【战锤40k同人作品翻译】Ennui 第十七章：满足 Sated
本章概述：
亚历桑德拉做了必要的事。
In which Alessandra does what is necessary.
正文：
我的心跳声震耳欲聋。
一时之间，砰砰作响的心跳声是我在伊莎莱的怀里唯一能听到的东西，而伊莎莱的皮肤也没有了片刻前那种发烧般的温度，这令我稍稍满足。除此之外，伊莎莱现在变得有些不一样了，她怀抱着我的方式是如此的温柔，她的手指不停地抚过我的手，像是在告诉自己我还在这里一样。
然而，教堂外传来的低沉的爆炸声提醒我，这里不是休息的地方。这里已经发生过了一些事，而再明显不过的是，这里不是应付它的地方。
我有些不舍地起身，挣脱了伊莎莱的手。她放开了，随后站到了我身边，但可能只是因为得出了与我相同的结论。
“你确定你还好吗，亚历桑德拉？”她问道，小心翼翼地伸出手来。
我用自己的手截住了她的手，将它向前拉到我的脸颊上。我们之间已经发生了变化的事情之一，是我的怀疑……哪怕仅在几个小时前，我也仍在思忖：伊莎莱关于自己的意图的故事是否只是……一个故事。我想知道自己是不是被耍弄，被用于针对帝国的某种可怕的阴谋。
在她把我带到这个小教堂的那一刻，怀疑便逐渐减轻了，而当她坚决要求知道我对她做了什么时，她嗓音中的恐惧和控诉则令之烟消云散。
我靠向她的触碰，点了点头。
“看到了吗？”我给了她一个淡淡的微笑，“我一点事也没有。”
她摇了摇头。
“我还是认为那并不可能，”伊莎莱坚称。“你知晓饥渴者吗？我从你的灵魂之井中汲取了……后果本该立竿见影且十分可怖。”
“帝皇保佑，”我轻柔地说，而伊莎莱则嗤之以鼻。“你笑了出来，但你说发生过的事是不可能的，是吗？”伊莎莱犹豫着点点头。“可它就是发生了，”我指向了自己，“我现在毫发无损，我受到了庇佑……我不需要你相信我的信仰，伊莎莱，但我知道帝皇庇护着我，一如他庇护着自己所有的子民。”
“好吧，让我们希望他继续保佑你吧，”伊莎莱疲惫地说道，不再去理会这场谈话。“现在，我们应该做我把你带过来时想要你做的事，然后继续下一步，不知道我们离下一场掠夺派对还有多长时间。”
“你的打算是什么？”
伊莎莱指向我。“你需要护甲，可你的那件没法被轻易地修复，假设它还可以修理的话。”
我皱起了眉头，转向我陨落的姐妹们。
“伊莎莱，就算我能接受从死者那里索取，”我指出这严重的战斗损害，“我也怀疑我的姐妹们的战甲中是否还有能工作的机魂。”我看向她们的套装的左臂，然后摇了摇头。“而且我对战备与维修仪式（the Rites of Armament and Repair）了解并不深，我没法确保能把零部件从一件套装换到另一件上。”
“你不需要这么做，”伊莎莱摇头回复道。“用完好无损的那套就行了。”
她指向我的姐妹们，我抬起眼眸，看了看她们，又看向伊莎莱。
“没有一套完整的。”
伊莎莱又一次无言地指向我的姐妹们而……不，我转头看向她们，回头看向伊莎莱，用难以置信的眼光盯了她一会儿，随后沿着她的手的角度，视线没有看向我的姐妹们……
而是看向了阿拉贝拉的雕塑。
以及装点着它的那套精工动力甲。
“不！”我立刻把目光移回伊莎莱身上。“我不会为了一件护甲就亵渎我自己的修会的圣殿！”
“亵渎它？”伊莎莱大笑起来。“我懂了！那我们就一起继续行动吧！我很确定兽人到来时会对那件盔甲——”她猛地指向那座雕塑，“报以它所应有的尊重！”
我脸色煞白，一想到一个兽人技霸会对我们的一件圣遗物做出什么，我的灵魂便畏缩了。
“它是一件圣物！”我反击道，拼命地想找出一个替代方案。“那件护甲属于已经殉教的光耀紫藤修会大修女！绝不是我可以随意取用的！”
“那么再说一遍，”伊莎莱尖刻地说道，“如果你就这么确信，那我想我们会把它留在这里的！”
“这不公平，伊莎莱！”我走向她，厉声喝道。“你不能就这么从圣物盒里拿走·一件圣遗物！在从这座雕塑上取下哪怕一块之前都要举行仪式和典礼！”
伊莎莱的表情都能抽干一座海洋世界了。
“我很确信你的圣徒姐妹能理解我们急于求成的需要，”她坚定地回答道。
“我……”
我转过身去，盯着那件护甲，意识到自己正真心地考虑伊莎莱的话令我的双腿战栗起来。我真的在考虑爬上圣阿拉贝拉的雕塑，将死去的大修女的护甲扒下来为自己所用。
伊莎莱叹了口气。
“要么我们拿走它，”她伸出一只手掌，“要么我们就毁掉它，”她伸出另一只手，这个想法更加令我作呕了。“做任何其他的事都意味着把它交给兽人。”
我缓缓地走近那座雕塑，停在了我的姐妹们的脚下，抬头看向了圣阿拉贝拉的双眼。据说她是所有的伙伴中性情最平和的，在她的姐妹们头脑发热的时候，她便是智慧和理性之声。
“除非经过你的允许，否则我不会触碰那件护甲，亚历桑德拉，”伊莎莱从身后走近，将一只手搭在我的肩膀上，轻柔地说。“但你得快点作出决定。”
性格温和，智慧，以及理性。
“这里还有什么我们需要的？”我简单地问了一句，伊莎莱对我扬了扬眉毛，随后颔首，指着雕塑后面。
“有一堆补给品放在教堂——”
“——圣所——”
“——的最里面，如你所说……我找到了你的武器用的弹药，我猜应该是受祝的，还有口粮条，净化水，以及一些装着看上去像是油膏和灰烬的东西的包。”
我对每一条都点头回应，但只对最后一条发话。“那些是用于武装仪式（Arming Rites）的，把它们收集起来然后装进摩托里，我会处理回收护甲的事。”
“就用一条胳膊？”伊莎莱平静地转身看向我，然后点了点头。
“如果我们要带走它，那我们会在这种情况下尽可能做得准确无误，”我坚持道，“少一点我都不会接受。”
伊莎莱叹了口气，然后又用那种似人的古怪习惯耸耸肩，这不是我第一次想知道这到底是一种共通的文化特点还是为了我而模仿出来的矫揉造作。
“那就照你说的做吧，”伊莎莱转过去，小跑到雕塑后面的圣所。我对于她在圣地上四处搜寻的念头并不感到紧张，但目前而言我也只能要求这么多。
那些补给品是被用于武装战斗修女们以对抗人类之敌的，而把它们留给兽人肆意挥霍——可能还会被用来杀死其他修女们——则完全无法想象。如果我们不得不背弃一些神学上的繁文缛节以确保我们的神圣爆弹不会打向自己，那就这么做吧。
“请宽恕我，受福的阿拉贝拉，”我默念道。
我费了好大力气才爬上了雕塑，然后开始缓慢而艰辛地拆除盔甲。每一片盔甲都被神圣的祷言和手稿固定，我虔诚地取下每一部分，与此同时背诵着抄录在上面的每一个教理问答。
我从护手，护肘和臂甲开始，在将它们从圣者的手腕和手上取下的同时欣赏着其光泽。维护这座圣殿的修女们一定是格外勤奋地保证了它的整洁，毕竟在一座巢都里让任何物件保持如此的洁净都是一项艰巨的任务。
“A spiritu dominatus, domine, libra nos（秩序之灵在上，主呵，拯救吾等）.”
我小心翼翼地抱起第一组护手和臂甲，将之轻轻地放在地上，置于我陨落的姐妹们身前。
“于闪电暴风中，吾皇救我。”
我在片刻之后取下了第二组，让它加入自己放在地上的姊妹的行列中。
“于疫病、诱惑、及战争中，吾皇救我。”
接下来的是上臂甲和肩甲，我的动作必须极度小心，因为后者的每一件十分沉重且复杂，但我强行让自己在取下它们时保持平衡，将之依次放置到位。
“于克拉肯之灾厄中，吾皇救我。”
我解开了足部护甲，然后把它们放了下来。
“于堕落者之亵渎中，吾皇救我。”
在这之后的是膝甲和大腿甲。
“于恶魔之诞生中，吾皇救我。”
倒数第二个是圣人脖颈边的护颈，我更加谨慎地挪动右手以作杠杆，并不得不用半僵的左臂来解开它。
“于异种之祸患中，吾皇救我。”
我疲倦地呼出一口气，低身放下神圣的护甲片，将之固定到位，然后抬头看向最难的部分：一整块胸甲，我做好准备，随后伸出手臂手掌向上，并抬头朗诵祷文。
“A morte perpetua, domine, libra nos（于永恒之死亡中，主呵，拯救吾等）. 愿祢仅给予它们死亡，愿祢绝不放过，愿祢绝不饶恕，吾等恳求祢……毁灭它们。”
祈祷结束后，我沿着雕塑的身高向上移动，以英寸为单位缓缓地解开护甲的神圣印记，将护甲的重量压在后背和肩膀上的同时从雕像上脱下胸甲和腿甲，随后走上从石台到地面的艰辛、半盲的旅程。
这段旅途可谓险象环生，但我还是做到了，我将盔甲的最后一部分放到地上。现在它成为了我的陨落的姐妹们身旁第四具躯体，只是没有血肉。
“地上的帝皇呵，我恳求祢的永恒之仁慈，”我轻声开口。“知晓祢的挚爱之女儿们已在对祢的侍奉中陨落，愿星炬之光带她们到祢的身侧…….我现在携她们的职责于己身，人类之圣主呵，以保它免受异形，异种及异端之荼毒，直至它能被归还于祢。”我再次低下头去，叩首于地面。“Ave Imperator ad Domine Aeternum（致以永恒之主）”
“亚历桑德拉？”伊莎莱的声音低沉而充满敬意，我抬起头来转身看着她。“我们必须要走了，赶快。”
在我仪式性地拆除盔甲的过程中，她已经在喷气摩托上尽可能地装满了它能够轻松携带的圣所里的物资。我并不感到惊讶，我一直都专注于自己的任务，而考虑到我走下雕塑时携带的重量，任何的分心都可能是灾难性的。
相反，我很感激她没有试图提供帮助。即便我会感谢她，我也不能准许一个外星人来负责一项神圣的使命。这并不是因为我不信任她，说到底有些事是必须要做到位的。
“我们还得把盔甲固定好，”我对着摩托点点头。
“这么说你不能穿上它了。”这句与提问相比更像是陈述，我点头表示同意。
“就算我愿意在缺乏应有的准许和仪式的情况下着甲——当然我并不愿意这么做——”我为伊莎莱的表述补充上最后一部分，“它也没有动力包，一旦收容单元损坏的话，我也不想冒险从我陨落的姐妹们身上拿走一个。”我扫视着姐妹们的遗体叹了口气。“不，它必须用我自己的护甲上的……而这些……”
随着我皱着眉逐渐停下，伊莎莱抬起了一侧的眼眸，我随后再度看向了我已经抱以信任的异形……那个我关心她超过了一个神皇之女所应当的程度的艾达灵族。
“怎么了？”
随着我问出下一个也是最后一个问题，我感到自己的嘴在厌恶中扭曲。
“伊莎莱……你能让那些动力核心失稳到什么程度？”
———————————————————————————————————————
一阵沉闷的爆炸声撼动着空气，此时我们离小教堂还不过几公里远，我把脸埋在伊莎莱的肩膀上，因我刚刚准许她做的事而战栗着。
在死亡中，我的姐妹通过充当引诱下一批兽人进入教堂的诱饵完成了最后的复仇。我尽可能快地清洗并抛光了她们的盔甲，每一具都被懒散地靠在神殿的其中一根支撑柱上，它们的动力核心被设置到最大出力并被连接到了一个匆忙设置的近距离触发器上。
我在修女会的战斗频段上留下了一条短波循环通讯以警告任何可能前往教堂的姐妹们，毕竟我相当不认为兽人能破解战斗修女的加密协议，哪怕它们真的费心去尝试这么做。
然后我们就离开了，没过多久我们的陷阱就被触发，圣火吞噬了我的姐妹们的遗体和这间教堂，并将前来劫掠的绿皮们埋在了数百公吨的石块之下。
“谢谢你这样做，”我低声回应道。“我本来下不了手的。”
伊莎莱回头看了我一会儿，然后微微点头，俯身用嘴唇轻抚我的脸颊。
“为了你，亚历桑德拉，”伊莎莱回答，“我愿意做任何事。”
我战栗于她说出这些话的方式，这并非因为我惧怕它们或者是它们令我不舒服，而是因为我担心这种感受很可能是相互的。
原文：
The sound of my heartbeat was deafening.
For a time that thunderous beat was all I could hear as I laid in Isarae’s arms, and I felt some satisfaction that there was no trace of the fever-sick warmth to her skin that had been there a few moments ago. Moreover, there was something different to Isarae now, and the way she held me was so gentle, and her fingers kept brushing over my hand as if to assure herself I was still there.
The muffled explosions beyond the chapel walls, however, reminded me that this was not the place to rest. What had happened here, and something had happened beyond the obvious, this wasn’t the place to handle it.
With some reluctance, I stood, pulling out of Isarae’s grip. She let go, but only just, perhaps come to the same conclusion I had as she stood up next to me.
“You’re certain you are alright, Alessandra?” She asked, cautiously reaching out.
I intercepted her hand with mine, drawing it forward and putting it to my cheek. One thing that had changed between us was my suspicion… even until a few hours ago I still wondered if Isarae’s story about her intentions was just that, a story. I wondered if I was being toyed with and strung along, used for some terrible plot against the Imperium.
The moment she had brought me to this chapel, that had faded, and the fear and accusation in her voice when she demanded to know what I was doing to her made it all but vanish.
I leaned into her touch and nodded.
“See?” I gave her a faint smile, “I’m perfectly fine.”
She shook her head.
“I still say that’s not possible,” Isarae insisted. “Do you know what the Thirst is? I drank from the well of your very soul… the effects should have been immediate and terrible.”
“The Emperor protects,” I said softly, and Isarae scoffed. “You laugh, but you say what happened is impossible, yes?” Isarae nodded tentatively. “But it happened,” I gestured down to myself, “I’m unharmed, I was protected… I do not need you to believe in my faith, Isarae, but I know that the God-Emperor watches over me, as he does all of his subjects.”
“Well, let us hope he continues to watch over you,” Isarae said wearily, waving aside the conversation. “For now, we should do what I intended to do when I brought you here and move on, there’s no telling how long we have before another looting party happens along.”
“What did you intend?”
Isarae gestured to me. “You need armor, and yours cannot be easily repaired, if it can be repaired at all.”
I grimaced and turned to my fallen sisters.
“Isarae, even were I comfortable taking from the dead,” I pointed out the grievous battle damage, “I doubt any of the machine spirits within my sisters’ wargear are still functional.” I eyed the left arms of their suits, then shook my head. “And I don’t know enough of the Rites of Armament and Repair to trust that I would be able to change out parts from one suit to another.”
“You won’t need to,” Isarae replied, shaking her head. “Just use the intact set.”
She gestured towards my sisters and I raised an eyebrow, turned to look at them, then turned back to Isarae.
“There isn’t an intact set.”
Isarae gestured wordlessly at my sisters again and… no, I turned to look at them, looked back at Isarae and eyed her disbelievingly for a moment, then followed the angle of her hand not to my sisters…
But to the statue of Arabella.
And to the suit of Artificer Power Armour adorning it.
“No!” I snapped my gaze back to Isarae. “I am not defiling a shrine of my own Order for armour!”
“Defiling it?” Isarae barked out a laugh. “Oh, I see! Then let us move along! I’m sure the Orks will treat that armour,” she gestured sharply at the statue, “with all the respect it deserves when they arrive!”
I blanched, my soul recoiling at the notion of what an Ork Mek would do to one of our sacred relics.
“It’s a holy relic!” I countered, flailing as I tried to come up with an alternative. “That armour belonged to a martyred Canoness of the Order of Radiant Wisteria!, it’s not mine to take and wear as I please!”
“Then once again,” Isarae said acidly, “if you’re so certain I suppose we’ll leave it up there!”
“That’s not fair, Isarae!” I snapped as I advanced on her. “You can’t just take a relic from its reliquary! There are rites, rituals, and observances to be made before removing even a single piece from the statue!”
Isarae’s expression could have dried up an ocean world.
“I’m certain your sainted sister would understand our need for haste,” she replied tightly.
“I…”
I turned to stare up at the armour, a tremor setting up in my legs as I realised I was truly considering Isarae’s words. I was actually considering climbing up the statue of Saint Arabella and prying the armour of a dead Canoness off of her, and donning it myself.
Isarae sighed.
“Either we take it,” she extended one palm up, “or we destroy it,” she held up the other, and I felt my gorge rise much worse at that notion. “To do anything else would mean giving it over to the Orks.”
Slowly, I approached the statue, stopping at my sisters’ feet and staring up at into the eyes of Saint Arabella. It was said that she was the most even-tempered of all the Companions, that when the heated heads and hearts of her sisters waxed choleric, she was the voice of wisdom and reasoned counsel.
“I will not lay a hand upon that armour unless you permit it, Alessandra,” Isarae said softly as she approached from behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder. “But you must decide quickly.”
Even temper, wisdom, and reason.
“What else is here that we need?” I asked simply, and Isarae raised an eyebrow at me before nodding and gesturing behind the statue.
“There’s a cache of supplies in the backmost section of the chapel-”
“-the sanctum-”
“-as you say… I found ammunition for your weapon, blessed rounds I suspect, as well as ration bars, purified water, and kits of what appear to be oils and ashes.”
I nod at each point, speaking only at the last one. “Those are for Arming Rites, gather them up and secure them to the bike, I will deal with retrieving the armour.”
“With one arm?” Isarae turned to me with a level look, and nodded again.
“If we are taking it, we will do it as correctly as possible under the circumstances,” I insisted, “I will countenance nothing less.”
Isarae sighed, then shrugged again with that oddly human mannerism of hers, and not for the first time I wondered if it was a shared cultural trait or merely a copied affectation for my sake.
“As you say, then,” Isarae turned and trotted off behind the statue towards the sanctum. I was not thrilled with the notion of her rooting around on holy ground, but as it stood I could only demand so much.
Those supplies existed to arm Sisters of Battle against the foes of mankind, leaving them for the Orks to use as they would, possibly using them to kill other Sisters was utterly beyond consideration. If we had to bend a few theological niceties to ensure our own sacred bolt rounds weren’t being fired at us, then so be it.
“Forgive me, Blessed Arabella,” I muttered.
With some difficulty, I clambered up the statue and began the slow, painstaking process of removing the power armour. Each piece was fastened and secured with sacred oaths and scripts, and I untied each one with reverence, reciting the catechisms scribed onto each one as I did.
I began with the gauntlets, couter, and vambraces, admiring their sheen and polish as I removed them from the wrists and hands of the saint. The Sisters who kept this shrine must have been exceptionally diligent about keeping the shrine tidy because keeping anything this clean in a Hive city was quite a task.
“A spiritu dominatus, domine, libra nos.”
Cradling the first gauntlet and vambrace with care, I carried it down and set it before my fallen sisters.
“From the lightning and the tempest, our Emperor deliver us.”
I retrieved the second set a moment later and it joined its sister on the ground.
“From plague, temptation, and war, our Emperor deliver us.”
The rerebrace and pauldrons were next, and I had to move with great care as each one of the latter was heavy and unwieldy, but I forced myself to remain balanced as I carried them down in turn and set them in place.
“From the scourge of the Kraken, our Emperor deliver us.”
I unfastened the sabatons, bringing them down next.
“From the blasphemy of the fallen, our Emperor deliver us.”
The poleyns, and cuisses came after that.
“From the begetting of daemons, our Emperor deliver us.”
Second to last came the gorget from around the Saint’s neck, and I took even greater care there as I moved my right hand around for leverage, and was forced to use my half-numb left arm for the unfastening.
“From the curse of the mutant, our Emperor deliver us.”
I let out a weary breath as I lowered myself down with the precious piece of sanctified armor and set it in place before looking up at the most difficult part, the full cuirass, and bracing myself before extending my hands and arms, palms up, and raising my head and voice in prayer.
“A morte perpetua, domine, libra nos. That thou wouldst bring them only death, That thou shouldst spare none, that thou shouldst pardon none, we beseech thee… destroy them.”
The prayer complete, I moved up and along the length of the statue and slowly, by inches, released the sacred seals of the armor, taking the weight of it onto my back and shoulders as I slipped the breastplate and tassets free of the statue, and began the arduous, half-blind journey down the stone monument to the floor.
It was a close thing, but I made it, and I lowered the last piece of the armour onto the ground. Now it lay as a fourth body, empty of flesh, beside my fallen sisters.
“Emperor On Earth I beseech thy mercy eternal,” I began softly. “Know that thy beloved daughters have fallen in service to thine name, and may the eternal light of the Astronomicon bear them to thy side… I take now their charge to carry with me, oh Holy Master of Mankind, to safeguard it from the depredation of the alien, the mutant, and the heretic, until such time as it may be returned to thy care.” I bowed my head again, pressing it to the floor. “Ave Imperator ad Domine Aeternum.”
“Alessandra?” Isarae’s voice was low and respectful, and I raised my head to turn and regard her. “We must go, and quickly.”
In the process of my ritual dismantling of the armour, she had already laden the jetbike with as much of the sanctum’s supplies as it could easily carry. I wasn’t surprised, I had been entirely focused on my task, and any distraction might have been disastrous considering the weight I’d been bearing down off of the statue.
On the contrary, I was grateful she hadn’t tried to offer her help. As much as I would have appreciated it, I could not have permitted an alien to handle a sacred task. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her, but some things must be done properly, after all.
“We have to secure the armour, too,” I nodded towards the bike.
“You cannot wear it, then.” It was more of a statement than a question, and I nodded my agreement.
“Even were I willing to arm myself without the proper sanctions and rites, which I am not,” I added the last part at Isarae’s expression, “it has no power cell, and I do not want to risk removing one of the ones from my fallen sisters’ in case the containment unit is damaged.” I glanced over at my sisters’ bodies and sighed. “No, it will have to be the unit from my own armour… and these…”
Isarae raised an eyebrow as I trailed off with a grimace before looking back up at the alien I’d begun to take into my confidence… the Eldar I had begun to care for more than any daughter of the God-Emperor ought to.
“What?”
I could feel my mouth twisting in distaste as I asked my next and final question.
“Isarae… how unstable can you make those power cores?”
———————————————————————————————————————
We were not more than a handful of kilometers from the chapel when a muffle detonation shook the air and I buried my face against Isarae’s shoulder as I shuddered with the weight of what I had just permitted her to do.
“From what I know of your kind,” Isarae began quietly, “I think your sisters would have approved.”
In death, my sisters had made one final act of vengeance by acting as decoys for the next troop of Greenskins to pass through the chapel. Their armour was cleaned and polished as quickly as I had been able, and each one was left resting slouched against one of the main supports of the temple with their power cores set to maximum burn and linked to a hastily rigged proximity trigger.
I had left a shortwave cycling vox on the Sororitas battle frequency warning any of my sisters who might come to the chapel of our ruse as I highly doubted that Orks would be able to pierce Adeptus Sororitas encryption protocols, even if they could be bothered to try.
Then we had left, a short while later our trap had been triggered, consuming my sisters’ bodies, along with the chapel, in holy flame, and burying the Greenskins who had come to loot and pillage it beneath hundreds of tonnes of rockcrete.
“Thank you for doing that,” I whispered back. “I would not have had the heart.”
Isarae glanced back at me for a moment, nodded slightly, leaned in, and brushed her lips against my cheek.
“For you, Alessandra,” Isarae replied, “I would do anything.”
The way she said those words made me shiver, not because I feared them or because they made me uneasy, but because I was afraid that the feeling might very well be mutual.
