【龙腾网】男朋友总是说我胖乎乎的，并且试图来“升级”或“改造”我
正文翻译
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.com 翻译：opopop456456exx 转载请注明出处
Boyfriend keeps trying to “upgrade” or “improve” me by calling me chubby
男朋友总是说我胖乎乎的，并且试图来“升级”或“改造”我
I’ve F(23) been dating my boyfriend M(27) for a year. I am 5”4’ and 125lbs. He pursued me. Slowly he keeps making more and more negative comments about my appearance.
我（女，23岁）和男朋友（男27岁）恋爱一年了。我身高5英尺4英寸（约1米63），体重125磅（约113斤）。是他追的我。慢慢地，他对我的外表越来越不满。
He made me a workout and eating plan and constantly asks if I follow it. He basically wants me to go vegan. Honestly I’m not into the vegan lifestyle and I don’t eat horrible. When we order in yesterday I got baked ziti. He looked at me and said how could I be ordering this when we both agreed I need to lose weight.
他给我制定了一个锻炼和饮食计划，不断地问我是否遵守。他想让我基本都吃素。老实说，我不喜欢素食主义的生活方式，我也不吃可怕的东西。昨天我们点菜时，我吃了烤紫菜。他看着我质疑说，当我们都同意我需要减肥的时候，你怎么能点这个菜。
Honestly at this point I don’t want to break up because I feel no one will find me attractive. I feel like I want his approval. I’ve been wearing baggy clothes because I’m so ashamed of my body. I use to like my body but now I’m ashamed.
老实说，现在我不想分手，因为我觉得没人会认为我有吸引力。我想得到他的认可。我一直穿着宽松的衣服，因为我为自己的身体感到羞愧。我以前喜欢我的身体，但现在我感到羞愧。
Why is he dating me if I’m so unattractive? How do I gain my self esteem back? Why pursue me?
如果我这么没魅力，他为什么要和我约会？我怎样才能找回自尊？他为什么要追我？
Edit: I would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming response. I can’t get back to everyone, but I appreciate each and every message. Honestly I didn’t realize my situation was that bad, I am going to assume he had me under control. This really was reassuring and I’m so happy I found this community and made this thread. I broke up with him over text message and explained to him how you talk and treat me is not how you talk to anyone let alone your girlfriend who you are suppose to love. That I hope he changes for the next girl he dates because he’s a miserable person and no one deserves his abuse. I blocked his number, I’m sure he might try to show up at my house, but I just felt the need to end it as soon as possible. I think I’m going to take some time for myself since my self esteem is still in the gutter, but thank you all
后面编辑：我要感谢大家的热烈回复。我不能一一回复所有人，但我很感激每一条留言。老实说，我没有意识到我的处境有那么糟糕，我想他已经控制了我。我很高兴我找到了这个社区，并且发了这帖子。我用短信和他分手了，并向他解释，他向我说的这些话以及对待我的方式，根本就不是对待自己心爱女孩应该要有的样子。我希望他能为下一个和他恋爱的女孩而改变，因为他是个可怜的人，没有人值得被他虐待。我屏蔽了他的号码，我相信他可能会来我家找我，但我只是觉得有必要尽快结束这段感情。我想我会花点时间为自己着想，因为我的自尊心还没恢复，谢谢大家
评论翻译
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.com 翻译：opopop456456exx 转载请注明出处
mooninpisces
Bless Up
This guy is toxic. What he is doing to you is abusive. No wonder your self-esteem is low and you’re concerned that you won’t find someone else. HE is the one who is doing that to you. He knows he is making you doubt yourself and making you afraid that he’s the only one who will ever want you.
Only you define your worth. The longer you stay in this relationship, the harder it will be to leave. And the longer it will take to discover yourself again and feel whole.
祝福你
这家伙简直有毒。他是在虐待你。难怪你这么自卑，担心找不到别的男人。他就是那个对你这么做的人。他知道，其实是他让你陷入自我怀疑，让你害怕，让你觉得只有他是唯一想要你的人。
只有你自己才可以定义你自己的价值。你在这段关系中待得越久，就越难离开。并且从这段感情中恢复过来的时间就越久。
chihuahua-mama
And if you accidentally get pregnant, can you imagine him doing this to your kids?
如果你不小心怀孕了，你能想象他也会这样对你的孩子吗？
sevenorangefiles
How do I gain my self esteem back?
By dumping the person who keeps destroying it.
“我怎样才能找回自尊？”
把那个不断破坏它的人抛到九霄云外。
didntstarthefire
It honestly sounds like he chased you just so he could break you down and control you. Girl get the fuck OUT
老实说，他追你是为了让你崩溃然后控制你。妹子赶紧退出这段恋爱吧
FuDuPuDa
@mooninpisces Guy here (sorry to invade), but you are dead on.
I''ve seen guys do this where they pursue a woman who is by all conventional standards a "catch" and a "keeper", finally "get them", and then systematically break them down physically, mentally, and spiritually so no one else can "have them".
I feel a lot of empathy for what op is going through; people, especially "men", can be capable of doing terrible things while deluding themselves that they are "helping".
My only advice for the OP is to not let that toxic person break them down anymore but that is easier said than done.
@mooninpisces
我是男的（冒昧参与女性话题），但你说对了。
我见过男人这样做，他们追求一个女人，按照他们的传统标准，这是一个“俘虏”和一个“猎手”的游戏，最后是“抓住她们”，然后系统性地把她们从身体上、精神上和思想上分裂开，这样就没有别人能“拥有她们”。
我对楼主的遭遇很同情；人们，特别是“男人”，可以在做可怕的事情的同时，自欺欺人地说他们其实是在提供“帮助”。
我对楼主的唯一建议是不要让那个有毒的人再把你的自信击碎，但这说起来容易做起来难。
spacebitchxxx
I feel like a lot of people go for others they think they can ‘fix’. Pretty narcissistic, and definitely toxic! He’s 100% trying to get her to depend on him for approval so she won’t leave which is awful.
我觉得很多人喜欢别人，他们认为他们可以“塑造”自己的 伴侣。其实这相当自恋，并且绝对有毒！他百分之百地想让她依靠他，这样她就不会离开他了，这太可怕了。
Verified Crisis Counselor
This is exactly what the filmmaker Max Landis did to his partners. It absolutely is abuse.
这正是电影制作人马克斯·兰迪斯对他的伴侣所做的事情。这绝对是虐待。
JustAsICanBeSoCruel
It''s a very HEALTHY weight. I''m OPs height (actually, an inch taller), and whenever I was the weight her bf is trying to get her to, my doctor would berate me for being thin. She literally would demand to know if I had an eating disorder.
Her bf wants her to be unhealthy.
（楼主的体重）这是一个非常健康的体重。我的身高和楼主一样（实际上，高了一英寸），如果我的体重是她男朋友想让她达到的那种体重，我的医生就会斥责我太瘦了。她会询问我是否饮食失调。
换而言之楼主的男朋友希望她不健康。
Kuchi_Kobi
Why is he dating me if I’m so unattractive? How do I gain my self esteem back? Why pursue me?
Some people like to be manipulating of others and that''s what''s happening here. Leave him & I promise you someone better is out there for you.
“如果我这么没魅力，他为什么要和我约会？我怎样才能找回自尊？他为什么要追我？”
有些人就是喜欢操纵别人，这就是正在发生在你身上的事情。离开他，我保证会有更好的人在你身边。
You_Talk_Funny
Send him a picture of Gerald Butler in 300 and if he can''t achieve those results by tomorrow morning, dump him.
You''re only trying to build up his self esteem. He''ll thank you for it eventually.
See what I mean.
给他寄一张《300勇士》中杰拉尔德·巴特勒的照片，如果他到明天早上还不能达到这样的（肌肉）效果，就把他甩了。
你只是想建立他的自信而已。他会感谢你的。
明白我的意思吧。
DovahFerret
@You_Talk_Funny Ha. I see no issue with this. It''s literally the embodiment of "treat others as you want to be treated". Maybe all this was just his really roundabout way of trying to get OP to aggressively encourage him to improve himself!
I kid.
OP, like everyone else has said, get out of there. He is abusive and you definitely deserve better.
@You_Talk_Funny 哈。我看这没什么问题。从字面上讲，这是“己所不欲勿施于人”的体现。也许这一切只是他的迂回策略，他真正的目的是试图让楼主积极鼓励他提高自己！
我只是开玩笑。
楼主，就像其他人说的，离开这段感情。他虐待你，你绝对应该得到更好的对待。
xoTesfaye
Leave him, if a man loves you, he will love you for you. This doesn’t mean he won’t care about your health, but the way you’re describing, sounds like he’s not interested in you
离开他，如果一个男人爱你，他会因为你本身而爱你。这并不意味着他不关心你的健康，但从你描述的来看，你男朋友对你不感兴趣。
VastTrust
5''4" and 125lb is literally skinny? Even if you were actually overweight or obese nothing justifies this behavior. He is emotionally abusing you get tf out of there right away. Call all your best girl friends, your mom, you sister, whatever, tell them exactly what you put in this post and I promise they''ll tell you to dump him right away. Get out of there!!!
5英尺4英寸和125磅真的很瘦吗？即使你真的超重或肥胖，没有任何理由证明这种你男朋友这种行为是正当的。他在情绪上虐待你，请马上结束这恋爱。打电话给你最好的女性朋友，你的妈妈，或者你的妹妹，不管怎样，告诉她们你在这篇文章里写了什么，我保证她们会叫你立刻甩掉他。分手吧！！！
whatisredditguys
Same I''m 5''4" and probably around 135, made me kind of sad because I know I''m not fat :( but this asshole is telling her she is? I''m not even the one dating the fool but he''s making me feel bad
同样，我身高5尺4寸，大概135磅左右，这让我有点难过，虽然我知道我不胖：（但这个混蛋说楼主她很胖？我甚至不会和这种傻瓜约会，但他让我感觉很糟糕
writingSFF
5''4 and 125 pounds is NOT chubby. I''m 5''5 and 110 pounds and people always tell me I''m too thin.
Your boyfriend is an asshole and there are so many men out there who will treat you better!
5尺4和125磅不是胖乎乎的。我5尺5，110磅，人们总是说我太瘦了。
你男朋友是个混蛋，外面还有很多会对你更好的男人！
jennitickles
Came here to say exactly this. Your bf is an idiot. Your height and weight combo sound perfect and healthy. Don’t let him break you, you deserve better!
来这里就是想说这个。你的男朋友是个白痴。你的身高和体重组合看起来完美又健康。别让他打击你，你应该得到更好的！
I''m barely 5''2 and 125 lbs, and if I lose weight I lose my period. You can lose ~185 lbs by dropping his ass, and a bit more by running for the hills.
Bagglebaggle
Consider this, what if you lost 15lbs? What if you lost 15lbs and he starts saying "oh you would look even better if you lost another 15lbs" By this point you''re underweight, by this point you''re in danger of developing an eating disorder and putting your own health in jeapordy. But he wants to see how far he can push you, and he will keep doing that unless you pull the plug and stop him.
想想看，如果你减了15磅呢？如果你减了15磅，他开始说“哦，如果你再减15磅，你会看起来更好”这时你体重不足，此时你有可能患上饮食失调疾病，你自己的健康也将处于危险境地。但他想知道他能把你推着走多远，除非你拔掉插头阻止他，否则他会一直这样做。
basicallyaballerina
110 is underweight for 5’4 according to BMI!
根据体重指数，对于5尺4寸身高来说，110磅是体重不足了！
curiously-optimistic
What the fuck??! I am also 5ft 4, 125lbs and let me tell you I have no issues finding men who consider my body sexy!! If you lost 15lbs you would be underweight by pretty much all Medical standards. The healthy weight range, for our height is something like 118-140lbs Fuck this guy. Get rid of him immediately. Tell him good luck finding one of those girls who will put up with his bullying, emotionally abusive ass.
卧槽？？！我也有5英尺4，125磅，让我告诉你，我在找一个认为我的身体性感的男人方面没任何问题！！如果你减掉了15磅，按照几乎所有的医学标准，你就属于体重不足。根据健康的体重范围标准，以我们的身高，体重应该大概在是118-140磅范围，操这个家伙。立刻离开他。告诉他，祝他好运，去找到会忍受他欺负的女孩，情感虐待的混蛋。
June_Monroe
He''s abusive dump his ass! Your weight is fine!
他在虐待你，分手！你的体重很好！
Batwoman_2017
He hates himself and is projecting that onto you. Next time he talks about how he wants to make you stand out, tell him he doesn''t get a say in that anymore. Dump him. There is nothing wrong with your body.
他恨他自己，并把这个投射到你身上。下次他再说他想让你脱颖而出的时候，告诉他他不再有发言权了。甩了他。你的身体没有问题。
mystankypanky
Wait what!? 125lbs and 5’4” is “chubby?” How in the fuck!? He’s obviously attracted to girls with eating disorders. Your very well within a healthy range and probably shouldn’t change a damn thing. Drop the loser and find someone who isn’t retarded.
等等，说什么！？125磅5尺4寸是“胖乎乎”的？他妈的想怎么样！？他显然对饮食失调的女孩很感兴趣。你在健康范围内很好，也许根本不应该改变什么。放下这个卢瑟，找一个不是弱智的人恋爱。
HumbleMumbleJumble
Girl, girl, ggiiiiirrrrlllllllll
Please leave this psycho. It is absolutely not okay to control someone like this and demean their partner. If my boyfriend did just ONE of the many jaw-dropping offenses your boyfriend made, I would high tail it so fast out of our house and bid his ass adieu. You must understand he is severely unhappy with himself and is in - a sick way - trying to control you to make himself feel better. He sounds like the “grass is always greener” type person. Let me ask, do you want to spend the rest of your life constantly chasing the next best fad or lifestyle with this person? Or do you want to be accepted for who you are and grow together with someone who sees your individual beauty? I am so sorry for what you are dealing with, you are experiencing a form of emotional abuse and when you are ready, there are many resources to help process your feelings and plan actions to reclaim your life back. My heart goes out to you, I respect your decisions and I hope you are able to heal and understand your glory very shortly :) <3.
女孩，女孩，女孩
请离开这个疯子。这样子去控制别人并且贬低伴侣的行为是绝对不好的。如果我男朋友只是犯了你男朋友犯下的令人瞠目结舌的其中一个罪行，我都会很快把他赶出家门，跟他告别。你必须明白，他对自己非常不满意，而且正在病态地试图控制你，让自己感觉好些。他听起来像是“这山望着那山高”的人。让我问一下，你想和这个人一起度过余生，不断追求下一个最好的时尚或生活方式吗？还是说你想和一个能让你成为你自己，并且发现你独特的美的人一起成长？我很同情你正在遭受的事情，你正在经历一种形式的情绪虐待，当你准备好了，其实会有很多资源来帮助你处理你的情绪，计划行动起来，挽回你的生活。我的心向你敞开，我尊重你的决定，我希望你能很快治愈并理解自己的自尊：）<3。
gypsofeelia
Throw the whole man in the trash.
把他整个人扔进垃圾桶。
TheGiggleWizard
You’re not fat. I’m not a fan of the idea that “any weight is healthy”, but you’re not at a weight that is a danger to you or anyone else. This dude is just toxic. There’s nothing wrong with encouraging someone to stay healthy, but your bf is abusive and borderline sadistic.
你不胖。我不赞成“任何体重都是健康的”这一观点，但你的体重对你或任何人都没有危险。这家伙就是有毒的。鼓励别人保持健康没什么不对，但你的男朋友是个滥情者，近乎虐待狂。
Minsc_NBoo
This guy is toxic. You are perfectly normal weight for your height. You are in the "healthy" BMI category
He is trying to destroy your self esteem so you won''t leave him
Even if you were a little overweight (which you are not) he should not treat you like this.
I would seriously consider leaving him .
这家伙有毒。就你的身高而言，你的体重完全正常。你属于“健康”BMI范畴
他想毁掉你的自尊，这样你就不会离开他
即使你有点超重（实际上你不是），他也不应该这样对待你。
我会认真建议你离开他。
McTrentonomous
My wife is 5’4 and 135. Usually her weight is between 115-125. She has a rockin’ fuckin body.
Dump his ass. He’s a cunt. Go flaunt your body for someone else.
我妻子是5尺4寸和135磅。她的体重通常在115-125磅之间。她的身材摇摆不定。
甩了他这个混蛋。他是王八蛋。重新找个男人去炫耀你的身体吧。
HughesR1990
Yo, he send you pics of other girls he wants you too look like? That shit is twisted.
哟，他给你发了其他女孩的照片并且他也希望你看起来像这照片里的女孩？那该死的混蛋心理真是扭曲的。
hauntedcookie36
This is so abusive. Call him out on emotionally abusing you. Your self esteem will improve if you leave him. You don’t even weigh that much!! I’m same 5’4” and 150 pounds heavier and I consider myself to be curvy and beautiful and not fat at all and so are you!
这太过分了。打电话给他，告诉他他在感情上虐待你。如果你离开他，你的自信会提高的。你甚至没有那么重！！我同样是5英尺4英寸和150磅重，我认为自己身材具有曲线而且美丽，一点也不胖，你也是！
