【中英双语】三大信号显示你可能是职场“毒人”
Signs You Might Be a Toxic Colleague
没有人喜欢“有毒的”同事。哪怕最难相处的人听了这话也会举双手赞成。
No one likes a toxic coworker. Even the most difficult people themselves would probably be the first to agree.
这就引发了一个问题：如果你“有毒”的话，你能意识到吗？有没有可能你就是那个严重破坏团队建设，造成其他人工作效率低下的人？
Which raises a question: If you were “toxic,” would you even know it? Is it possible that you are the one wreaking havoc on your team, making everyone else less productive and more miserable?
你会说，当然不可能了。因为我们都会这样说。
Of course not, you say. Because that’s what we all say.
研究结果向我们展现出一副完全不同的画面，换句话说，大多数情况下，其他人眼中的我们并不是我们自认为给他人留下的印象。（造成这种差别的合理原因有很多——其中最重要的一点就是认知困难和主观性）。
The research paints a very different picture, namely that most of the time there is remarkably little overlap between how other people see us and how we think we’re coming across. (There are lots of good reasons for this disconnect — for the most part, it has to do with how difficult and subjective perception is.)
有3种习惯会令人不经意间变成“毒人”，假如你不希望同事恨你，这里有一些策略可以帮助你避免这种情况。
Assuming you would prefer not to be hated by your colleagues, here are three ways people inadvertently come across as toxic and some strategies you can use to avoid doing so yourself.
问题：表现冷漠
Problem: You seem cold.
人类的大脑时刻保持着活跃的状态，努力探查其他人是否对我们构成威胁——影响我们的人际关系、我们的事业、乃至我们的幸福安康。你会不会给我带来麻烦？我们总这么想（通常是在不自觉的情况下）。你是否会跟我竞争，或者试图危害我？
Human brains are wired to try to figure out whether others pose a threat to us — to our relationships, to our careers, to our overall well-being. Are you going to make trouble for me? we wonder (often unconsciously). Are you going to be competitive, or try to undermine me?
人们依据你的热情程度对你进行评估。你的热情程度——表现友好、充满关怀并设身处地为他人着想，可以证明你是否对观察者怀有善意，这也是他们初次与你接触时最先了解的一点。
People answer this question about you by evaluating how warm you seem. Your warmth — being friendly, attentive, empathetic — is taken as evidence that you have good intentions toward the perceiver, and it’s the very first thing about you that they zero in on.
如果你表现得十分热情，那么在同事眼中，你指挥其他人做事很可能是为了帮助他们：你在发送重要邮件时漏掉了一名同事完全是因为“疏忽”，你的暴脾气也是因为“压力太大”。换句话说，一旦人们相信，你时刻把大家利益放在心上，那么他们在质疑你时就会往好处想，而且解读你的行为时也会更宽容。不过这一切只有当你表现热情时才会发生。
When you are warm, your tendency to tell people what to do is more likely to be seen by your colleagues as an attempt to be “helpful”: your leaving a coworker off an important email chain is “an oversight,” and your hot temper is the result of “so much stress.” In other words, when people believe you generally have their best interests at heart, you get the benefit of the doubt, and your actions are interpreted more generously. And this only happens when you are warm.
问题是大部分人，特别在工作中，认为应该靠工作能力给同事留下深刻的第一印象。他们急于证明自己的能力和聪明才智，因此忽略了展现自己温暖热情的一面。（事实上比这还要糟糕——有些人为了让自己显得更有能力，会刻意压制热情的一面。）
The problem is that most people, especially in work settings, see making a good impression on their colleagues as being first and foremost about competence. In their eagerness to demonstrate their skills and talents, they neglect to project warmth. (Actually, it’s worse than that — some people will actively play down their warmth in an attempt to seem more competent.)
解决之道：提升你的“热度”，有意识地去关心其他人。说话和倾听的时候，你应该多和其他人进行并保持眼神交流；开会时克制自己看手机的冲动；对周围的人和事物保持兴趣；不时点头，表示你理解其他人跟你说的话；保持微笑，特别是当其他人对你微笑的时候。最重要的是，实实在在地关注其他人的话——你的同事需要知道你在认真倾听。
Solution: To turn up your warmth quotient, make a conscious attempt to pay attention to other people. Make eye contact and hold it, both when you are speaking and listening. Resist the urge to look at your cell phone during meetings. Seem interested. Nod from time to time to show you understand what’s being said to you. Smile, especially when others do. And above all else, actually focus on what other people are saying — your colleagues have a need to feel heard, just like you do.
记住，其他人不会知道你内心的想法和感受——你必须表达出来。所以，努力表现出你是跟他们站在一起的。
Remember that people don’t have access to your secret thoughts and feelings — you have to make them apparent. So make that effort to show you are on their side.
问题：表现自私
但是等一下！你说。我为同事们拼命工作，比所有人做得都多，都好。
Problem: You seem selfish.
But wait! you say. I work my butt off for my colleagues. I do more than other people do — and do it better.
这或许是真的。可是，你究竟有多少时间真正花在关心同事上？考虑他们的观点？理解他们的困境？你知道他们的目标是什么吗？
That may be true. But how much time do you spend really thinking about your colleagues? Their perspectives? Their struggles? Do you know what their goals are?
如果你不怎么了解同事的动力、他们的希望或者恐惧，那你可能就有麻烦了。“有毒的”同事通常会认为，这是我的世界，你只不过是生活在其中的一员罢了。虽然你可能并不这样认为，但只要你表现出来的是这种态度，就会成为“毒人”。即便你只专注于眼前的工作，两耳不闻窗外事，一门心思地埋头苦干，这种情况也可能发生。你可能觉得自己是工作的殉道者，可其他人却会认为你在大包大揽，对其他人管东管西，或者在分工和协作上有障碍。由于这类人不会花太多时间考虑其他人的想法，不会尝试从他人的角度考虑问题，因此总会无意中有一些“毒人”的典型行为，比如出问题的时候指手画脚责备他人，把重要人物排除在决策圈之外，或者窃取他人的功劳。
If you don’t know much about what drives your colleagues or what their hopes and fears are, you might be in trouble. Coworkers perceived as “toxic” often come across as if they think it’s my world, and you’re just living in it. It’s not that you believe this is actually true — but to be “toxic,” all you need to do is be perceived as if you do. This can happen even if you’re just really focused on the work in front of you, head down and plowing away. While it may feel to you like you’re a martyr to the job, other people might see it as you hoarding work, micromanaging, or having trouble delegating or collaborating. Because such people don’t spend much time thinking about others or trying to see things from perspectives other than their own, they also often inadvertently do classic “toxic” things like assigning blame to others when things go wrong, leaving key people out of the loop, or taking credit for other people’s work.
解决之道：老实说，最自私的人不会意识到他们自私，而且几乎所有人都不想成为自私的人。（除了自恋狂。假设你不是这种人。）为了确保自己不会成为这种类型的坏同事，你得时常花些时间从同事的立场出发考虑问题，如此才能了解其他人的想法。你须时刻保持好奇心，多去了解那些你并不熟悉的同事。最重要的是，你要表示自己感同身受，让他们知道，你尊重他们，努力想透过他们的双眼去了解他们的内心。多说一些类似于“很抱歉让你去处理”“我想你肯定觉得”的话来直接展现同理心。
Solution: Honestly, most egocentric people don’t realize that they are egocentric, and almost all of them certainly don’t want to be. (Except for narcissists. Let’s assume you aren’t one of those.) To be certain that you don’t fall into this particular toxic category, take the time to mentally put yourself in your colleagues’ shoes on a regular basis to really try to grasp their perspective. Be curious, and ask questions to learn more about the coworkers you don’t know well. And most importantly, show empathy. Let them know you respect and value them enough to try to see things through their eyes. Use phrases like “I’m sorry you had to deal with…” and “I imagine you must have felt…” to convey empathy directly.
问题：其他人视你为“规章制度纳粹主义”
毫不奇怪，最近一项研究发现，职场“毒人”比一般人更容易过度自信，并且以自我为中心。而你想不到的是他们普遍具有的第三种特质：坚信永远都要遵守规章制度。
Problem: People think of you as the “Rule Nazi.”
It should come as no surprise that in a recent study, toxic coworkers were found to be reliably more overconfident and self-centered than their nontoxic colleagues. What may surprise you is the third common trait they often share: believing that rules must always be followed.
当然，对于那些符合道德标准或者自然法则的规则，我们都认为应该遵守。但是，我们有时可以为了更长远的目标更改（甚至忽略）一些关于工作“应该”如何做的规章制度。
Of course, when those rules are ethical or legal in nature, we can all agree that they shouldn’t be broken. But other rules, the ones that govern how work “should” get done, sometimes can be bent (or ignored altogether) for the sake of a larger goal.
不过，规章制度纳粹主义者可不这么认为。他们紧抓着规则不放，就如同莱昂纳多·迪卡普里奥紧抓着泰坦尼克号上的门——好像他们靠这个才能活下来。而且，即便规则不合理或者阻碍了生产力，他们也要确保每个人都遵守规则。
Rule Nazis don’t see it that way. They cling to the rules like Leonardo DiCaprio clung to that door in Titanic — as if their lives depend on it. And they make sure everyone else does too, even when the rule doesn’t make sense or stands in the way of productivity.
过度以预防为主的人通常都会严格遵循规则。以预防为重点的人一门心思保持安全。他们一般都规避风险，担心不够细心会产生问题，他们的优点在于工作更周密、准确、万全。
This strict adherence to the rules is born primarily out of an excessive prevention focus. Prevention-focused people are determined to stay safe. They’re generally risk-averse and they worry about what might go wrong if they aren’t careful enough, but their work is also more thorough, accurate, and well-planned.
解决之道：坦诚——这听起来像你吗？你做事的时候会不会有点儿严格，认为事情“就应该这么办”？你是否对此直言不讳？尽管你本意是好的，但你认为有道理或者负责的行为可能就会破坏整个团队。面对规章制度，尤其是那些既不违背道德也无关法律的规则，多一些灵活与宽松。而且，当你放水时一定要对同事言明，这样才不至于白当了好人。最后，如果你真的必须坚持规则，不要指望其他人能理解原因；花一点儿时间向其他人解释你的想法，告诉他们在这种情况下遵守规则的原因，以及这样做会给团队带来的好处。
Solution: Be honest — does this sound like you? Do you think you might be a bit rigid when it comes to doing things “the way they are supposed to be done”? And are you vocal about it? Despite your good intentions, what may seem perfectly sensible and responsible to you is probably undermining your entire team. Make a point of being more flexible about the rules, particularly the ones that are neither unethical nor illegal to break. And be sure to point out to your colleagues when you are being flexible, so that you get credit for it. Finally, when you really have to stick to the rules, don’t just assume that other people understand why; take a moment to explain your thinking, why it’s so important to follow the rules in this case, and how doing so is good for your team.
安健 | 编辑
海蒂·格兰特·哈佛森博士现任哥伦比亚大学商学院动机学科学中心副主任，著有畅销书《成功人士与众不同的九件事》（Nine Things Successful People Do Differently）。
