第二单来了

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我是小朱

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第七次课

2021年广州二模续写

Aram and Rossi’s Bakery

Walking along the narrow brick sidewalk, Aram took a deep breath. The air smelled of lemons and baked bread and coffee, coming from Rossi’s Italian Bakery. He was almost there.

Aram still couldn’t believe his luck. All his friends were working boring summer jobs—waiting tables and babysitting. And here he was, about to start as an actual baker’s assistant, doing what he loved. It was all thanks to his Aunt Rita. She knew Mrs. Rossi and had arranged everything. It was the perfect experience for his future career. Rossi’s Bakery, he was sure, would one day be known as the place where he got his start.

Ah, here he was—the bakery. A faded wooden sign over the door read “Rossi’s Bakery.” Aram straightened his shoulders and entered. Mrs. Rossi was sitting at the counter, looking old and wise. Aram greeted her and stuck out his hand. Mrs. Rossi looked at it for a second before turning around and waving him inside. “I’m ready to learn everything,” Aram said.

“Great. Let’s start with the cash register,” Mrs. Rossi said, “because that’s what you’ll be doing.” She showed him how to use the cash register. It wasn’t hard. The pastry trays were all marked by price, and there weren’t that many choices anyway. “That’s it?” Aram said, his heart sinking. “But when do we bake?”

“Bake? I order wholesale now. No more baking. I’m too old.” Then Mrs. Rossi silently held up her hands. Aram took in her knotted, swollen fingers, and he understood. A wave of disappointment struck him. Sadness overwhelmed him so suddenly that he couldn’t think of a word to say.

He sighed, and Mrs. Rossi sighed, too. “I used to bake it all. Bread and cakes. And no one did it better than me. But that was when these things worked,” said Mrs. Rossi holding up her hands once more and glancing across the shelves filled with empty bottles labelled with names of the various ingredients (配料) she once used. Suddenly she came alive, waving her arthritic (关节炎的) hands. “People used to line up around the corner. Everyone wanted my baked bread.”

Aram 来实习的年轻人 未来职业 憧憬 失望

Mrs. Rossi 店主老女人 高超烘焙技巧 被迫放弃

Then a thought occurred to Aram that he could ask Mrs. Rossi to teach him. Aram请求教

“Dear Mrs. Rossi,” his eyes shone like the stars in the night sky, “I love bakery from my childhood and it’s my dream to provide delicious bread and cakes for others. When people are in a bad mood, I believe tasty food can bring them happiness, and I want to become that person who spread joy through my own efforts! Please teach me!”

过去梦想—现在观点—未来期许 ：提出要求

Mrs. Rossi raised her eyebrows and carefully measured the young man, who stood nervously waiting for her answer.

过程——说服

提出教 — 同意？（不合理）

不同意？— 反复请求 — 心理变化

（对话、原因、复杂）

沉默

Mrs. Rossi finally said, “Let’s buy the ingredients first.” Rossi同意教

配料买齐 开始烘焙 学习提升 焕发生机 顾客归来

For Aram, it was a weight off his mind. 心理 回应

In the following days, Aram ordered all the necessary ingredients online and the empty bottles on the shelves were refilled. 具体动作+结果

With Mrs. Rossi’s guidance, Aram’s baking skills improved day by day. 情节发展 动作

Old customers started to come back, and the faded bakery seemed to regain its life. 结果

Sometimes Mrs. Rossi would sit in an armchair outside and greeted people under the new wooden sign, which now read “Aram and Rossi’s Bakery”. 

平凡结尾 — 日常 — 扣题

全文呈现

Then a thought occurred to Aram that he could ask Mrs. Rossi to teach him. “Dear Mrs. Rossi,” his eyes shone like the stars in the night sky, “I love bakery from my childhood and it’s my dream to provide delicious bread and cakes for others. When people are in a bad mood, I believe tasty food can bring them happiness, and I want to become that person who spread joy through my own efforts! Please teach me!” Mrs. Rossi raised her eyebrows and carefully measured the young man, who stood nervously waiting for her answer.

Mrs. Rossi finally said, “Let’s buy the ingredients first.” For Aram, it was a weight off his mind. In the following days, Aram ordered all the necessary ingredients online and the empty bottles on the shelves were refilled. With Mrs. Rossi’s guidance, Aram’s baking skills improved day by day. Old customers started to come back, and the faded bakery seemed to regain its life. Sometimes Mrs. Rossi would sit in an armchair outside and greeted people under the new wooden sign, which now read “Aram and Rossi’s Bakery”.

第八次课

汕头二模文章续写：正—负—正

The average present merely satisfies a temporary desire; the great one becomes more precious with time going by. 回忆

When I was a boy of fourteen, I needed to have 80 hours of community service per year and I used to take care of Mrs. Long’s garden, which was near the Presbyterian Church. As a junior high school student, I devoted myself to it, sweeping the fallen leaves and mowing the lawn (修剪草坪). There I learnt how to cut away dry branches and even helped to plant a sapling (小树苗). Tired as I was every time I finished my work, I did enjoy the time there for learning something new. I clearly remembered that Mrs. Long, a nice and caring elder, always treated me to delicious meals and drinks. She also loved taking photos, always with an old camera in hand. It was said that the camera was passed down from her father and she cherished it a lot.

主线：做社区服务—照顾花园—她给我吃喝—我开心

支线/伏笔/铺垫：拍照/照相机                      

Several days before Christmas, she whispered to me, “When Christmas comes, I shall have a present for you.” I spent much time wondering what it would be. The boys I played with had baseball gloves, ice skates and bicycles, and I was so eager to acquire any one of these that I convinced myself that she intended to choose from among them. But at the same time, I had some doubts whether she would buy me such things because she was not that well-off.

The day before Christmas, I went there as before. With the work done, I was going to leave when she pulled me aside. “Kid, wait for a minute,” she said, leading me into her living room. She seated me on a chair, went to another room, and in a moment stood before me holding a small package that under no circumstances could hold a bicycle or a pair of skates or even a baseball glove. It weighed almost nothing.

随时间经历更宝贵+拍照/照相机+小盒子+没重量

= 照片+信/文字 — 主题

I took the package with disappointment.

我心理：展开失望、掩饰失望、愧疚、自责

我动作：感谢、回家、开始打开

她心理：看出来我的失望、不介意、微笑

她动作：让我回家打开

l 一个人的场景比两个人的场景好写

Opening the package, I was totally astonished.

环境/事物：什么照片、为什么惊讶

动作：握着礼物

心理：感动、流泪、感激

主题：随时间推移更加宝贵

第九次课

潍坊二模文章续写

Joyce is in the fourth grade and he joined the noisy children of his class as usual. “Children! Silence!” Mangat Madam suddenly entered the class. She announced next week would be math week. “I’d like each of you to work on a project. You could do it individually or in a group.” she instructed. “The topic for the project needs approving tomorrow and it has to be displayed at the math week exhibition. The best project will be awarded and there is also a surprise gift from my side,” she added.

Joyce, who is extremely good at math, sat in the corner seat of the first bench with Karan, an average. Karan asked Joyce if they could work on the math project together. Joyce replied in a prideful tone, “Ha-ha you want to join me. I think I will do the project on my own.” Joyce wanted to get awarded and the surprise gift all for himself from Mangat Madam.

After deep consideration, Joyce decided to work on a math magic quiz on the circuit board. The next day in school, Mangat Madam arrived in the classroom and all the children submitted their topics for math exhibition. They all chose to work in a group except Joyce. In the following days, Joyce gathered all the materials for the project such as wires, bulbs (灯泡), a switch and a thin plywood board (胶合板). He worked at a few mathematical basic operations to be fixed on the board so that when the wire of the circuit touched the right answer, the bulb glowed. Joyce completed the project and was happy with the result.

The evening before the exhibition, while packing his school bags, Joyce again checked the project to see if it was working fine. Alas! All the lights that were to glow did not seem to light at all. Without finding the reason, Joyce was tensed. However, he decided to take the same project to the school as he couldn’t change the topic at the last minute. Then came the next day, and everybody was fascinated in the exhibition.

It was Joyce’s turn to display his project.

展示失败

Joyce 具体动作、动作结果；心理活动

Classmates 反应、尴尬的沉默、小声议论

Teacher 推动展示进行、圆场

Karan’s team 出场、出色的完成

Finally, the teacher announced Karan’s team was the winner.

Classmates 反应、鼓掌喝彩、祝贺

Karan 谦虚 不好意思

Joyce 认识错误、后悔、道歉

theme 团队合作的重要性 – surprise gift

a surprise gift：具体事物、抽象道理

镜头感：不同角色、不同方面交织进行互动方式

With butterflies in his stomach, Joyce turned on the switch. 人物动作

The bulbs blinked for seconds and then didn’t light at all. 事物结果

The audience was in silence, for this was the first failed project displayed. 观众反应

Joyce’s spirits sank, cheeks burning with  embarrassment. 人物心理

In an attempt to ease the awkward atmosphere, Mangat Madam advised him to wait until later and introduced the next team. 老师回应

So Joyce had to step off the stage, down in the dump.

下台

On the stage, Mangat Madam awarded everyone in Karan’s team with a champion cup. 老师颁奖

All the team member swelled their chest while accepting the surprise gift. 团队领奖

After the exhibition, Joyce came up to Karan and apologized for his prideful attitude towards him that day. 道歉

To Joyce’s surprise, Karan seemed  quite  modest  and  credited all the success to his team. 谦虚

From that day on, Joyce learnt a lesson: Teamwork and modesty matter no matter how excellent one individual is. 主题

第十次课

大湾区联考文章续写

Bird Song

“Let it go!” Caroline yelled. Two boys were bending over a bird, as a third one held the poor creature roughly by its wings. “You’ll hurt it.” Caroline looked fearful for the bird.

“That’s the point.” The boys laughed. The tallest stood up and glared at Caroline. “Here, catch this!” He said as he sailed the now broken-winged bird at Caroline. The poor creature cried in pain, as its wings had been badly damaged. The boys ran off, laughing at their handy work.

Caroline bent down to carefully pick up the bird. The poor feathered soul was wriggling (扭动) about, with a fearful look in its eyes. “Don’t worry,” Caroline whispered softly. She took a handkerchief from her pocket and gently placed the bird on it.

Caroline walked as quickly as she could back to her house, careful not to shake the bird around too much. She found a shoe box, filled it with soft cotton balls and then laid the bird down in its new resting place.

“Let me get you some water and food. That’s the least I can do.” She took a tiny saucer from the kitchen, filled it with water, and placed it in a corner of the box. She managed to find some sunflower seeds, as that was the only bird-friendly food she could think of. Caroline was worried. She didn’t want the bird to die. The poor bird was now fast asleep, no doubt tired out from its earlier suffering. “Please don’t die.” Caroline whispered tearfully.

If there was anyone whom she could turn to, it would be Mr. Roberts. Mr. Roberts was working at the nature museum. He had bird feeders throughout his yard, and sometimes would drop in her science class at school. Caroline never knew there was so much information about birds, until hearing him speak. She figured he would know what to do.

Caroline called Mr. Roberts and hurriedly told him her tale.

Mr. Roberts 帮助她联系了救援

Caroline 松了一口气、担忧、祈求

In the morning, the Blackwell Bird Rescue Society called, informing a car would come to pick up the bird at 10 am.

从挂电话到10点之间，人物动作/人物心理

10点的时候，有人来接走小鸟

结尾：接走之后立刻的情况

结尾：一段时间过后的情况

小男孩？绝对不能写

鸟是活是死？必须活

能不能写对话？尽量不写

能不能写独白？可以（大段发言、自言自语、心理）

Caroline called Mr. Roberts and hurriedly told him her tale. After acknowledging her efforts, Mr. Roberts inquired the bird’s condition and offered a solution. “Don’t worry. I will contact the bird rescue. They can pick your little friend tomorrow morning. The bird is fortunate to meet you. I am sure she will make it and come back to life again.” After hanging up, Caroline was greatly relieved. She checked the sleeping bird again and again, praying it would survive the night.

praise / acknowledge / comfort

ask / inquire

suggest / advice / solve

In the morning, the Blackwell Bird Rescue Society called, informing a car would come to pick up the bird at 10 am. Caroline checked the bird again, who now opened its eyes and shivered in weakness. “It’s time to say goodbye,” Caroline whispered. “Hopefully, these good people can help you get better, so you can fly away. My name is Caroline. I hope you don’t forget me.” Around 10 o’clock, a friendly lady from the rescue visited her house and collected the bird. Days later, Caroline received a short video from Mr. Roberts, in which the bird was practicing its broken wings and singing songs lively. “You are welcome,” she smiled.

第十一次课

第一段

任务：Bill是否同意

我作出什么回应

引出下文

 

同意：THE END（皆大欢喜.jpg）

不同意：由不同意到同意的转变

 

           l  knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, "Can l adopt you as my grandpa?” Bill widened up his eyes and quickly a broad smile flashed across his face. He replied amusedly, “It's my pleasure，but you can only adopt someone younger when you grow up." 关注自己下意识忽略的点，把innocent的用词特点作为一个“点”来特别写出。委婉拒绝。我会尴尬。

          l sat there with my face flushing, for l realized l totally misunderstood the meaning the word "adopt". Seeing me dropped my head, Bill told me he finally decided to teach me how to drive his lawn tractor tomorrow. 无论如何这个引出下文的任务过渡很难自然。这里使用Seeing衔接。是化解尴尬的一部分。 

         This message cheered me up a bit. 小朋友想一出是一出，但也不能情感突转

“乒乓球”：你一下我一下

 

第二段

The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, l accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence. As l jumped off the tractor and checked it, it suddenly dawned on me that maybe I could "adopt” Bill in a new way. "You don't need to make the hole bigger," I said. "Without the fence, we can actually live together as one true family, and you will never feel lonely again."

开始常见套路：

So moved was Bill that he wrapped me into his arms tightly, tears shining in his eyes. With the help of my parents, we cleared up all the fence.

结尾吧：

That was a day carved in my memory, as l finally “adopted” Bill as my grandpa, though without a certificate.

结尾没有选择未来什么的宏大的东西。小结尾的话不讲道理什么的就注重呼应！connection、certificate、hole …….

第十二次课

第十三次课

Twenty years ago, l drove a taxi. Once, l was called at 3 a.m. to pick someone up. When l arrived, the building was completely dark except for one light in a window. Often, many drivers would just honk (按喇叭) once or twice, wait a short minute, then drive away.

But unless a real danger, I always went to the door to find the passenger. It might be someone who needed my assistance. Would l not want a driver to do the same if my mother or father had called for a taxi?

So l walked to the door and knocked." Just a minute," answered a weak and elderly voice. l could hear the sound of something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80s stood before me. By her side was a small suitcase." Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. "I'd like a few moments alone. Then, if you could come back and help me? I'm not very strong."

l took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm, and we walked slowly toward the cab. She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing," l told her. "l just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated." "Oh, you're such a good boy," she said. When we got in the taxi, she gave me an address. Then she asked, "Could you drive through the downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way," I answered. "I don't mind," she said, "I'm in no hurry. 'm on my way to the nursing home." l saw her eyes shining with tears. "1don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says l am too old to live alone."

l quietly turned off the meter (计程器).“What road do you want me to take?" l asked. "First, take me to Sunrise Street. That's where l was born."

 

For hours, we drove through the city. ___________________________________

 

“How much do l owe you?" she asked, reaching for her purse.  _____________

 

VERSION I

For hours, we drove through the city.

去的地点——老人的一生

童年生活的地方——美好的童年回忆

上学的地方结婚的地方——开始幸福的二人生活

送别亲人的地方——开始感到孤单寂寞

结束游览——开到养老院

只要写到两到三个即可（为字数），有些地方要经过有些地方要停车有些地方要独处一会儿。就是详略有致

设计并列细节：1、数量控制在2~3个；2、考虑顺序；考虑虚实详略，虚去点缀实，先实再虚，实大于虚。

故事情节讲述一定要有始有终、形成闭环。

故事情节设计一定要考虑合理性、前后呼应。

 

For hours, we drove through the city. Now and then, the old woman would ask me to slow down or pull up. After the short stop at her primary school, she showed me the building where she had once worked as an engineer. Then we drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they had first been married. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a park, where she had spent the best time with her daughter. Sometimes she would have me slow down in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. （虚实详略与深意，留白技巧。）As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm ready. Let's go now." We drove in silence to the nursing home. As we pulled up, two nurses were waiting for us. They helped her into a wheelchair.

 

 

 

 

“How much do l owe you?" she asked, reaching for her purse.

我的回应——不要钱

解释不解释原因？都可。老人不需要感到意外。道谢。退场。

结尾：我的心理、评价，我收获了什么

 

我：更多写心理

老人：更多写动作

 

“Nothing," l said. Without thinking, l leaned down and gave her a hug. She hugged me tightly. “You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. “Thank you." l squeezed her hand and then walked back to my taxi. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. l believe l have never done anything more important in my life. We usually think that our lives are defined by great moments. But l now realize that great moments catch us by surprise, because they often seem quite small.

 

VERSION II

不选择写并列细节：

For hours, we drove through the city. She showed me her primary school and shared with me some funny stories of her school days and friends. Then she asked me to pull up near a peaceful square, where, as she told me in a gentle voice, she first met her husband. She sat on the back seat still, gazing at the square through a mist of tears for a moment, and then signaled me to move on. All the way, l just listened attentively as if l was a loyal audience to my mother who used to call up her good old days. （呼应）After what seemed like a magical journey back to the past, we eventually arrived at the gate of the nursing home at dawn.

 

“Nothing," l said quickly, shrugging with a light laugh, winking at the meter. As if she couldn't believe what l said, she looked at me with wide-open eyes. Then her shock slowly gave way to grateful understanding." Oh, you're such a good boy! Thank you." She held my hand tightly. “l just try to treat you the way l would want my mother treated," l responded softly. “And thank you for sharing with me your best memories of this city.” Then l bent over and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. A sudden warmth and happiness hit me like a balmy breeze gently wiping my face. And l knew it was the grace of kindness. (257 words)（把很多东西摊到明面上说，不怎么深意）

和文章有关吗为什么要微风为什么又要kindness？过于迷信正能量。改：

sudden sorrow and sadness hit me like a wuthering north wind piercing through my heart. And l knew it was the power of memory.

感觉这个范儿与文章基调更符合。

第十四次课

第十五次课

第十六次课

第十七次课