思考与比较——《陶乐熙奇遇记》翻译札记
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz(1900),是美国童话大师莱曼•弗兰克•鲍姆(L. Frank Baum 1856——1919)的经典名作;据笔者有限的见闻,近几年该书出的中文译本至少有七、八种之多,还不算那些改编本。其中,张建平译本至少有六家出版社出品,马爱农译本至少有3家出版社出书。总体感觉,两种译本均为佳作,精彩纷呈,各有特色:马译贴近原文,忠实准确,丰腴详实,误译、漏译极少;张译遗貌取神,地道流畅,瘦硬简洁。
笔者在翻译该书过程中有一些思考;为拓宽视野,获得启发,曾查阅张、马两位名家之部分译例作参考比较。
需要说明的是,张、马二译精彩之处甚多,笔者并未通读,已获益不浅;这里的“参考比较”是笔者思考那些问题时,以二位名家为师,看看他们是怎么处理的,也仅仅为说明拙译之“异”;毫无疑义,一个词句之优劣与否,多数情况下要在更大的、甚至全书的语境中才更能说明问题,更容易玩味。更何况,译事之道,大概也是“大体则有,定体则无”,见仁见智,或是其永恒的规律吧。
欢迎各种批评意见,欢迎将拙译之任何章节或全书与任何译本相比较。
一 书名
该书的中文版译名众多:《绿野仙踪》,《仙境术士》,《奥兹国的伟大巫师》等等,不一而足,而以《绿野仙踪》为名者最多。( 文章阅读网:www.sanwen.net )
那么,《绿野仙踪》是否恰当的译名呢?
《绿野仙踪》本来是清代乾隆年间的一部神魔小说,作者李百川。鄙人大胆猜测,1939年,好莱坞导演维克多•弗莱明把The Wonderful Wizard of Oz拍成了电影,名为The Wizard of OZ;该片在中国上映时,或许被译成了《绿野仙踪》,此后该书的中文版问世,便沿用了该译名。
若按原书名The Wonderful Wizard of Oz,应该是《奥兹的神奇巫师》;若按该书的内容,就更不对了。《绿野仙踪》让人误解为是一部像《西游记》、《封神演义》那样的神魔小说,这不仅是驴唇不对马嘴,而且还违背了作者的匠心。
因为,作者在该书《序言》中说:
Yet the old time fairy tale, having served for generations, may now be classed as "historical" in the children's library; for the time has come for a series of newer "wonder tales" in which the stereotyped genie, dwarf and fairy are eliminated, together with all the horrible and blood-curdling incidents devised by their authors to point a fearsome moral to each tale. Modern education includes morality; therefore the modern child seeks only entertainment in its wonder tales and gladly dispenses with all disagreeable incident.
Having this thought in mind, the story of "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" was written solely to please children of today. It aspires to being a modernized fairy tale, in which the wonderment and joy are retained and the heartaches and nightmares are left out.
“而那些世世代代流传的古老童话,在今天的儿童图书馆里,也许只能被归为‘历史类’,因为时代已经产生了一系列新的‘传奇故事’。其中,老一套的妖怪、侏儒和仙女消失了,连同所有恐怖的、让人血液凝固的故事,以及作者的道德说教都一起消失2了。现代教育中包含着道德,因而,现代孩子从那些传奇故事中寻找的只是娱乐,讨厌看到令人心烦的事情。
基于这种思想,本书只为了让今天的孩子们感到开心而写。它期盼成为一部现代童话,其中,保留了惊奇与欢乐,告别了悲伤与恶梦。”
(本段译文摘自《百度百科•莱曼•弗兰克•鲍姆》,经笔者校订,改动了个别文字)。
可见,The Wonderful Wizard of Oz不仅不是中国旧式的神魔小说,而且连西方旧式的传奇故事都不是!它是“一部现代童话”,充满了“惊奇与欢乐”。通读全书,其中固然有“女巫,巫师”,但没有中国式的神仙妖魔,也没有西方的神仙与妖魔,“绿野”虽有,何来“仙踪”?而且,作者既然明说本书不是旧式的神魔小说,而且,鲍姆的书名也是原创,并非用的西方文学中现成的书名,那么,把中国神魔小说中的现成书名硬拉过来取代原创书名,如何面对李百川与弗兰克•鲍姆两位先贤?
全书以小女孩Dorothy的一系列奇遇为线索展开故事,正如作者所说,充满了“惊奇与欢乐”,可以说,“奇”是本书的一大特色,常常出人意料,惊奇不断,而又总能化险为夷,没有非常凶险,恐怖血腥的场面。书名应该与其内容相符合,故笔者将该书译作《陶乐熙奇遇记》。
要说“绿野仙踪”这四个字,的确富有诗意,给人无限的遐想, 但含义太宽泛,适应面极广,任何一部神话作品,无论是小说还是影视,用《绿野仙踪》做标题恐怕都比该书更名副其实;而任何一部武侠类作品,则《绿野侠踪》都很不错。
二 各章节标题
该书是童书,儿童时代读过的书影响巨大,儿童们会不知不觉地模仿其中的语言,叙述方式及标题的拟定等等;因而,各章节标题的译法,既依据作者写作该书的指导思想“惊奇与欢乐”,突出一个“奇”字,也参照原书标题,根据其内容及作者意旨确定。2标题的“奇”,亦能激发小读者的好奇心与阅读欲。。
例如, 第一章 The Cyclone,译作《旋风来了》本来也可以,但拙译《 乘坐旋风旅行》,不仅更与其内容相符合,而且可让儿童一看到这个标题,就觉得新奇,产生好奇心与阅读欲。
第六章 The Cowardly Lion,狮子是庞然大物,力气大,爪子锋利,Dorothy是小女孩,个子小,力气小;然而狮子非常胆小,Dorothy非常勇敢,半路上遇见了狮子,却打败了狮子,收服了狮子2。该章并非主要叙述狮子怎么胆小,所以,笔者译作《小女孩战胜了大狮子》。
第八章The Deadly Poppy Field没译成《致命的罂粟花地》而译成《香花有毒》,我们常说“香花毒草”,香花大家都喜爱,尤其是既美又香的花儿!可是作者的匠心就是要告诉小读者,有些美丽的而又很香的东西很吸引人,恰恰应该警惕!
第十一章 The Wonderful City of Oz,该章开头部分确实也介绍了翡翠城如何神奇,但绝大部分篇幅都是描写主人公面见奥兹的情景,而该书前半部分主人公历经种种艰难险阻,几近绝望,其目的正在于要见到奥兹,故译为《终于见到了伟大的奥兹》。
第十六章The Magic Art of the Great Humbug,一般都译作“大骗子的魔术”或“大骗子的魔法”,拙译为“忽悠大师的杰作”,因为奥兹并不是中文语境里的骗子,他的谎言,他的制假并未给谁带来实质性的损害。就笔者所知,英语中表示骗子有五个词,作者却一个也没有用,而humbug则意为“为骗取支持或同情的花招或谎言”,作者使用这个词非常准确。奥兹其实是个好人,他为什么要伪装成无所不能的大巫师,本文下面《四 文学性 4、人物的个性化语言》中,会有分析。我们在生活中常说某人“就会忽悠人”,也是指的人们很容易相信他的话,但并非真的是骗子,是调侃的说法。此处所谓的“魔法”,不过是把一些麸皮加上缝衣针、大头针作为脑子即智慧装进了稻草人的脑袋里,把一个装满锯木的丝袋作为爱心,善心装进了铁樵夫的胸膛,让狮子喝下了叫“勇气”的液体(很可能是酒),他们都心满意足,从此也觉得自己与以前大不同了。这不是“忽悠”是什么?作者这么用当是调侃,幽默。
总之,每章的标题都没有轻易放过,都经过通盘考虑。
三 主人公及部分专有名词的译名
主人公Dorothy,源出希腊语,意为“上帝的礼物”,一般音译为“多萝西”;拙译为中国儿童着想,译成“陶乐熙”,让他们易读易记,意思也很好;提到这个名字,就好像提到自己的同伴、同学。若有陶姓人家为女儿取名,亦可用此名,小名可叫“乐乐”或“熙熙”。
第二章的Munchkins,译为“梦境人”而没有译成“孟奇金人”或“芒奇金人”,把这个地方译为“梦境国”而不是“孟奇金国”或“芒奇金国”。因为这里富饶美丽,青葱翠绿,到处是鲜花果树,与堪萨斯大草原的枯燥、干旱,到处是灰蒙蒙一片形成了鲜明的对照,就自然环境而言,这儿不正是陶乐熙一家那样的农人们梦中的天堂吗?再说,陶乐熙在房子里,被旋风刮到了这儿,又恰好砸死了邪恶女巫,当地百姓衷心地感激她,又遇到了一个真正的女巫,不正像是在做梦吗?
第七章出现的 Kalidahs是一种怪兽,拙译为“大力怪”,而没有译成“卡利达斯”或“卡利达”,是因为(第七章):
"What are the Kalidahs?" asked the girl.
"They are monstrous beasts with bodies like bears and heads like tigers," replied the Lion, "and with claws so long and sharp that they could tear me in two as easily as I could kill Toto. I'm terribly afraid of the Kalidahs."
“大力怪是什么东西?”小女孩问。
“是一种怪兽,身子像狗熊,脑袋像老虎,”狮子答道,“它们的爪子又长又锋利,而且力大无穷,可以毫不费力地把我撕成两半,就像我可以撕开托托一样。我可是怕惨了大力怪。”
能够毫不费力地把一头大狮子撕成两半,仅仅是爪子又长又锋利是不行的,力气大才是关键,所以译文中加上了“而且力大无穷”。而Kalidahs倒过来音译恰好接近“大力怪”,对于小读者来说,易读易懂又好记。
三 代词“he、she 、it”的使用
作者用人称代词指代动物时,对于“he、it” 的用法颇为讲究:对正派角色用“he、she、”,对反派则用“it”。对狮子、小狗、通篇用“he”;对乐于助人的鹳鸟用“she,her”,对飞猴用“he”;对田鼠女王,第一次用“it”,以后一直用“she、her”;对那只黄色的大野猫,则用“it、its;请看第九章:
The Tin Woodman was about to reply when he heard a low growl, and turning his head (which worked beautifully on hinges) he saw a strange beast come bounding over the grass toward them. It was, indeed, a great yellow Wildcat, and the Woodman thought it must be chasing something, for its ears were lying close to its head and its mouth was wide open,
showing two rows of ugly teeth, while its red eyes glowed like balls of fire. As it came nearer the Tin Woodman saw that running before the beast was a little gray field mouse, and although he had no heart he knew it was wrong for the Wildcat to try to kill such a pretty, harmless creat2ure.
对21章出现的凶残怪兽,第一次用“him”(或许是跟着就要出现“it”此处才用“him”),以后都用“it、its”。
请看:
The great spider was lying asleep when the Lion found him, and it looked so ugly that its foe turned up his nose in disgust. Its legs were quite as long as the tiger had said, and its body covered with coarse black hair. It had a great mouth, with a row of sharp teeth a foot long; but its 2head was joined to the pudgy body by a neck as slender as a wasp's waist. This gave the Lion a hint of the best way to attack the creature, and as he knew it was easier to fight it asleep than awake, he gave a great spring and landed directly upon the monster's back. Then, with one blow of his heavy paw, all armed with sharp claws, he knocked the spider's head from its body. Jumping down, he watched it until the long legs stopped wiggling, when he knew it was quite dead.
因此,把称呼小狗托托和狮子的“he”译成“它”,违背了作者的匠心。
四 文学性
文学性即形象性、生动性,所写的环境、景物,要像画面一样展示在读者面前,让人有身临其境的感觉;写人的动作情态,要如见其人,如闻其声;人物需个性鲜明。原作是文学经典,译者当然必须在译文中再现原作的文学性。
总之,既要尽量再现原文的语气、形象,又要符合现代汉语的表达习惯,富于文学性,包括音乐性与节奏感。
1、 介绍环境。(第一章)
Dorothy lived in the midst of the great Kansas prairies, with Uncle Henry, who was a farmer, and Aunt Em, who was the farmer's wife. Their house was small, for the lumber to build it had to be carried by wagon many miles. There were four walls, a floor and a roof, which made one room; and this room contained a rusty looking cookstove, a cupboard for the dishes, a table, three or four cha2irs, and the beds. Uncle Henry and Aunt Em had a big bed in one corner, and Dorothy a little bed in another cor2ner. There was no garret at all, and no cellar--except a small hole dug in the ground, called a cyclone cellar, where the family could go in case one of those great whirlwinds arose, mighty enough to crush any building in its path. It was reached by a trap door in the middle of the floor, from which a ladder led down into the small, dark hole.
堪萨斯大草原的中部,有一座房子,房子里住着陶乐熙和她的亨利伯伯与爱姆婶婶,伯伯是农夫,婶婶是农妇。这房子很小很小,因为修建房子的木材啊,要用马车到老远老远的地方去拉回来。房子只有四堵墙,一个地板和一个屋顶。房间里有一个生了锈的炉灶,一个碗柜,一张桌子,三、四把椅子和两张床。亨利伯伯和爱姆婶婶的那张大床,在一个角落里;陶乐熙的小床,在另一个角落里。屋子里没有阁楼,也没有地窖,却在地上挖了一个小洞,叫做“避风洞”;旋风一来,全家人都可以躲进去。旋风的力气可大可大了,连房屋都可以摧毁!地板中间有一道活板门,门里有架梯子,通到那个黑黢黢的小洞里。
这是本书的开头,介绍故事发生的环境。就像是电影画面:一望无际的大草原上出现一个小黑点,小黑点逐渐变大,原来才是一座木头房子——房间里面的陈设——特点:无阁楼,无地窖,有“避风洞”。叙述的是“物”怎么样,而不是“人”怎么样。
如果译成“陶乐熙和她的••••••住在堪萨斯大草原的中部••••••,叙述的就是“人”怎么样,而不是“物”怎么样了。同理,若把引文中黑体部分译作:“亨利伯伯和爱姆婶婶睡屋角的一张大床,陶乐熙睡另一角落里的小床”,也是一样的。
此外,原书本是给孩子们讲的故事,就带有讲故事的口吻,但又不很明显;读译文时,也要有这种感觉。所以,把“Their house was small, for the lumber to build it had to be carried by wagon many miles”译成“这房子很小很小,因为修建房子的木材啊,要用马车到老远老远的地方去拉回来”,就是要再现那种讲故事的口吻。
参较(A为张译,B为马译,下同):
A、 有个小姑娘叫多萝西,是个孤儿,她和亨利叔叔、爱姆婶婶生活在一起,他们住在堪萨斯大草原的中部。叔叔是个农夫。他们的房子很小,因为造房子的原木要从很远的地方用车子拉来。房子有四堵墙,下有地板,上有屋顶,里面有一个生锈的炉灶,一只碗柜,一张桌子,三四把椅子,两张床。亨利叔叔和爱姆婶婶睡屋角的一张大床,多萝西睡另一角落里的小床。屋里没有阁楼,也没有地窖,只有一个小洞,是在地上挖出来的,叫做防旋风地洞,草原上的龙卷风足以把房屋刮倒,遇到这种情况,全家人就躲到这个洞里避难。洞子挖在地板中央,上面有一扇活板门,翻起这扇门,就能顺着梯子下到黑咕隆咚的小洞里。
B、多萝西和她的亨利叔叔、艾姆婶婶一起生活在堪萨斯大草原上。叔叔是个农夫,他们的房子很小,因为建房子的木头是马车从好远的地方运来的。四面墙加上屋顶和地板,构成了一间屋子。这问屋子里有一个看上去锈迹斑斑的炉灶,一个碗柜,一张桌子,三四把椅子,还有两张床。亨利叔叔和艾姆婶婶的大床在一个墙角,多萝西的小床在另一个墙角。没有顶楼,也没有地窖——只有地上挖的一个小洞,被称为龙卷风地窖,每当那种威力无比、摧毁一路所有建筑物的大旋风刮来的时候,全家人就躲到地窖里去。屋子中央的地上有个活板门,有一架梯子通向下面那个黑乎乎的小洞。
2、景物描写。
1)(第一章)
When Dorothy stood in the doorway and looked around, she could see nothing but the great gray prairie on every side. Not a tree nor a house broke the broad sweep of flat country that reached to the edge of the sky in all directions. The sun had baked the plowed land into a gray mass, with little cracks running through it. Even the grass was not
green, for the sun had burned the tops of the long blades until they were the same gray color to be seen everywhere. Once the house had been painted, but the sun blistered the paint and the rains washed it away, and now the house was as dull and gray as everything else.
陶乐熙站在门口,四下张望:只见四面八方,除了一片灰蒙蒙的大草原,什么也没有;平坦的原野一望无际,直到天边,既看不到树木、也看不到房屋;太阳把犁过的土地烘烤成了一片灰土,一条条小小的裂缝穿行于其间;就连那些草都不是绿色的:高高的草尖都被太阳烤焦了,最后融进了漫天遍野的灰色;这房子以前也上过漆,但是给太阳晒得起了泡,一下雨就冲刷掉了;于是,房子和周围的一切一样,也变得暗淡单调、灰不溜丢的了。
这是小女孩眼睛里所看到的景象,灰色,不仅是大草原的颜色,也代表着人们的心情。“什么也没有”暗示她还想看到点儿别的,例如,青葱翠绿的草木蔬菜,五颜六色的鲜花等等;如果原作想表达“只能看见”的话,何不用“she could only see•••”?“一条条小小的裂缝穿行于其间”给人以动感:随着眼睛看过去,那些裂缝由近而远地延伸出去。
参较:
A、 多萝西站在门口朝四处看,只能看见一大片灰蒙蒙的草原。四面八方都是一马平川延伸到天边,看不见一棵树或一幢房子。太阳把耕地晒成灰色一片,到处都有细小的裂纹。就连草儿也不是绿的,因为太阳把叶尖也晒成了灰色,看上去到处都是灰蒙蒙的。多萝西家的房子曾粉刷过,但经过一次次的日晒雨淋,颜色早已褪尽,房子也变得和其他东西一样灰不溜秋了。
B、 多萝西站在门口,朝四下张望,周 围什么也没有,只有一望无际的灰色大草原。无论朝哪个方向 望去,平坦的旷野一直延伸到天际,看不见一棵树、一座房屋。太阳把犁过 的土地烤 成了焦灰色,地面裂开一道道细纹。草也不绿了,太阳把高高的茅草尖都烤 得焦枯了, 结果看上去到处都是一片灰色。房子以前是刷过漆的,但太阳把油漆晒得起了泡,雨水把剥落的油漆冲走了,现在这房子也跟周围所有的东西一样灰蒙蒙的,暗淡无光。
2)(第一章)
From the far north they heard a low wail of the wind, and Uncle Henry and Dorothy could see where the long grass bowed in waves before the coming storm. There now came a sharp whistling in the air from the south, and as they turned their eyes that way they saw ripples in the grass coming from that direction also.
从老远老远的北方,传来了一阵低沉的呼啸——是风暴!亨利伯伯和陶乐熙看见,风暴到来前,那些长长的草叶随风弯下腰去,如波浪般起伏。突然,从南方的天空又传来一声刺耳的呼啸!他们转过头去,只见一波接一波的草浪又从那个方向由远而近,奔涌而来!
描写旋风到来前的情景,烘托紧张气氛,力求“如在眼前、身临其境”。
参较:
A、 他们听见从遥远的北方传来了狂风低沉的呼啸声,亨利叔叔和多萝西看见长长的草儿被正在到来的狂风吹得像波浪似的起舞。这时南边的天空中传来一阵尖厉的呼啸声,他们朝那个方向看去,只见那里的草也荡开了涟漪。
B、 从远远的北方传来一阵低沉的、呼啸的风声,亨利叔叔和多萝西看见长长的茅草在风暴来临前像波浪一样翻滚起伏。这时空中南面又传来一声尖厉的呼啸,他们转眼一看,只见那个方向的茅草也朝这边起伏翻滚。
3、(第十章)
There was a bell beside the gate, and Dorothy pushed the button and heard a silvery tinkle sound within. Then the big gate swung slowly open, and they all passed through and found themselves in a high arched room, the walls of which glistened with countless emeralds.
大门旁边有一个门铃,陶乐熙就去按了按,里面立即传来银铃般叮铃铃的声音。然后,大门摇荡着慢慢开了,他们就走了进去;发现自己进了一个高高的圆拱形的屋子,每堵墙都闪闪发光,墙上镶有无数的翡翠。
体察故事中人物的感知过程:进了屋子,惊奇于“墙壁闪闪发光”,原来是“墙上镶嵌着无数翡翠”。
参较:
A、••••••他们鱼贯而入,发现来到了一个拱顶房间,房间四壁镶嵌着无数翡翠,闪闪发光。
B、••••••他们都走进去,发现自己来到了一个高高的圆顶的房间里,四面的墙壁上闪烁着无数绿宝石。
4、人物个性化语言。
1)(第九章)
The field mouse, now that it was freed from its enemy, stopped short; and coming slowly up to the Woodman it said, in a squeaky little voice:
"Oh, thank you! Thank you ever so much for saving my life."
田鼠见敌人已死,立即停下,慢慢地走向樵夫,用吱吱吱的声音小声说:
“壮士仗义相救,不胜感激之至!”
参较:
A、“哦,谢谢你!非常感谢你救了我。”
B、“哦,谢谢你!非常感谢你救了我的命。”
田鼠女王既是“女王”,当然身份高贵,也受过良好的教育,在陌生的救命恩人面前,也不免有些矜持,那种高贵的矜持。想一想欧洲的王宫,女王的言语动作。
本章下文还有这样一句:
Dorothy nodded gravely and the Queen made a curtsy.陶乐熙庄重地向女王点了点头,女王向她行了一个优雅的屈膝礼。
A、 多萝西严肃地点点头,女王向她行了个礼。
B、 多萝西严肃地点点头,女王欠身行了个礼。
2)(第九章)
"Then send for them all to come here as soon as possible, and let each one bring a long piece of string."
(稻草人说)“那么,恳请陛下传令:全体鼠民速来,每鼠带一长绳。”
A、“那你尽快把它们都招来,让它们全都带一根绳子。”
B、“那就叫它们全都尽快赶到这里来,让每只田鼠都带一根长绳子。”
稻草人在这个团队中最爱思考,也善于思考,善于留心相关情况,因此也最有智慧,每一次遇到困难或危险,都是他想出了妙计,取得了一个又一个的胜利。这一次,又是他想出了妙计,俨然像一个指挥千军万马的将军,请女王下令,命令当然得简洁有力,易记易传。
3)(第十一章)
The little girl began to weep, she was so much disappointed; and the eyes winked again and looked upon her anxiously, as if the Great Oz felt that she could help him if she would. "I never killed anything, willingly," she sobbed. "Even if I wanted to, how could I kill the Wicked Witch? If you, who are Great and Terrible, cannot kill her yourself, how do you expect me to do it?"
"I do not know," said the Head; "but that is my answer, and until the Wicked Witch dies you will not see your uncle and aunt again. Remember that the Witch is Wicked--tremendously Wicked -and ought to be killed. Now go, and do not ask to see me again until you have done your task.”
小女孩忍不住哭了起来,她太失望了。那双眼睛又眨了一下,焦急地注视着她;似乎伟大的奥兹也觉得,如果陶乐熙愿意,就能够帮助他杀死恶女巫。
“我从来没有想要杀死过什么,”她抽泣地说。“就算我想要杀死那个恶女巫,又怎么能办得到?如果您,您这么无所不能、令人可怕的巫师,都做不到的,又怎么能指望我做到?”
“我不管!”那个大头说,“这就是我的回答。只要恶女巫不死,你就别想再见到你的伯伯和婶婶。记住,那是个恶女巫,邪恶无比,——她罪该万死!现在,你走吧;完不成任务,就别来见我!”
参较:
A、“这我可不知道,”头颅说,“但这就是我的答复,除非那个恶女巫死了,否则你别想再见到你的叔叔和婶婶。记住,那是个恶女巫——非常邪恶——应该被杀死。现在你可以走了,不完成任务别再想见我。”
B、“我不知道”,大脑袋说,“但这就是我的回答,除非邪恶女巫死了,不然你是不会见到你的叔叔和婶婶的。你要记住,那个女巫是邪恶的——是无比邪恶的——所以应该把她杀死。现在去吧,在没有完成任务之前,不要再来见我了。”
“我不管!”——至于你怎么去杀死恶女巫,能不能杀死她或是被她杀死,那是你的事,我可管不着!反正你必须杀死她,我才会送你回堪萨斯与你的伯伯和婶婶团聚!奥兹逼迫一个毫无魔法的小姑娘去杀死法力强大的恶女巫,毫无商量的余地,难道逼她去送死?!人们传说中,奥兹是“仁慈善良,英明睿智、无所不能的伟大巫师”,“法力超过所有的女巫”,但同时,从第二章到本章,又多次通过不同人物的口,说奥兹terrible, most terrible!他究竟是什么样的人?为什么要这样做?请看第十五章:
"One of my greatest fears was the Witches, for while I had no magical powers at all I soon found out that the Witches were really able to do wonderful2 things. There were four of them in this country, and they ruled the people who live in the North and South and East22 and West. Fortunately, the Witches of the North and South were good, and I knew they would do me no harm; but the Witches of the East and West were terribly wicked, and had they not thought I was more powerful than they themselves, they would surely have destroyed me. As it was, I lived in deadly fear of them for many years; so you can imagine how pleased I was
when I heard your house had fallen on the Wicked Witch of the East. When you came to me, I was willing to promise anything if you would only do away with the other Witch; but, now that you have melted her, I am ashamed to say that I cannot keep my promises."
“ 我最害怕的就是那些女巫,因为我没有任何魔法;而我很快就发现女巫们真的具有神奇的本事。这片大地上有四个女巫,分别统治着东、南、西、北四方的民众。
幸好,北方与南方的女巫善良仁慈,我知道她们不会伤害我;但是东方和西方的女巫非常邪恶;要不是她们以为我比她们更强大,肯定早就把我灭掉了!可以说,多年来,我一直生活在恐惧之中!因此,听说你的房子砸死了东方恶女巫,我那个高兴劲呀,就别提了!你们来求我,我正好要借助你们除掉另一个恶女巫;只要你们能够,我愿意答应你们任何事情!现在,既然你已经溶化了她,我只能惭愧地说,我没法兑现我的诺言。”
原来如此!奥兹很清楚,陶乐熙穿着法力强大的银鞋,有条件也有可能杀死恶女巫;即使做不到,因为额上有北方女巫的吻痕,恶女巫也伤害不了陶乐熙;当然,他也很清楚,只有斩钉截铁地逼迫陶乐熙一行,才能坚定他们杀死恶女巫的信念——所以他才会说:我不管!把I don’t know 译成 “我不管!”或“我管不着!”才能表现出他当时的心理、情态。
5、生动性。
1)(第二章)
The Witch gave Dorothy a friendly little nod, whirled around on her left heel three times, and straightway disappeared, much to the surprise of little Toto, who barked
after her loudly enough when she had gone, because he had been afraid even to growl while she stood by.
But Dorothy, knowing her to be a witch, had expected her to disappear in just that way, and was not surprised in the least.
女巫亲切地向陶乐熙微微点了一下头,左脚后跟旋转了三圈,一下子就不见了。见此情景,小狗托托大吃一惊,不断大叫;可刚才在女巫旁边,他吓得连声都不敢吭。
可陶乐熙却一点儿也不吃惊:因为知道她是女巫,早就料到她会那样消失的。
“可陶乐熙却一点儿也不吃惊”是当时的情景,可见可感,放在句首,一是与“小狗托托大吃一惊”相对照,二是让读者好奇:她为什么不吃惊?后面补充说明原因,也是她的心理活动。
参较:
A、 但是陶乐熙既然已经知道她是个女巫,她这样消失正在她意料之中,因此丝毫不感到惊奇。
B、 不过,多萝西知道她是个女巫,料到她会以那样的方式消失,就丝毫也没感到吃惊。
2)"I can't find Toto anywhere," replied Dorothy, who did not wish to leave her little dog behind. Toto had run into the crowd to bark at a kitten, and Dorothy at last found him. She picked him up and ran towards the balloon.
“我还没找到托托!”陶乐熙答道,她可不愿丢下她的小狗狗!啊!终于找到了!原来,托托跑进人群里去追逐一只小猫!她一把抱起托托,跑向气球。
气球快起飞了,奥兹催促陶乐熙快去,但找不到托托,陶乐熙焦急万分!“啊!终于找到了!原来,托托跑进人群里去追逐一只小猫!”既叙述了故事,又表现出了陶乐熙当时的心情:找到托托才是最要紧的,然后才补充原委。
参较:
A、 刚才托托冲到人群里去追逐一只小猫,陶乐熙终于找到了他。她把他抱起来,朝气球奔去。
B、 托托跑到人群里冲一只小猫汪汪叫,多萝西终于找到了它。她一把抱起它,朝气球跑去。
6、保留原文的形象。
When Aunt Em came there to live she was a young, pretty wife. The sun and wind had changed her, too. They had taken the sparkle from her eyes and left them a sober gray; they had taken the red from her cheeks and lips, and they were gray also. She was thin and gaunt, and never smiled now.
当年爱姆婶婶初到草原时,还是个年轻漂亮的新媳妇儿。太阳和风也使她模样大变:夺走了她眼里的光泽,只留下了灰暗和严肃;也夺走了她脸颊和嘴唇上的红润,留下的还是灰色;她如今单薄憔悴,再也没有了笑容。
风吹日晒,常年劳作,沉重的生存压力,当然就老得快,心情也轻松不起来。该句原文用拟人化的手法,非常生动,这是“原作的丰姿”(鲁迅语),当然应该保留。
参较:
A、 爱姆婶婶刚来这儿定居的时候,还是个年轻、漂亮的新娘子。太阳和风使她也改变了模样。她眼睛里的火花不见了,只剩下忧郁的灰色;脸颊和嘴唇上的红润不见了,也只剩下一层灰色。现在,她瘦削、憔悴,从来不露笑脸。
B、 艾姆婶婶刚来这里的时候,是个年轻漂亮的新媳妇。太阳和大风把她也改变了:夺去了她眼睛里的光芒,使眼睛变得灰暗、严肃;还夺去了她面颊和嘴唇上的红润,使它们也变成了灰色。 她现在又瘦弱又憔悴,脸上再也没有了笑容。
7、音乐美与节奏感。
这里指的是语言上的节奏感,不是全书故事发展的节奏感。
英语以轻、重读音节的错落有致呈现出一种抑扬顿挫的音乐美与自然节奏,汉语以四声的变化搭配来体现音乐美与节奏感。一般说来,句子不能太长,读起来顺畅、舒服,语气、声调与其表达的内容相一致。
原作读起来自然、顺畅,舒服,表情达意恰到好处,译文也应该这样,凡读起来别扭的句子,必然没有音乐美。
1)(第一章)
In spite of the swaying of the house and the wailing of the wind, Dorothy soon closed her eyes and fell fast asleep.
房子依然摇晃,狂风依旧凄厉;尽管如此,陶乐熙还是很快就闭上了双眼,沉沉睡去。
参较:
A、 尽管房子在摇晃,狂风在尖号,陶乐熙很快闭上了双眼,一会儿就睡着了。
B、 尽管房子摇晃,风声凄厉,但多萝西很快就合上眼皮,沉沉地睡着了。
2) (第八章)
"Run fast," said the Scarecrow to the Lion, "and get out of this deadly flower bed as soon as you can. We will bring the little girl with us, but if you should fall asleep you are too big to be carried."
So the Lion aroused himself and bounded forward as fast as he could go. In a moment he was out of sight.
“快跑!”稻草人对狮子说,“用最快的速度逃离这致命的花海!我们会带着小姑娘出来。要是你睡着了,我们可抬不动你。”
随即,狮子打起精神,猛地一跃,一路夺命狂奔,瞬间不见踪影。
参较:
A、 于是狮子振作起精神,拼尽全力朝前奔去,一眨眼功夫就不见了。
B、 狮子赶紧抖擞起精神,使出全身的力气往前跑,一眨眼就跑得没影儿了。
给出这个例子,只是表明笔者注意到了这个问题,也在这方面下功夫,全书的每一句都不放过;至于做到了什么程度,得由读者评判了。
四 传神、形神兼备
这里的传神有两层含义:其一是传达出原句的精神实质,例如,把Brevity is the soul of wit译作“言贵简洁”;二是不仅如此,还传达出了其神态、韵味,上引拙译I don’t know“我不管!”亦属此类;当然,译成“我管不了那么多!”也是一样的。简言之,“传神”即遗貌取神,脱离原文的语言形式,译出其骨子里的意思,味道。
把Brevity is the soul of wit译作“简洁是智慧的灵魂”,为形神兼备,既传达出原文的精神实质,又保留了原文的形式或形象。
笔者提倡尽可能形神兼备,一般情况下,会把“like searching for a needle in a haystack”译成“就像在干草堆中寻找一颗针一样困难”,而不提倡译作“就像大海捞针一样”。
若实在办不到形神兼备,就只好遗貌取神,决不以辞害意。
1、(第一章)
It was Toto that made Dorothy laugh, and saved her from growing as gray as her other surroundings. Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose. Toto played all day long, and Dorothy played with him, and loved him dearly.
使陶乐熙发出笑声的,是托托;托托使她没有像周围的一切那样变成灰色。托托是一条小狗,他不是灰色的,而是黑色的,长着丝绒一般的长毛;有趣儿的小鼻子两边,一双乌黑而快乐的眼睛闪闪发光。陶乐熙整天与托托为伴,嬉戏打闹,一刻也离不开他。
结尾四个词若译为“非常喜欢他”,感觉不够味;而译成“并且从心底里喜欢它”,则有些生硬,不是从心底的喜欢,还是真喜欢吗?若按字面译成“深深地爱上了他”,则在中文语境里的含义与原文不太相符。“一刻也离不开他”,化抽象为具体,传达出了loved him dearly之“神韵”。正因为“一刻也离不开他”,所以凡遇到危险,小女孩有机会都不独自逃命,都要冒险去救他,甚至为他失去了与奥兹一起乘坐气球回堪萨斯的机会!
2、(第十一章)
"But you were strong enough to kill the Wicked Witch of the East," said Oz.
"That just happened," returned Dorothy simply; "I could not help it."
“可你也够强大的,能够杀死东方恶女巫。”
“那不过是碰巧啦,”陶乐熙坦白地回答,“可由不得我呀。 ”
陶乐熙在房子里,房子被旋风刮上了天,落地时砸死了东方恶女巫,此句即指这事。句中的help意为avoid,prevent,这样译,既紧贴着原句意,又使小女孩的语气、神态毕现。
参较:
A、“那只是碰巧,”多萝西直截了当地回答说,“我不是有意的。”
B、“那是碰巧了,”多萝西简单地回答,“我不是故意的。”
3、(第二十一章)
The Lion went back to the opening where the beasts of the forest were waiting for him and said proudly:
"You need fear your enemy no longer."
Then the beasts bowed down to the Lion as their King, and he promised to come back and rule over them as soon as Dorothy was safely on her way to Kansas.
狮子回到开阔地带,对等着他的野兽们自豪地说:
“你们提心吊胆的日子,一去不复返了!”
野兽们全体鞠躬,尊狮子为王。狮子向他们保证说,一旦陶乐熙平安地踏上了返回堪萨斯的路,就回来统治他们。
狮子以前是胆小鬼,可现在大智大勇,独自出战并且消灭了那个巨大而凶残的怪兽。这一句,充分表现出了他的豪情、喜悦与气势!
参较:
A、 “你们再也不用害怕你们的敌人了。”
B、 “你们用不着再害怕你们的敌人了。”
4、(第二十三章)
"My second command to the Winged Monkeys," said Glinda "will be that they carry you safely to the land of the Winkies. Your brain may not be so large to look at as those of the Scarecrow, but you are really brighter than he is--when you are well polished-- and I am sure you will rule the Winkies wisely and well."
“我给飞猴的第二道命令,”戈琳达说,“就是把你平安地带回文集人的地盘。你的脑袋虽然看起来没有稻草人的那么大,但当你擦得亮亮的时候,真的,你比他都还要心明眼亮!我坚信,你将明智而有效地统治着文集人。”
Bright既有“明亮”又有“聪明”的含义,用于铁樵夫,原本指“全身铁皮擦得很亮”,但此处,则有这双重含义。
参较:
A、 但是你比他亮——如果你仔细擦过的话——
B、 但当你擦得亮亮的时候,你其实比他要聪明,
五 一些疑难词句的处理
这里的“疑难词句”是笔者觉得看似平常却要花一点儿功夫才能准确传达原意的地方。
1、(第一章)
It was very dark, and the wind howled horribly around her, but Dorothy found she was riding quite easily. After the first few whirls around, and one other time when the house tipped badly, she felt as if she were being rocked gently, like a baby in a cradle.
Toto did not like it. He ran about the room, now here, now there, barking loudly; but Dorothy sat quite still on the floor and waited to see what would happen.
周围昏天黑地,狂风可怕地嚎叫着;陶乐熙却发现自己安安稳稳地坐在地板上乘风而行。
最初,房子打了几个旋,有一次还倾斜得非常厉害;这以后啊,她觉得自己就像是摇篮中的婴儿,被轻轻地摇动着。
托托可不高兴了:他在屋里乱跑,一会儿这边,一会儿那边,还大声地叫个不停;而陶乐熙却相当安静地坐在地板上;她倒要看看,接下来到底会发生什么事儿。
Toto did not like it.不译成“托托可不喜欢这样”,是因为:谁会喜欢被旋风吹上天空,在漆黑一团中摇摇晃晃的?应该指的是小狗托托对当时的处境感到恐惧、难受而惊慌失措,所以才乱跑乱叫;既与他平常的高高兴兴、嬉戏打闹相对比,又与小女孩的安静相对照。But在这里是并列连词,表示两相对照,原文用分号,故译成“而”。
2、(第六章)
All this time Dorothy and her companions had been walking through the thick woods. The road was still paved with yellow brick, but these were much covered by dried branches and dead leaves from the trees, and the walking was not at all good.
There were few birds in this part of the forest, for birds love the open country where there is plenty of sunshine. But now and then there came a deep growl from some wild animal hidden among the trees. These sounds made the little girl's heart beat fast, for she did not know what made them; but Toto knew, and he walked close to Dorothy's side, and did not even bark in return.
这一阵子, 陶乐熙和同伴们一直穿行于浓密的树林中,路依旧是黄砖路,却盖满了树上掉下的枯枝败叶,走起来一点儿也不顺畅。
这一带几乎听不见鸟叫,因为鸟儿们喜欢阳光充足的开阔地带,却时不时听见低沉的嚎叫声,那是藏在树丛中的某种野兽发出的。这些声音,使小女孩的心怦怦直跳,因为她不知道这是什么野兽发出的;但是托托知道那是什么声音,于是紧紧地挨在小女孩身旁轻轻走着,而且还不敢用叫声去回应。
There were few birds若译成“几乎没有鸟儿”,那是客观的叙述,而“几乎听不见鸟叫”则是身临其境的感受,是“几乎没有鸟儿”的具体表达;再者,but连接的是growl,but是并列连词,连接性质相同或类似的事物。在这浓密阴暗的树林中,没有那种(令人愉悦的)声音(鸟叫),却有这种(令人恐惧的)声音(猛兽的嚎叫),为狮子的出场烘托气氛。But连接的是两种声音,两种声音当然代表着两种动物。
参较:
A, 树林里几乎见不到鸟儿,因为鸟儿喜欢阳光明媚的露天旷野;但是不时地传来躲在树后面的野兽低沉的吼声。
B, 树林里的这一片没有什么鸟儿,因为鸟儿喜欢阳光充足的、空旷的地方。可是时不时地传来一声低沉的咆哮,仿佛是藏在树林里的某种野兽发出来的。
3(第十五章)
"But isn't everything here green?" asked Dorothy.
"No more than in any other city," replied Oz; "but when you wear green spectacles, why of course everything you see looks green to you. The Emerald City was built a great many years ago, for I was a young man when the balloon brought me here, and I am a very old man now. But my people have worn green glasses on their eyes so long that most of them
think it really is an Emerald City, and it certainly is a beautiful place, abounding in jewels and precious metals, and every good thing that is needed to make one happy. I have been good to the people, and they like me; but ever since this Palace was built, I have shut myself up and would not see any of them.
“可是,这儿的一切不都是绿色的吗?”陶乐熙问。
“和其他城市一样,并不都是绿色的,”奥兹答道;“但是,当你戴上了绿眼镜,你所看到的一切,当然都是绿色的。翡翠城修建于很多很多年以前,我乘坐气球来的时候,还是一个年轻人,而现在我已经很老了。但是人们戴上绿眼镜已经很久很久了,大多数人都认为,这真的是一座翡翠城,盛产金银珠宝,以及幸福生活所需要的一切好东西。我待百姓仁慈善良,他们也敬畏我;但是,自从这座宫殿建成后,我就把自己关在里面,不愿见任何人了。
no more•••than•••意为“与••••••一样不••••••”not more••• than•••意为“不比••••••更••••••”,
参较:
A, “跟任何别的城市一样,并不是绿色的,“奥兹答道;
B,“并不比别的城市更绿”,奥兹回答。
若严格按照no more•••than•••句型,A译可能是正确的;然而并不符合本书中的实际情况。
请看第十章,此时他们尚未进入翡翠城,还没戴上绿色眼镜:
The next morning, as soon as the sun was up, they started on their way, and soon saw a beautiful green glow in the sky just before them.
"That must be the Emerald City," said Dorothy.
As they walked on, the green glow became brighter and brighter, and it seemed that at last they were nearing the end of their travels. Yet it was afternoon before they came to the great wall that surrounded the City. It was high and thick and of a bright green color.
第二天早上,太阳刚刚升起,他们就出发了;不久,就看见前面的天空,有一团瑰丽的绿光。
“那儿肯定是翡翠城了,”陶乐熙说。8
他们越往前走,那团绿光就越来越强烈,越来越耀眼,好像终于快到这次旅行的终点了。然而到了下午,他们才走到了那座城市的城墙跟前。城墙又高又厚,绿得发亮。
再看第十二章,他们取下眼镜,出了翡翠城以后:
They thanked him and bade him good-bye, and turned toward the West, walking over fields of soft grass dotted here and there with daisies and buttercups. Dorothy still wore the pretty silk dress she had put on in the2 palace, but now, to her surprise, she found it was no longer green, but pure white. The ribbon around Toto's neck had also lost its green
color and was as white as Dorothy's dress.
他们谢过门卫,向他道别;然后转身走向西方,走过柔软的草地;草丛中点缀着雏菊和毛茛草花。陶乐熙仍然穿着王宫里那件漂亮的长丝裙,可是现在她吃惊地发现:这裙子已经不再是绿色的,而是纯白色的;托托脖子上的丝带,也变成了与她的裙子一样的白色。
在翡翠城里,因为戴着绿色眼镜,所以看一切东西都是绿色的,当时陶乐熙的裙子和托托脖子上的丝带也是绿色的;出城得取下眼镜,此时一看,这两件衣物当然是它们原来的颜色了。
但既然是翡翠城,到处都镶嵌着翡翠即绿宝石,且不说还有植物,这些难道不是绿色的吗?当然“和其他城市一样,并不都是绿色的。”意为:有些东西是绿色的,有些东西不是绿色的,翡翠城和其他城市都是这种情况。
况且,若把那个No more•••than句型还原,即:
Everything here is no greener than in any other city.
Everything作主语,不正好是部分否定吗?
至于B译,就更不符合本书中的情况了。除翡翠城外,本书还提到东西南北四个国家,未具体说到北方,东西南三国人最喜爱的颜色分别为蓝、黄、红,他们的房子、服装及很多东西都分别是蓝、黄、红色的,只提到城堡,没提到这三国有什么城市,更没有像翡翠城那样镶嵌着许多绿宝石;更何况翡翠城是书中提到的唯一一座城市,怎么可能“并不比别的城市更绿”,?
4、(第十一章)
Dorothy asked:
"Have you seen Oz?"
"Oh, no," returned the soldier; "I have never seen him. But I spoke to him as he sat behind his screen and gave him your message. He said he will grant you an audience, if you so desire; but each one of you must enter his presence alone, and he will admit but one each day. Therefore, as you must remain in the Palace for several days, I will have you shown
to rooms where you may rest in comfort after your journey."
陶乐熙问:
“你见到奥兹了吗?”
“哦,没有,”警卫回答;“我从没见过他。他坐在屏风后面,我向他报告你们的请求。他说,如果你们真的想见他,他会接见你们的;但是,你们只能一个一个地单独进去见他,他每天也只见一个。所以,你们只得在宫里呆几天了,我这就派人给你们安排房间。走了那么长的路,好好地休息一下吧。”
参较:
A,我领你们去几间屋子,你们可以在旅途之后好好休息休息。
B, 我想带你们去看看房间,你们路上辛苦了,得休息休息。
到底是“我”领你们去看房间,还是“我派人”带你们去?
请接着看:
"Thank you," replied the girl; "that is very kind of Oz."
The soldier now blew upon a green whistle, and at once a young girl, dressed in a pretty green silk gown, entered the room. She had lovely green hair and green eyes, and she bowed low before Dorothy as she said,
"Follow me and I will show you your room."
“谢谢,”小女孩答道,“奥兹真好。”
警卫吹响了一个绿色的哨子,一个年轻女孩立即走进了房间;她穿着漂亮的绿丝长裙,长着可爱的绿头发和绿眼睛。她向陶乐熙深深地鞠了一躬,说道:
“请跟我来,到你的房间去。”
5)(第十八章)
"This is the second time you have called us," said the Monkey King, bowing before the little girl. "What do you wish?"
"I want you to fly with me to Kansas," said Dorothy.
But the Monkey King shook his head.
"That cannot be done," he said. "We belong to this country alone, and cannot leave it. There has never been a Winged Monkey in Kansas yet, and I suppose there never will be, for they don't belong there. We shall be glad to serve you in any way in our power, but we cannot cross the desert. Good-bye."
And with another bow, the Monkey King spread his wings and flew away through the window, followed by all his band.
“这是第二次,您召唤我们,”猴王向小女孩鞠躬,说道,“想要我们做什么?”
“带我回到堪萨斯,”陶乐熙说。
但是猴王摇了摇头。
“这事儿可做不了,”他说。“我们只属于这片土地,离不开这里。从来没有一只飞猴到过堪萨斯;我想永远也不会有,因为我们不属于那儿。我们乐意为您做任何事,但我们没有能力越过沙漠。再见。”随着又一个鞠躬,猴王飞出窗外,群猴跟随而去。
笔者把原文的they译成“我们”,正因为我们飞猴不属于那儿,才没法把你带到那儿去。
请比较:
A、“这可办不到,”他说,“我们只属于这里,不能离开这里。从来没有一个飞猴到过堪萨斯,我看永远也不会有,因为他们不属于那里。••••••”。
B、“那是办不到的”,他说,“我们只属于这个国家,不能离开这里。堪萨斯从来不曾有过带翅膀的猴子,我想以后也不会有,因为它们不属于那里。••••••”。
六 拆分、合并、归化、洋化
句子长了,即使符合现代汉语语法,读起来也不舒服,尤其是儿童文学作品,既要适合儿童阅读,还要适合读给儿童听,因此应该拆分。但有时也需要把几个句子合并为一句,使意脉更加连贯。
想要尽可能地“忠实、准确”,传达出原文所有的信息,译文往往就免不了欠流畅,甚至欠通顺;没有人爱读欠通顺的句子,然而,若是既通顺、流畅而又适当地有点儿“洋味儿”,反而是译文的优点,既可以给读者以新鲜感,又能给现代汉语增加营养,使汉语表达更精密,更有逻辑性。但须具有“可接受性”,在“归化”与“异化”之间求得一种平衡,符合现代汉语语法,逐渐被普遍接受。
英语是形合性语言,形式上要求完整;汉语是意合性语言,意义上要求完整。只要意义上与原文一致(当然也得“韵味”等因素),就应该摆脱原文的形式,调整句子顺序,增、删一些词句等等。通常情况下,不照搬英汉词典的释义,so•••that不译成如此••••••以至于••••••,诸如此类,不一而足,而至少以一个段落为单位,整体把握,根据其语境,确定具体表达方式。前面的不少例子,实际上也涉及到这个问题。
1、(第十一章)
Even with eyes protected by the green spectacles, Dorothy and her friends were at first dazzled by the brilliancy of the wonderful City.
尽管有绿色眼镜保护着眼睛,这个神奇城市亮晃晃的强光,最初还是刺得他们的双眼很不舒服。
原文与译文均为一句,但译文中有两个逗号。
参较:
A、 多萝西和伙伴们一开始还是被这奇妙的城里耀人的光刺得睁不开眼来。
B、 多萝西和她的朋友们一开始还是被这个耀眼夺目的奇妙城市照得眼花缭乱。
2、(第十一章)
They went to bed quite early and slept soundly until daylight, when they were awakened by the crowing of a green cock that lived in the back yard of the Palace, and the cackling of a hen that had laid a green egg.
他们早早就寝,沉沉睡去。天亮时分,王宫后院那只绿公鸡长啼报晓,还有一只母鸡咯咯咯的叫声,才把他们吵醒。原来那只母鸡刚刚生下了一枚绿色的鸡蛋,她在唱蛋歌呢。
原文是一个句子,拙译拆分成三句。
请比较:
A、 他们早早地上了床,一觉睡到大天亮,住在王宫后院里的一只绿公鸡的啼鸣和一只生下绿蛋的母鸡的咯咯声唤醒了他们。
B、 他们很早就上了床,一觉睡到天亮,直到被住在宫殿后院的一只绿乌鸦的呱呱声和一只刚下了一只绿蛋的母鸡的咯咯声吵醒。
3、(第三章)
When Dorothy was left alone she began to feel hungry. So she went to the cupboard and cut herself some bread, which she spread with butter. She gave some to Toto, and taking a pail from the shelf she carried it down to the little brook and filled it with clear, sparkling water.
那群人一走,陶乐熙就感到饿了,因此就去打开橱柜,切了一些面包,涂上了奶油, 也分了几片给托托吃;然后又从架子上取下水桶,提着水桶到小溪里去打了一桶清澈晶莹的溪水。
原文是三句,拙译合为一句,中间一处改为分号。只因陶乐熙的这一连串动作既有因果关系,又按时间顺序,密切相关,紧密相连。
参较:
A、 女巫和孟奇金人走了,剩下多萝西一个人,肚子饿了。她走到碗柜前,切了几块面包,抹上奶酪。她给托托吃了一点,又从架子上拿下一只桶,来到小溪边,拎了一桶清澈的溪水。
B、 现在就剩下多萝西一个人,她开始觉得肚子有些饿了。她走到碗橱前,给自己切了一些面包,抹上了黄油。她给了托托一些,又从架子上拿下一只水桶,拎到小溪边去打了一桶清清凉凉的溪水。
4、(第七章)
But the Scarecrow said, "We cannot fly, that is certain. Neither can we climb down into this great ditch. Therefore, if we cannot jump over it, we must stop where we are."
不过,稻草人发言了:“我们肯定不能飞,也不能爬下去;所以,如果不能跳过去,就只能呆在这儿了。”
原文是三句,拙译合为一个因果复句。稻草人最肯动脑筋,最有智慧,因而说话逻辑性强。把that is certain译成“肯定”调到前面,“所以”前用分号,后面的主语“我们”承前省去更符合口语习惯。
参较:
A、“但是稻草人说:“我们不能飞,这是肯定的;我们也不能爬到这条大沟底下。因此,如果我们跳不过去,就只好停在这儿了。”
B、可是稻草人说:“我们都不会飞,这是不用说的,也不可能爬进这么深的沟里。所以,如果我们跳不过去的话,就只好在这里停下来了。”
5、(第十章)
"Very likely. Well, Oz can do anything; so I suppose he will find Kansas for you. But first you must get to see him, and that will be a hard task; for the Great Wizard does not like to see anyone, and he usually has his own way. But what do YOU want?" he continued, speaking to Toto.
Toto only wagged his tail; for, strange to say, he could not speak.
“很可能吧。好啦,奥兹无所不能。因此我想,他当然能够帮你找到堪萨斯。不过,首先你们得见到他,这才很难。因为伟大的奥兹不想见任何人,他通常是我行我素,独来独往。可是,你想要什么呢?”他对托托说,把“你”字加重了语气。
托托只是摇摇尾巴。说来奇怪,他居然不会说话。
这段话是翡翠城外的农夫对小女孩说的,他问遍了稻草人、铁樵夫、狮子,最后问了托托。末句原译作:
托托只是摇摇尾巴;因为,说来奇怪,他不会开口讲话。
这句话总有些怪怪的,“因为,他不会开口讲话”补充说明“托托只是摇摇尾巴”的原因,“说来奇怪”是插入语,因为一同来的狮子都会说话,小狗却不会说话,当然他就感到奇怪了。这一句是农夫眼里所见,心里所想。英语形式上要求完整,所以需要“for”,汉语只要求意义上完整。例如,汉语可说:“他病了,就没来”,英语恐怕就需要一个连词。这句,删掉“因为”,就觉得大不同了。
6、(第十一章)
They had to wait a long time before the soldier returned. When, at last, he came back.
他们只好等着。等了好久好久,绿胡子警卫终于回来了。
他们迫切想见奥兹,但又不知奥兹是否要见他们。这一句表现了他们等待时的心理。
参较:
A、 他们等了很久,士兵才回来。
B 他们等了很长时间士兵才回来。多萝西看见他终于回来了。
七,词义的选择
1、(第三章)
She closed the door, locked it, and put the key carefully in the pocket of her dress. And so, with Toto trotting along soberly behind her, she started on her journey.
她关了门,上了锁,把钥匙小心地装进衣兜里。就这样,陶乐熙踏上了去翡翠城的漫漫长途;托托一副严肃认真的样子,小跑着跟在她身后。
去找奥兹帮助回堪萨斯,前路漫漫,吉凶未卜,往日整天嬉戏打闹的小狗托托,虽然也高兴(因为要回家),但也有些担忧,故“一副严肃认真的样子”小跑着。
参较:
A、 托托没精打采地跟在她身边。
B、 托托一本正经又连蹦带跳地跟在她后面。
2、(第七章)
"I think I could jump over it," said the Cowardly Lion, after measuring the distance carefully in his mind.
"Then we are all right," answered the Scarecrow, "for you can carry us all over on your back, one at a time."
"Well, I'll try it," said the Lion. "Who will go first?"
"I will," declared the Scarecrow, "for, if you found that you could not jump over the gulf, Dorothy would be killed, or the Tin Woodman badly dented on the rocks below. But if I am on your back it will not matter so much, for the fall would not hurt me at all."
"I am terribly afraid of falling, myself," said the Cowardly Lion, "but I suppose there is nothing to do but try it. So get on my back and we will make the attempt."
“我看,我能跳过去,”胆小鬼狮子说;他仔细地估量了壕沟的跨度,才说了这话。
“那就没问题啦,”稻草人答道,“你可以背起我们跳过去,一次一个。”
“好吧,我来试试,”狮子说。“谁来第一个?”
“我来,”稻草人郑重其事地说,“因为,如果是其他人来,万一你跳不过去,陶乐熙会被摔死,铁樵夫也会被下面的巨石撞得严重变形。要是我在你背上,那就不要紧,掉下去根本伤不了我。”
“我自己就非常害怕掉下去,”胆小鬼说,“但是我想,除了一试,别无他法。因此,来吧,到我背上,我们来试试。”
“ declared”显然不能译成“宣布、声明”,稻草人说这话时,已经过了慎重的考虑,结合英语词典的释义,故译成“ 郑重其事地说”。
3、(第九章)
•••although he had no heart he knew it was wrong for the Wildcat to try to kill such a pretty, harmless creature.
So the Woodman raised his axe, and as the Wildcat ran by he gave it a quick blow that cut the beast's head clean off from its body, and it rolled over at his feet in two pieces.
虽然铁樵夫没有心,但他也知道,野猫要夺去这样一个可爱而无辜的生命,肯定是罪恶的行为。
于是樵夫举起斧头,待野猫跑到身边,“咔嚓”一声就砍断了它的脖子;野猫成了两半,滚到了他的脚下。
慈悲为怀的铁樵夫,哪怕是不小心踩死了一只甲虫,也难过得流泪,连路上的蚂蚁都要尽力避免踩着(第六章),“就连一个恶女巫,我也下不了手去伤害她(第十一章),怎么能仅仅因为“不对的”而取其性命呢?wrong在此意为not morally right,unjust,罪恶的、邪恶的,非正义的。“罪恶的”当然是“不对的”,而“不对的”则不一定是“罪恶的”。
参较:
A、等它跑近,樵夫看见在它前面还跑着一只灰色的小田鼠,虽然他没有心,但他知道,野猫要咬死这样一只于人无害的小动物是不对的。
B、等野猫跑近了一些,铁皮伐木工才看到它前面跑着一只灰色的小田鼠,伐木工尽管没有心,但也知道野猫想要咬死这么一只漂亮的、柔弱温和的动物是不对的。
4、(第十一章)
So they passed through the Palace Gates and were led into a big room with a green carpet and lovely green furniture set with emeralds. The soldier made them all wipe their feet upon a green mat before entering this room, and when they were seated he said politely:
"Please make yourselves comfortable while I go to the door of the Throne Room and tell Oz you are here."
于是警卫领着他们进了王宫大门,走向一个很大的房间。房间里铺着绿色地毯,摆放着赏心悦目绿色家具,家具上镶嵌着翡翠。进门前,警卫要求他们在一个绿色的垫子上擦了擦鞋底。他们坐下后,警卫彬彬有礼地说:
“诸位,请自便。我去觐见室门口向奥兹报告。”
into在这里意为:in the direction of 朝,向,对着。
参较:
A、 他们进了王宫大门,被领进一个大房间,地上铺着绿地毯,放着镶嵌翡翠的可爱的绿色家具。进入房间前,士兵让他们在门垫上擦擦双脚,••••••。
B、 他们进入宫殿大门,被领进一间大屋子,屋里铺着绿色的地毯,可爱的绿家具上都镶嵌着绿宝石。士兵要他们进屋前在一块绿门垫上把脚擦干净,••••••。
5、(第十一章)
Everyone seemed happy and contented and prosperous.
人人都显得快乐知足,称心如意。
prosperous形容一个国家或地区,意为“繁荣昌盛,兴旺发达”,形容人则是“成功,富裕”,此处若译作“成功富足”或“事业有成”到符合词义,但人人都“成功富足”或“事业有成”恐不太可能,译为“踌躇满志”似乎有些过头,故译为“称心如意”。
参较:
B、 每个人看上去,都那么愉快、富足、无忧无虑。
6、(第十二章)
Then she said to Dorothy, harshly and severely:
"Come with me; and see that you mind everything I tell you, for if you do not I will make an end of you, as I did of the Tin Woodman and the
Scarecrow."
然后,她对着陶乐熙,用刺耳的嗓音恶狠狠地说:
“跟我来!我给你说的,你都得上心;不然的话,我就要你的命,让你像铁樵夫和稻草人一样!”
或译为“粗声恶气地说”(马爱农),“粗哑、严厉地说”(张建平),初看非常贴切,一琢磨,始觉不见得。“粗声”固然刺耳,那恶女巫若是“尖声”呢,难道就不刺耳?“粗声”“粗哑”只是“刺耳的嗓音”中之一种,在小女孩听来,恶巫婆的无论什么声音都是“刺耳”的。
此外,第十四章的lost和lost our way 都不宜译作“迷路”,因为“翡翠城与西方恶女巫的城堡之间没有路(第十二章与十三章都提到)”,拙译分别处理为:“迷失了方向”和“我们弄不清方向了”。
管中窥豹,略见一斑,相信上述译例已足够窥出拙译之大致面貌。
总而言之,笔者译该书,是认认真真、颇下了一番功夫的,从去年八月开始,十月完成初稿;目前,第八稿已改必。期间,既参阅过前贤之部分译例,又曾在小书房幻想国翻译基地及其群求教,承蒙多位译友不吝赐教,砥砺鞭策,激发笔者不断努力,在此谨致谢忱。
但限于水平精力,粗疏之处也肯定还不少。拙译整体质量究竟如何呢?借用英语中一句谚语来结束本文:
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
欢迎任何批评意见。
注:
张译引自:《绿野仙踪1》,上海译文出版社2012年8月第一版。
马译引自:《绿野仙踪》,中国国际广播出版社2007年8月版。