【TED演讲稿】培养孩子独立自主的五个育儿技巧
TED演讲者：Tameka Montgomery / 塔米卡 · 蒙哥马利
演讲标题：5 parenting tips for raising resilient, self-reliant kids / 培养孩子独立自主的五个育儿技巧
内容概要：How do you raise kids to step outside of their comfort zones and unlock their inner potential? It all starts with helping them develop a resilient mindset. Mother and business owner Tameka Montgomery makes the case for cultivating an entrepreneurial outlook at an early age -- and offers five strategies for emboldening young minds to embrace opportunities and solve their own problems, no matter the path they choose.
你如何培养孩子踏出舒适圈、激发他们内在的潜力？这一切都从帮助他们培养一个坚韧的心态开始。母亲、企业家塔米卡 · 蒙哥马利提出，应在孩子还小的时候就培养企业家精神——无论孩子未来选择了什么样的道路，她提出的五大策略都能够帮助孩子学会拥抱机会、自己解决问题
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【1】How do we raise self-reliant kids who have initiative, who are resilient, and who could be problem solvers?
我们如何培养独立、 主动、坚韧、 能解决问题的孩子？
【2】Kids who have the skills and the courage to step outside of their comfort zone and take advantage of what life has to offer.
这样的孩子拥有 踏出舒适圈的能力和勇气, 能够利用命运给予的一切。
【3】I'm a mom to these three boys.
我是这三个男孩的母亲。
【4】And if you're a parent like me, you've probably asked yourself those very same questions.
而如果你和我一样为人父母, 你可能也曾问过自己同样的问题。
【5】And while I'm sure that every caring parent wants those same things for their children, I think we're going about it the wrong way.
虽然我非常确定, 每一个关心孩子的父母 都想让孩子成为这样的人, 但我觉得我们用错了方式。
【6】We want our kids to be happy and successful.
我们想让孩子获得幸福和成功。
【7】So our instinct is to shield them from hurt and disappointment.
所以我们本能地想去保护孩子, 不受伤害,没有挫折。
【8】We worry about their self-esteem, so we praise them for everything.
我们担心孩子的自尊受伤, 所以我们表扬他们所做的一切。
【9】We are concerned about whether or not they fit in, so we indulge them.
我们关心孩子是否合群, 所以我们纵容他们。
【10】And we don't want them to fail, so we step in and take over.
我们不想孩子失败, 所以我们介入并接管他们的事情。
【11】And we do all of this in an attempt to curate a perfect life for them.
我们所做的一切都是想让他们 拥有完美的人生。
【12】But what we're really doing is raising kids who are afraid to take risks because they fear failure; kids who lack the confidence in their ability to figure things out; and then young people who are afraid to launch into adulthood.
但实际上, 我们培养的孩子害怕冒险, 因为他们畏惧失败; 他们对自己 解决问题的能力没有信心; 最后变成了害怕 进入成年世界的年轻人。
【13】More young adults are living at home and for longer stretches.
越来越多的年轻人住在家里, 时间也越来越长。
【14】And this was occurring even before the pandemic.
而这种情况甚至在疫情前 就已经发生了。
【15】A Pew Research study found that 52 percent of young adults are living at home, which is the highest percentage since the Great Depression.
皮尤研究中心的一项研究显示, 52% 的年轻人仍住在家里, 这是自大萧条以来最高的比例。
【16】And what we're finding is that young adults are stuck between adolescence and adulthood.
我们发现,年轻人被困在 青春期和成年期之间。
【17】And that's the generation of people that we're raising.
而这就是我们培养出来的一代人。
【18】And in fact, we hear this in the language that young adults even use when they have to make responsible adult decisions.
事实上, 当他们不得不像个 负责任的成年人一样做出决定时, 我们甚至能在 年轻人的用词中听到这一点。
【19】There's a term for it.
有一个专门的词。
【20】Who knows what that is?
有谁知道是什么吗？
【21】Adulting, yes.
“做大人该做的事情”,没错。
【22】The practice of behaving in a characteristic of a responsible adult.
像一个负责任的成年人一样 行为处事。
【23】So I am convinced that as parents and caregivers, we are missing out on a great opportunity to raise kids who are resilient and can take hold of their future, kids who can step outside of their comfort zone and do amazing things.
所以我坚信作为家长和看护人, 我们正在错过一个绝佳的机会, 去将我们的孩子培养得更坚韧, 能够对自己的未来负责, 能踏出舒适区, 并做出惊人的成就。
【24】Now, these are skills that are necessary not only for them to lead fulfilling lives and live out their potential, but those are skills that are also necessary for our changing world.
这些技能的必要性不只在于 让他们能过上充实的生活, 发挥他们的潜力。 对于这个不断变化的世界, 这些技能同样也是不可或缺的。
【25】So back to my original question.
所以回到我最开始的问题。
【26】How do we raise self-reliant kids who have initiative, are resilient and can be problem solvers?
我们如何培养独立自主、 坚韧不拔、能解决问题的孩子呢？
【27】I believe we do that by raising kids who can think and act entrepreneurially.
我认为,我们要培养孩子 用企业家的方式思考和行动。
【28】Kids who have the opportunity or have the skill set to view the world from an entrepreneurial mindset.
让孩子有机会或有能力 以一个企业家的思维模式 去看待世界。
【29】So let me tell you how I came to this conclusion.
我跟你们说一下 我是怎么得出这个结论的。
【30】So for more than 20 years, my work was centered around supporting adult entrepreneurs.
20 多年来, 我的工作都是围绕着 为成年企业家提供支持,
【31】Providing them with training and technical assistance and resources to help them start and grow their businesses.
为他们提供培训和技术援助, 提供资源, 帮助他们创业并发展业务。
【32】And something I would observe.
我观察到一件事,
【33】We'd have two individuals come into our office seeking assistance.
有两个人到我们公司来寻求协助。
【34】And on the surface, it appeared that those individuals were at the same level in terms of resources, capabilities, skills and business acumen.
表面上看, 这两个人的水平看上去差不多, 包括资源、能力、 技巧和商业头脑。
【35】But what we would find is that one individual would take that information and go with it, and then the other individual would just seem to have trouble really getting traction and getting going.
但我们发现, 有一个人会获取信息, 并利用这些信息。 而另一个人, 看上去缺乏动力,难以向前。
【36】And what I realized was that it had nothing to do with skill or capability.
我意识到,
【37】What it came down to was the mindset of that individual.
归根结底,是个人的思维模式。
【38】And observing this got me thinking: How might I raise my children such that they can view the world like an entrepreneur?
这个观察让我不禁思考: 我要如何培养我的孩子们, 才能让他们像企业家一样看待事物？
【39】That they would have the courage to step out and to change the world with an entrepreneurial lens.
让他们有勇气站出来, 用企业家的眼光改变世界。
【40】So that set us out, my husband and I, on a 15-year journey to raise entrepreneurial kids.
所以我们开始了, 我和我的丈夫, 开始一场为期 15 年的 企业家孩子培养之路。
【41】And we really saw this come together when my eldest son, Silas, was nine years old.
而我们真的看到了成果, 是我的大儿子塞勒斯(Silas) 在九岁的时候,
【42】We had been living here in Maryland for about two years, and my husband was planning to travel back to Colorado to visit his mother.
我们已经在马里兰州住了大概两年, 我丈夫计划回一趟科罗拉多 探望他的母亲。
【43】And so Silas asked me, he said, "Hey, mom, can me and my brothers also go with Dad to visit grandma?"
塞勒斯就问我,他说:嘿,妈妈, 我和弟弟们 能跟爸爸一起去看奶奶吗？”
【44】And I said, "Well, you know, Silas, four airline tickets were not in the budget, but you can go if you can buy your own ticket."
我说:“塞勒斯,你知道的, 四张机票可不在预算里, 但如果你能买到你自己的机票, 那你就可以去。”
【45】So he paused for a moment, and he said, "OK, well, how much are airline tickets?"
他停顿了一会,然后说, “好吧,那机票多少钱？”
【46】And I said, "About 300 dollars."
我说:“大概三百美元。”
【47】And so his next question, I have to say, it literally blew my mind.
他的下一个问题,不得不说, 实在是让我大吃一惊。
【48】So he said, "OK.
他说:“好的。
【49】Can I find free stuff on Craigslist and then resell it?"
我能在分类广告网站上 找免费的物品,再转卖掉它们吗？”
【50】Yeah, I was like, "Yeah, you can."
我说:“你当然可以。”
【51】And so then, over the course of that summer, that's exactly what he did.
所以在那个夏天, 他就是这么做的。
【52】You know, he would get online and research Craigslist.
他在分类广告网站上研究,
【53】My husband would take him to go pick up those things, and then I would help him take pictures and post them online.
我丈夫带他去取那些免费物品, 我再帮他给这些东西拍照, 并放到网上。
【54】But then he also did some other things that summer, he hustled.
但他还做了别的事情, 他也叫卖东西。
【55】So he baked and sold cookies.
他烤制并出售曲奇饼。
【56】And then he also washed cars.
他还洗车。
【57】And throughout that entire process, my husband and I, we guided him along.
在这整个过程中, 我和我的丈夫会引导他。
【58】We were there to coach and encourage him, but we allowed him to take the lead.
我们会指导并鼓励他, 但我们让他来主导。
【59】When it was time for him to make his sales pitch, you know, we coached him on how to make the pitch, but when it was time to knock on the doors, he stood forward, and we stepped back.
当他需要推销商品时, 我们会指导他如何推销, 但真的到了要上门的时候, 他会走上前,而我们退到后面。
【60】And that summer he raised the money.
那个夏天,他攒够了钱。
【61】He earned the money to purchase his airline ticket.
他赚到了买机票的钱,
【62】And he made a little bit more.
甚至还有剩余。
【63】And he bought me a gift.
他给我买了个礼物。
【64】But, you know, I'm like, I don't know really who he was thinking about when he bought that gift.
但你知道的, 我不知道他买礼物的时候 到底想着谁,
【65】If it was, like, me or him, I don't know.
到底是想着我还是他自己。
【66】(Laughter) But think about the confidence that this put in him at nine years old.
（笑声） 但想想这个给他带来的自信, 在他还只有九岁的时候,
【67】That he can have a big goal, and that he could persevere to achieve that goal.
他知道他可以有一个很大的目标, 而他可以坚持并实现这个目标。
【68】Amazing.
太棒了。
【69】But when I share that story with other parents, many of them shake their head and say, "You know what?
但当我和其他家长 分享这个故事的时候, 很多家长会摇头并说: “你知道吗?
【70】My kid could never do that because my kids don't have the entrepreneurial gene."
我的小孩不可能做得到, 因为我的孩子 没有成为企业家的天赋。”
【71】Well, being entrepreneurial is not genetic.
成为企业家不是先天决定的。
【72】It is a set of behaviors that can be learned when given the opportunity.
只要有机会, 那成为企业家所需要的, 人人都可以学会。
【73】Entrepreneurs are not born.
人不会生来就是企业家。
【74】The skills and the experiences that cause a person to be entrepreneurial can be taught, and they can be nurtured.
成为企业家的技巧和经验 是可以学习和培养的。
【75】Now, raising entrepreneurial kids is more than just teaching them how to start a business so they can earn money.
培养有企业家精神的孩子 不仅仅是教他们如何创业, 教他们赚钱。
【76】Raising entrepreneurial kids is really about preparing kids for life.
培养企业家精神 是在为孩子做好一辈子的准备。
【77】Equipping them with everything that they need, with the confidence, with the ability to speak up, to persevere, to have tenacity, to bounce back from fear and rejection.
为他们配备好所需的一切, 包括自信、 敢于直言不讳、 坚持不懈、顽强拼搏、 以及从恐惧和被拒绝中恢复的能力。
【78】Those are the things that are required in our world to live to one's potential.
这些都是在当今世界 发挥个人潜能的必要条件。
【79】So in order for me to learn as much as I could about raising entrepreneurial kids, I interviewed dozens of parents and kids to find out what they were doing.
所以为了尽可能地去学习 如何培养有企业家精神的孩子, 我采访了几十对父母和孩子 了解他们是怎么做的。
【80】And so I want to share with you what I learned, and I want to share with you five strategies that I'm actually doing with my children and that honestly,
我想和你们分享我学到的东西, 分享我正在为我的孩子们做的 五大策略。 实话说,
【81】I think every parent should be doing with their children to disrupt our conventional way of parenting.
我认为每个家长 都应该为孩子这么做 来打破我们传统的育儿方式。
【82】So, number one, don't give them an allowance.
第一条, 不要给他们零花钱。
【83】(Applause) That's what I'm talking about, too, yes.
（掌声） 没错,这是我要说的。
【84】Don't give them an allowance.
不要给他们零花钱。
【85】Instead, challenge them to start a business to earn their spending money.
相反,挑战他们, 让他们去创业 赚自己要用的钱。
【86】So this is my boys, and this is one of the ways that they've earned money, their own spending money, is they make bracelets.
这是我的儿子们。 制作手镯。
【87】And there is no better lesson around the value of a dollar than when you have to work hard to earn each one of them.
让孩子们明白 钱的价值的最好方式 就是让他们知道 每一块钱都必须通过努力工作赚到。
【88】And through this process, our kids will learn confidence, financial literacy, public speaking, how to convince people, all skills that are valuable for the world that we live in.
在这个过程中, 孩子会学到自信、金融知识、 公开演讲以及说服他人的能力, 所有在这个世界上有用的技能。
【89】So don't give them an allowance.
所以不要给他们零花钱。
【90】The next thing is make them pay for their wants.
第二,让他们自己为 想要的东西付钱。
【91】You know, key to entrepreneurship is about personal responsibility and ownership.
企业家精神的关键 是责任意识和主人翁意识。
【92】And it is amazing how, when you put the responsibility on someone else to buy that thing that they said they really wanted, kind of shifts a little bit, right?
很奇妙的是, 当你将买某件东西的责任 转交给那个说非常想要的人。 责任人就发生了一点变化,对吧？
【93】It really, really does.
确实是这样。
【94】It's no different with the kids.
孩子们也是一样的。
【95】And so we actually started this quite early with our children.
我们在相当早的时候 就开始这样对我们的孩子。
【96】So when Silas was about four years old, I created “daddy dollars.”
当塞勒斯四岁的时候, 我建立了 “老爸美元”。
【97】(Laughter) And the boys would earn daddy dollars for doing things such as chores, for exhibiting positive behavior and for also reading books.
(笑声) 孩子们通过做家务、 积极表现、还有读书 来赚取老爸美元。
【98】And Silas actually purchased his first bike from using daddy dollars.
而塞勒斯真的用他赚到的老爸美元 买到了他的第一辆自行车。
【99】He had to earn 250 daddy dollars, and that allowed him to purchase his first bike.
他赚到了 250 老爸美元, 足以支付他的第一辆自行车。
【100】Now, yeah, you know, these are not real dollars.
你们知道的, 那并不是真的钱。
【101】But to Silas, that experience of working hard to earn that money and to buy that bike was a very real experience for him.
但对于塞勒斯来说, 努力赚钱的经历 和买下那辆自行车 对他来说都是非常真实的体验。
【102】Also, in 2019, our family decided to take a trip to Tanzania.
同样的,在 2019 年, 我们一家决定去坦桑尼亚旅行。
【103】And so, you know, the boys were really excited about it.
孩子们真的很兴奋。
【104】And I said, "Now, if you want to go to Tanzania -- your dad and I are going -- but if you want to go to Tanzania, you know what you got to do?"
而我说:“好了, 如果你们想去坦桑尼亚—— 你们的爸爸和我会去—— 但如果你们也想去坦桑尼亚, 你们知道该怎么做吗？”
【105】What do you think I told them?
你们觉得我是怎么跟他们说的？
【106】They're going to have to buy their own airline ticket, yes.
他们得自己出钱 买自己的机票,没错。
【107】Now, the tickets to Tanzania were not cheap.
去坦桑尼亚的机票可不便宜。
【108】They were 900 dollars apiece.
一张要 900 美元。
【109】Yeah.
没错。
【110】But check this out.
但想想看。
【111】This is what I just loved, was when I told the boys that they were going to have to buy their own ticket,
我最喜欢的, 就是当我告诉孩子们, 他们要自己出钱买机票时,
【112】Silas, remembering back to what he had done when he was about nine years old, he said to his brothers, "That's easy, don't worry about it.
塞勒斯想起了他之前 在 9 岁时做过的事, 他跟他的弟弟们说, “这很容易的,别担心。
【113】I'll show you how to do it."
我来告诉你们怎么做。”
【114】(Laughter) Yes.
（笑声） 没错。
【115】And sure enough, they worked hard over several months, and they did just that.
确实, 他们努力干了几个月的活, 就做到了。
【116】They were able to earn enough money by selling their bracelets that I showed you earlier, and they all were able to go with their parents to Tanzania.
他们通过售卖 我之前给你们看的手镯 赚到了足够的钱, 他们也能跟着父母 一起去坦桑尼亚了。
【117】So I would encourage you to make your kids pay for the things that they say they want.
所以我会鼓励你们去让孩子 为他们想要的东西付钱。
【118】The next is to reduce their prosperity.
第三点,不要让他们拥有太多。
【119】Now let's admit it, kids today have a lot of stuff, right?
我们必须承认, 现在的孩子拥有 太多东西了,不是吗？
【120】And when you think about it, I understand this need and this desire as parents to want to give our kids experiences and things that maybe we did not have when we were children.
而你们再想一想, 我理解为人父母的这种渴望, 希望给予自己的孩子 我们做孩子时 没能拥有的东西和经历。
【121】But when we choose a parenting style of overindulging our children by providing them with too much, too soon, for too long, with no effort on their part, what we do is actually raise young people who are self-centered and entitled.
但当我们选了这种 过于溺爱孩子的育儿方式: 给予得太多、太快, 持续的时间太长, 而他们却不需要付出任何努力。 那我们只会培养出以自我为中心、 贪图享受的孩子。
【122】And so when we, instead ...
反之,
【123】In the [1800s], it's interesting because Frederick Douglass made a statement that I thought was profound even in the [1800s], because we're dealing with it today.
在 [19] 世纪, 弗雷德里克·道格拉斯 (Frederick Douglass) 我认为它现在仍然有深刻的意义, 因为我们正在面对它。
【124】And he said, "If you wish to make your son helpless, you need not cripple him with a bullet or a bludgeon, but simply place him beyond the reach of necessity and surround him with luxury and ease."
弗雷德里克·道格拉斯说, “如果你想让你的孩子 失去自理能力, 你不需要用子弹或棍棒让他瘫痪, 只需要给予他非必需品 并将他置身于奢华和安逸中。”
【125】Still true today.
这句话到如今仍然适用。
【126】Steve Jobs in a graduation speech, told the graduates to stay hungry.
史蒂夫·乔布斯(Steve Jobs) 在一次毕业演讲中 告诉那些毕业生们不要满足。
【127】And what we love about entrepreneurs is their hustle.
我们喜欢企业家的奋斗精神。
【128】And oftentimes that hustle is rooted in a hunger for something.
而奋斗通常是源自 对某样东西的渴望。
【129】But if our kids never want for anything, what's going to motivate them to take action?
但如果我们的孩子 从来没有渴望过任何东西, 那他们怎么会有动力去行动呢？
【130】So I encourage you to reduce your kids' prosperity.
所以我鼓励你们, 减少孩子拥有的东西
【131】Next is to let them be delight-directed.
第四,让他们以兴趣为导向。
【132】Entrepreneurs are lifelong learners.
企业家们终身都在学习。
【133】They learn to do, not simply to know.
他们学习怎么做, 而不仅只是简单了解。
【134】And when we encourage our children to seek out learning for the things that they are most interested in, they become learners who seek to learn to do because they're teaching themselves as opposed to just simply pouring in information, which is sometimes what we get in our education system.
当我们鼓励孩子去学习 他们最感兴趣的东西时, 他们就会主动学习如何做, 因为他们会自学。 这和只是灌输知识相反。 而有时我们从教育体系中能获得的 也只是灌输知识。
【135】And so this is my my son Isaiah.
这是我的儿子以赛亚(Isaiah)。
【136】His delight is drawing.
他的兴趣是画画。
【137】And so he spends hours drawing, and he seeks out classes
他会花好几个小时画画, 找相关课程,
【138】[that] teach him how to draw.
自学画画。
【139】And he was recently awarded an award by the Smithsonian Museum of African Art for creating --
而他最近获得了 国立非洲艺术博物馆的一个奖项。
【140】(Applause) this superhero, from looking at a piece of art in the museum.
（掌声） 他创造了一个超级英雄。 他看到了博物馆里的一件艺术品,
【141】And he designed this.
并以此设计了这个。
【142】But now Isaiah is designing logos for people.
现在以赛亚正在帮人设计商标。
【143】Yeah, yeah, I love it.
没错,我很喜欢。
【144】So give them room and space to follow their delights.
所以,给予他们空间, 让他们追求自己的兴趣。
【145】And then lastly, let them solve their own problems.
最后, 让他们自己解决问题。
【146】Entrepreneurs are problem solvers, and as parents it is our natural instinct to want to step in and help our kids solve their problems.
企业家们都是解决问题的人。 作为家长,我们天然的本能 是想要介入并帮助孩子们解决问题。
【147】But when we do that all of the time, we kind of squelch the potential that they have to discover new things about themselves new capabilities that they might have.
但如果我们一直这样做, 我们会压制他们的潜力, 让他们难以发现关于自己的新事物, 难以发觉他们可能有的新能力。
【148】It squelches their ability to go out and find the answers for themselves.
我们可能会压制他们 走出去并自己找到答案的能力。
【149】So I want you to think about those five things as you begin to raise up young people.
如果你们要开始养育小孩, 我想让你们再想想这五个方法。
【150】And yeah, you know what?
你知道吗？
【151】It's very likely that my boys may not choose business ownership when they grow up.
我的儿子们长大之后很有可能 不会选择创业。
【152】And that’s OK.
这没有关系。
【153】Because whether a child chooses to build a company or become an employee, it doesn't matter, because every kid needs to learn how to think like an entrepreneur.
因为无论一个孩子 选择当公司老板 或只是成为一个员工, 都没有关系。 因为每个孩子只是需要学习 如何像一个企业家一样思考。
【154】And the sooner we do this as parents, create an environment at home where they have the opportunity and multiple occasions to challenge their beliefs about what's possible within them, to step outside of their comfort zone, to take risks,
而我们作为家长, 越快在家里建立起这样一个环境, 让他们有不同机会和各种场合 去挑战他们对自身可能性的信念, 去踏出他们的舒适圈, 去冒险,
【155】to learn from failure, to bounce back from rejection, then the sooner we'll put them on the path of living out their potential to lead very fulfilling and successful lives.
去从失败中学习, 从被拒绝中恢复, 那我们就可以 帮助他们越快走上正轨, 发挥他们的潜力, 过上非常充实和成功的人生。
【156】Thank you.
谢谢。
【157】(Applause)
