什么是美好的生活？最长的幸福研究的教训

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

演讲者：Robert Waldinger

 

What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.

是什么让我们在生活中保持健康和快乐？ 如果你现在要投资于你未来最好的自己，你会把时间放在哪里 你的能量呢？ 最近有一项针对千禧一代的调查，询问他们什么 最重要的人生目标是，超过80%的人表示这是他们的主要人生目标 是为了致富。 另外 50% 这些年轻人说，另一个主要的人生目标是成名。

 

And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.

我们不断被告知 倾身工作，更加努力，取得更多成就。 我们给人的印象是这些 是我们为了过上好日子而需要追求的东西。 整个生活的照片，人们做出的选择的图片 以及这些选择如何为他们工作，这些图片 几乎不可能得到。 我们对人类生活的了解大部分是通过询问人们来了解的。 记住过去，正如我们所知，事后诸葛亮 绝不是 20/20。 我们忘记了大量的 生活中发生在我们身上的事情，有时还有记忆 是彻头彻尾的创意。

 

But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

但是，如果我们能观察整个生命在时间中展开呢？ 如果我们能研究人会怎样 从他们十几岁的时候一直到老年，看看是什么真正让人们 快乐健康？

 

We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.

我们做到了。 哈佛成人发展研究可能是最长的研究 曾经做过的成年生活。 75年来，我们一直在追踪 724名男子的生活，年复一年，询问他们的工作， 他们的家庭生活，他们的健康，当然还有一路上的询问 不知道他们的人生故事会如何发展。

 

Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.

像这样的研究非常罕见。 几乎所有此类项目 十年内分崩离析，因为太多人 退出研究，或者研究资金枯竭，或者研究人员分心，或者他们死了，没有人移动球 再往下走。 但通过运气和坚持的结合 在几代研究人员中，这项研究幸存下来。 我们最初的60名男性中约有724人还活着，仍在参与这项研究，其中大多数已经90多岁了。 我们现在开始研究这些人的2000多个孩子。 我是这项研究的第四任主任。

 

Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

自 1938 年以来，我们一直在追踪生活 两组男人。 第一组在大二时就开始研究 在哈佛学院。 他们都完成了大学学业 在第二次世界大战期间，然后大多数都消失了 在战争中服役。 我们关注的第二组是一群男孩。 来自波士顿最贫穷的社区，被选中参加这项研究的男孩是因为他们 来自 1930 年代波士顿一些最麻烦和处境最不利的家庭。 大多数人住在公寓里， 许多人没有冷热水。

 

 

When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

当他们进入研究时，所有这些青少年都接受了采访。 他们接受了体检。 我们去了他们家 我们采访了他们的父母。 然后这些青少年 长大成人，进入各行各业。 他们成为工厂工人和律师 瓦工和医生，一位美国总统。 有些人发展为酗酒。 少数人患上了精神分裂症。 有些人从底层爬上了社会阶梯 一路走到最顶峰，有些人踏上了那段旅程 在相反的方向。

 

The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.

这项研究的创始人做梦也想不到我会成为 75年后的今天，站在这里，告诉你们： 研究仍在继续。 每两年，我们的 敬业的研究人员召集我们的人 并问他们我们是否可以再向他们发送一组问题 关于他们的生活。

 

Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.

许多波士顿市中心的男人问我们，“你为什么一直想研究我？ 我的生活就是没那么有趣。 哈佛人从不问这个问题。

 

To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

获得最清晰的图片 对于这些生命，我们不只是向他们发送问卷。 我们在他们的客厅里采访他们。 我们得到他们的医疗记录 来自他们的医生。 我们抽取他们的血液，扫描他们的大脑，与他们的孩子交谈。 我们录下他们与妻子的谈话 关于他们最深切的担忧。 大约十年前， 我们最后问妻子们是否愿意加入我们 作为研究的成员，许多女性说， “你知道，是时候了。”

 

So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

那么我们学到了什么呢？ 将有哪些教训 从我们生成的关于这些生活的数万页信息中？ 好吧，教训不是关于财富 或名声或越来越努力地工作。 我们得到的最清晰的信息 从这个75年的研究是这样的：良好的关系留住我们 更快乐、更健康。时期。

 

We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

我们吸取了三大教训 关于关系。 首先是社会关系 对我们真的很好，孤独会杀人。 原来人们 谁与家人、朋友、社区有更多的社会联系，更快乐，他们的身体更健康， 他们比那些联系不太好的人活得更长。 还有寂寞的体验 原来是有毒的。 更孤立的人 比他们想从别人那里得到的发现他们不那么快乐，他们的健康在中年早期下降，他们的大脑功能下降得更快，他们的寿命更短 比不寂寞的人。 而可悲的事实 是在任何给定时间，超过五分之一的美国人 会报告他们很孤独。

 

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

我们知道您 在人群中可能会很孤独，在婚姻中也会很孤独，所以我们学到的第二个重要教训是，这不仅仅是 你拥有的朋友数量，而不是是否 你处于一段忠诚的关系中，但这是质量 你们的亲密关系很重要。 原来，生活在中间 冲突对我们的健康真的很有害。 例如，高冲突婚姻， 没有太多的感情，结果对我们的健康非常不利， 也许比离婚更糟糕。 生活在善良之中， 温暖的关系是保护性的。

 

Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.

有一次我们跟着我们的人 一直到80多岁，我们想回顾他们的中年，看看我们是否可以预测谁会成长。 变成一个快乐、健康的八旬老人，而谁不是。 当我们聚在一起时 我们在50岁时对他们的了解，不是他们的中年 预测他们如何的胆固醇水平 要变老了。 这是他们有多满意 在他们的关系中。 最满意的人 在他们50岁的关系中，80岁的关系是最健康的。 以及良好、密切的关系 似乎缓冲了我们的一些吊索和箭头 变老。 我们最幸福的伴侣男女在80多岁时报告说，在 当他们有更多的身体疼痛时，他们的情绪仍然一样快乐。 但是那些曾经 在不愉快的关系中，在他们的日子里 报告了更多的身体疼痛，它被更多的情感痛苦放大了。

 

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

我们学到的第三个重要教训 关于人际关系和我们的健康是良好的关系 不仅要保护我们的身体，还要保护我们的大脑。 事实证明，存在 与 80 多岁的另一个人保持安全依恋关系 是保护性的，那些处于关系中的人，他们真的觉得自己可以计数 在对方需要的时候，那些人的记忆 保持更清晰的时间。 而那些在人际关系中，他们觉得自己真的 不能指望另一个，那些是经历过的人 早期记忆力下降。 还有那些良好的关系， 它们不必一直很顺畅。 我们的一些八十多岁的夫妇 可以日复一日地互相争吵，但只要他们觉得自己 当事情变得艰难时，真的可以指望对方，这些争论并没有造成损失 在他们的记忆中。

 

So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.

所以这个信息，那个好的，亲密的关系 有益于我们的健康和福祉，这是像山丘一样古老的智慧。 为什么这很难得到 这么容易被忽视？ 好吧，我们是人。 我们真正想要的是一个快速的解决方案，我们可以得到的东西，让我们的生活变得美好。 并保持这种状态。 人际关系混乱 它们很复杂，需要照顾的艰苦工作 对于家人和朋友来说，它并不性感或迷人。 这也是终生的。它永远不会结束。 我们75年研究中的人 退休后最幸福的人是积极工作的人 用新的玩伴替换同事。 就像千禧一代一样 在最近的调查中，我们的许多男人当他们 从年轻人开始，真的相信名利 高成就是他们需要追求的 过上好日子。 但一遍又一遍，在这75年里， 我们的研究表明，表现最好的人是 那些倾向于人际关系、与家人、与朋友、与社区的人。

 

So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

那你呢？ 假设你25岁， 或者你40岁，或者你60岁。 什么可能倾斜 关系甚至看起来像？

 

Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.

好吧，可能性 几乎是无穷无尽的。 它可能很简单 用人的时间代替屏幕时间或使陈旧的关系活跃起来 通过一起做一些新的事情，长途散步或约会之夜，或与该家庭成员联系 你已经很多年没有和谁说话了，因为那些太常见的家庭恩怨对怀恨在心的人造成了可怕的伤害。

 

I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

我想以报价结束 来自马克吐温。 一个多世纪前，他回顾自己的一生，他写道：“没有时间，生命如此短暂，争吵，道歉， 心痛，召唤问责。 只有爱的时间，只有一瞬间， 可以这么说，就是为了这个。

 

The good life is built with good relationships.

美好生活是建立起来的 关系良好。

 

Thank you.

谢谢。