克拉克森吐槽：无聊的当代车

Clarkson on: boring modern cars

克拉克森评论：无聊的当代车

Published: 27 Aug 2014

发表于2014年8月27日

Every couple of months, I sit down with the internet and decide which cars I’d like to road test in the coming weeks. It used to be fun. But it isn’t any more. Because these days, as I look down the long list of all that’s new from the world of motoring, I usually think “I don’t want to drive any of this stuff.”

每隔几个月，我都会坐下来上网决定我在接下来几周里想要测评的车。这曾经是件有意思的事，但现在可不是了。因为现如今，当我看到那份写满车坛新车的长名单时，我通常会想“我哪个也不想开。”

Mitsubishi’s new plug-in hybrid Outlander. Yes? No, actually. I realise, of course, that this is the future and that it features many new innovations designed to harness energy from waste by-products and turn them into speed and comfort, but I’m afraid I can’t be bothered to be interested in any of it.

三菱的全新插混欧蓝德。还不错？不是的。当然了，我知道这辆车象征着未来的趋势，而且这款车搭载了许多能够从排放物的副产品中获取能量并将其转化为速度与舒适的创新科技，但我对这一大堆东西都不感兴趣。

I felt much the same about the new Mini Cooper. Partly this is because it looked like the old Mini Cooper, but mostly it’s because it has a three-cylinder engine and therefore the get-up-and-go of a dining table. My diary says that this morning, a four-wheel-drive Suzuki of some kind is being delivered for my appraisal. But when the doorbell rings, I may hide behind the curtains and pretend to be out because, honestly, I’d rather use a taxi. Oh, I’m sure it’ll be very nice, but I can guarantee that it will be about as exciting as a lecture on BitTorrents.

新款的Mini Cooper也是如此。一部分是因为它和老款的Mini Cooper长得很像，但更主要的是因为它搭载了一台没有什么干劲儿的三缸引擎。我的日记上记载道今天早上会有一辆四轮驱动的铃木车送过来让我测评。但当门铃响起时，我可能会藏在窗帘后面装作不在家，因为我宁可坐出租车也不愿意开那玩意儿。我确信那会是一辆好车，但我敢打包票它会和一节关于比特流（译者注：一种互联网文件分发协议）的课程一样无聊。

In fact, I’ve done a bit of thinking, and I reckon that there has never been a time in automotive history when cars have been this boring. The Audi Q3 is a case in point. The BMW X3 is another.

实际上，在我进行一番思考过后，我认为汽车史上从来没有过这样一个盛产无聊车的时期。奥迪Q3是个例子，宝马X3也是。

You may scoff at this. You may say that in my youth, we had the Austin Allegro and the Morris Marina and that they were far more boring than anything made today. But this isn’t so. They were not boring. They were terrible. Amusingly terrible.

你可能会嘲笑我的观点。你可能会说在我年轻的时候市面上有像奥斯汀Allegro和莫里斯Marina这样的车，而且它们要比现在的任何一款车都无聊的多。但事情不是这样的。那些车不是无聊，而是糟糕，糟得离谱。

Then there was the Hillman Avenger, another dreadful car. But let’s not forget that there was a model called the Tiger, which had a boot spoiler and a matte black bonnet and excellent sculptured mirrors on the wings and minilite wheels. It was also dreadful but it looked fabulous, and here’s the thing: where’s the Tiger version of the Audi Q3? All you get is the RS version, which works only because the increased power means you get the journey over with more quickly.

还有希尔曼Avenger这款车，同样非常无聊。但我们不要忘记那款车还有一个配备了尾部扰流板、磨砂黑引擎盖、特别设计过的反光镜和minilite牌轮毂的名为Tiger的型号。虽然说它还是很无聊，但看起来棒极了。那么问题来了，奥迪Q3的Tiger版本去哪里了呢？你最终得到的只是一款RS版本，而这款车只是因为其更强劲的动力意味着你可以更早结束旅程而奏效。

Ford was always good at producing one interesting car from each of its model ranges, and there can be no doubt that the Fiesta ST is a fitting tribute to the XR2s and the Mexicos and the Lotus Cortinas from the company’s past. It’s a little gem, that car.

福特很擅长从其旗下的产品中改造出一款很有意思的车子。毫无疑问，嘉年华ST是对曾经嘉年华XR2、Escort Mexico版和路特斯Cortina的致敬。那辆嘉年华ST就像一颗宝石一样闪闪发光。

But where’s the hot Mondeo? Where’s the Ka with a matte black bonnet and wing mirrors? Why is there no Focus Cosworth with four-wheel drive and 300 horsepower?

但是高性能版的蒙迪欧去哪里了呢？有着磨砂黑引擎盖和反光镜的Ka又在哪里呢？为什么没有搭载四轮驱动和300匹马力的考斯沃斯版福克斯呢？

Then you have Volkswagen. It talked of making an Up GT, and I was very excited about that. It would be the Hillman Avenger Tiger of the modern age. But now VW’s announced that... drum roll... it can’t be bothered. It’ll be sticking with the three-cylinder, non-turbo base car. Which is very good and very sensible and very economical and very well made. I admire it in many ways. But I don’t actually want one.

还有大众。他们说要生产一款Up GT，我对此感到非常激动。那辆车将会是当代版本的希尔曼Avenger Tiger。但现在大众又说他们不会制造那款车了，而是会去继续生产搭载三缸无涡轮增压发动机的基础版车型。那些基础版的车子本身非常好，经济节能、做工优良，是个理性的选择。我喜欢那类车的许多方面，但我就是不想买一辆。

Of course, carmakers will explain that in these modern, difficult times, it is simply not financially viable to go to all the bother and expense of making an interesting car, because all people want is four wheels, a seat and 65mpg.

当然了，车企们会解释说在现在这个困难期里，倾注大量精力和财力去打造一款有意思的车在经济上是不允许的，因为所有人想要的只是四个轮子、一张椅子和一个优秀的油耗数据。

But it has always been thus. Hillman went to the bother and expense of making that Tiger, and it wasn’t exactly a ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ sales success. It was much the same with the droop snoot Vauxhall Firenza or the Opel Manta GT.

但凡事皆有反例。希尔曼就倾注了大量精力财力制造出了Avenger Tiger，但这款车并没有像《波西米亚狂想曲》一样在销量上大获成功。下垂式车头版的沃克斯豪尔Firenza和欧宝Manta GT也是这样。

Even the more mainstream offerings, such as the Ford Escort XR3i, only ever accounted for 15 per cent of total Escort sales. But the XR3i and the Golf GTi and the Vauxhall Astra GTE did something more important. They made the owners of the GLs and the 1.3s feel better.

对于更主流的车企来说也是一样的境遇，例如说福特Escort XR3i只占到了Escort车系总销量的15%。但诸如福特Escort XR3i、大众高尔夫GTi和沃克斯豪尔雅特GTE的车型做出了更巨大的贡献——它们的存在让拥有其它配置车型的车主们感觉更好。

And there was more. They were realisable dreams for the masses. In the days before EuroMillions and scratch cards, there was no way a shopkeeper from Warrington was ever going to afford a Ferrari or a Lamborghini. But a hot Ford? He could buy the 1.1 L now on the basis that, one day, with a fair wind and a bit of scrimping, the XR3 might be possible. And that made it so much more than a humdrum Ford with a 1.6-litre engine and a spoiler. It made it a dream car for millions.

这些车的意义不止如此，它们更是普罗大众可以触碰到的梦。在彩票和刮刮乐诞生之前，一个来自沃灵顿的商店店主不可能买下一辆法拉利或兰博基尼。但高性能的福特呢？他可以先买一台1.1升的车型，然后在此基础上借着一阵东风和一点点的省吃俭用，换一台XR3是完全有可能的。这一点使得XR3不仅仅是一款备有1.6升引擎和尾翼的无聊福特，而是广大群众的梦中情车。

Which, of course, brings me on to Netflix, the one-stop shop if you have a craving on a Sunday afternoon to watch The Rock or Air Force One. As a wise man said on Twitter recently, browsing through the movies it offers to subscribers is like browsing through the shelves of a Stockport video rental shop in 1994.

这使我想到了网飞。如果你想在周日下午观看《勇闯夺命岛》或《空军一号》这两部电影的话，网飞便是那家可以一站搞定的商店。正如一个聪明人在推特上说的那样，扫一眼网飞提供给其订阅者的片单就好像在1994年浏览一家位于斯托克波特的音像出租店的货架一样。

If you want to watch Gravity or the Dallas Buyers Club, then you are faced with a choice. Download it now from wherever or wait until 2026 when it will be available on Netflix. Unless there is a legal hiccup over rights in the meantime. Which there probably will be. So why then, if Netflix’s movie selection is so weak, do I subscribe? Why do you subscribe? Why is it so popular? There’s no sport. No news. Just a lot of stuff you’ve seen already. Ah yes. But there is also House of Cards.

如果你想看《地心引力》或《达拉斯买家俱乐部》这两部电影，那么你会面临着一个选择：要么现在就在某个网站上下载片源，要么等它2026年在网飞上线——除非在此期间遇到了关于版权的法律纠纷，不过也确实可能会发生。所以说如果网飞提供的电影少到不行的话，为什么我还要去订阅呢？为什么你会订阅呢？为什么它能流行起来呢？网飞上既没有体育相关内容，又没有新闻，只有一大堆你已经看过的东西。不对，还有《纸牌屋》呢。

This was made especially for Netflix, and it cost an absolute bleeding fortune. They hired Kevin Spacey to play the lead and the word is he trousered many millions for the deal. They had Robin Wright as well, which is why I tuned in. This was a lavish deal, and if you wanted to see it, and you did because it was superb, you had to have Netflix.

《纸牌屋》这部剧是花了大价钱专门为网飞制作的。他们请来了凯文·史派西来扮演领导人的角色——据说据说他因为这部剧赚了几百万。他们还请来了罗宾·怀特——这也是我看这部剧的原因。这可是笔不小的买卖。如果你想观看这部剧的话——你也确实会想看的，因为它确实很好看——你只能去订阅网飞了。

After two series, it finished. So then they started Orange Is the New Black, which is also fabulous. Especially if you are fond of all things sapphic. It’s set in a women’s prison and, er… well, let me put it this way: watch a trailer, and then you’ll be a Netflix subscriber as well.

在两季之后，《纸牌屋》播完了。（译者注：《纸牌屋》剧集共有六季，在作者发表文章时仅播出了两季。）所以他们开播了同样很惊艳的《女子监狱》——如果你对与女同性恋相关的内容感兴趣的话那这部剧就更惊艳了。这部剧的背景设定在女子监狱之中……我这么说吧：看完预告片，你也会去订阅个网飞的。

It’s ballsy stuff this, commissioning very expensive television drama. Because what if it doesn’t work? That’s not the end of the world if you are the BBC or ITV, because you have sports and news and panel shows as well. But if you are Netflix, it must work. Because, realistically, it’s all you’ve got. It’s your hook, your bait, your float, your line, your rod and your reel. Like I said, it’s a ballsy strategy, and Netflix is pulling it off big time.

制作一部非常昂贵的电视剧是一个大胆的决定——万一这部剧不奏效呢？如果你是英国广播电视台或者英国独立电视台的话那问题还不算大，因为台里还有体育类、新闻类和综艺节目支撑着。但如果你是网飞的话，那部拍出来的剧必须成功——因为那是你的全部了。它就是你吸引观众并订阅网飞的法宝。正如我说的那样，这是个大胆的策略，而网飞正在取得成功。

The car firms should take note, because an endless array of cars which look like the sort of thing Walter White or Dexter might use will one day result in everyone taking the bus instead. We need interesting cars to keep us interested. They don’t need to be fast, because that might be passé. But they do need to make us look twice. We need a return to the days of the Tiger.

车企们应该做做笔记了，因为无休止地推出像《绝命毒师》里的沃尔特·怀特或《嗜血法医》里的戴克斯特·摩根会开的车只会最终导致大家都去坐公交车。我们需要有意思的车来让我们保持兴趣。他们不一定要有多快——因为那可能是个过时的玩法——但一定要有让人再看一眼的欲望。我们需要回到那个有着Avenger Tiger的时代。

Carmakers need to remember not only Orange Is The New Black. But also that orange is the new black. Apart from the bonnet obviously. And the door mirrors.

车企们不仅要向《女子监狱》学习，还要记住充满活力的橙色才是新的潮流——当然，不只是把引擎盖和反光镜涂成橙色那么简单。

原文地址：https://www.topgear.com/car-news/jeremy-clarkson/clarkson-boring-modern-cars