【中英双语】全民愤怒的时代，一线如何工作？

Frontline Work When Everyone Is Angry

2020年10月，时任克利夫兰诊所首席患者体验官的阿德里安娜·布瓦西（Adrienne Boissy）医生碰到一个大问题，不只是新冠病毒的问题。已经被新冠大流行搞得手忙脚乱的医护人员，向她汇报了患者和来访者令人惊恐的不当行为：刻薄的评论、激烈的攻击性言辞，乃至带有种族歧视的辱骂。布瓦西告诉我：“从来没出现过这么糟糕的情况！” In October 2020 Dr. Adrienne Boissy, then the chief patient experience officer at Cleveland Clinic, had a big problem, and it wasn’t just Covid-19. Caregivers at the hospital, already stretched thin by the pandemic, were coming to her with alarming reports of abusive behavior from patients and visitors: mean comments, screaming tirades, even racist insults. “It’s never been so bad!” she told me. 20余年来，我一直在研究工作场所的不文明行为（定义是对他人粗鲁、不尊重或漠不关心的行为），开展调研了解了世界各地数十万人的经历。不过与布瓦西医生（现在是Qualtrics首席医疗官、克利夫兰诊所神经科医师）聊过之后，我开始思考不文明行为这个问题是否随着时间推移越来越严重，特别是对一线员工来说，他们亲自参与劳动、经常与顾客和患者直接互动。这类员工所在行业包括医疗、安保服务（比如警察）、零售、食品生产与加工、维修、农业、运输（包括航空公司）、酒店和教育等。 I’ve studied incivility — defined as rudeness, disrespect, or insensitive behavior — in workplaces for more than 20 years, polling hundreds of thousands of people worldwide about their experiences. But after that conversation with Dr. Boissy, who is now the chief medical officer at Qualtrics and a neurologist at Cleveland Clinic, I wondered whether incivility is getting worse over time, particularly for frontline workers, who labor in person and often interact directly with customers and patients. These workers’ industries include health care, protective services (think police officers), retail, food production and processing, maintenance, agriculture, transportation (including airlines), hospitality, and education. 我的研究发现，关于不文明行为的报告的确有所增加——这不仅可以从飞机乘客拒绝戴口罩、咖啡馆顾客大骂带有种族歧视的蔑称等网络热门视频中得到证明，前不久我的问卷调查结果也证明了这一事实。调查询问了世界各地两千多人最近感受到的不文明行为。在这场全球卫生危机中，即使一线工作人员被誉为不可或缺的英雄，也依然会成为出气筒。疲惫不堪、压力太大且往往失去理智的顾客（有时是同事）把焦虑和挫败感发泄在他们身上。 My research has found that reports of incivility are indeed on the rise — as evidenced not just by viral videos of airline passengers refusing to wear masks or café patrons hurling racial epithets but also by my recent survey that asked more than 2,000 people around the world how they have experienced rudeness lately. Even amid a global health crisis in which frontline workers were heralded as essential and heroic, these employees still became punching bags on whom weary, stressed-out, often irrational customers (and sometimes fellow employees) took out their anxieties and frustrations. 这种不文明行为，不仅对直接经历它的员工有负面影响，目睹行为的人也会受到影响——这些都会损害企业与社会。本文将探讨这类后果，并讨论领导者如何协助改善现状。 This kind of incivility leads to negative outcomes not only for the workers who experience it directly but also those who witness it — all of which harms businesses and society. In this article, we’ll explore those consequences and discuss how leaders can help to improve things. 注意，不文明行为有多种形式，从忽视他人到故意妨害他人，再到嘲笑、戏弄和轻视他人。尽管不文明行为可能会演变成攻击性的行为，但本文中所指的不文明行为并非物理攻击或暴力。 Note that incivility takes many forms, from ignoring people to intentionally undermining them to mocking, teasing, and belittling them. For this article, it does not refer to physical aggression or violence, although incivility can spiral into aggressive behaviors.

我们身在何处

Where We Are

辨别和研究不文明行为可能很困难，因为不良行为是由承受者的感受决定的。你认为某种行为不文明，顾客或许并不这么想。但如果你觉得自己没有得到尊重，无论对方是有意还是无意，你的工作都会受到影响。另外，对不文明行为的判断还会因文化、世代、性别、行业和组织而异。 Identifying and studying incivility can be difficult, because bad behavior is often in the eye of the recipient. Behavior you consider uncivil may not be regarded the same way by a customer — but if you feel disrespected, whether your counterpart intended it or not, your work will suffer. In addition, what’s considered uncivil varies by culture, generation, gender, industry, and organization. 不管个人如何定义不文明行为，人们对不文明行为的报告都变得更多了，并且已经持续一段时间了。2005年接受我问卷调查的员工里，近一半的人表示自己每个月至少在工作中受到一次粗暴对待。2011年这个比例上升到55%，2016年已经提升到了62%。 Regardless of how individuals define incivility, they’re reporting more of it — and have been for a while now. In 2005 nearly half of the workers I surveyed across the globe said they were treated rudely at work at least once a month. In 2011 it was up to 55%, and by 2016 it had climbed to 62%. 2022年8月，我设计了一项新的问卷调查，进一步追踪不文明行为的发展趋势，并更深入了解当今企业及社会一线的状况。这套问卷借鉴了之前我与南加州大学马歇尔商学院营销学教授德博拉·麦金尼斯（Deborah MacInnis）和瓦莱丽·福克斯（Valerie Folkes）一同开展的以顾客为中心的研究，以及来自各行各业面向消费者的从业人员的观点。 In August of this year, I designed a new survey to further track incivility trends and glean more insight into what’s happening on the front lines of business and society today. It drew on customer-focused studies I previously conducted with marketing professors Deborah MacInnis and Valerie Folkes at USC Marshall School of Business, as well as on insights from people in a range of consumer-facing industries. 在新的问卷调查中，我收集的数据来自世界各地（除南极洲以外所有主要地区皆有）25个行业两千多个不同职位的人，包括一线员工和在工作中观察过一线员工的人。以下是调查结果： In the new survey, the data I collected came from more than 2,000 people in more than 25 industries in various roles across the globe (representing every major region except Antarctica). They included both frontline employees and people who had observed them at work. Here’s what I found: ● 76%的受访者每月至少遭遇一次不文明行为； ● 78%的人每月在工作中至少目睹一次不文明行为，70%的人每月至少目睹两到三次； ● 73%的受访者表示顾客不良行为并不罕见； ● 78%的人认为现在顾客对员工的不良行为比五年前更常见； ● 66%的人认为现在顾客对其他顾客的不良行为比五年前更常见。 ● 76% of respondents experience incivility at least once a month. ● 78% witness incivility at work at least once a month, and 70% witness it at least two to three times a month. ● 73% report that it’s not unusual for customers to behave badly. ● 78% believe that bad behavior from customers toward employees is more common than it was five years ago. ● 66% believe bad behavior from customers toward other customers is more common than it was five years ago. 从我2012年开展关于顾客不文明行为的问卷调查至今，这些数字一直在大幅度稳定增长。当时61%的参与者表示顾客的不良行为并不罕见，49%的人认为顾客对员工的不良行为比五年前更为普遍，35%的人认为顾客对其他顾客的不良行为也更普遍了。 These numbers have risen steadily and sharply since my 2012 survey about customer incivility. In that survey, 61% of respondents reported that it was not unusual for customers to behave badly, 49% believed that bad behavior from customers toward employees was more common than it was five years before, and 35% believed bad behavior from customers toward other customers was also more common. 今年除问卷调查以外，我还对员工、经理和组织领导者进行多次访谈，进一步了解他们如何遭受来自顾客和患者的不文明行为。 In addition to this year’s survey, I conducted many interviews with employees, managers, and organizational leaders to learn more about how they’re experiencing incivility from customers and patients. 一位儿科急诊医生说：每天我们为孩子提供护理时，都会遭受家长的贬低、轻视和大声喊叫。几个月前，我要求一位父亲按照医院的规定把口罩戴回去。他冲出病房，说他要走了，因为他不相信戴口罩有什么用。我回到病房，他六岁的孩子告诉我，“爸爸往地上吐了口水”。果然，医院地板上有一大团口水。 A pediatric emergency medicine physician shared: Daily, families disparage, yell at, and belittle us while we provide care for their children. A few months ago, I asked a father to put his mask back on, per hospital policy. He stormed out of the room and said he was leaving because he did not believe in masks. I came back in and his six-year-old child told me, “Daddy spit on the ground.” Sure enough, there was a big spit wad on the hospital floor. 一位售货员说自己向一位顾客问候“早上好”时得到的回应：我不需要你干什么，别烦我。如果有需要，我会叫你的。你是来为我服务的，不是来跟我说话的。 One retail employee related a customer’s response to her saying “Good morning”: I do not need you for anything. Leave me alone. If I need you, I will call you. You are here to serve, not to talk with me. 一位顾客这样描述她的姐妹在餐厅的不良行为：她把一个服务员骂哭了。为什么？因为服务员没有按照她要求的方式送来沙拉。 A restaurant patron described her sister’s bad behavior: She berated a waitress to the point of making her cry. Why? Because the waitress didn’t bring her salad just the way she ordered it. 一位旅行者分享了他们看到同伴对汽车司机大叫的经历：他吼道，“你等什么呢？！利落点儿！”他把自己的行李塞给司机，气冲冲地出去了。司机愣在原地过了一分钟才跟上去。 A traveler shared their experience of watching a fellow passenger yell at a car service driver: He yelled, “What are you waiting for?! Get your act together!” He shoved his luggage at the driver and stormed out. The driver stood blinking for a minute before following. 一名前校长解释了教育者和工作人员必须时常保护好自己，避开这种情况：家长凶狠地走向学校员工，准备大干一场。他们不会好好听你说话，而且粗鲁、刻薄、有威胁性。 A former school principal explained what educators and staff must often shield themselves from: Parents approach school staff with claws out, ready for blood. They’re unwilling to listen and are rude, mean, and threatening. 然后是关于在线不文明行为的报告，例如某视频游戏公司的客服团队收到的电子邮件：一次沟通时，客户对在游戏里的某些体验不满，发来长篇大论的抱怨，其中包含诸如对客服代表说希望他们的妻子和女儿被强奸之类的内容。 Then there are the reports of online behavior, exemplified by the emails received by the customer support team of a video game company: In one interaction, a customer was upset about some experience they had in the game, and they sent long paragraphs of complaints that included comments such as telling the support representatives that they hope their wives and daughters will be raped. 不消说，情况已经十分恶劣。一些不文明行为过于极端，难以纠正，而一些人没有动力改变或不愿改变。在我的研究中，4%的人说自己行为粗鲁是因为这样很有趣，而且不会遭到处罚。不过研究表明，许多不文明行为是可以控制的，要做到这一点，我们需要了解不文明行为的驱动要素。 Needless to say, it’s gotten pretty ugly out there. Some uncivil behavior may be too extreme to fix, and some people are unmotivated or unwilling to change; in my research, 4% of people report being rude because it’s fun and they can get away with it. But research shows that much of incivility can be reined in. To do that, we need to understand its drivers.

我们为何到了这个地步

How We Got Here

那么，为什么不文明现象似乎越来越严重？我的研究表明，是多方因素的综合作用让我们到了这个地步： So, why does it feel like incivility is getting worse? My research suggests that several compounding factors and pressures have brought us to this point:

压力。

多年以来，我发现压力始终是不文明行为的头号驱动因素。在我最近的数据里，曾经粗鲁对待同事的受访者有73%将这种行为归咎于压力，61%的人说是工作负担太重。

Stress. 

Over the years, I’ve found that stress is the number one driver of incivility. In my most recent data, 73% of respondents who had been rude to a coworker blamed it on stress, and 61% pointed to being overloaded with work. 传染病、经济、战争、政治观点分化、工作性质变化，以及持续的不确定性，都造成了巨大的影响。这些因素中的任意几个（或者全部）都可能让我们感到压力或倦怠，特别是最近压力和倦怠已经达到了空前的水平。而且，考虑到我们的自我照顾、锻炼和睡眠水平都有所下降，难以调节自己的情绪就不足为奇了。 The pandemic, the economy, war, divisive politics, the changing nature of work, and continued uncertainty are all taking a toll. Any (or all) of these factors may contribute to our stress and burnout, which have risen to unprecedented levels recently. And considering our reduced levels of self-care, exercise, and sleep, it’s no surprise that we have a tougher time regulating our emotions.

负面情绪。

2020年10月，我和兄弟迈克·波拉斯（Mike Porath）报告了来自The Mighty的数据。The Mighty是迈克为有健康难题的人以及他们的照料人建立的一个支持性社群。对七万多名读者和社群成员进行的问卷调查发现，从3月到9月，选择“愤怒”为自己最强烈情绪之一的参与者数量增加了一倍多，从20%上升到45%。

Negative emotions.

 In October 2020 my brother Mike Porath and I reported data from The Mighty, a supportive community Mike founded for people facing health challenges and those who care for them. A survey of over 70,000 readers and community members found that the number of respondents who chose anger as one of their top emotions more than doubled from March to September — rising from 20% to 45%. 心中涌动负面情绪的时候，我们可能会发脾气，或者把情绪发泄在别人身上，而且常常意识不到这一点。即使保持克制，当我们不舒服时，在这方面的注意程度也会下降，更难用积极且尊重人的方式互动。 Naturally, as negative emotions swell in us, we may lash out or take them out on others, often without realizing it. Even if we muster restraint, when we’re not feeling well we’re less mindful and less capable of interacting positively and respectfully.

弱化的联结。

我们也可以把粗鲁行为蔓延的现象归因于社群和工作场所普遍的人际关系破裂。我将“社群”定义为相互关心彼此福祉的一群人。2014年我为了撰写《把握社群》（Mastering Community）一书，开展了一项涵盖2万人的研究，发现其中65%的人毫无社群意识。2022年7月，我和一名同事对参与女性大会的1500多人进行问卷调查，发现新冠流行以来这些人的社群意识下降了37%。

Weakened ties. 

We can also attribute the epidemic of rudeness to a general fraying of community and workplace relationships. I define “community” as a group of individuals who share a mutual concern for one another’s welfare. In a 2014 study of 20,000 people for my book 

Mastering Community

, I found that 65% didn’t feel any sense of community. In July of this year a colleague and I surveyed more than 1,500 Conference for Women participants, finding that their sense of community has decreased 37% since the beginning of the pandemic. 如果人们感觉不到自己被重视、被欣赏或被倾听，缺乏社群的感受就会加剧——绝大多数员工都是这样。有时微妙（或者没那么微妙）的行为最让人难受。在我最近的调查中，一名来自欧洲的参与者说： The feeling of lacking community is exacerbated when people don’t feel valued, appreciated, or heard — which applies to the vast majority of employees. Sometimes subtle (or not-so-subtle) behaviors are what sting most. A European participant in my recent survey explained: 没有发生什么——这就是最无礼的地方：一位资历较浅的同事被某个级别较高的人彻底忽视了。他说早上好，对方只是继续往前走。……毫不意外，这位初级员工大概六个月之后就离职了。 Nothing happened — and that was the rudest part itself: A junior colleague got completely blanked by a more senior figure. He said good morning and the senior staff member just continued walking.…Not surprisingly, the junior person left after about six months.

技术。

技术有很多好处，但也可能导致更严重的脱节和不文明行为。正如许许多多的一线员工和收银员所说，技术还会让我们分散注意力，不关注面前的人。我们往往忙着刷Instagram或者戴着耳机听音乐，顾不上跟为自己服务或结账的人互动——说出简单的“你好”“请”或“谢谢你”的次数也减少了。

Technology. 

For all its benefits, technology can lead to greater disconnection and rudeness. It can also distract us from the humans in front of us, as countless frontline employees and cashiers have reported. Often we’re too busy scrolling through Instagram or listening to music on our headphones to interact with those serving us or ringing up our groceries — much less to utter a simple “Hello,” “Please,” or “Thank you.” 这种对技术的重度使用，特别是对社交媒体的使用，可能会让我们付出代价。我们每天都在（有意识或无意识地）接收大量负面情绪。我们消费的内容不仅影响自己，也影响其他人。我们从网上获取的东西可能影响我们的情绪和心理健康，而且我们也会把自己的焦虑、抑郁和压力传递给别人。 This heavy use of technology, and of social media in particular, may come with a price: We’re taking in a whole lot of negativity (consciously or unconsciously) on a daily basis. The content we consume affects not only us but others too. What we ingest from online sources can harm our mood and mental health, and we can pass our anxiety, depression, and stress on to others. 最后，在数字时代，信息往往会被沟通障碍和误解影响——而不幸的是，辱骂更容易发生在非面对面交流的情况下。虽然电子通信以非凡的方式将我们集合在一起，却也让我们隔着一个安全的距离，自由地表达自己的挫败感、辱骂和蔑视他人。 Finally, in the digital age messages are often subject to communication gaps and misunderstanding — and, unfortunately, putdowns are more easily delivered when it doesn’t happen face-to-face. While electronic communication can bring us together in remarkable ways, it also liberates us to voice our frustrations, hurl insults, and take people down a notch from a safe distance.

缺乏自我意识。

我在几十年的研究中得到的最大启迪之一是，不文明行为通常源于无知，而非恶意。人们缺乏自我意识。根据与我合作的组织心理学家塔莎·尤里克（Tasha Eurich）的研究，高达95%的人觉得自己有自我意识，但实际上能意识到自己行为的人只有10%到15%。这意味着80%到85%的人误解了他人对自己的看法和自己对他人的影响。我们也许用意是好的，并且努力保持耐心和宽容，但我们的语气、非语言信号或行动，在互动对象和互动见证人看来，或许是别的意思。

Lack of self-awareness. 

One of the biggest takeaways from my decades of research is that incivility usually arises from ignorance — not malice. People lack self-awareness. According to research by Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist and a collaborator of mine, a whopping 95% of people think they’re self-aware but only 10%–15% actually are. That means 80%–85% of people misunderstand how they’re perceived and how they affect others. We may have good intentions and work hard to be patient and tolerant, but our tones, nonverbal signals, or actions may come across differently to the people we interact with and those who witness the interactions.

不文明行为的代价

The Costs of Incivility

研究表明，不文明就像一般感冒：会传染，传播速度快，工作、家庭和社群中的任何人都可能是携带者，而且很容易就会被感染。 Research shows that rudeness is like the common cold: It’s contagious, it spreads quickly, anyone can be a carrier — at work, at home, online, or in our communities — and getting infected doesn’t take much. 不文明行为扩散，会在以下几个方面影响人与组织。 When incivility does spread, it affects people and organizations in several ways.

不文明行为对身心的损害。

我的研究一再表明，不文明行为对身心两方面都有影响。这与社会学家查尔斯·霍顿·库利（Charles Horton Cooley）1902年提出的“镜中自我（looking-glass self）”概念一致。这个概念解释说，我们用他人的表情（比如微笑或咆哮）、行为（如忽视我们或关注我们）和反应（如倾听或贬低）来定义自己。我们关于他人对自己看法的认知，塑造了自己的身份认知和行为方式。简短的互动传达出尊重或不尊重的信号。我们认可和感谢他人，对方会觉得受到了重视。我们贬低他人，会让对方觉得自己渺小丑陋。

Incivility’s mental and physical toll. 

My research has shown over and over that incivility’s effects are both mental and physical. This tracks with sociologist Charles Horton Cooley’s 1902 notion of the “looking-glass self,” which explains that we use others’ expressions (e.g., smiles or snarls), behaviors (e.g., ignoring or paying attention to us), and reactions (e.g., listening or belittling) to define ourselves. How we believe others see us shapes who we are and how we behave. Brief interactions signal respect or disrespect. People feel valued when we acknowledge and thank them. When we cut people down, we make them feel smaller and uglier. 这有助于解释不文明行为为何会产生极大的负面影响。仅仅是接触到粗鲁的词语，都会降低我们处理和回忆信息的能力，机能失调和攻击性的想法（有时是行为）会急速增加。看到粗鲁的表现和不文明行为的诱因，比如在社交媒体上看到一条讨厌的评论，或者听到一场有争议的采访，会对认知造成损害，干扰我们的工作记忆，影响表现。这类干扰可能极其严重。例如，已有研究证明，接触粗鲁行为会对医疗团队的诊断和流程表现产生负面影响。 These dynamics help to explain why the effects of incivility are so damaging. Merely being exposed to rude words reduces our ability to process and recall information. Dysfunctional and aggressive thoughts (and sometimes actions) can skyrocket. Witnessing rudeness and triggers of incivility — such as reading a nasty comment on social media or listening to an argumentative interview — takes a cognitive toll, interfering with our working memory and decreasing our performance. And these disruptions can be catastrophic. For example, exposure to rudeness has been shown to negatively impact medical teams’ diagnoses and procedural performance.

不文明行为在商业上的影响。

我最近的研究发现，人们看到员工或一线工人被粗鲁对待，85%的人感到烦恼，80%感到不安，75%感到愤怒，此外还有61%的人表示自己感到痛苦，43%感觉受到威胁。

Incivility’s toll on business. 

In my recent research, I found that when people witness rude treatment of employees or frontline workers, 85% report being annoyed, 80% are upset, and 75% are angry. Additionally, 61% report being distressed and 43% feel threatened. 顾客看到其他顾客对员工无礼，会有几种不同的反应。他们对员工的态度会有所改善，但对员工所在组织的感受会发生转变，而这种转变对公司而言代价高昂：42%的人表示粗鲁行为改变了自己对公司的看法，40%的人质疑公司是否还想再做生意，65%的人认为组织应当更好地保护员工，45%的人质疑组织价值观——总体而言，人们使用该公司产品及服务的意愿下降了35%。麦金尼斯、福克斯和我发现，这些感受与对人类尊严和他人是否得到尊重的关注紧密相连。 When customers witness other customers being uncivil to employees, they have a few responses. Their attitudes toward the employees improve, but their feelings toward the workers’ organization shift in costly ways: 42% report that the rude behavior changes their perception of the company, 40% question whether they want to do business there again, 65% think the organization should better protect its employees, 45% question its values — and, overall, people’s willingness to use the company’s products and services drops 35%. MacInnis, Folkes, and I found that these feelings are tied to concerns for human dignity and whether others are being treated respectfully.

组织如何应对不文明行为

How Organizations Can Address Incivility

企业领导者不仅有责任在当时和事后为员工应对不文明行为提供支持，还要尝试从最初就尽量减少这类行为。我在《职场礼仪2.0：提升人际交往能力的技巧》（Mastering Civility）一书中概述的“文明循环”（Cycle to Civility©）框架，分为四个部分，已有数十个组织使用。该框架涵盖了员工体验全程：招聘、指导、评分和实践。这套框架或许要由高管和人力资源部门领导者带头实施，不过任何人熟悉一下都能受益。而且虽然关注其中某一个步骤就能协助推动你所在组织的文化更加文明礼貌，但如果同时进行多个步骤，变化会发生得更快。 Business leaders have a responsibility not only to support their employees in dealing with incivility, both in the moment and afterward, but also to try to mitigate it in the first place. I’ve used the following four-part Cycle to Civility© framework, outlined in my book 

Mastering Civility

, in dozens of organizations. It covers the entire employee experience: recruiting, coaching, scoring, and practicing. While executives and HR leaders may take the lead on implementing the framework, anyone can benefit from being familiar with it. And although focusing on any of these steps individually will help move your organization’s culture toward civility, change will happen faster if you work on more than one at a time.

招聘。

培养社群意识，首先取决于招募怎样的人，所以要明智地做出选择。在招聘过程中，可以使用一些技巧了解求职者是否善于在一线应对不文明行为，例如依靠结构化行为面试，提出这样的问题：“讲讲你在工作中应对压力或冲突的一次经历。当时你是怎么做的？”用后续问题深入探究，注意对方的语气、举止和说话节奏，这些方面或许可以有效地传达他们的态度。此外，寻找那些有自我意识、改进动力、热爱学习等特质的求职者，他们往往可以通过培训学会妥善应对不文明行为。再聊聊组织的价值观，通过问题了解对方过往的行为是否与组织价值观一致。

Recruiting. 

 Fostering a feeling of community begins with who you hire — so choose wisely. During the hiring process, use techniques that will help reveal whether a candidate is well equipped to handle incivility on the front lines. Rely on structured behavioral interviews and ask questions like, “Tell me about a time when you’ve had to deal with stress or conflict at work. What did you do?” Use follow-up questions to probe deeper, and pay attention to the person’s tone, demeanor, and pace of speaking, which may provide useful indicators of their attitude. In addition, look for candidates who can be trained to respond well to incivility, including those who are self-aware and motivated to improve and who embrace learning. Talk about your organization’s values, and ask questions to understand how the person’s past behavior aligns with them. 这些建议在对待客户时也同样适用，因为管理者可能要耗费大量时间、精力和注意力处理不文明行为造成的后果。如果你可以选择为怎样的客户提供服务，那么就应该问一句，“这些客户真的值得吗？”为什么不调查一下客户公司的名声，了解一下对方的员工会如何对待你的员工？我认识的一位创始人向一些客户收取“高昂的维护费用”，金额依据对方的难缠程度而定，有时高达该公司正常服务价格的1.5倍。 Recruiting applies to clients and customers too, since managers can spend an extraordinary amount of time, energy, and focus dealing with the fallout of uncivil actions. If you’re in a position to choose the clients you serve, it’s worth asking, “Are they really worth it?” Why not investigate their reputations and how their people are likely to treat yours? One founder I know charged some clients a “high-maintenance tax” that took into account how challenging they were to deal with, sometimes amounting to 1.5x the normal price of the company’s services.

指导。

培训员工处理顾客的不良行为，是创造一个更文明工作场所的重要部分。同等重要的是，确定你希望这些顾客与患者如何对待你的员工，并引导他们朝着你期望的行为发展。采取以下几个步骤会有所帮助：

Coaching.

 Training your employees to handle bad behavior from customers is a critical component of creating a more civil workplace. Just as important is determining how you expect those customers and patients to treat your employees and steering them toward that desired behavior. Taking a few steps can help. 首先，为人与人的交流制定期望和规范，并说明当其他人不遵守规范时人们该怎么做。 First, set expectations and establish norms for how people interact with one another, and for what they should do when others don’t adhere to the norms. 马萨诸塞州UMass纪念医院引入了对患者和访客的行为准则，准则中正式规定了对其行为的规范和期望。在园区信息站和办公室，来访者被要求签署协议，同意遵守行为准则。UMass纪念医院还制定了一套口头语言模板，供员工用于应对他人的不文明行为，其中有“停止（有问题的行为），否则（行为造成的后果）”这样的句式，如“停止对我嚷嚷，否则我更难给你母亲喂药”。 UMass Memorial Health, a health care network in Massachusetts, has introduced a patient and visitor code of conduct. At kiosks on campuses and in offices, visitors are asked to sign an agreement to adhere to the code of conduct, which formalizes the parameters and expectations of their behavior. UMass Memorial has also established a verbal template that employees can use to respond to someone’s incivility, which includes: 

Either you stop [the problematic behavior], or [the result of the behavior].

 For example, “Either you stop yelling at me, or it’s going to make it harder for me to give your mother her meds.” 绩效、学习和教育高级主管劳拉·弗林（Laura Flynn）说，目标是创造一个相互尊重、安全的环境。UMass纪念医院试行新计划时收集和分析了反馈意见，并且尝试了一些可选方案以改善结果。短短一个月内，有5.6万份遵守行为准则的协议得到签署，在此期间只有四名来访者被要求离开。 The goal, says Laura Flynn, senior director of performance, learning, and education, is to create a respectful, safe environment. When UMass Memorial Health piloted the new program, it collected and analyzed feedback and experimented with options to improve outcomes. In just over a month, it had more than 56,000 signed agreements for the code of conduct — and only four visitors were asked to leave during that time. 其次，鼓励和培训员工表达同理心。在与他人互动时表现出同理心，可能需要用到谈判、压力管理、困难对话和正念等方面的技能。组织需要指导员工学习这些技能，以及充分倾听、给予和接受反馈（包括积极反馈和纠正性质的反馈）、在工作中跨越差异，以及应对棘手的人。具备这些技能的员工可以更好地应对不文明行为。 Second, encourage and train employees to show empathy. Being empathetic in interactions with others can require skills in negotiation, stress management, difficult conversations, and mindfulness. Organizations need to coach employees in these skills, as well as in listening fully, giving and receiving feedback (both positive and corrective), working across differences, and dealing with difficult people. People who possess these skills are better equipped to deal with incivility. 阿德里安娜·布瓦西医生在克利夫兰诊所担任首席患者体验官时，推出了一个八小时的课程，让医生进行角色扮演，讨论如何更好地与患者对话、表达自己的护理意向。研究表明，参与该课程的1500位医生表达同理心的能力在统计学上出现了显著的增长，对患者体验产生了积极的影响。培训还减少了医生的职业倦怠和情绪枯竭，课程结束后这种效果能持续三个月——说明指导员工与患者或顾客互动成效显著。 When Dr. Adrienne Boissy was the chief patient experience officer at Cleveland Clinic, she rolled out an eight-hour course where physicians role-played scenarios about how to have better conversations with patients to express their intention of care. In a study of 1,500 physicians who participated, there was a statistically significant and positive impact on their capacity for empathy, which had a positive effect on patient experience. The training also reduced burnout and emotional exhaustion among physicians, an effect that persisted for three months after the completion of the course — suggesting that the payoff for coaching employees who interact with patients or customers is significant. 思考为何有人不文明，同样有助于培养同理心。比如，持续不断的压力和有挑战性的环境令许多人苦苦挣扎。佛罗里达的医疗机构浸会医疗（Baptist Health）高级副总裁兼首席人事官阿德里安·麦科伊（Adriene McCoy）告诉我，该机构的领导者在指导员工回应同事、患者及家属的不文明行为时，提出行动之前停一拍。她说：“人们压力太大，往往只是下意识地反应，没有思考原因。” Also helpful for empathy is considering why someone is being uncivil. Many people are struggling with ongoing stress and challenging circumstances, for example. Adriene McCoy, senior vice president and chief people officer of Baptist Health, a health care organization in Florida, told me that its leaders are coaching employees to take a beat before responding to uncivil colleagues, patients, and families. “People are so stressed that we often just react instead of thinking about why,” McCoy said. 我的研究表明了这种方法的价值。在工作中碰到无礼行为时，先停下来试着代入不文明者的立场。“某人的行为可能是由于痴呆、剧烈疼痛、行为障碍、成瘾等引起的。……来医院的人都是因为遇到了问题，状态都不好。”弗林这样说道。因此遇到有人做法不文明时，想一想：我是否了解全部情况？还有一点很重要：对其行为最宽厚的解释是什么？在压力大或感到筋疲力尽时，这个问题尤其重要。在停止对话、拒绝或表现出沮丧之前，尝试理解对方的处境。你甚至还可以更进一步，问：有什么我可以帮助他们的？ My research shows the value of this approach. When you encounter rude behavior at work, pause and try to put yourself in the uncivil person’s position. “Someone’s behavior could be due to dementia, intense pain, behavioral challenges, addiction.…People come to the hospital when they’re really challenged — not on their best day,” Flynn notes. So when someone is uncivil, ask yourself: 

Do I have the whole argument?

 And, importantly: 

What’s the most generous interpretation of their behavior?

 This question is especially valuable when you’re stressed or feeling burned out. Before shutting down, saying no, or displaying frustration, try to appreciate where the other person is. You might even go one step further and ask, 

How can I help them?

最后，推动顾客和患者产生同理心。给出简短、个性化且明确的行动建议，这一做法在包括零售和医疗机构在内的各种场合都被证明是有效的。 Finally, nudge customers and patients toward empathy. Nudges — short, personalized recommendations with a clear call to action — have proven useful in a variety of settings, including retail and health care. 麦科伊回想，她在新冠流行时走进一家星巴克，点的饮品没有按照她的要求做，她很生气，然后看见墙上的标语：“留在这里的人是自己选择在这里的。”“这让我难以忘怀。”她说。店里的员工只是普通人，在困难时期竭尽全力。“所以他们没给我加我点的小料，那就算了吧。” McCoy recalls going into a Starbucks during the pandemic and feeling annoyed when her drink wasn’t made as she’d asked it to be. Then she saw a sign on the wall that read “People who are here chose to be here.” “This stuck with me,” she says. The employees were just human beings doing their best during a difficult time. “So they didn’t put drizzle on my drink. I moved on.” 除了行为准则，UMass纪念医院已经开始用标牌提示患者和访客采取文明行为。一进医院就能看到一个欢迎牌，上面写着“帮助我们维护这个疗愈、善良和彼此尊重的安全空间”，下面用小字写着医院的尊重守则。第二块标牌放在病房和急诊科，写着患者和访客的行为准则，说明了不可接受的行为，如大喊大叫、咒骂、吐唾沫，以及做出有关种族或宗教的冒犯言论。劳拉·弗林告诉我，尝试用标牌和提示保护员工，是一种微妙的平衡，“因为必须注意每一位患者和访客的情况，而且不能让他们觉得是在教训他们。” n addition to its code-of-conduct agreements, UMass Memorial Health has begun displaying signage to nudge patients and visitors toward respectful behavior. Upon arrival, they see a welcome sign that says “Help us keep this a safe space of healing, kindness, and respect.” In a small font at the bottom are the hospital’s standards of respect. A second sign, placed in units and the emergency department, has the patient and visitor code of conduct, which spells out unacceptable behavior such as yelling, swearing, spitting, and making offensive remarks about race, ethnicity, or religion. Laura Flynn told me that trying to protect employees with signs and nudges is a delicate balance “because you have to be sensitive to each patient and visitor’s circumstance, and it can’t feel like a hammer [to them].”

评分。

要显示文明礼貌对组织的重要意义，最令人信服的一种方法是认可并奖励这种行为。表示赞赏可以减少倦怠，提升员工留职率、心理健康和幸福感。绩效考核时不要只关注结果，还要考虑工作方式，对员工做出的所有贡献（包括应对不文明行为）表示感谢。认可或许无法弥补他们遭受的虐待，但可以帮助员工感受到社群在支持自己、认可自己提供的护理——或是单纯为他们能来上班这件事表示感谢。

Scoring. 

 One of the most compelling ways to show how much civility matters to your organization is to recognize and reward it. Gestures of appreciation, for example, can help reduce burnout, promote retention, and aid mental health and well-being. When reviewing performance, don’t just focus on the results; also consider the 

how 

of the work by expressing gratitude for the full contributions people make, which includes handling uncivil behavior. Recognition may not make up for the abuse they’re weathering, but it helps people feel like their community is backing them and appreciates the care they’re delivering — or simply the fact that they’re showing up. 同伴是一个尚未充分发挥作用的赞赏来源。可以考虑制定一个同伴认可项目，如股票顾问公司莫特利愚人投资（The Motley Fool）的“愚人之金”（Fool’s Gold）项目。每位员工都会得到一份“金子”，可以分给同事，对他们值得赞赏的任何行为表示认可。金子可以兑换为礼品卡及其他奖励。还有实时的赞赏信息反馈，让员工阅读同事发布的所有赞美，这样可以分享信息，并庆祝与工作成果及方式相关的成就。 Peers are an underutilized source of appreciation. Consider using a peer-to-peer recognition program, like the Fool’s Gold program at stock adviser The Motley Fool. Each employee is given an allotment of “gold” that they can dole out to their coworkers to recognize them for any action they feel is worthy. Employees can redeem the gold for gift cards and other rewards. There’s also a recognition live feed that allows employees to read all posted compliments. It’s a way to share information and celebrate accomplishments related to both results and the 

how

 of work.

实践。

确保员工拥有必要的工具，可以保护自己在当下和以后免受不文明行为的影响。

Practice. 

Make sure your employees have the tools they need to protect themselves from uncivil behavior — both in the moment and over time. 首先制定和实行关于缓和冲突的培训与协议。为紧张对话降温的能力，以及应对难缠的患者或顾客的明确协议，在一线是非常宝贵的。例如在UMass纪念医院，员工会根据职责接受各种形式的冲突缓和培训，而且团队可以自行决定行动准则。面对不良行为，员工会尝试自行缓和，如果不成功，他们会让管理者介入。如果这样还是没有效果，他们就会打电话给患者工作支持人员寻求帮助。患者工作支持团队通常会咨询质量和安全团队，必要时咨询首席医疗官。 Start by implementing and enacting de-escalation training and protocols. On the front lines, having the skills to bring down the temperature of a tense conversation, as well as a clear protocol for handling a difficult patient or customer, is invaluable. For example, at UMass Memorial, employees receive training in various forms of de-escalation depending on their role, and teams have the discretion to define what they act on. If employees face bad behavior, they attempt to de-escalate it on their own. If their efforts aren’t successful, they get their manager involved. If that doesn’t work, they call the patient advocacy staff for guidance about how to move forward. Patient advocacy teams often consult with quality and safety staff and even the chief medical officer if necessary. 然后鼓励员工恢复，并做出示范。因为经历和目睹不文明行为会对身心健康造成不良影响，一定要让员工照顾好自己——组织为他们提供需要的工具，这点至关重要。阿德里安·麦科伊告诉我，一次一位同事对她说，“我变得很‘脆’。”也就是性急易怒。当时她鼓励同事好好照顾自己，现在她会注意定期评估自己的倦怠程度。麦科伊还协助员工意识到自己何时接近“完全烤焦”，需要采取行动避免这种状况。 Then encourage and model recovery. Because experiencing and witnessing incivility has detrimental effects on mental and physical health, it’s critical that people take care of themselves — and that organizations give them the tools they need to do it. Adriene McCoy told me that a colleague once said to her, “I’m getting crispy” — that is, short-tempered. McCoy encouraged the colleague to take care of themself, and now she’s careful to regularly gauge her own level of burnout. She also empowers employees to recognize when they’re approaching “fully baked” and need to take action to prevent it. 如果你是一名领导者，你的自我照顾会向员工发出一个强有力的信号。要让大家看到你休息，比如在日程表上留出整段的休息时间，或者去度假。我与能源工程（The Energy Project）公司CEO托尼·施瓦茨（Tony Schwartz）的研究表明，领导者明确鼓励员工以更可持续的方式工作，并且以身作则，员工投入度会提升55%，注意力提升53%，而且更有可能继续留在公司。 If you’re a leader, your self-care sends employees a powerful signal. Be visible about taking breaks, such as by blocking off time for them on your daily calendar or going on vacation. My research with Tony Schwartz, CEO of The Energy Project, shows that when leaders explicitly encourage employees to work in more sustainable ways and model that behavior themselves, their employees are 55% more engaged, 53% more focused, and much more likely to stay at the company. 同时，我对MBA、EMBA和员工的研究都一致表明，工作以外的发展有助于在工作上的成功，因为可以增加情感储备，灌输成长和学习的感觉。我对经历过不文明行为的人的研究中，表示自己在非工作活动中有所发展的人，其健康状况比不文明行为经历者好80%，在工作上的积极性提高了89%，应对不文明行为的满意度高出38%。 Studies I’ve done of MBAs, executive MBAs, and employees, meanwhile, have consistently shown that thriving outside of work helps you thrive at work by increasing your emotional reserves and instilling a sense of growth and learning. In my research on people who experienced incivility, those who reported thriving in nonwork activities reported 80% better health, 89% greater thriving at work, and 38% more satisfaction with how they handled the incivility. 鼓励员工和同事在工作之外好好生活，用能带来快乐和意义的人与活动给自己充电。领导者也要展示自己在工作之外的热情所在。如果可能，可以让员工自己选择工作地点和时间，而且保证他们随时能请假。 Encourage your employees and colleagues to have lives outside of work, to fill their buckets with people and activities that bring them joy and meaning. Publicize your nonwork passions, too. When possible, provide employees with choice about where and when they do their work, and always make sure they can take time off. 不文明行为会传染。所幸，文明的感染力也一样大。我们无法控制顾客的行为，但可以制定和执行尊重人的行为规范，指导员工处理困难对话，并展示休息和恢复的价值，协助员工应对不良行为。我的研究证实，善意、体贴和尊重可以发挥强大的效果，创造一种积极的文明动力，让他人甚至是那些粗鲁的顾客做出跟进或改进等的回应，并以此为基础继续发展。 Incivility is contagious. Fortunately, civility’s power to spread is just as great. We can’t control what customers do, but we can equip our employees to handle bad behavior by establishing and enforcing norms of respect, coaching them to have difficult conversations, and showing them the value of rest and recovery. My research confirms that kindness, consideration, and respect can have a potent effect, creating a positive dynamic of civility that others — maybe even those rude customers — will respond to and build on. 克里斯汀·波拉斯是乔治敦大学管理学教授，也是一名协助领先企业创造繁荣工作场所的咨询顾问。她的著作有《把握社群：团结起来让我们从生存走向繁荣》（Mastering Community: The Surprising Ways Coming Together Moves Us from Surviving to Thriving）、《职场礼仪2.0：提升人际交往能力的技巧》（Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace）以及与人合著的《不良行为的代价》（The Cost of Bad Behavior）。 克里斯汀·波拉斯（Christine Porath) | 文   蒋荟蓉 | 译  时青靖 | 校  廖琦菁 | 编辑