——你知道我也曾有试着努力爱我自己

Wilbur’s “Your City Gave Me Asthma”, an ode to what once was

You know I’ve tried hard to love me too

By Lily Low

Medium

For those who are unfamiliar with the gaming and YouTube scene, Wilbur Soot (or Will) is a British musician and content creator. He is now most notably known as a Twitch streamer, since his time of being the co-founder and editor of the YouTube channel SootHouse. He is also part of the DreamSMP, a survival multiplayer Minecraft server started by fellow content creator Dream (and the Dream Team). Aside from his solo album and comedy songs, Wilbur is also the lead singer and part of the British indie band, Lovejoy.

为那些不大熟悉游戏或YouTube领域的人介绍，Wilbur Soot（或称Will）是一位英国音乐家和内容创作者。他现在最被人所熟知的身份是一名Twitch主播，启程自他与人共创YouTube频道SootHouse并为其剪辑的时光。他也是DreamSMP的成员，那是一个由内容创作者Dream（和Dream Team）创建的Minecraft多人服务器。除了他的个人专辑和喜剧歌曲之外，Wilbur还是英国独立乐队Lovejoy的主唱。

(P.S. I actually really enjoy their music, so I highly recommend you to stream Lovejoy everywhere!)

（P.S.我真的很喜欢他们的音乐，所以我强烈建议你播点Lovejoy来听听！）

In a recent Just Chatting livestream (henceforth referred to as “the livestream”), Wilbur shared the background behind the tracks of his album Your City Gave Me Asthma. Though he has said that he doesn’t feel like this is ‘his’ album anymore (dedicated more to his audience rather than his own), I wanted to share my reflections on the lyrics of these 7 tracks.

在最近的谈天说地区直播中（以下简称为“直播”），Wilbur分享了一些他的个人专辑《Your City Gave Me Asthma{你的城市给我带来哮喘}》中歌曲的背景。尽管他说他感觉它已经不再是“他”的专辑了（更多属于他的听众而不是他自己了），我还是想要分享一些我关于那七首歌歌词的想法。

You can listen to Your City Gave Me Asthma here.

你可以在这里听《Your City Gave Me Asthma》

Trigger warning: Discussions of mental health, suicide, anxiety, self-worth

触发预警：关于心理健康、自杀、焦虑、自我价值的讨论

Jubilee Line

The title of this album is from a lyric in this track (Your city gave me asthma, So that’s why I’m fucking leaving). I adored this song the most, in terms of the underlying message behind it and its tune (I’m a sucker for a good tune I can immediately belt my heart out to).

专辑的名字来自于这首歌的一句歌词 （Your city gave me asthma, So that’s why I’m fucking leaving {你的城市给我带来哮喘，所以我要他妈离开} ）。就它背后隐含的意蕴和它的曲调而言，我最喜欢这首歌（我对好的曲调着迷，我可以将我的心与它们快速相连）。

“Jubilee Line” refers to one of the stations in London’s underground tube. I’m uncertain if this particular station was where Wilbur made his observations, but he describes what he observed from his experience on the tube.

“Jubilee Line”涉及的伦敦地铁中的车站。我不确定这个特定的车站是否就是Wilbur进行观察的地点，但他确是描述了他在地铁上观察到的内容。

Jubilee Line addresses the incidents of people committing suicide on the train tracks of the underground tube. The line There’s a reason that London puts barriers on the tube line is vital to this story, as this was the authorities’ response to these suicide cases. “Instead of getting better mental health services, all they did was put barriers in front of the rails. Did it really work though? I don’t think it does, because people still end up killing themselves,” he commented.

Jubilee Line谈论了人们在地铁轨道上自杀的时间。There’s a reason that London puts barriers on the tube line{伦敦在地铁线上设障碍是有原因的}的歌词在这个故事里至关重要，因为这是政府对那些自杀时间的应对回复。“他们没有增进心理健康服务，他们所做的一切就只是在栏杆中间建障碍。但这真的有用吗？我不这么认为，因为人们仍然在自杀，”他评论道。

In the same livestream, Wilbur also shared that he noticed the public’s “disconnect from humanity.” People were more annoyed that they were going to be late to their destination, rather than the fact that someone felt that their only way out was to take their life. The tone of this song feels like a lament of how people have become numb to the human experience and what is going on around them.

在同场直播中，Wilbur还分享到他注意到了公众的“与人类脱节”。人们对他们要迟到自己的目的地了感到更恼火，而不是有人感到他们唯一的出路是结束他们的生命。这首歌的曲调让人感到像一种对人们对人们的经历和他们正在发生的事麻木的哀叹。

Whose fault is it? The city? The authorities? The people?

这是谁的错？这座城市？当局？人群？

All I know is that I’m grateful this track exists because it still is a timely reminder that we can do more to increase the accessibility (and quality) of mental health services.

我所知道的只是我很感谢这首歌的存在，因为它是一个对我们可以为提高心理健康服务的易接近性（和质量）做更多工作的及时提醒。

Saline Solution

I think this time I’m dying

I’m not melodramatic

I’m just pragmatic beyond any reasoning

{我想这回我要死了

我没在耸人听闻

我很实际地这样想}

Wilbur refers to Saline Solution as the track that still applies today (commenting on the other tracks, he said that those sentiments represented how he felt at the time — but no longer applies to him). The lyrics of this track are Wilbur’s thoughts on dealing with his hypochondria. Essentially, being a hypochondriac is defined as “having an unrealistic fear that they have a serious medical condition or fear that they’re at high risk of becoming ill.”

Wilbur说Saline Solution是一首至今适用的歌曲（在另一首歌的评论区，他说那些表达代表着他在创作当时的感受——但不再适用于现在的他了）。这首歌的歌词是Wilbur关于应对他的疑病症的想法。本质上讲，疑病症被定义为“有一种对他们陷入了某种严重的健康情况或者他们有很大的生病的风险的不真实的恐惧。”

In the livestream, Wilbur shared that he’s had health anxiety his entire life: “Since I was a little kid, it’s a part of me. [There are] A lot of ways to cope, they work differently for different stages of my life.” (If you are interested to know more, Wilbur has also shared about this in an interview with heyitsjoe.)

在这场直播中，Wilbur分享说他的整个人生都有这样的健康焦虑：“从我还是一个孩子的时候开始，这就是我的一部分了。有很多方法可以应对它，他们在我生活的不同阶段不同地作用着。”（如果你想了解更多，Wilbur在一场和heyitsjoe的采访中做了一些于此相关的分享。）

Saline solution to all your problems. I’m not going to lie, I Googled “saline solution” because I wanted to confirm if I had a correct understanding of what it’s used for (totally not because I didn’t know what it was). Saline solution has multiple uses, but it is known for cleaning wounds, cleaning sinuses, and treating dehydration. Is this a metaphorical depiction of slapping on a plaster and accepting it, or taking something to solve it but you kind of have to keep on doing it? It feels more like the latter. Wilbur has always lived with his health anxiety, but he has found ways to cope with and work around it.

Saline solution to all your problems. {生理盐水能解决你的所有问题} 我说真的，我谷歌了“saline solution”，因为我想确认我有没有对它的用途有个正确的理解（完全是因为我不知道它是什么）。生理盐水有很多用途，最多被了解的是被用以清理伤口、清洁鼻窦和治疗脱水。它是一个拍一拍石膏然后接受它的隐喻，还是采取一些解决措施但你又有点必须一直这么干？感觉它更像后者。Wilbur一直伴着他的健康情况焦虑生活，但他已经找到了应对和绕过它的方法。

Since I Saw Vienna

The roads are my home as horizon’s my target

{我脚下的路是我的家，地平线是我的目的地}

“[Since I Saw Vienna] is about travelling, and the feeling of being with someone but still feeling lonely,” Wilbur shared in the livestream.

“《Since I Saw Vienna》关于旅行，以及在和人待在一起却仍觉得孤独的感觉。”Wilbur在直播中分享到。

When I listen to this track, it feels wistful and longing.

当我听到这首歌的时候，我感到一种徒然与渴望感。

Longing for what exactly, I wasn’t entirely sure.

至于是在渴望什么，我不能完全确定。

I’m not a man of substance and so I’ll pretend to be a wanderer. Wilbur shared about his tendency of moving from one place to the next: “I’m a big mover, I don’t normally stick with things very long.” We’ve always been told that we will enjoy ourselves the most in our 20’s, but I also feel like our 20’s involves a whole lot of exploring and figuring stuff out (e.g. how we can pay our bills, finding the right job, maintaining our income, our lifestyle, where do we want to settle down, are we even open to settling down?).

I’m not a man of substance and so I’ll pretend to be a wanderer.{我不是个有钱人，所以我假装成一个流浪者}Wilbur分享了他对从一个地方搬到另一个地方的的偏好：“我是一个大行动者，我一般不会很长时间坚持维持什么。”我们永远在被告知我们在二十来岁的很多时候会自我享受，但我也感觉我们二十多岁有着许多探索与搞明白事物（比如怎样付清账单，找到合适的工作，存下收入，我们的生活节奏，我们想在哪里安顿下来，甚至是我们愿意安顿下来吗？）。

This track made me reflect on these past few years of me trying to figure out my academic path and career. In short, I have felt extremely lost. Though thankfully I now have a better idea of my potential, I am still working through the effects and feelings I had of suddenly being pulled out of a purpose (read: prior academic major) that now feels foreign to me.

这首歌让我开始细细回顾我过去的试着搞清我的学习和事业道路的几年。简而言之，我曾感到极度迷失。即便幸好我现在对我的潜力有了更好的认知，我依然在对抗突然被从一个如今已经十分陌生的目标（注：之前的专业）中扯出来的影响与感觉。

Losing Face

“[Losing Face] is about being broken up with. I was told to wait for them, but they immediately got with someone else. That was my realisation that I had to move on as well,” Wilbur shared.

“《Losing Face》是关于分手的。ta叫我等，但ta立马和别人在一起了。然后我意识到我也要放下了，”Wilbur分享道。

This track is a dedication to a relationship in Wilbur’s past that has left him understandably bitter (or salty, as the young’uns would say). Through his lyrics, he rants about the new person in his place, asking Is he better than me? Has he seen more to this life?

这是一首献给Wilbur曾经的一段留给他苦涩（或者咸，就像年轻人常说的那样）的关系的歌。在他的歌词里他咆哮着取代他位置的新人，问着他比我更好吗？他对这生活比我有更多见地吗？

Oh, what could have been

If you didn’t go and fall in love

And ruin everything

{一切会是怎样

如果你没有离开、没有坠入爱河

也没有毁掉一切}

This track is a very honest detailing of the typical elements of a sour split: the break-up itself, the feelings about said breakup, what the person now feels about their ex-lover, their reflection on “the new guy” (or “the replacement”), lamenting about the relationship that once was, and needing to accept that this is how it is now (that his ex-lover has moved on) but not wanting to. There is a lot of mixed feelings expressed in this track, and lines like As long as you’re happy, I don’t care shows that.

这首歌非常诚挚地列述了一场酸涩的分手的典型元素：分手本身、关于分手的情绪、人们对他们前任的现今感受、他们对“那个新家伙”的反应（或者说是对“取代”）、对曾经存在过的这段关系的悲伤，以及需要接受事情就这样（前任已经离开）了但不想接受。这首歌混杂包含着很多情绪，譬如As long as you’re happy, I don’t care. {只要你幸福，我不在乎} 就有体现。

When we go through a breakup, we do ‘lose’ a part of us. If the relationship ended on somewhat civil/mutual terms, maybe the parties will end up being mutual friends. However, most relationships coming to an end do signify not only the end of the relationship — but for the time being, the friendship as well. And if the relationship had a less-than-pleasant ending?

Well… I’ve lost a piece of me in you, But you’ve lost all your past.

当我们历经一次分手，我们确“失去”我们的某一部分。如果一段关系以某种礼貌/相互的原因结束，也许两个人最后仍能做朋友。但是大多数关系的结束不仅意味着这段恋爱关系的终局——还暂时意味着友谊的离去。那么如果这段关系以一段不太愉快的方式结束呢？

那……I’ve lost a piece of me in you, But you’ve lost all your past. {我失去了我身上的一部分给你，但你失去了你的所有过去。

Your Sister Was Right

“I was a bad person, reckless with others’ hearts.”

“我是个糟糕的人，只会毫无顾忌地伤人的心”

The previous track was about an ex-lover betraying Wilbur’s trust, but Your Sister Was Right is about how he wasn’t exactly a stellar lover in another relationship: And I don’t deserve you, You deserve the world. The track started with Wilbur’s reflection on how his view on relationships (or the pursuit of one) has changed from before: I thought I couldn’t love anymore, Turns out I can’t, Not for the same reasons as before. This is very relatable, as we often change (e.g. either having more self-awareness, trying to piece back what was lost, completely reinventing ourselves, or becoming numb and afraid of commitment) after being in or leaving a relationship.

上一首歌关于Wilbur的前任背叛了他的新人，但《Your Sister Was Right》是关于他在另一段关系中作为一个爱人的不出色：And I don’t deserve you, You deserve the world. {而我配不上你，你值得整个世界的一切} 这首歌以Wilbur对他面对情感关系（或对其的追寻）的观念的转变的想法为开头：I thought I couldn’t love anymore, Turns out I can’t, Not for the same reasons as before. {我以为我不能再爱了，而事实正是如此，和以往的原因都不一样} 这很能让人共情，因为在开始或结束一段关系之后，我们总会改变（不是有更多的自我认知、想要修好曾经失去的东西、完全改头换面了，就是变得麻木又恐惧承诺了）。

Through this track, Wilbur talks about how he treated his partner poorly: I ostracise the ones who love me back. He also affirms that the warnings given about him were right: I hate to say it but your sister was right, I’m nothing but a problem, leave you crying overnight.

在这首歌里，Wilbur谈到了他如何糟糕地对待他的恋人：I ostracise the ones who love me back. {我排斥以爱回应我的人} 他还肯定了那些关于他的警告：I hate to say it but your sister was right, I’m nothing but a problem, leave you crying overnight. {我不想承认，但你的姐妹说的是对的，我除了是个麻烦外什么也不是，只会让你整夜落泪}

The first verse tackles Wilbur’s viewpoint of how he felt (or how he acted) in relationships. The second verse is his reflection on how he felt unworthy of the person he was with. The third verse lists out the points that made him a bad partner, through the judgment of his ex-lover’s sister. Overall, Wilbur admits his past mistakes and he closes this chapter.

第一段主歌讲述了Wilbur对他在关系中的感受（或行为）的看法。第二段讲述了他对他觉得自己配不上和自己在一起的人的想法。第三段列出了他是一个糟糕的恋人的缘由，通过讲述前任的姐妹对他的评价。总的来说，Wilbur承认了他过去的错误，并翻过了这一页走了出去。

La Jolla

When I first listened to this album, the song that was initially stuck in my head was La Jolla. Wilbur shares that this track is about him wanting to leave the U.K. and wanting to travel to see the world. Relating back to Since I Saw Vienna and his habit of hopping from one city to another, he dreams of leaving to start over somewhere new.

当我第一次听这支专辑时，立马便扎进我的脑袋的歌是这首La Jolla. Wilbur分享到这首歌是有关他想要离开英国、外出旅行来看看世界。再联系到《Since I Saw Vienna》与他喜欢从一座城市跳刀另一座城市的爱好，他的确梦想着离开然后在一个新的地方从头开始。

You know it takes a lot to move me

So if you figure it out, tell me

{你知道想要让我走可不容易

所以如果你找到方法了，记得来告诉我}

These two lines sum up the whole “I’m a wanderer” vibe Wilbur has going on in this album. In a way, I viewed this as him going from one place to another to search for something that makes him feel passionate — something that makes him feel like he’s really living. However, the journey of self-discovery can oftentimes feel lonely:

这两句歌词完全概括了Wilbur在这只专辑的那种“我是个漫游者”的氛围。在某种程度上，我把这看作是他从一个地方去另一个地方以找到让他感到热烈的东西——某种能让他感觉自己真正活着的东西。然而，这场自我追寻的旅行有时候会有些孤独：

You know I’ve tried hard to love me too

It always seems to fall in through

{你知道我也曾有试着努力爱我自己

但似乎永远都会失败}

Maybe one day I’ll live in La Jolla. I viewed “La Jolla” as something we can substitute with any of our life goals that we may have (e.g. Maybe one day I’ll be able to have my own house / maybe one day I’ll be able to write for a living, maybe one day I’ll be able to meet you again). To me, La Jolla can be a place, something we would like to achieve, something we would like to obtain

— the ideal of where/what we hope to be one day (and no, this is not a product placement but One Day by Lovejoy is pretty great though!).

Maybe one day I’ll live in La Jolla. {也许某天我会住去拉荷亚} 我想“拉荷亚”可以是我们的任何某个人生目标（比如也许某天我能有自己的房子/也许某天我能靠写作生活，也许某天我能再次见到你）。对我来说，拉荷亚可以是一个地方、我们想要实现的某个东西，我们想要拥有的某个东西

——是一个我们想去的地方/想成为的人的理想（没没没，这不是植入式广告但Lovejoy的One Day超棒的！）

I’m Sorry Boris

In the livestream, Wilbur shared he wrote this a week before leaving London. And yes, it is the Boris that you are thinking of. In this track, Wilbur laments about the changes that has been made to the country he’s always known.

在直播中，Wilbur分享到他在离开伦敦的一周前写下了这首歌。而是的，这就是你在以为的那个鲍里斯。在这首歌里，Wilbur写下了对这座他一直认识的国家被给予的改变的感慨。

And I’m sorry, but Boris, I’m leaving

I’m not good for anyone here

{对不起，但鲍里斯，我要离开了

我和这里的一切格格不入}

In La Jolla, Wilbur sings it takes a lot to move me. In this track, he answers himself, singing I figured out what can move me, It’s trains and hugs, planes and sushi.

在《La Jolla》中，Wilbur唱道想要让我走可不容易。在这首歌里，他回答了他自己，唱着我想明白什么能让我走了，那是火车与拥抱、飞机与寿司。

He has mixed feelings about leaving, seemingly having a love-hate relationship with London. Though the place makes him want to leave, he does not want to leave behind the people he cares about: 

他对离去有着复杂的情感，他似乎对伦敦爱恨交织。即便这个地方让他想要离开，他也不想离开那些他在乎的人们：

And even though I’m finished, I’m not quite done with it

No matter how far I run south, I’m always there

My lovers, my colleagues, my best friends and enemies

I don’t think I want to leave you

{而即便我现在已经完成了我的离开，我也没能完全离去

无论我南迁多远，我也永远都在这里

我的爱人，我的同事，我最好的朋友和仇敌

我不认为我想要离开你们}

With Your City Gave Me Asthma, Wilbur bids goodbye to the thoughts, people, and events of his past. These tracks now belongs to his audience, rather than something he is attached to.

用《Your City Gave Me Asthma》，Wilbur对他过去的想法、人和事物说再见。这些音乐现在属于他的观众们了，而不再是只与他相连的东西。

This was an ode to the person he once was.

这是一支对过去之他的颂歌。

原文地址：https://lily-low.medium.com/wilburs-your-city-gave-me-asthma-an-ode-to-what-once-was-1d2c1d1b4c23

原文中提到的超链接：

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqipiqO1m4U&feature=youtu.be

https://open.spotify.com/album/2d2QJv4OPOLS80tXaTCDsB?si=ktP1l8bwRm2dr8tP6Gt4ug

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1198958405

https://www.spotify.com/int/why-not-available/

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9886-illness-anxiety-disorder-hypochondria-hypochondriasis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFGpGKFd_Ec&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXqbR-h5VMY&feature=youtu.be

因为很想分享Wilbur谈的关于《Your City Gave Me Asthma》的创作背景和文章里作者对歌曲的这些很美的想法所以翻译啦，事实证明我对这些脱离口语化的优美的遣词造句的翻译和措辞还是太烂了，望各位大人别吃吐呜呜……