum” in its chorus. The problem isn’t even that a 25-year-old is employing baby talk as a squicky come-on—that’s been done better. “Yummy” is a dead-on-arrival return that even Bieber sounds bored with.

有没有其他流行歌手在聚光灯下度过的这十年像Justin Bieber的一样乱?且不谈他的“小便行为”和“警方指控”，仅在2014年就有超过27.3万人次签署请愿书希望白宫方面撤销他的绿卡，他也无疑是唯一一个被奥巴马政府“正式回应”（微笑状）的“万人迷”。经历了这么多混乱后的Bieber，用了一种更有助于摆脱他“问题少年”形象的方法来制作音乐:打开Y2K（千禧年危机）手册，从大热的饶舌和R&B歌曲中偷元素、搬救兵，终于他（用这些黑人爱用的音乐元素）制成了自己“名留青史”的“白面包”版本（译者注：“白面包”指为迎合白人中产阶级口味），并在整个过程中让大家看到自己歌曲的peak（峰值成绩）和flop（过气）。

“Yummy”是Bieber自2015年发行专辑《Purpose》以来的首支正式单曲，来，我们一起看着它过气好吗？在Bieber即将推出的第五张专辑的纪录片预告中，他和团队一口一句陈词滥调，暗示着自从他“找到了自己的妻子”——模特Hailey Baldwin之后，他便生活在一个更健康、更有创造力的环境里。如果真如他所说，那么“Yummy”就是一个活生生的例子，告诫我们：请保持单身。这首歌的制造是为了迎合抖音（一个短视频软件）那压缩了人们注意力的时长(他于发行前后才加入了抖音社区)，口区！“Yummy”只算得上一首R&B歌曲的空壳，歌曲被愚蠢的歌词和无聊的切分背景音所削弱。歌曲一开始就已停滞不前，副歌部分的Bieber就像蹒跚学步的孩子一样重复着“yummy-yum（好吃嘻嘻嘻）”。问题甚至不是说这个都25岁的人了，还在学孩童说话来用作（令人反胃的）让人听歌的诱饵——但这也比他以前的行径要好多了。“Yummy”是一次“胎死腹中”的回归，甚至Bieber听着自己都会觉得很厕。