散文英译 孤独地走向未来

孤独地走向未来

贾平凹

Walking towards the Future Alone

Jia Pingwa

好多人在说自己孤独，说自己孤独的人其实并不孤独。孤独不是受到了冷落和遗弃，而是无知己，不被理解。真正的孤独者不言孤独，偶尔作些长啸，如我们看到的兽。

So many people claim that they are lonely. In fact, such self-claimed loneliness is not real loneliness indeed. Real loneliness does not equal being turned a cold shoulder or abandoned. Rather, it emerges when you have no bosom friend and are wronged by others. One who is genuinely lonely never talks loneliness. Instead, they merely heave long sighs like a beast.

弱者都是群居者，所以有芸芸众生。弱者奋斗的目的是转化为强者，像蛹向蛾的转化，但一旦转化成功了，就失去了原本满足和享受欲望的要求。国王是这样，名人是这样，巨富们的挣钱成了一种职业，种猪们的配种更不是为了爱情。

The weak are always crowded together/congregate together. And this is how the mob of ordinary beings comes about. The weak struggle on in life with the purpose of becoming strong. Just like a pupa metamorphosizing into a moth, once the transmutation/change is complete, their original drive to satisfy and fulfill a desire will be promptly/immediately scattered to the wind. Monarchs, as well as celebrities, have all gone through this transmutation/change too. For the superrich, making money is a profession, just like breeding hogs who spread their seed without any desire of being loved.

我见过相当多的郁郁寡欢者，也见过一些把皮肤和毛发弄得怪异的人，似乎要做孤独，这不是孤独，是孤僻，他们想成为六月的麦子，却在仅长出一尺余高就出穗孕粒，结的只是蝇子头般大的实。

I have met lots of melancholy and sullen/ sullen and sulky persons. I have also met some who get their skin tattooed and their hair dyed in a weird way. They try to put on an air of being lonely. But this is not true loneliness but eccentricity. They want to be like wheat in June, shooting out ears when they are only one foot high. Their grain is no bigger than the head of a fly.

每个行当里都有着孤独人，在文学界我遇到了一位。他的声名流布全国，对他的诽谤也铺天盖地，他总是默默，宠辱不惊，过着日子和进行着写作，但我知道他是孤独的。

There are lonely persons in every walk of life. I met one in the literary field. He was a nationwide celebrity, and the slander against him could eclipse the sky and blanket the earth. However, through fair and foul, he stayed silent. He carried on his daily life and writing. I knew that he was lonely.

“先生，”我有一天走近了他，说，“你想想，当一碗肉大家都在眼睛盯着并努力去要吃到，你却首先将肉端跑了，能避免不被群起而攻之吗?”

One day I just approached him and said, “Sir, just you think about it, when everyone is casting their covetous eyes on a bowl of meat, you grab it and run away. How can you avoid being pointed an accusing finger by all sides/ being ganged up against by all sides?”

他听了我的话，没有说是或者不是，也没有停下来握一下我的手，突然间泪流满脸。

After hearing my words, he neither said yes nor no, nor did he stop and shake hands with me. All of a sudden, his cheeks were bathed in tears.

“先生，先生……”我撵着他还要说。

“Sir, sir…” I chased after him.

“我并不孤独。”他说，匆匆地走掉了。

“I am not lonely.” He replied and hurried away.

我以为我要成为他的知己，但我失败了，那他为什么要流泪呢，“我并不孤独”又是什么意思呢?

I thought I could become his bosom friend, but it turned out that I failed. Then why did tears well up from his eyes? And what did he mean by “I am not lonely”?

一年后这位作家又出版了新作，在书中的某一页上我读到了“圣贤庸行，大人小心”八个字，我终于明白了，尘世并不会轻易让一个人孤独的，群居需要一种平衡，嫉妒而引发的诽谤，扼杀，羞辱，打击和迫害，你若不再脱颖，你将平凡，你若继续走，走，终于使众生无法赶超了，众生就会向你欢呼和崇拜，尊你是神圣。神圣是真正的孤独。

A year later, this writer published his new book. One of its pages I found eight words: “Great saints behave vulgarly, great people act prudently.” Finally, I made it clear: living in this vanity fair never allows one to win loneliness hands down. Communal living requires a kind of balance. Jealousy triggers off slander, homicide, attacks and persecution. If you fail to stand out among the crowd, you will remain a nobody. If you head on and on till the crowd can never catch up with or surpass you, then the crowd will be compelled to worship and applaud you, exalting you as some divine being. Those who are divine are truly lonely.

走向孤独的人难以接受怜悯和同情。

One, once starts his or her journey towards true loneliness, is terribly reluctant to accept the pity and sympathy from others.