字数多不等于分数高——358字满分范文分析

很多备考写作的小伙伴通常都这么认为：字数越多，分数越高。这种观点是错误的。

结合范文，我们可以分析一下，一篇400词未满的独立写作是如何拿到30分的满分的。文题如下：

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible.Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better?Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

有些年轻人想要尽早脱离父母独立，其他年轻人更愿意和家人生活得更久一点。你认为哪种情况更好？

开头段：

Every young adults will grow and live apart from their parents to form their own families. The age for those young adults to be independent depends on each person. Some people may have to live longer with their parents and some others may not. This essay will discuss the issue of independent life and living with their families for a longer time.

每个年轻人都会成长，都会离开他们的父母去组建他们自己的家庭。他们独立的年纪因人而异。有的人也许需要和父母生活得更久，另外一些人也许不会。这篇文章会讨论独立生活以及和父母生活更长时间的话题。

写法分析：

首句给出宏观背景——每个年轻人最终都会独立生活；

接着缩小背景——独立的年纪因人而异。

进一步细化——对“因人而异”的具体情况展开说明：Some people may have to live longer with their parents and some others may not. 呼应文章题目（Task Response）。

末句承上启下——This essay will discuss the issue of independent life and living with their families for a longer time. 通过该过渡句，保持了段落之间的连贯性。（连贯性同样体现在：those young adults中通过代词those呼应前句中的Every young adults）

由大到小的层层递进符合考评标准渐进性的要求。

语言表达参考：

live apart from... 和。。。分开生活

form families v. 组成家庭

be independent on adj. 独立于。。。 depend on 依靠，依赖，取决于

issue n. 话题，问题（可替换things / problems...）

主体段1：

Most young adults prefer to have a separate or independent life from their parents or families as soon as possible. This is because they have a strong urge for freedom in doing what they desire. But in fact many of them fail. This should not be surprising since often they are actually not ready mentally although they are physically ready. It is widely understood that to live independently requires a lot of energy and is not easy at all. In this twenty first century, people may need more and more preparation because competition is increasing rapidly. An observation shows that many University graduated students are unemployed. Therefore, they will not be able to support and fulfill their necessities.

大多数年轻人更倾向于尽早脱离他们的父母或者家庭开始独立的生活。因为他们渴望自由地去做自己想做的事情。然而事实上他们中的许多人都失败了。他们的失败在情理之中因为他们并没有做好心理上的准备。众所周知，独立生活需要很多的精力而且一点也不容易。在21世纪，因为日益增长的竞争压力人们会需要更多的准备。一项研究显示许多大学毕业生没有找到工作，因此，他们不能支持和满足自己的生活基本需求。

写法分析：

本段选取立场之一（脱离父母独立）进行展开，本质上是对争议部分的回应，同时也是对于真正立场的铺垫；内容和结构上都保持了完整的连贯性。

选择（独立生活）的出发点（渴望自由）——结果（大多数人失败了）——原因（身体上准备好了心理上没有）——例证（社会竞争更加激烈，大学生毕业即失业）——结论（缺乏养活自己的能力）

由果推因，再由因及果，体现了层次的渐进性。

语言表达参考：

although引导的让步状语从句： although they are physically ready，

It作形式主语——It is widely understood that to live independently requires a lot of energy and is not easy at all. 

prefer to 更喜欢，宁愿

separate adj. 单独的，分开的

as soon as possible 尽快，尽早

urge n. 强烈的欲望，迫切要求

mentally adv. 精神上，心理上

not at all 一点也不

rapidly adv. 迅速地，飞快地

observation n. 观察，观察报告

unemployed adj. 失业的

be able to 能够

fulfill v. 实现

necessity n. 必需，必需品（复数：necessities）

最后，关于HUGE：

我们是一群语培行业的深耕者。这里有你需要的托福资料，备考资讯，免费讲座，专业课堂，做国内最专业的托福备考平台。

网站：http://hugejiaoyu.com

公众号：HUGE教育工作室

公众号日更应考干货，欢迎大家关注，阅读与分享。

b站账号还会不时更新tpo和真题视频讲解哦~

作者：炎哥

编辑 & 排版：亮亮 小蔡

首发：HUGE教育工作室