中英对照|恐同、网暴，从降班瘟神到枪手一门——闭嘴吧拉姆斯代尔 枪手门将的公开信

原文链接：https://www.theplayerstribune.com/posts/aaron-ramsdale-premier-league-arsenal-soccer-england

These articles are supposed to start with a good story, right? Something funny, maybe. I remember English class. Gotta start with a bang and all that.

（通常来说）这种文章应该以一个好故事开始，对吧？也许有什么有趣的事情。我记得英语课（上是这么说的）。必须从一声巨响开始。

 

Well, I’m afraid we’ve got a little problem here.

好吧，恐怕我们这里遇到了一个小问题。

 

When I think back on joining Arsenal, I don’t have the same stories as the other lads. I’ve seen players saying, “Oh yeah, Wenger rang me up.” Or talking about fans showing up outside their house singing their names.

当我回想起加入阿森纳时，我并没有和其他小伙子一样的故事。我见过之前的球员们会说：“哦，是的，温格给我打电话了。”或者谈论出现在他们家门外的粉丝唱着他们的名字。

 

But my story? Honestly? When the news came out, the only thing I can remember is the entire world telling me that I was absolute sh*t.

但我的故事呢？要开诚布公地说？（那就是）当消息传出时，我唯一记得的是整个世界都告诉我我绝对就是依托答辩。

 

It all started out so good, too. I had been called up by England for their pre-training camp before the Euros. It felt amazing to be a part of the build-up that summer. While I was there, my agent told me that Arsenal had “shown some interest” in me. In football nowadays, you never know what that means. I tried not to get too excited.

一切的开始也是如此美好。我被英格兰队征召参加欧洲杯前的训练营。那年夏天成为球队的一部分让我感觉很棒。当我在那里时，我的经纪人告诉我阿森纳对我“表现出了一些兴趣”。在当今的足球界，你永远不知道这意味着什么。我努力让自己不要太兴奋。

 

I said, “Interest. What’s that mean?”

He said, “I don’t know. There’s interest.”

“So they want to sign me?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. There’s interest.”

我说：“对我‘有兴趣’，那是什么意思？”

他说：“我不知道。 他们对你‘有兴趣’。”

“所以他们想签我？”

“可能会。可能不会。他们对你‘有兴趣’。”

 

So the next day, I ran into Bukayo Saka getting a coffee, and I didn’t know him that well yet, so I thought, “Surely I can’t ask him, right?”

所以第二天，我在喝咖啡时遇到了萨卡，我当时和他还不熟，所以我想，“我当然不能直接问他，对吧？”

 

I mean, what am I supposed to say?

我在想，我应该怎么（向萨卡）说？

 

“Morning, Bukayo. How you getting on? Erm. Would you happen to know if your football club is interested in me?”

“早上好，布卡约。 你过得怎么样？ 嗯，你或许大概可能知道你的俱乐部是否对我感兴趣吗？”

 

Ridiculous.

简直荒谬。

 

So yeah, that’s exactly what I did.

但我当时真的就这么问的。

 

He told me that it was real, and that the manager had actually rang him to ask about my character and what I was like as a person. I guess Bukayo must have told him that I was a decent lad, because I got a call from my agent a few days later that the transfer was happening.

他告诉我这是真的，教练实际上打电话给他询问我的性格以及我的为人。我想萨卡一定告诉阿特塔我是一个正派的小伙子，因为几天后我接到经纪人的电话，说转会正在进行。

 

Unreal. Arsenal Football Club. One of the best days of my life. My mates are all texting me. You legend. You legend. Family is over the moon. How can it get any better?

这不可能是真的。阿森纳足球俱乐部。我一生中最美好的日子之一。我的朋友们都给我发短信。你就是传奇。你就是传奇。家人欣喜若狂。不会有比这再好的了。

 

Then I come back from training, and I go to pick up my phone, and it’s hot. Like, really hot. And I see about 100 notifications. That little bird. Ping, ping, ping. I’m like, “What’s happening?” Instagram. Ping, ping, ping. I’m used to maybe 15 or 20 notifications a day back then. (And three are from my mum.) Ping, ping, ping. I go to my Twitter, and I see that the news has leaked, and I am getting absolutely roasted.

然后我训练回来，我去拿起手机，发现手机很热。“炙手可热”（错误用法）。我看到大约100条通知。那只小鸟（指推特）。 滴，滴，滴。 我想，“发生了什么事？” Instagram。 滴，滴，滴。过去我可能每天只收到 15 或 20 条通知。（其中三条还是来自我妈。）滴，滴，滴。我打开推特，发现转会消息已经泄露，而我彻底被“烤熟了”（指被群嘲）。

 

@AaronRamsdale98 DO NOT COME HERE. U ARE (SH*T EMOJI).

2 RELEGATIONS? HORRIBLE SIGNING.

£24 million??? WANKER.

@AaronRamsdale98 不！要！来！这！里！ 你！就！是！依！托！（SH*T 表情符号）！

降！班！两！次！（的门将）？ 什！么！逼！玩！意！

2400万英镑？？？ 废！物！

 

Then there would be a really nice one, like:

Welcome to North London, Aaron! 🙂

当然也有一些非常友善的，比如：

欢迎来到北伦敦，阿龙！ 🙂

 

 

Ping, ping, ping.

WANKER. WANKER. WANKER.

滴，滴，滴。

废！物！废！物！废！物！

 

After the initial shock, I’m thinking: OK, fair enough. It’s my fault for having my notifications on. This is just modern football. Social media is toxic. Just a few trolls, right? No worries.

在最初的震惊之后，我在想：好吧，行吧。打开私信是我的错。这就是现代足球。社交媒体是有毒的。只是几个键盘侠，对吧？不用担心。（自语）

 

I go to my room and turn on the TV. Football is the only way I know how to relax. I’m mad. You can ask my wife. I’m basically a football fan who happens to play football. If I’m in the car, it’s football podcasts. If I’m at home and Georgina is watching her shows, I’m on the iPad on the couch next to her watching whatever match is on Sky.

我走进自己的房间，打开电视。足球是我知道如何放松的唯一方式。当时我疯了。你可以问我老婆。 我本质上是一个刚好会踢足球的足球迷。如果我在车里，那就是足球播客。如果我在家，乔治娜正在看她的电视节目，我就会在她旁边沙发上的 iPad 上观看天空体育上播放的任何足球比赛。

 

So I flick on Sky Sports News, and you know when the ex-players and pundits are all sitting around on Sky, shaking their heads, and they got a lad’s picture up? Well it’s my face up there, and the pundits are not thrilled.

所以我打开天空体育新闻，当时那些退役球员和专家都坐在天空体育的演播室里，摇头，他们放了一个小伙子的照片？好吧，这是我的脸，专家们并不兴奋。

 

“Poor signing. Not good enough for Arsenal.”

“Too much money. I don’t like it.”

“Two relegations?  £24 million? WANKER.”

“可悲的签约。 对于阿森纳来说还不够好。”

“太贵了。 我不会喜欢（这笔交易）。”

“降班两次的门将？ 2400万英镑？废！物！。”

 

No, the last one is a joke. But that was the general tone of the conversation. They were not exactly my biggest fans. It’s an interesting experience watching legends you grew up idolising saying that you’re rubbish in front of the entire country. That really affected me. It brought me back down to earth from cloud nine in a matter of hours.

不，最后一句只是玩笑。但这就是他们说的话的总体基调。他们并不是我的支持者。看着你从小崇拜的传奇人物在整个国家面前说你是垃圾，这是一种有趣的经历。这确实影响了我。它在几个小时内让我从狂喜回到了现实。

 

I turned off the TV. Turned off all my social media notifications.

我关掉了电视。关闭我所有的社交媒体私信。

 

Thankfully, after the Euros, things settled down a bit. I was getting really excited to join the club of my dreams and start the whole experience.

值得庆幸的是，欧洲杯之后，事态稍微稳定下来。我非常兴奋能够加入我梦寐以求的俱乐部并开始这段旅程。

 

Arsenal. Incredible. Forget the chatter. Forget the trolls. Let’s celebrate.

阿森纳。极好的。忘记那些嘴碎的人。忘记那些键盘侠。来庆祝一下吧。

 

Called up my mates. Legends. They’ll never let me down, right? Never.

打电话给我的伙伴们。“传奇”。他们永远不会让我失望，对吧？绝不。

 

My mates come around the house, and the first thing out of their mouths….

我的朋友们来到我家，他们嘴里说的第一句话就是……

 

“Woofffff, you see what people are saying about you?”

“No! I don’t want to know!”

“Mate, some of the memes are pretty funny. Look.”

Oh God.

“噢噢噢噢，你知道人们是怎么评价你的吗？”

“不！ 我不想知道！”

“伙计，有些表情包非常生草。看。”

天啊。

 

You know, they say you’ve got to be a bit crazy to want to be a keeper. But in my family, I’m the normal one.

你知道，他们说你必须有点疯狂才能成为一名守门员。 但在我的家庭里，我却是普通的那位。

 

My eldest brother Edward is a prison guard. My middle brother Oliver is a performer in the West End. My dad, he’s a proper old-school character. He don’t like none of this fancy European football with the ball at the keeper’s feet. No, no, no. He kept saying he was gonna ring up Mr. Arteta and tell him: HOOF IT UP TO THE NUMBER 9, SON.

我的大哥爱德华是一名狱警。我的二哥奥利弗是西区的一名艺人。我的父亲，他是一个十足的老派人物。他不喜欢这种球在守门员脚下的华丽欧洲足球。不不不。他一直说他要给阿尔特塔打电话并告诉他：孩子，（让门将）一个大脚找到中锋头顶。

 

That’s my dad.

这就是我爸。

 

My mum, she’s the worrier. If my brother — the prison guard, mind you — is out at the pub with his mates, she’ll stay up until he texts her that he’s home safe. He’s 32 years old. Still gotta text: “Yes mum, home in bed, luv you x.”

我的妈妈，她总是担心这担心那。 如果我哥（再提醒一次，他是狱警）和他的伙伴们一起去酒吧，她会一直等到直到哥哥发短信告诉她他安全到家了。他今年 32 岁。还是得发短信：“是的，妈妈，回到家睡下了，爱你。”

I’m the youngest, and I’m probably the least interesting of the lot. Whenever people tell me it’s brave what I’ve done, pursuing this football dream, I just laugh. Oliver is the real superstar of the family. He’s the brave one. Three weeks before he was supposed to leave for uni in Bedford, he told my parents that he had a change of heart. He didn’t want to become a PE teacher. He wanted to chase his real dream and go to drama school. So he literally packed up everything and went to London to pursue a totally different life.

我是最小的，也可能是这群人中最无趣的。每当人们告诉我，我为追求足球梦想所做的事情是勇敢的，我只是笑笑。奥利弗是这个家族真正的超级巨星。他是最勇敢的一个。在他本应前往贝德福德上大学的三周前，他告诉我的父母他改变了主意。 他不想成为一名体育老师。 他想追逐自己真正的梦想，去戏剧学校。于是他收拾好一切，前往伦敦追求完全不同的生活。

 

But that’s not the bravest thing he’s done. That’s not why I admire him. My brother is gay, and he’s lived his life in an open and authentic way since he went off to school. I’m so proud to say he’s my brother. I haven’t talked about it before, but with everything going on in football right now, I thought it was important to mention. Oliver is a lot like me, in many ways. He’s a regular bloke. Loves football. Loves knocking about with his mates. Loves the Gunners. He’s proud of me, and I’m really proud of him.

但这还不是他做过的最勇敢的事情。这不是我钦佩他的原因。我哥哥是同性恋，自从他上学以来，他就以一种开放而真实的方式生活。我很自豪地说他是我的兄弟。我以前没有谈过这个问题，但鉴于目前足球界正在发生的一切，我认为有必要提及一下。奥利弗在很多方面都很像我。他是一个普通人。热爱足球。喜欢和伙伴们一起闲逛。喜欢枪手。他为我感到骄傲，我也为他感到骄傲。

 

Over the years, I’ve probably bit my tongue a few too many times — both in dressing rooms and on social media — whenever I hear homophobic comments or stupid things being said. And I think maybe my brother has done the same, thinking it would make my life easier.

多年来，每当我听到恐同言论或愚蠢的言论时，无论是在更衣室还是在社交媒体上，我可能咬自己的舌头（保持缄默）太多次了。我想也许我哥哥也做了同样的事，（我们当时）认为这会让生活更容易一些。

 

Well, all that ends today.

但一切都不再是这样。

 

It’s not the easiest thing to be open like this, but there’s never a “right time.” I’ve been working on this story since the start of the summer, and my family has given me their blessing.

开诚布公并不是最容易的事情，但从来没有“成熟时机”。从今年夏天开始，我就一直在写这个故事，我的家人也给予了我祝福。

 

If I’m telling my story, I’m telling it proper.

如果我要讲我的故事，那么我讲的就要是真的。

 

When I signed for Arsenal, I could handle all the stuff that was said about me personally. But a few of the comments involved my family, and they totally crossed the line.

当我加盟阿森纳时，我可以处理所有关于我个人的言论。但有些评论涉及我的家人，这就绝对越界了。

 

As a keeper, I’ve heard it all. You can say almost anything about me, and I’ll have a laugh. I might even turn around and say something right back to you. But when it crosses a certain line into homophobia or hate, it’s simply wrong.

作为一个守门员，我再坏的话都听过（因为赛场上守门员的位置最靠近球迷）。你几乎可以谈论我的任何事情，我都会一笑而过。我甚至可能会转身对你说些什么。但当它越界变成恐同或仇恨时，那就完全错误了。

 

I can already hear the comments.

我甚至都已经可以听到（这封信底下的）评论了。

 

“Oh shut up, Ramsdale. Stick to football, lad.”

“噢，闭嘴，拉姆斯代尔。专注在足球上吧，伙计。”

 

But this is about football. Football is for everyone. If you disagree, maybe you’re the one who needs to shut up and look in the mirror.

但这就是关于足球的。足球属于所有人。如果你不同意，也许你才是那个需要闭嘴并照照镜子的人。

 

And listen, there was plenty to give me stick about without crossing the line. I’m a football fan like anyone else. If my club had signed me, I’d have probably been skeptical, too. Up until Arsenal, my entire life has basically been one long series of knockbacks.

听着，有很多方式可以在骂我的同时不越界。我和其他人一样是一名足球迷。如果我的俱乐部签下了我（这样的球员），我可能也会持怀疑态度。在阿森纳之前，我的一生基本上就是一连串的失败。

 

I’ll be the first to tell you how many times I’ve failed.

让我来告诉你我之前经历了多少失败。

 

When I was 15 years old, I was released by Bolton because I couldn’t even fill the shirt. I was so small that I looked like I was wearing my dad’s kit. I went around to five or six other clubs in the area, and every single one rejected me.

当我15岁的时候，我被博尔顿放弃了，因为我连球衣都撑不起。 我太瘦小了，看起来就像穿着我爸爸的装备。我去了其他五六个俱乐部，每一个俱乐部都拒绝了我。

 

It was so embarrassing. All I ever talked about in school was football, and how I was going to be a keeper. I had this amazing English teacher named Mr. Kerr, and he always used to let me relate every single topic in class to football. He’d let me rattle on about West Brom or Chelsea for 10 minutes, and somehow relate it back to what we were learning. When I got released, I was crushed, because it was such a big part of my identity at school. He could see I wasn’t talking anymore. I was so humiliated that I didn’t even want to tell my mates.

太尴尬了。我在学校只谈论足球，以及我将如何成为一名守门员。我有一位很棒的英语老师，克尔先生，他总是让我将课堂上的每个主题与足球联系起来。他会允许我滔滔不绝地谈论西布朗或切尔西 10 分钟，并以某种方式将其与我们正在学习的内容联系起来。当我被放弃时，我感到很沮丧，因为这是我在学校身份的重要组成部分。他看得出我不再说话了。我感觉被凌辱了，我甚至不想告诉我的朋友。

 

In my head, the dream was over.

在我的脑海里，梦想破灭了。

 

Mr. Kerr pulled me aside one day after class and asked what was wrong. I told him. And I just remember him saying, so genuinely, “Well, how many clubs are there in the country? Must be 80-odd, no? You’ll find one. Don’t give up. Never give up on your dream.”

一天下课后，克尔先生把我拉到一边，问我出了什么事。我告诉他（我被博尔顿放弃了）。我只记得他如此真诚地说：“这个国家有多少家球队？应该有80多个吧？ 你（一定）会找到（需要你的球队的）。不要放弃。永远不要放弃你的梦想。”

 

A few weeks later, Sheffield United let me join their academy. I wish I could say they recruited me. But it was more like they let me.

几周后，谢菲尔德联容许我加入他们的青训营。我希望我能说他们“招募”了我。 但这更像是他们“容许”我这么做的。

 

Four years later, I started my first real professional game for Chesterfield. Playing away at Accrington Stanley. Middle of January. Pitch was a mud bath, at least in my memory. In the second half, I let in one of the worst own goals you’ll ever see. We’re down 3–0, and I’ve got the entire ground singing to me, “It’s all your fault! It’s all your fault! It’s all your fault!”

四年后，我为切斯特菲尔德开始了我的第一场真正的职业比赛。客场挑战阿克灵顿斯坦利。一月中旬。整个球场像是泥浆浴场，至少在我的记忆中是这样。下半场，我打进了你见过的最糟糕的乌龙球之一。我们以 0:3 落后，整个球场都在对我唱歌：“都是你的错！都是你的错！都是你的错！”

 

You feel about six inches tall in that moment. I remember turning around, and in League Two the fans are so close that you can look a geezer right in the eyes.

那一刻你感觉自己只有大约六英寸高（大约15厘米）。我记得我转了个身，在英乙的球场，球迷离你如此之近，你可以直视一个老家伙的眼睛。

 

It’s almost awkward if you don’t say anything back — that’s how close they are. I thought, “You know what? If I was in the stands with my mates with a few pints in my belly, I’d be loving this.”

如果你不回嘴的话就会显得你糟透了——我们之间近到这种程度。我想：“你知道吗？ 我会喜欢这氛围的。如果我和我的朋友们一起站在看台上，肚子里喝了点啤酒的话。”

 

So the next away match, I don’t know what came over me, but the fans started giving me pelters, and I turned around, picked somebody out at random, and I just started waving with a cheeky little grin.

下一次客场比赛，我不知道我发生了什么，但球迷们开始对我疯狂地骂我，我转过身，随机挑选了一个人，然后开始厚颜无耻地微笑着挥手。（大金毛成为社交恐怖分子の开始）

 

The whole section turned toward the geezer and started laughing.

整个看台都转向老头并开始大笑。

 

It was like a weight came off my shoulders.

我肩上的重担像是卸下来一些。

 

The whole match, any time there was a break, I’d turn around and make a little joke. If I had a good one, the whole stand would start laughing. If it flopped, they’d give me stick. It might sound ridiculous, but it was almost like my way of dealing with the pressure. When you’re down in League Two and even in the Championship, you’re playing for people’s livelihoods. When we got relegated at Chesterfield, I remember the staff walking out the building after the last match with their stuff in cardboard boxes. I thought that only happened in the movies. I remember thinking: The kitman, the cleaners, the ticket staff … they’re all out of a job because of what happened on the pitch.

整场比赛，只要有休息，我就会转过身来（向看台）开个小玩笑。如果我说得不错，整个看台都会开始大笑。如果失败了，他们就会开始骂我。这听起来可能很荒谬，但这几乎就像我应对压力的方式。当你在英乙联赛甚至英冠联赛中落后时，你就是在为人们的生计而战。 当我们在切斯特菲尔德降级时，我记得最后一场比赛结束后，工作人员抱着纸板箱里的东西走出了大楼（被解雇了）。我以为那只发生在电影里。我记得我当时想：装备工、清洁工、票务人员……因为球场上发生的事情，他们都失业了。

 

This is real life.

这就是现实。

 

It was a very, very difficult lesson, and one I had to keep learning, unfortunately. My first four seasons in professional football, I finished 24th, 20th, 18th, and 20th. Until last season’s title race, I had literally never competed for a trophy before at the club level.

这是一堂非常非常难熬的课，不幸的是，我必须继续学习。我在职业足球的前四个赛季，分别获得了第24、20、18和20名。直到上赛季的冠军争夺战之前，我实际上从未在俱乐部层面上为奖杯竞逐过。

 

Maybe that’s just something to keep in mind for all the kids out there who are constantly told that anything less than perfection is the end of their dream.

（尽管）孩子们经常被告知，任何不完美的事情都是他们梦想的终结，但也许这才是所有孩子们要一直记住的事情。

 

As long as the right people believe in you, and they see how hard you work and what you can bring to a team, it doesn’t matter what the haters say. Mikel Arteta saw something special in me, and that’s all that mattered. I remember I met with him for the first time, he said, “Just be yourself.”

只要正确的人相信你，并且他们看到你的努力程度以及你能为团队带来什么，讨厌你的人说什么并不重要。米克尔·阿尔特塔在我身上看到了一些特别的东西，这才是最重要的。我记得我第一次见到他时，他说：“做你自己就好了。”

 

Maybe some people think we make a funny match, because he’s just unbelievably driven and might come across as serious. And I’m a lad who likes a joke. But for some reason, it just works.

也许有些人认为我们的联系很有趣，因为他的努力投入令人难以置信，而且可能会给人留下很严肃的印象。而我是一个喜欢笑话的小伙子。但由于某种原因，我们的关系让一切进行得还不错。

 

I remember him explaining to me that he wanted me to play a lot higher, and a lot more aggressive. And so every day in training, I would play higher, and more aggressive.

我记得他向我解释说他希望我站位更高（指站位更靠前），更有侵略性。所以每天在训练中，我都会压得更靠上、更有侵略性。

 

And he’d say, “No, no, higher.”

Every day, higher.

“Yes, yes. No, Higher.”

I’m thinking: f****** hell, I’m near the halfway line. How much higher?

他会说：“不，不，再压上一点。”

每一天，再压上一点。

“是的是的。 不，再压上一点。”

我在想：日内瓦，我都快到中场线了，还要往前压到哪？

 

It was brilliant, actually, because he let me explain my emotions about feeling a bit exposed in playing so aggressive, and he showed me 10, 20 times different examples of teams playing the way he wanted. Sometimes I was thinking, “Shit, boss, we’re watching vintage Barcelona here. Are you sure we can pull this off?”

事实上，这太棒了。他让我解释了我的忧虑，因为这么激进的比赛方式让我感觉有点不够稳妥，随后他向我展示了10、20次不同的球队按照他想要的方式比赛的例子。有时我在想，“靠，大哥，我们在这里看巅峰时期的巴塞罗那。你确定我们能做到吗？”

 

But in the end, we were able to come to a middle ground where I wasn’t overthinking out there, and the results spoke for themselves.

但最终，我们达成了妥协，我没有想太多，结果不言自明。

 

I’ll never forget starting my first match in the League Cup, away to West Brom on a Wednesday night, and our fans were up in the corner of the stadium in full voice. I thought, “God, I hope they don’t boo me.”

我永远不会忘记我在联赛杯中的第一场比赛，周三晚上客场对阵西布朗，我们的球迷在球场的角落里全力应援。 我想：“我的天，希望他们不要嘘我。”

 

Within the first five minutes of the match, I had barely even touched the ball yet. Hadn’t even made a save. And they were all singing my name.

在比赛的前五分钟内，我几乎还没碰过球。甚至没有一次扑救。他们都在唱我的名字。

Got goosebumps. I had a look up into the crowd at one point, just to take it all in. I realised at that moment: Those are the real fans. Coming to West Brom on a Wednesday night. Yeah, you had a few idiots on the Internet chatting shit. Who cares? The real supporters have your back.

鸡皮疙瘩满身。有一次我抬头看了一眼人群，只是想把这一切都收入眼底。那一刻我意识到：那些才是真正的球迷。（他们愿意在）周三晚上来到西布朗。是的，有几个白痴在网上狗叫。 谁会在意？真正的支持者永远站在你身后。

 

That’s when I felt at home.

像是在家一样。

 

These first two seasons in North London have been incredible, overall. Obviously, we didn’t achieve our ultimate goal last season, and it still stings. But when I think about the progress we’ve made, I’m really proud. If I can just put my football fan hat on for a moment, and see things from the outside, the quality of the lads at this club is excellent.

总体而言，北伦敦的前两个赛季令人难以置信。显然，上赛季我们没有实现最终目标，现在仍然令人心痛。但当我想到我们所取得的进步时，我真的感到自豪。如果我能暂时戴上我的球迷帽子，从旁观者的角度来看，就会发现这队的年轻人非常出色。

 

I’ll never forget this moment from the 2021-2022 season, when we had just missed out on the top four. To me, it’s when I knew that we were on the right path. I was on the bus sitting next to Bukayo after Newcastle away, when we lost 2–0. Everyone was devastated, but the young academy lads like Bukayo and Emile just have so much extra pressure on them. After the match, they were literally on the floor in the dressing room. When we got the bus, Bukayo was quiet. Usually, we always have something to chat about, even after a loss. But it was just dead silent. So I sent him a text, even though he was sat right next to me, asking if he was OK and if he wanted to chat.

我永远不会忘记2021-2022赛季的此时此刻，当时我们刚掉出前四。对我来说，那时我就知道我们走在正确的道路上。客场对阵纽卡斯尔，我们0-2输球，当时大巴上我坐在萨卡旁边。每个人都被击垮了，但像萨卡和罗这样的根正苗红青训出品的小伙子却承受着巨大的额外压力。比赛结束后，他们真的就躺在更衣室的地板上。当我们上车时，萨卡很安静。通常即使在失利之后，我们也总是有话可聊。但只是一片死寂。所以我给他发了一条短信，尽管他就坐在我旁边，问他是否还好，是否想聊天。

 

We had a five-minute chat, and I’ll keep most of it between us, but I just tried to explain to him how many times I felt like I’d failed in this game, and how proud he should be of taking a team from 8th to 5th, especially after all the abuse he faced at the Euros.

我们聊了五分钟，大部分内容我都会保密，但我只是试图向他解释在这场比赛中有多少次我觉得自己被打败了，以及他应该为自己帮助球队从第八名上升到第五名感到多么自豪，尤其是考虑到在他在欧洲杯上遭受了所有的网络暴力之后。

 

The best I’d ever done was 18th.

我此前在英超的最好成绩是第18名。

 

You learn a lot more from failure than from the times when everything is going great and the whole world is blowing smoke up your arse.

你从失败中学到的东西比从一切都很顺利、整个世界都在对你不吝赞美之辞时要多得多。

 

Yes, we fell short of the title last season, but we’ve gone from 8th to 5th to 2nd, and I love the culture that we’re building at the club. It’s a great time to be a Gooner. And just on a personal level, I have to thank my teammates, my manager, the entire staff, and the supporters for having my back last season.

是的，上赛季我们未能获得冠军，但我们已经从第八名上升到第五名，再到第二名，我喜欢我们在俱乐部建立的文化。现在是成为枪迷的好时机。就个人而言，我必须感谢我的队友、主教练、全体工作人员和支持者，感谢他们上赛季对我的支持。

 

This is where things get a bit serious, I’m afraid.

但，事情变得有点严重了。

 

There are things that go on in our lives that the public has no idea about, and the past year has been an emotional rollercoaster for me and my family. After the high of climbing to the top of the Premier League table and going off to my first World Cup, my wife and I found out that we were expecting our first child. Mikel gave me a few extra days off after the World Cup, so we went on a brief holiday. It was genuinely the happiest time of our lives. And yeah … there’s no easy way to say this, but I feel like it’s important that people know.…

我们的生活中发生了一些公众不知道的事情，过去的一年对我和我的家人来说就像坐过山车一样。在攀登英超积分榜榜首并参加我的第一次世界杯之后，我和妻子发现我们即将迎来我们的第一个孩子。世界杯结束后阿特塔给了我额外的几天假期，所以我们度过了一个短暂的假期。这确实是我们一生中最快乐的时光。是的……没有容易的方法可以表达这个，但我觉得让人们知道很重要……

 

On the flight home, my wife had a miscarriage.

在回家的航班上，我的妻子流产了。

 

There’s really no way that I can describe the pain of that six-hour flight back to London, even now. I just want people out there to know that they’re not alone if they’re going through it themselves. When we got back, I didn’t tell many people what happened. Only my family, my teammates, and of course Mikel. He was fantastic about everything. Even in the middle of the title race, with so much pressure on the club, he asked me if I needed some time off to deal with everything. Mikel went above and beyond to make sure me and my family were OK.

即使现在，我也无法描述返回伦敦的六个小时飞行的痛苦。我只是想让人们知道，如果他们自己也在经历这一切，他们并不孤单。当我们回来时，我没有告诉很多人发生了什么事。只有我的家人、我的队友，当然还有阿特塔。他对在一切事件上都很棒。即使在冠军争夺战中，俱乐部压力如此之大，他还是问我是否需要休息一下来处理所有事情。阿特塔不遗余力地确保我和我的家人一切都好。

 

For me, that’s a manager.

对我来说，他就是教练的模板。

 

We don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything. We have some very florid conversations about football sometimes. But he cares so much about his players, and he forever has my respect for how he handled our grief.

我们并不总是对所有事情都看法一致。有时我们会就足球进行一些精彩的对话。但他非常关心他的球员，我永远尊重他处理我们悲伤的方式。

 

Three days later, we were playing Spurs in the derby, and for me that was the only way to get my mind off things. Football has always been my escape. I told the manager I wanted to play. It couldn’t have been a better night. We won 2–0 under the floodlights, and our away fans were going absolutely ballistic. If you watch the match back, you can see me beaming at the final kick of the ball. I went to get my water bottle behind the goal, and never in a million years would I ever think that I’d get kicked in the back by a Tottenham fan.

三天后，我们在德比中对阵热刺，对我来说，这是让我逃避事情的唯一方法。足球一直是我的逃避方式。我告诉阿特塔我想参加比赛。这真是一个美好的夜晚。我们在聚光灯下以 2-0 获胜，而我们的客场球迷则彻底沸腾了。如果你回顾比赛，你会看到我在最后一脚球时微笑。我去球门后面拿我的水瓶，但一百万年我都不会想到我会被托特纳姆球迷踢到我的背上。

 

I’ve had some very spicy banter with fans all over the English leagues. I’ve been called everything you can imagine. But it’s never crossed the line like that. I remember when I got back to the dressing room, I couldn’t even celebrate because I got pulled out to give a police statement.

我被全英格兰联赛的球迷开过一些非常辛辣的玩笑。我被称为你能想象到的一切（不好或者好的东西）。但从未像这样出格。我记得当我回到更衣室时，我甚至无法庆祝，因为我被拉出去向警方作证。

 

You know, I almost felt bad for the bloke who had done it, because I thought to myself: If he only knew me as a person, and what I’m actually going through right now, there’s no way that he would’ve done that. If we bumped into each other one day and got chatting about football, we’d probably be mates.

我为那个做这件事的家伙感到难过，因为我心想：如果他只了解我这个人，以及我现在正在经历的事情，他就不可能这么做，那如果有一天我们碰面并聊起足球，我们其实可能会成为朋友。

 

That’s a part of why I wanted to write this article and to share me and my family’s story for the first time. The last few years especially, you see so much negativity and toxicity in football. Whether it’s on social media or at the grounds, it feels like a lot of people have lost all perspective.

这就是我想写这篇文章并第一次分享我和我家人的故事的部分原因。尤其是最近几年，你在足球界看到了如此多的消极和恶意。无论是在社交媒体上还是在现场，感觉很多人都失去了思考能力。

 

After I publish this letter, as sad as it is to say, I know that I will receive messages about my wife, and about my brother. Other players receive even worse messages, especially my Black teammates. For some reason, the social media companies don’t seem to have any interest in stopping it.

在我发表这封信后，说来难过，但我知道我肯定会收到关于我妻子和我兄弟的消息。其他球员收到的信息甚至更糟糕，尤其是我的黑人队友。出于某种原因，社交媒体平台似乎没有兴趣阻止它。

 

But for me, it’s not about stopping it. It’s not about the trolls. I know I can’t reach them. For me, it’s simply about standing up for what’s right.

但对我来说，（写这封信）并不是要阻止它。这与键盘侠和网络暴力无关。我知道我抓不到他们。对我来说，这只是坚持正义。

 

It’s about who I want to be as a person, and as a father.

这是关于我想成为一个什么样的人，以及一个什么样的父亲。

 

This summer, Georgina and I got the best gift we could ever ask for. We found out that we’re pregnant again. We’ve got a little Gooner on the way, and we’re over the moon.

今年夏天，乔治娜和我得到了我们能要求的最好的礼物。我们发现我们又怀孕了。我们已经有了一个小枪手，我们欣喜若狂。

 

When you know that you’re going to be a father, it really makes you think about the future, what kind of man you want to be.

当你知道自己要成为一名父亲时，你会真正思考未来，思考自己想成为什么样的人。

 

For me, I obviously dream about winning the league and parading the trophy through North London, for sure. World Cup. Champions League. I’ve got all those dreams, but those are all football dreams.

对我来说，我显然梦想着赢得联赛冠军并在北伦敦举起奖杯，这是肯定的。世界杯。欧冠。我有所有这些梦想，但这些都是足球方面的梦想。

 

As a person, I have another dream.

作为一个人，我还有另一个梦想。

 

I want this game I love to be a safe and welcoming place for everyone. I want my brother, Ollie — or anyone of any sexuality, race or religion — to come to games without having to fear abuse.

我希望这个我喜欢的体育运动成为对每个人都安全且欢迎的地方。我希望我的兄弟奥利——或者任何性别、种族或宗教信仰的人——能够来观看比赛，而不必担心受到虐待。

 

And when we lift a trophy at the Emirates Stadium, I want my brother there with me.

当我们在酋长球场举起奖杯时，我希望我的兄弟和我在一起。

 

What could the trolls tell us then? Not a thing.

到时候键盘侠们说什么呢？无足轻重。

 

Love you, bro,

爱你，兄弟，

 

Aaron

阿龙