自译 契诃夫短篇小说 开心人

A HAPPY MAN 开心人

原作契诃夫 Translated by Constance Garnett 1886

THE passenger train is just starting from Bologoe, the junction on the Petersburg-Moscow line. In a second-class smoking compartment five passengers sit dozing, shrouded in the twilight of the carriage. They had just had a meal, and now, snugly ensconced in their seats, they are trying to go to sleep. Stillness.

由圣彼得堡南下莫斯科的火车刚从中转站博洛戈耶发车。余晖照耀进一节二等车厢的吸烟隔间，五位昏昏欲睡的乘客沐浴在光线之中。这几位刚吃过饭，这会儿正舒舒服服地坐在位子上准备睡觉。四下静悄悄的。

The door opens and in there walks a tall, lanky figure straight as a poker, with a ginger-coloured hat and a smart overcoat, wonderfully suggestive of a journalist in Jules Verne or on the comic stage.

The figure stands still in the middle of the compartment for a long while, breathing heavily, screwing up his eyes and peering at the seats.

门开了，隔间门口站着一个又高又瘦的身影，来客腰杆笔直，一把姜黄色的胡子，身着一件潇洒的长大衣，仿佛是从小说里走出来的人物。来客在车厢里站了许久，喘着粗气目不转睛地注视着每一位乘客。

“No, wrong again!” he mutters. “What the deuce! It’s positively revolting! No, the wrong one again!”

“错了，又错了！”他嘀咕道，“倒霉催的！点儿怎么这么背！这得找到什么时候！”

One of the passengers stares at the figure and utters a shout of joy:

有位乘客端详了一下来者，惊呼道：

“Ivan Alexyevitch! what brings you here? Is it you?”

“老赖！是你吗？你怎么来了？”

The poker-like gentleman starts, stares blankly at the passenger, and recognizing him claps his hands with delight.

来客吓了一跳，茫然地打量着乘客，只见他面露喜色、猛一拍掌，显然也认出了对方。

“Ha! Pyotr Petrovitch,” he says. “How many summers, how many winters! I didn’t know you were in this train.”

“哟！老裴！”他说道，“哎呀呀，多久没见了！今儿巧了，没想到在车上碰见。”

“How are you getting on?”

“家里都好吗？”

“I am all right; the only thing is, my dear fellow, I’ve lost my compartment and I simply can’t find it. What an idiot I am! I ought to be thrashed!”

“都好，都好。唉，就是我今天，不瞒你说啊，我死活找不着我那个隔间在哪儿。唉！我蠢！我蠢！我这个大傻子！”

The poker-like gentleman sways a little unsteadily and sniggers.

赖先生有点没站稳，微微晃了一下，咧了咧嘴。

“Queer things do happen!” he continues. “I stepped out just after the second bell to get a glass of brandy. I got it, of course. Well, I thought, since it’s a long way to the next station, it would be as well to have a second glass. While I was thinking about it and drinking it the third bell rang.... I ran like mad and jumped into the first carriage. I am an idiot! I am the son of a hen!”

“你说这事闹的！”他继续道，“上一站我下车喝了杯酒。喝完之后，我心说反正发车还有段时间，再喝点也不碍事，就又要了一杯。酒还没下肚，我就听见发车铃响了……我一路那个跑啊，最后还是两腿一蹦蹦进车头的。你说我这个人！我都想抽自己一巴掌！”

“But you seem in very good spirits,” observes Pyotr Petrovitch. “Come and sit down! There’s room and a welcome.”

“你今天心情不错啊，”裴先生注意到，“别客气，来坐会儿！地方有的是。”

“No, no.... I’m off to look for my carriage. Good-bye!”

“不了不了……我还得接着找呢。走了！”

“You’ll fall between the carriages in the dark if you don’t look out! Sit down, and when we get to a station you’ll find your own compartment. Sit down!”

“天都快黑了，你也不怕摸黑摔一跤！你就坐会儿吧，急什么，等下一站停车再找也不迟。快来！”

Ivan Alexyevitch heaves a sigh and irresolutely sits down facing Pyotr Petrovitch. He is visibly excited, and fidgets as though he were sitting on thorns.

赖先生叹了口气，勉为其难地坐到了裴先生对面。赖先生兴奋得浑身哆嗦，仿佛屁股底下有针扎他似的。

“Where are you travelling to?” Pyotr Petrovitch enquires.

“你去哪儿啊？”裴先生问道。

“I? Into space. There is such a turmoil in my head that I couldn’t tell where I am going myself. I go where fate takes me. Ha-ha! My dear fellow, have you ever seen a happy fool? No? Well, then, take a look at one. You behold the happiest of mortals! Yes! Don’t you see something from my face?”

“我去哪儿？嘿，你猜我去哪儿。不行，我太高兴了，我都不知道自己去哪儿了，反正车开到哪儿就算哪儿吧。哈哈哈！我说老裴，你见过大傻子吗？没见过？好，你往这儿看，我乐得就跟个大傻子似的！你看我高兴的！你看！能看出来吧？”

“Well, one can see you’re a bit... a tiny bit so-so.”

“我看你，是…是挺喜庆的。”

“I dare say I look awfully stupid just now. Ach! it’s a pity I haven’t a looking-glass, I should like to look at my counting-house. My dear fellow, I feel I am turning into an idiot, honour bright. Ha-ha! Would you believe it, I’m on my honeymoon. Am I not the son of a hen?”

“甭问，刚才那会儿我肯定连脑袋瓜都冒傻气。哎呀！要是有面镜子照照就好了，我真想看看自己是个什么模样。老裴，我对天发誓，我是真乐傻了。哈哈哈！哎哟不行，再让我笑会儿。我这是去度蜜月呢，你知道不？结果半路还闹出这档子事，你说我傻不傻？”

“You? Do you mean to say you are married?”

“嚯！你结婚了？”

 “To-day, my dear boy. We came away straight after the wedding.”

“今天刚结的，我的好老裴哟。我们一结婚就奔车站了。”

Congratulations and the usual questions follow. “Well, you are a fellow!” laughs Pyotr Petrovitch. “That’s why you are rigged out such a dandy.”

一连串的恭贺和客套随之而来。“我说呢！”裴先生笑道，“我说你怎么打扮得这么漂亮。”

“Yes, indeed.... To complete the illusion, I’ve even sprinkled myself with scent. I am over my ears in vanity! No care, no thought, nothing but a sensation of something or other... deuce knows what to call it... beatitude or something? I’ve never felt so grand in my life!”

“嘿嘿，那可不……我今儿还喷香水了呢。你闻闻，喷香！好嘛，我现在就跟驾云似的，忽忽悠悠连南北都分不清了，这就叫…人逢喜事精神爽…爽精神？反正高兴就对了，我美啊，我太美啦！”（有必要注明一下，这里的“美”是“得意”和“心里美”的意思，而非“美丽”）

Ivan Alexyevitch shuts his eyes and waggles his head.

赖先生闭着眼摇头晃脑。

 “I’m revoltingly happy,” he says. “Just think; in a minute I shall go to my compartment. There on the seat near the window is sitting a being who is, so to say, devoted to you with her whole being. A little blonde with a little nose... little fingers.... My little darling! My angel! My little poppet! Phylloxera of my soul! And her little foot! Good God! A little foot not like our beetle-crushers, but something miniature, fairylike, allegorical. I could pick it up and eat it, that little foot! Oh, but you don’t understand! You’re a materialist, of course, you begin analyzing at once, and one thing and another. You are cold-hearted bachelors, that’s what you are! When you get married you’ll think of me. ‘Where’s Ivan Alexyevitch now?’ you’ll say. Yes; so in a minute I’m going to my compartment. There she is waiting for me with impatience... in joyful anticipation of my appearance. She’ll have a smile to greet me. I sit down beside her and take her chin with my two fingers.

“你是想不到我有多高兴。”他说道，“再过不一会儿我就找着隔间了。我媳妇指定就在窗边坐着，好家伙，你是没见过她！那小身段…小鼻子…小手…我的小心肝哟！我的心头肉喂！离了她我简直活不了了！还有她那小脚！你是不知道！嚯，那小脚丫！又巧又精致又漂亮又…哎哟喂，我跟你说，让人一看见……我都，我都恨不得上去啃一口！那小脚丫！绝了！嗨，你是甭想听明白了，你们打光棍的哪儿懂这个。等什么时候你结婚，那时你再想起我来，心说，老赖去哪儿了？我去哪儿了？我去找我媳妇去喽！她等我都等急了……过会儿我一拉门，她肯定笑得跟花一样。我就盼着坐她旁边，好捏捏她的小脸蛋呢。”

Ivan Alexyevitch waggles his head and goes off into a chuckle of delight.

赖先生继续晃着脑袋，嘴里乐出了声。

“Then I lay my noddle on her shoulder and put my arm round her waist. Around all is silence, you know... poetic twilight. I could embrace the whole world at such a moment. Pyotr Petrovitch, allow me to embrace you!”

“倚着她的肩膀，搂着她的腰，啊…全世界都安静了，就像在画里一样。抱着她我就好像抱着全世界！我的好老裴，咱俩也抱一个！”

“Delighted, I’m sure.” The two friends embrace while the passengers laugh in chorus. And the happy bridegroom continues:

“来来来。”只见二人抱在一块儿，一旁的乘客都乐开了花。喜气洋洋的新郎官继续说道：

“And to complete the idiocy, or, as the novelists say, to complete the illusion, one goes to the refreshment-room and tosses off two or three glasses. And then something happens in your head and your heart, finer than you can read of in a fairy tale. I am a man of no importance, but I feel as though I were limitless: I embrace the whole world!”

“人一傻起来就得傻个彻底，或者说句文词，既然做了美梦就要做个圆满，所以喝几杯肯定是少不了的。等喝完了酒，我心里那滋润哪，神仙也比不了。我是算不上什么人物，可我打心眼里觉得自己能耐大发了，我连星星都摘得下来！”

The passengers, looking at the tipsy and blissful bridegroom, are infected by his cheerfulness and no longer feel sleepy. Instead of one listener, Ivan Alexyevitch has now an audience of five. He wriggles and splutters, gesticulates, and prattles on without ceasing. He laughs and they all laugh.

眼瞧着这位幸福的醉新郎，乘客们全都被他的昂扬所感染，之前的困倦一扫而空。赖先生现在又多了四位听众。他手舞足蹈，语无伦次，喋喋不休，说不完的连珠炮。大伙儿都跟着他笑。

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, don’t think so much! Damn all this analysis! If you want a drink, drink, no need to philosophize as to whether it’s bad for you or not.... Damn all this philosophy and psychology!”

“诸位！诸位！人生在世须行乐啊！别想这想那的！酒这东西该喝喝，甭管它有坏处没坏处……别活得那么累！”

The guard walks through the compartment.

列车员正巧路过隔间。

“My dear fellow,” the bridegroom addresses him, “when you pass through the carriage No. 209 look out for a lady in a grey hat with a white bird and tell her I’m here!”

“同志！”赖先生招呼道，“你到二零九车的时候留神找找我媳妇，她戴了顶灰帽子、上面还绣了只鸟，要是找着了麻烦告诉她我在这车！”

“Yes, sir. Only there isn’t a No. 209 in this train; there’s 219!”

“成。不过这趟车上没有二零九车，只有二幺九。”

“Well, 219, then! It’s all the same. Tell that lady, then, that her husband is all right!”

“那就二幺九！都一样。总之你告诉她，就说她老公好好的！”

Ivan Alexyevitch suddenly clutches his head and groans:

赖先生突然一抱脑袋，感叹起来：

“Husband.... Lady.... All in a minute! Husband.... Ha-ha! I am a puppy that needs thrashing, and here I am a husband! Ach, idiot! But think of her!... Yesterday she was a little girl, a midget... it’s simply incredible!”

“老公…媳妇…来的真快！哈！我也是做丈夫的了…我这么个毛头小子一转眼就成了家！嗨，这事哪儿说理去！她也是啊…昨天还是个没出阁的小姑娘…真想不到，简直跟做梦似的！”

“Nowadays it really seems strange to see a happy man,” observes one of the passengers; “one as soon expects to see a white elephant.”

“这年头开心人比三脚猫还难找。”有位乘客议论道。（此处“三脚猫”为“新奇罕见的事物”，而非“技艺不精”）

“Yes, and whose fault is it?” says Ivan Alexyevitch, stretching his long legs and thrusting out his feet with their very pointed toes. “If you are not happy it’s your own fault! Yes, what else do you suppose it is? Man is the creator of his own happiness. If you want to be happy you will be, but you don’t want to be! You obstinately turn away from happiness.”

“那能怪谁？”赖先生一伸腿，抻了个大懒腰，说道，“不开心都是自找的！开不开心还能怨别人吗？人要开心怎么着都能开心，不开心纯粹是自己跟自己过不去。”

“Why, what next! How do you make that out?”

“这话说的！此话怎讲呢？”

“Very simply. Nature has ordained that at a certain stage in his life man should love. When that time comes you should love like a house on fire, but you won’t heed the dictates of nature, you keep waiting for something. What’s more, it’s laid down by law that the normal man should enter upon matrimony. There’s no happiness without marriage. When the propitious moment has come, get married. There’s no use in shilly-shallying.... But you don’t get married, you keep waiting for something! Then the Scriptures tell us that ‘wine maketh glad the heart of man.’... If you feel happy and you want to feel better still, then go to the refreshment bar and have a drink. The great thing is not to be too clever, but to follow the beaten track! The beaten track is a grand thing!”

“这还用问。人这辈子总有段时间是要拿去爱的。等感觉来了，人就应该轰轰烈烈地去追求，而不是像你们这样坐着干等，白瞎了这股热乎劲儿。再有，法律上也说人应该结婚，不结婚（原译作：“没有婚姻”，修改后更自然）哪来的幸福呢。只要吉时已到，那就别不好意思了，赶紧成家。千万不能老这么干等着，脑子里净装着别的盼头！再者经书上又说‘美酒悦人心’，要是想喜上加喜，那必须得喝几杯助助兴。所以说人不能太聪明、太自以为是啊，一定要多走走老路！老路才是正理儿，你不服不行！”

“You say that man is the creator of his own happiness. How the devil is he the creator of it when a toothache or an ill-natured mother-in-law is enough to scatter his happiness to the winds? Everything depends on chance. If we had an accident at this moment you’d sing a different tune.”

“你既然说人要开心怎么样都能开心，那我请问，为什么人得了牙疼、或者摊上个坏后妈就开心不起来了呢？所以说什么事都讲究个命数。万一这会儿翻车了，换了你也一样高兴不起来。”

“Stuff and nonsense!” retorts the bridegroom. “Railway accidents only happen once a year. I’m not afraid of an accident, for there is no reason for one. Accidents are exceptional! Confound them! I don’t want to talk of them! Oh, I believe we’re stopping at a station.”

“放屁！”赖新郎回嘴道，“火车这玩意一年才翻一回呢，我就不信偏偏能叫我遇上。哪有那么多万一！几辈子碰不上的事，提那没用！嘿，我说，咱们是不是停车了。”

“Where are you going now?” asks Pyotr Petrovitch. “To Moscow or somewhere further south?

“你这是去哪儿？”裴先生问道，“去莫斯科还是再南边？”

“Why, bless you! How could I go somewhere further south, when I’m on my way to the north?”

“啥？你脑子糊涂啦！我往北走去南边干嘛？”

“But Moscow isn’t in the north.”

“莫斯科可是在南边啊。”

“I know that, but we’re on our way to Petersburg,” says Ivan Alexyevitch.

“这谁不知道，咱这趟车不是往北去圣彼得堡的吗。”赖先生说道。

“We are going to Moscow, mercy on us!”

“不骗你，这趟车就是去莫斯科的！”

“To Moscow? What do you mean?” says the bridegroom in amazement.

“莫斯科？不可能啊！”新郎官诧异道。

“It’s queer.... For what station did you take your ticket?”

“不对劲…你买的是去哪儿的票？”

“For Petersburg.”

“去圣彼得堡的。”

“In that case I congratulate you. You’ve got into the wrong train.”

“这，恭喜你，你坐错车了。”

There follows a minute of silence. The bridegroom gets up and looks blankly round the company.

众人哑口无声。新郎官站了起来，困惑地扫视着四周。

“Yes, yes,” Pyotr Petrovitch explains. “You must have jumped into the wrong train at Bologoe.... After your glass of brandy you succeeded in getting into the down-train.”

“我知道了，我知道了，”裴先生解释道，“你肯定是在博洛戈耶倒车的时候上错车了……你八成是喝多了一不留神上了南下的车。”

Ivan Alexyevitch turns pale, clutches his head, and begins pacing rapidly about the carriage.

赖先生的脸白了，他挠着头，在车厢里飞快地走着。

“Ach, idiot that I am!” he says in indignation. “Scoundrel! The devil devour me! Whatever am I to do now? Why, my wife is in that train! She’s there all alone, expecting me, consumed by anxiety. Ach, I’m a motley fool!”

“我是头猪啊！”他暴怒道，“白痴！蠢材！我怎么能笨到这个份上！坏了！这可怎么办？我，我媳妇还在那趟车上等我呢！我丢下她一个人她不得急死！”

The bridegroom falls on the seat and writhes as though someone had trodden on his corns.

新郎官跌坐在座位上，颓丧得仿佛有几亩苞米地被人踩坏了似的。

“I am un-unhappy man!” he moans. “What am I to do, what am I to do?”

“我难过啊！”他悲哀道，“苍天哪！这叫我怎么办哪！”

“There, there!” the passengers try to console him. “It’s all right.... You must telegraph to your wife and try to change into the Petersburg express. In that way you’ll overtake her.”

“别哭，别哭！”乘客们好言相劝道，“没事，你赶紧给你媳妇拍个电报，再想办法坐特快去圣彼得堡就行了。到时候你们准能见着。”

“The Petersburg express!” weeps the bridegroom, the creator of his own happiness. “And how am I to get a ticket for the Petersburg express? All my money is with my wife.”

“什么特快！”这位想开心怎么都能开心的新郎官呜呜哭道，“钱都在我媳妇那儿我拿头买票去！”

The passengers, laughing and whispering together, make a collection and furnish the happy man with funds.

乘客们笑成了一团，在一起小声商量着，终于替他凑足了盘缠，好让这位开心人换车上路。