【龙腾网】比疾病更可怕的6种奇迹疗法
Hair of the dog, butter on a burn, that guy in the comments who says heroin cured his ED -- we've all gotten some terrible medical advice at some point. But in some very, very rare cases, the true secret to advancing medical science has been to get even dumber. Just don't try any of the following unless your doctor signs off on it, and you should probably triple-check that they're actually a doctor first.
狗毛黄油抹烧伤，评论区的那个家伙说***治好了他的不举症--我们总是能在某些时刻得到一些可怕的医疗建议。但是在一些非常非常罕见的病例中，推动医学进步的真正秘密却可能很愚蠢。别尝试以下任意疗法，除非你的医师签字同意了，而且你应当先再三检查他们是不是真的有行医执照再说。
6
Death Cap Mushrooms Are So Poisonous That They Even Kill Certain Cancers
死亡帽蘑菇毒到能杀死癌细胞
Death cap mushrooms have that name for a reason. They taste and smell delicious, but they're responsible for around 90 percent of all mushroom-related fatalities. And yet the noxious fungus might be so toxic that it could be weaponized against certain cancers. Meaning that for once, your cousin with the braided beard who drones on and on about natural medicine and Frisbee golf is actually onto something. (Not about the Frolf, though.)
死亡帽蘑菇的得名是有原因的。他们尝起来、闻起来都美味，但是它们造成了90%的蘑菇中毒事件。然而这种有毒真菌可以制成杀死某些癌细胞的武器，这就意味着你胡子扎辫子的堂兄嘴里念叨着草药手里拿着飞盘高尔夫就真的是在做正事了。
Alpha-Amanitin, the lethal toxin in the mushroom, doesn't play any nicer with cancer than it does with your body. So scientists are trying to tweak its wrath to focus on tumors without also annihilating your liver, kidneys, and any other squishy parts that get in its way.
蘑菇中的致命物质——阿尔法鹅膏素对癌细胞比对你的身体更不好，所以科学家试图调转它的枪口对准癌细胞，而同时让它不至于摧毁你的肝肾。
The biggest issue, aside from the fact that we're talking about mainlining a substance so toxic that it's dangerous to even touch, is that mushrooms are fickle organisms. It's difficult to extract the toxin from the mushroom, so a lack of it has brought further research to a standstill. So until a synthetic strain of Alpha-Amanitin can be developed, scientists are stuck slowly wandering around under chestnut trees, far more likely to stumble across men in Birkenstocks who don't understand personal space than a life-saving deadly mushroom.
除了我们谈论的是一种毒到碰都有危险的毒物注射入你的静脉的事实之外，最大的问题是这处蘑菇非常易变，从这种蘑菇中提取毒素很困难，这种有毒物质的缺乏使得研究陷停顿。所以在人工合成的阿尔法鹅膏素出现之前，科学家们只能卡在栗子树下踱步，更可能遇到穿着勃肯鞋不懂私人空间为何物的人而不是一个可以救命的致命蘑菇。
5
Intestinal Parasites Can Treat Lupus
肠道寄生虫可以治疗狼疮
Hugely important advances in food hygiene, like the five-second rule, have limited our overall exposure to parasites. For the most part, that's obviously a good thing, because as our online medical degree from the University of College taught us, parasites are gross. But certain parasites are also pivotal to human health. Without exposure to them, the body's immune system becomes inactive and unstable, resulting in disorders like lupus, Crohn's, and MS, which have become increasingly common in developed nations.
食品卫生方面的巨大进步，像是五秒法则，全面限制了我们与寄生虫的接触。在很大程度上这是一件好事，因为我们来自大学与学院的在线医学学位教会我们寄生虫很恶心。但某些寄生虫对健康至关重要，没有它们，我们的人体免疫系统就会变得缺乏活力不稳定，导致狼疮，克罗恩病和多发性硬化症等疾病的发生，在发达国家这些疾病越来越常见。
Immuno-supressing drugs used to treat those conditions have nasty side effects, like increased opportunistic infections and cancer rates. Beating lupus and the like requires a new approach, and some doctors are getting unexpected help from parasites like the pig whipworm. They call it Helminthic therapy, and it involves administering parasite eggs to patients so that their bodies can go through the normal series of reactions. The worm larvae hatch inside their hosts as normal, or sometimes they're served in delicious worm egg purees! Yes, delicious pig-whipworm-egg smoothies, just like the future promised.
用于治疗这些疾病的免疫抑制药物存在严重的副作用，像是增加机会性感染和癌症的几率。战胜狼疮之类的疾病需要一种新方法，一些医生正从像是猪鞭虫这样的寄生虫里获得意想不到的帮助。他们称其为寄生虫疗法，包括给病人注射寄生虫卵，让他们的身体经历一系列的变化反应。幼虫在宿主体内孵化，有时是在卵的营养基中。是的，美味的猪鞭虫冰沙，就像未来承诺的那样。
Clinical trials have been underway for over a decade, but there's a bureaucratic catch in America. For some crazy reason, the FDA isn't keen on selling parasites over the counter or signing off on the relevant studies. But Europe's attitude toward biological specimens harvested from the shit of strangers are a little looser, and the Germans are close to approving an over-the-counter health supplement that will some day be sold right next to Quest bars. Surely it will only be a matter of time until Gwyneth Paltrow is hawking Goop-brand Gutworms.
临床试验进行了十多年了，但有美国还有官僚主义的问题在。出于某些疯狂的理由，食品药品管理当局并不热衷于给寄生虫颁发OTC证明，也不愿在相关研究上签字。但是欧洲的在采集陌生人的粪便中的虫子的态度稍宽松，其中德国几乎要批准一项OTC健康补充剂了，某天就会在Quest酒吧附近出售了。当然，Gwyneth Paltrow叫卖Goop牌肠虫只是个时间问题了。
4
Arsenic Contamination Cuts Breast Cancer Rates By 50 Percent
砷污染使得乳腺癌发病率降低了50%
Biologists looking at the breast cancer rates of Chilean villagers were startled to find that the majority of them seemed to be somehow resistant to the disease. In fact, older locals had 50 percent lower breast cancer rates when compared with the general population. After poring over diet and lifestyle data, scientists finally figured it must be, quite literally, something in the water. Specifically, arsenic.
观察智利村民乳腺癌发病率的生物学家惊奇地发现，他们中的大多数似乎都在某种程度上对这种疾病有了抵抗力，。事实上，与年轻一代人口相比，较老的当地人乳腺癌的病率低50%。在仔细分析了饮食和生活数据后，科学家们最终指出一定是水里有什么问题。具体来说就是砷。
Groundwater samples showed the presence of naturally occurring arsenic at a rate 80 times higher than what's recommended by the World Health Organization, which we are shocked to learn was not "Holy shit no, don't drink arsenic at all." The discrepancy was not a coincidence. A later water treatment program, established in 1970, inadvertently led to a spike in breast cancer.
地下水样本显示天然砷的含量比世卫组织标准高出80倍，让我们震惊的不是“噢不，不能喝砷”。这并不是一种巧合。1970年建立的一个水处理厂无意中导致乳腺癌的发生。
Arsenic is generally a high-risk carcinogen in its own right, but it was also protecting against the most prent cancer in women. The fountain of youth was there the whole time; it just happened to be a wee bit deadly. No, this doesn't mean that you should start chugging the stuff to stave off death, but the FDA has authorized an arsenic-based derivative for leukemia patients. Because hey, at that point, it's not the arsenic you're worried about.
砷本身就是一种致癌物，但是同样可以防治女性中最普遍的癌症。青春之泉原先一直都在，只是恰巧有点致命。不，这不意味着你要应当开始咕嘟咕嘟地喝些什么来避免死亡，但是食药管理当局已向白血病患批准了一样砷基化合物。因为在你患白血病的情况下，你担心的就不是砷了。
3
If You Don't Want Ulcerative Colitis, Smoke More Cigarettes
如果你不想得溃疡性结肠炎，就多抽烟
Ulcerative colitis (UC) is a persistent, painful disease of the bowels whereby diarrhea and constipation somehow work in tandem, as well as bloody stool and whatever "bowel leakage" is. No, we're not going to look it up. The last-ditch treatment for UC, a proctocolectomy, is also unpleasant. That's a surgical removal of the colon, rectum, and anus. As you can imagine, the alternatives to "having a functioning anus" aren't fun. Oh, and UC rates are going up, for reasons the medical community either can't fathom or doesn't really like to dwell on.
溃疡新结肠炎（UC）是一种持续性的痛苦疾病，这种疾病会使得腹泻与便秘交替发生，还会有血便以及其它的“肠漏”现象。不，我们不会想看的。最终极的解决办法就是切除直肠，没人愿意做的，结肠、直肠、肛门都要切除。正如你所想，有一个同样功能的人造肛门并不有趣。噢，UC发病率正 d在上升，其中的原因医学界并不知晓，也不愿去深究。
But don't give up hope. If you fear this predicament, this is one surefire way to ward it off, and that's to break out a pack of Camels. Smoking cigarettes prevents UC -- an observation first recorded back in the 1980s, when epidemiologists noted that smokers rarely suffered from it. Repeated studies have strengthened the correlation, to the annoyance of doctors everywhere. Trust us, they've tried really hard to disprove that a cigarette break levels up your colon. For obvious reasons.
但是不要放弃治疗。如果你害怕这种病症，那么有一种百分百成功的方法来预防，就是拆开一包烟。吸烟可以预防UC--这一观察结果最早出现在1980年代，当时流行病学家注意到烟民很少有得这种病的。反复研究之后，确认了这项结论，惹恼了世界各地的医生。相信我们，他们是多么极力地否认戒烟会升高结肠病水平。理由显而易见。
It still isn't clear how smoke quashes UC, but it seems to involve the way the body absorbs nicotine. Until a better solution is found, you're stuck with drugs that induce anemia, osteoporosis, and cataracts ... or the silky smooth taste of Lucky Strikes!
吸烟治疗UC的原理尚不明确，但是似乎跟尼古丁有关。直到更好的解决方案出现前，你就只能与这种导致贫血、骨质疏松的白内瘴的药物为伴了，或者是Luchky Strickes的丝般顺滑的口感。
2
Meth Kills The Flu
******{译注：bing毒}可以杀死流感病毒
Meth use is a terrible idea, unless you really, really need to get your house cleaned in a hurry. It damages your brain and heart, it screws up your mental health, and it makes you look like a low-budget zombie. But you know what else sucks? The influenza virus, which routinely causes pandemics ... and which meth happens to combat. Hey, sometimes the cure is nastier than the disease.
使用bd是一个糟糕的主意，除非你想瞬间让房间干净起来。bd会损害你的大脑和心脏，损害你的心理健康，还会让你看起来像一个低预算的僵尸。但是你知道更糟糕的是什么吗？流感病毒，通常会引起大范围的疾病，而bd正好能克制流感。嘿，有时候治疗比疾病本身更糟糕。
Meth use frequently results in compromised immune systems and increased susceptibility to opportunistic infections, but the flu is a weird exception. Apparently, meth is just so damn toxic that mere contact with the flu virus causes it to wither up and die -- and this effect lasts long after the drug is administered.
bd会造成免疫缺陷以及机会性感染风险增强，但是流感是奇怪的例外。显然，bd很毒，毒到只是一接触就会让流感病毒凋谢死亡--而且这种效果在药物起作用后还持续很长时间。
Immunologists are so keen on meth's medicinal value that they're pushing for similar antiviral agents be synthesized to fight the flu, albeit these ones won't make your teeth fall out. In the meantime, if you ever miss your yearly flu shot, consider meth!
免疫学家如此热衷于bd的临床应用，以致于他们正在推动合成相同的抗病毒药剂以对抗流感，虽然这药物不会让你的牙齿脱落。同时，如果你错过了每年一次打流感疫苗，那么就考虑一下bd吧。
We have just been told that we are extremely fired for writing the words "consider meth!"
我们刚被告知因为写了“考虑bd”这个词，我们被炒鱿鱼了。
1
Insect Stings Fight Cancer And Prevent Arthritis
昆虫叮咬能抗癌和预防关节炎
Any cancer therapy sounds stupid if you use the right language. "I'm sorry, you want to shoot a ray gun at my tumor? I demand to see your medical license!" That being said, we're really struggling to imagine a future where "wasp therapy" sounds like anything but what your hippie cousin endorsed right up until his face swelled up like a beach ball.
正经来说，任何治癌方案听起来都很蠢“抱歉，你想用雷射枪打我的瘤？我需要看你的行医执照！”即是说我们很难想象这样一种未来，“黄蜂疗法”听起来像那么回事，但除了你的嬉皮士堂兄欣然签字同意，结果他的脸肿得像沙滩排球那样。
Polybia paulista, a wasp found in South America, produces a toxin known as MP1, and clinical uations have found that MP1 destroys tumor cells while leaving healthy ones alone. And those tumors do not die a decent death. MP1 creates "gaping holes that allow molecules crucial for cell function to leak out." Many, many future studies are needed, but anything that selectively targets cancerous cells is of interest to scientists ... even if its source makes you swat at the air and flee your picnic.
南美发现的黄蜂Polybia paulista能够产生一种名为MP1的毒素，临床研究发现MP1可以破坏肿瘤细胞而不伤到正常细胞。而这些肿瘤细胞死得不成“细胞”样，MP1可以开一个让细胞内至关重要的分子流出的洞，。尚需更多更多的研究，但是科学家对任何只针对肿瘤细胞的东西都感兴趣。即使这东西让你凌空乱舞，从野餐中逃离。
There's also good news if you have arthritis (uh, relatively speaking). More bee-derived drugs are likely hitting shelves soon, as they've been consistently demonstrated to reduce pain and swelling while increasing range of motion. Bee venom therapy has actually been deemed "superior" to conventional medicines when it comes to treating rheumatoid arthritis, since a bee's sting stimulates a natural release of anti-inflammatory chemicals, which in turn staves off arthritis symptoms. Mother Nature's a bitch, but at least she doesn't require a co-pay.
如果你患有关节炎，那么也同样有好消息（相对来说）。更多的来自于黄蜂的药物将上架，因为一直被证明可以镇痛消肿，增长你的运动里程。治疗风湿性关节炎的时候，蜂毒一直被认为是优于传统疗法，因为蜂针可以释放天然消炎物质，从而消除关节炎的症状。大自然母亲是个碧池，但是至少她不要你的钱。
