那有多难受？这肯定不是那种你可以马上忘记的失败。

输掉欧冠决赛最糟糕的事情可能就是你被迫要用整个夏天的时间来消化它。这不像是输了一场重要的联赛，可以在几天内恢复正轨。在5月底或6月初输掉决赛，你知道至少需要一年的时间才能弥补遗憾。最重要的是，在你寻求救赎的过程中，面前有欧洲最好的球队阻挡着。

这就是当皇马战胜我们的时候，我却很难接受的原因之一。我尊重他们，因为他们是欧洲豪门，当晚他们理应获得冠军，但我也知道，由于各种原因，我们没有发挥出应有的水平，我们对成为那种为参加决赛而喝彩的球队不感兴趣。如果我们在比赛中走得这样远，只有一件事很重要，那就是获胜。

失败并不可耻，当然，你会从我们在前往基辅的路上取得的所有成就中获得积极的一面，但只有失败才能引起的疼痛在那天晚上刻在我们所有人的灵魂上。这就是尽管那种感觉本身现在已经消散了，但当我坐在队花的房间里，还在回忆当晚的原因。

我对回家的航班记忆最深刻。基辅离利物浦很远，所以我们在飞机上坐了四小时，大家都在想发生了什么事情。和在于皇马比赛一样，我不曾闭眼。像往常一样，我坐在詹姆斯·米尔纳旁边——可能是因为没有其他人愿意！基本上，队花和 亨豆必须坐在一起，因为他们形影不离，然后队副和我坐接下来的两个座位，老张和太子紧随其后。公平地说，老米是一个理想的旅伴。无论情况如何，无论心情如何，他都知道该怎么度过。

有些小伙子喜欢打瞌睡，拉拉纳就是其中之一。他会戴上耳机，去睡觉，然后在另一个国家醒来。我、队副和亨豆并没有真正在飞机上睡觉，所以队副拿出他的随身听放他的音乐。他试图用克里斯布朗的东西和孩子们呆在一起，但我不确定他是否真的喜欢。我们都喜欢西城男孩，而且我们通常会与阿诺德、金宝以及俱乐部的新闻主管马特·麦卡恩打牌。我们六个人总是打牌。老米非常善于判断情况和环境。

不过这一次，没有音乐，也没有人对打牌感兴趣。我和老米坐在一起，我们复盘了决赛以及出了什么问题。亨豆也加入了。我清楚地记得躺在飞机的地板上和那两个人谈论比赛的大部分时间我们在空中。这些都没有让我们感觉更好，但我们知道我们必须这样做。我想在某些方面这是愈合过程的开始，但不是说在那个阶段能感到治愈。我们的伤口太生硬了。

当我们在早上 6 点左右降落在利物浦时，我们吃了一些早餐，然后我等着妈妈、爸爸和蕾切尔的飞机降落，那架飞机在我们起飞后不久就起飞了。显然，本希望我们能在默西塞德郡得到英雄般的欢迎，但当我和家人开车回家时，我知道我们所期待的只是一天的反省。皇马和我们同台竞技，但从终场哨响起，我们瞬间处在完全不同的位置。他们有荣耀和快乐，我们唯有痛苦和遗憾。

七点左右我回到了房子，我的孩子们刚起床。其他人都去睡觉了，因为他们整晚都在不同的时间飞回来。我没有心情躺下，所以我做了其他人在这种情况下会做的事情：我一开门就去Homebase，买了一些烤肉，这样我就可以用一些毫无戒心的香肠和汉堡来缓解我的沮丧。

其他顾客一定想知道我在做什么，因为一个足球运动员在输掉一场重大决赛后不到12小时就出现在他当地的DIY商店可能并不常见，但我知道我必须做点什么，否则我最终只会整天闷闷不乐。我也知道 2017/18 赛季对我来说是一个重要的赛季。

赛季的最后六个月证明了我是一名利物浦球员，并且可以成为一名利物浦球员，所以在这方面，无论如何进行一次聚会是有道理的。没有太多的聚会，但它终究是一个体面的夜晚，因为天气很好，也是我和我的家人享受彼此陪伴的机会。 皇家马德里的球员们可能一直在把西班牙首都涂成红色——我愿意付出任何代价，在利物浦做同样的事情——但我身边有最重要的人，这绝不是一个糟糕的安慰。

正是因为我们的家人与我们一起经历的事情——无论是在我们的成绩不好时忍受我们的坏心情，还是在我们长时间外出时照顾家里的事情——与他们分享特殊的时刻才是如此重要。我认为，大约一年后的 2019 年 6 月 1 日，在万达大都会球场的任何人都不会怀疑我们所爱的人对所有利物浦球员的意义。

就我而言，我很幸运能够让我的家人在球场上，我的妈妈和爸爸能够上球场，而我的未婚妻和儿子也在。我感到非常幸运，我能够与最亲近的人分享那段时间，尤其是因为这是他们最起码应得的。我最小的孩子和蕾切尔的奶奶一起回到了酒店，因为当时她只有四个月大，但后来我见到了她，这本身就很特别。

我试图打电话回家和我的爷爷说话，但他没有接听。后来我发现他在床上，因为他身体不舒服。他看了决赛，直接上床睡觉了。他本来是要去参加家庭聚会的，但他们去不了，所以我试着给奶奶打电话，但也没有用。尽管我们无法对话，但我很想念他们，因为他们帮助我成为现在这样的人，所以我觉得我欠他们很多是很自然的。

我还想到了我的一位阿姨，她和我非常亲近，但在之前就去世了。我非常怀疑只有我这样。你真的开始思念每个人，无论大小，他们帮你在欧冠决赛结束时站在球场上，成为欧洲冠军。这是一个令人难以置信的激动时刻，我很幸运有这么多特别的人陪伴在我身边，无论是在球场里还是在我的脑海里。

我从来没有哭过，但当我父亲出现在球场上时，我差点掉下几滴眼泪，因为他哭得像个婴儿，那是我第一次看到他这样。我见过他沮丧的表现，但更多的是在葬礼和悲伤时刻，这两种情况都很正常。我的妈妈是一个感性的人，但我的爸爸更像我，所以看到他哭了就说明了这对他和我全家的意义。

当蕾切尔和罗科一起奔跑时，我很高兴看到他们，而不是激动。我的小男孩在球场上嬉戏，那时我成为了一名父亲。像往常一样，我的首要任务是确保他没事，因为他在同一个球场上玩，在几分钟前，莫·萨拉赫和迪沃克·奥里吉的进球让我们所有人的梦想成真。人们经常被问到他们最快乐的时间和地点，对我来说，那些珍贵的时刻肯定就在那儿。

另一个真正打动我的时刻出现在我们都站在领奖台上等待亨队拿下那个至少一年内会是我们的美妙奖杯。我站在那里，脖子上挂着奖牌，我转身看到了渣叔。我对他说的第一句话是：“这个比去年的好多了。” 我不禁想到对比，我毫不怀疑主帅和所有小伙子都是一样的。这是我们个人和集体救赎的时刻，仅仅通过不同的颜色，这些奖牌立即代表了我们一起走过的旅程。

从那一刻起，基辅就成为了我们的成功之母。那是我们取得成就的原因，而不是定义我们的比赛。这对我们所有人都很重要，而我也知道对于所有支持我们的球迷来说，这也是完全一样的。只有球场上的小伙子们有幸获得奖牌，但看台上的支持者们同样值得，因为没有他们，我们甚至不会在马德里。真的就是这么简单。

回到更衣室，那些没有幸在马德里的人正在用信息轰炸我，我的手机几乎和罗科一样响个不停。我从格拉斯哥的朋友那里收到了很多东西，他们是我从两岁起就和我一起上学并认识的小伙子。通常他们会嘲笑我或试图取笑我头顶奖杯的照片，但他们的文字都很情绪化。如果我的妈妈或爸爸或我的未婚妻给我发了一条情绪化的短信，他们确实这样做了，它仍然会吸引你，但你有点期待它。 但是，当它来自你习惯于和你开玩笑的一个伙伴时，它可能会对你产生更多的影响。 它显示了那对我们的意义以及我们作为朋友对彼此的意义。我永远不会告诉他们！

更衣室里的场景将永远伴随着我。我们都在唱着“Campeones”跳舞，香槟洒了一地，一些小伙子把头发染成了红色，这基本上只是一个完全疯狂的场景。时不时地，你会看到我们中的一个人只是坐在那里，盯着我们的奖牌或拍照，只是想把它全部收起来。然后欧冠比赛涌入脑海，又开球了。

原文

How bad was it? It wasn’t the kind of defeat you get over quickly that’s for certain.

Probably the worst thing about losing a Champions League final is that you are left with a whole summer to stew on it. It’s not like a big league game when you have the chance to put things right within days. Lose the big one at the end of May or early June and you know it will take a year, at the very least, to put the record straight. On top of that, you have the best teams in Europe standing in the way as you go in search of redemption.

That was one of the reasons why I took it so badly when Real got the better of us. I respected them as European giants and on the night they had been deserving winners but I also knew that, for various reasons, we hadn’t done ourselves justice and we weren’t interested in being the kind of team that gets plaudits for reaching the final. If we were going that far in the competition, only one thing mattered and that was winning.

There was no shame in falling short and, of course, you take the positives from all that we achieved on the road to Kiev but the dull ache that only defeat can cause was etched onto all of our souls that night, which was why I recalled that terrible feeling as I sat in Ads’ room even though the feeling itself had now been taken away.

I remembered the flight home more than anything. Kiev is a long way from Liverpool so we were sat on a plane for four hours with all of us having thoughts of what might have been. As with Madrid, I didn’t sleep a wink. As usual, I was sat next to James Milner – probably because nobody else would! Basically, Ads and Hendo had to sit together because they were inseparable and then Milly and myself had the next two seats with Ox and Trent just behind. In fairness to Milly, he’s actually an ideal travelling companion. Whatever the situation and whatever the mood, he knows exactly how to play it.

Some of the lads like to snooze, Lallana was one of them. He would put his headphones on, go to sleep and wake up in a different country. Me, Milly and Hendo don’t really sleep on flights so Milly brings out his wee speakers and puts on his music. He tries to stay down with the kids with Chris Brown stuff but I’m not sure he really likes it. We all love a bit of Westlife and then, more often than not, we will have a game of cards with Trent, Jimbo and Matt McCann, the club’s Head of Press. Six of us play cards, we always do that. Milly is very good at judging the situation and the environment.

This time, though, there was no music and no-one was interested in playing cards. I sat with Milly and we debriefed the final and what had gone wrong. Hendo joined in too. I have a vivid memory of lying on the floor of the plane talking to those two about the game for most of the time we were in the air. None of this was making us feel any better but we knew we had to do it. I suppose in some ways that’s the start of the healing process, not that it felt like any healing was going on at that stage. Our wounds were too raw for that.

When we landed in Liverpool at around 6am we had some breakfast and then I waited for my mum, my dad and Rachel to land on their plane which had taken off not long after ours. Obviously the hope had been that we would be returning to a heroes’ welcome on Merseyside but as I drove back home with my family I knew that all we had to look forward to was a day of introspection having had zero sleep. Real and ourselves had both reached the same stage and played in the same game but from the moment the final whistle had gone, we instantly occupied totally different places. They had the glory and the joy, we had the pain and the regret.

I got back into the house at around seven o’clock and my kids were just up. Everybody else went off to bed because they’d been flying in at different times throughout the night. I wasn’t in the mood for lying down so I did what anyone else would do in that kind of situation: I headed to Homebase as soon as it opened and bought a barbecue so that I could take my frustrations out on some unsuspecting sausages and burgers.

The other shoppers must have been wondering what I was doing because it’s probably not too common an occurrence that a footballer will turn up in his local DIY store less than twelve hours after losing a major final but I knew I had to do something with myself, otherwise I would’ve just ended up stewing on things all day long. I also knew that 2017/18 had been a big season for me.

The last six months of the campaign had kind of proved that I was a Liverpool player and could be a Liverpool player so in that respect, it made sense to have a bit of a get-together regardless. There wasn’t too much of a party but it ended up being a decent night because the weather was good and it was a chance for myself and the rest of my family to enjoy being in each other’s company. The Real Madrid players might have been painting the Spanish capital red – and I would have given anything to have been doing likewise in Liverpool at their expense – but I had the people who matter most around me and that’s never a bad consolation.

It’s because of what our families go through with us – whether it’s putting up with our bad moods when we have a bad result or looking after things at home when we’re away for long periods – that it’s so important to share the special moments with them. I don’t think anyone who was at the Wanda Metropolitano around a year later on June 1, 2019 could have been left in any doubt about what our loved ones mean to all of the Liverpool players.

In my case, I was lucky enough to have my family at the stadium and my mum and dad were able to get onto the pitch afterwards, while my fiancée and son were also in the ground. I feel extremely fortunate that I was able to share that time with those closest to me, especially as this was the very least they deserved. My youngest was back at the hotel with Rachel’s gran because she was only four months old at the time but I got to see her afterwards and that was special in itself.

I tried to phone home to speak to my grandad but he didn’t pick up. I later found out he was in his bed because he wasn’t well. He watched the final and went straight to bed. He was meant to be going to a family party but they were unable to go, so I tried to ring my gran back home but that didn’t work either. I thought about them a lot, even though we were unable to speak because they are the kind of people who helped make me what I am so it’s only natural that I feel like I owe them a great deal.

I also thought about one of my aunties who I had been really close to but who died before her time. I doubt very much that I’m alone in this. You really do start thinking about everyone who has played a part, big or small, in getting you to a position in which you are standing on the pitch at the end of a Champions League final coming to terms with the fact that you are a European Cup winner. It is an incredibly emotional time and I was fortunate to have so many special people with me, either in the stadium or in my thoughts.

I never cried but I came close to shedding a few tears when my dad came on the pitch because he was crying like a baby and that was the first time I had ever seen him like that. I’ve seen him upset but more at funerals and at sad times, both of which are totally normal to see. My mum is an emotional character but my dad is more like me, so seeing him crying summed up how much it meant to him and all of my family.

When Rachel ran on with Rocco I was excited to see them rather than emotional. My little boy was just buzzing to be on the pitch and I became a dad at that point. My priority, as usual, was to make sure he was okay as he charged around on the same playing surface on which goals from Mo Salah and Divock Origi had made all of our dreams come true just a matter of minutes earlier. People often get asked when and where they were happiest and for me those precious moments would have to be right up there.

Another moment that really hit me came when we were all stood on the podium waiting for Jordan to collect that wonderful trophy which was about to become ours for a year at least. I was stood there with the medal around my neck and I turned around and saw Jürgen. The first thing I said to him was: “This one’s a lot better than last year.” I couldn’t help thinking about the contrast and I’ve no doubt it was the same for the gaffer and all of the lads. This was our moment of personal and collective redemption and just by being a different colour, those medals instantly came to represent the journey we had all been on together.

From that moment on, Kiev became the back story to our success; a reason for what we were achieving rather than the game that would define us. That was important for all of us and I know it was exactly the same for all of our supporters who had supported us in unbelievable numbers once again. Only the lads on the pitch are lucky enough to get a medal but those in the stands were equally deserving because without them we would not even have been in Madrid. It really is that simple.

Back in the dressing room, those who were not fortunate enough to be out in Madrid were bombarding me with messages and my phone ended up buzzing almost as much as Rocco. I received loads from friends back home in Glasgow, lads who I had gone to school with and known since I was two years old. Usually they would be slagging me off or trying to make fun of a picture of the trophy above my head, but their texts were all quite emotional. If my mum or dad or my fiancée had sent me an emotional text, which they did, it still gets you but you kind of half expect it. But when it is from one of your mates who you’re just used to joking around with then it probably affects you a little bit more. It showed how much it meant to us and what we mean to each other as friends. I just wouldn’t ever tell them that!

The scenes in the dressing room will live with me forever. We were all dancing around singing ‘Campeones’, champagne was spraying all over the place, some of the lads were dying their hair red and it was basically just a scene of total and utter delirium. Every now and again you would see one of us just sat there, staring at our medal or taking pictures of it, just trying to take it all in. Then the European Cup got brought in and it all kicked off again.