【战锤40k同人作品翻译】 Ennui 第二十八章：异端 Heresy

本章概述：

            伊莎莱被做了记号。

            In which Isarae is marked.

 

正文：

空气中弥漫着紧张的气氛。

在亚历莎完成为了准备和她的姐妹们见面的仪式步骤时，我能感觉到它在亚历莎的全身嗡嗡作响。她跪在书房的地板上，嘴唇在轻声祈祷中移动着，我花了点时间环顾我们的小居所。

出乎我的意料，我感到了一丝遗憾。

也许这仅仅只是我对自身的情绪的新一轮调整，但我发现自己对我们将离开这个小家而感到后悔，因为在我的心中，它是属于我们的。

我的，和亚历莎的。

这里已经是我们的家了。在这里我们学会了互相信任，度过了许多个交谈、争吵，或单纯存在于这里的日日夜夜。我悲伤地回望我们的卧室，轻声叹息。我不禁回想起亚历莎温暖而安全地躺在我的臂弯间，在我以拥抱阻隔她的梦魇时蜷在我身边的每一个夜晚。

甚至在那个时候，我就已经爱上了她。事实上，我爱上亚历莎已经有一段时间了。起初，她只不过是我度过最后的时日用于宠幸的消遣，就像收养一只流浪狗一样，但她很快就变得远不止于此。

如果说她的灵魂的滋味与我一开始的兴起毫无关系，那将是一个糟糕的谎言，而的确，也许她一开始就让我上瘾，作为我在这一生中沉迷的无数的恶习之一。

但现在，她远远不仅是这样。

“伊莎莱？”

“嗯？”我转身看向亚历莎，她正在跪着的地方抬头好奇地看着我。“怎么了，吾爱？”

“我正要问你这个呢。”亚历莎回答道。

“没什么，”我说。“我只是在查看我们的住处……我想这是我们最后一次看到它了，对吧？”

亚历莎皱起了眉头。“我觉得是的，我还没想过这一点。”

“我不觉得你的帝国的武装力量会允许我们回到这里，”我说，指了指房间。“你觉得呢？”

“我也不这么认为，”亚历莎叹息着起身，花了点时间环顾四周。“真是可惜……我在这里过得愈发舒适，这里几乎开始感觉上像是家了。”

“我们会找到另一个的，”我向她保证，走进了些并将我的额头贴在她的额头上。“不过我肯定会想念这个浴池的。”

亚历莎柔和地轻笑起来，然后向前倾身，刮蹭着我们的嘴唇。

“我也一样，”她赞同道。“但我会更怀念那张床。”

“你们帝国的要塞里没有床吗？”我抬起眼眸问道，得到了亚历莎的一个白眼。

“它当然有，”她回答。“但远没有这么舒适，也明显更不……宽敞。”

“这么说我们很幸运了，”我摩挲着她光滑的脸颊，享受着她微微的颤抖，“我只需要很小的空间来照顾你，Cre’yth。”

“虽说听上去还不错，‘莱……”亚历莎话音渐微，然后叹了口气。“请听我的指挥吧，吾爱，”她抬起一只手，轻轻地抚在我的脸颊上。“她们会想要你死，被净化、被焚烧，而我不想给她们任何这么做的借口，因为一旦我们给了的话她们就会照单收下。”

“我知道，”我说。“我相信你，亚历莎。”

“没有压力吗？”她带着虚弱的微笑问道。

“完全没有。”我俯身向前，调皮地在她的鼻子上亲了下。“现在，我们该怎么演这出戏？”

亚历桑德拉的五官像钢铁一样严肃了下来，我则发现自己不讨厌她坚定的表情。它在某些方面十分迷人，也在一些方面令人回味。

“帝国是一柄直刺向前的利刃，”她声明道，“而我们必须也是如此……不能有阴谋诡计，不能有耍花招的迹象，也不能有‘灵族伎俩’，也就是说我必须全权掌控这一切。”

“掌控我，你是说，”我说道，亚历莎做了个鬼脸。

“确实，”她终于回答道。“掌控你。”

她脸上的表情告诉我她不喜欢这个前景。我知道，她即便在现在也在为那时——我于下面的广场上与她的姐妹们激战之时——要夺走我的生命的决定而备受煎熬。我也知道，她仍然不信任自己，但我很清楚，无论她缺乏何种信任和信心都无所谓。

我们面前只有一条道路可走，这意味着她必须要么接受我无论她有何种选项都相信她——甚至一部分也是由于她们——的事实，要么她就会把我们都打入炼狱。

‘没有压力’，的确如此。

“我已经给了你我的全部，Cre’yth，”我最终说道，然后把手滑过她的手掌，将我们的手指缠绕在一起。“我将我的一切都交予你，我们将要么同生，要么共死，可无论如何……”

“我们都会在一起，”亚历莎说，随后靠了过来。

然后停下了。

自从亚历莎失明起，她经常让我主导我们的恋情。好几次撞到了鼻子以及错估了距离让她羞红了脸，也逗乐了我。尽管她暂时有着视野，她判断三维空间的能力也还是被她实际上远不止于此的感知力所阻碍了。

于是我回应了她无声的请求，与她的嘴唇相触，她斜靠过来如以往一样热情地吻着。这个吻柔软而持久，在舌头碰上时我把她拉得更进一步。她随着放松下来在我的怀里颤抖着，我则尽全力承受她的双肩上传来的压力，哪怕只有一小会儿。

随着我们分开，她若有所思地用手指抚摸我的额头，然后调皮地笑了笑。

“我想要你跪下，‘莱，”她突然说，随即转身开始捣鼓其中一包补给品。

“为什么？”我扬起眉毛，看着她在翻找时随意地将一些东西扔过肩膀。

“相信我！”她说话时带着一丝沮丧，随后又轻轻发出得意的声音，从背包上站起来转向我。“跪下就是了，拜托！”

我举起双手假装投降，然后跪了下来，而亚历莎将几个带塞的陶瓷瓶放在了附近的柜台上，将它们打开并开始将其中的内容物倒出来，并在其中一个柜台上的小盘子里将之混合。这项工作花了些许时间，她在转向我时用手指蘸着盘子里的混合物，脸上带着庄重的神情。

“科摩罗的伊莎莱呵，”亚历莎吟诵道，“汝为异形，以汝亵渎的生理，汝即是罪。”

我扬起了一边的眉毛，但保持着沉默，与此同时她弯曲手指，从盘子里舀起了一点又黑又黏的物质，向我伸出她的手。

“然神皇岂非全能？祂的灵魂之至圣光辉，又即是星炬之光，岂不能远达任一立于人类领地内之个体？”亚历莎的语气中高涨的热情在我的心底激起了某样事物，我本能地低下了头。“汝为异形，然而于神皇之光中汝何尝不能助力于至圣！”

“帝皇庇佑。”我不知为什么感觉必须要说出来，但还是说了出口。

“抬起头来，恶毒之女呵，仔细看着祂的光辉！”亚历莎下令道，我惟命是从，抬起头来，她放下手，开始仔细地把那黏稠的混合物涂抹在我的脸上。

她着甲的手指带着死记硬背般的仪式性的高效拂过我的额头和双眼周围，以及我的脸颊下方。

“作为我的部队内最后一名代理上级修女，我现在宣布：汝已于帝国律法之下，依据国教之权威，获得了许可！”

我的嘴角浮现起一抹微笑。亚历莎可能比我之前想的还要宽容一些。获得许可是她之前就提到过的，照我的推断这是一个非人存在能与人类一同以公民的形式活动的唯一方法。同样的，这在我看来是一种罕见的现象，虽说我不知道帝国会不会承认亚历莎的行为是合法的，但我们也确实可以利用能够取得的每一个筹码。

亚历莎用一张白布擦去了手指上的混合物，与此同时面带微笑。那是种极度温柔的表情，即便她的眼神并没有完全聚焦在我的身上。

“这看起来不错，”亚历莎说。“我是指那个记号。”

我转向了墙上的一面光滑的装饰镜，从中看回来的那张脸几乎无法辨认。

我的头发用我平时使用的战辫束在脑后，但亚历莎和我对我的盔甲进行了一些装饰性的改动：在胸前压印上帝国鹰徽，并用柔和的金色金属染料为黑色的边缘镀金。它很容易碎裂，但一旦我们能进入真正的护甲维护设施——亚历莎向我保证隐修院里就有，它就能被正确地施加上去。

我能否利用这些设施则是另一个问题，相比亚历莎我对此远没有那么乐观。亚历莎坚信她能够说服她的姐妹们，而虽说我对帝国信条和被叫作神皇的光辉存在的新生信仰十分强烈，但考虑到他的凡人仆从我还是不太确定。

狂热有很多种属性，而只有其中的一小部分是积极的。

不过那个记号……我还挺喜欢的。

在我的脸上苍白的皮肤上，亚历莎涂上了一只羽翼修长的帝国天鹰。两个头位于我的眉间，双翼越过我的双眼扑扇在面颊上，而两只利爪则终止于我的嘴的两边。

这当然是相当惊人的。

“现在去哪里呢，吾爱？”我问道。

亚历莎微笑起来。

“我们去这一切开始的地方，我想，”她回答道，指了指窗户。“广场是一片开阔地，如果我们站在能被轻松看见的地方，我的姐妹们会感觉更轻松些。”

“我们就等着她们来找我们吗？”我对此扬起一侧的眉毛。“可别忘了，我的方舟世界表亲无疑也在路上。”

“我知道，”亚历莎说。“但我们必须得体地演这出戏，而当我看向广场时，我发自内心地知道这条路是正确的。”她在我的肩膀上搭上一只手，然后微笑着用一根手指向上摩挲着我的嘴唇，“神皇会指引我，‘莱，而我应当遵循祂给予我的道路。”

“帝皇庇佑，”我念诵道。放声说出这句话有一种奇怪的宽慰感，而现在我能明白为什么人类经常说这句话了。

“来吧，我的心，”亚历莎与我手指相覆。

带上了我们能轻松携带的补给品，我们牵着手走下了尖塔，我的抓握引导着她走下这片毁掉的栖息地上碎石密布的危险台阶。

我让感官保持着警觉，把它们调整到适配最轻微的动作的轻响。我并不确定自己能在其中一个表亲降临前看见或者听见他。他们其中的一些神殿战士是高超的刺客，不亚于可怖的曼德拉，但我的大部分方舟世界亲族都偏向于古老的战斗方式，那时我们会高举巫师之刃穿过战场，口中呐喊着战吼。

那是更好的时代，我想。在灵族之陨前，在巨蛇降临前。

不过……我不会用我和亚历莎在一起的时光换取在那黄金时代度过的任何时间。

“亚历莎？”随着我们到达了敞开的门厅和尖塔的出口时，我握紧了她的手，她则转头诧异地看着我。

“你感觉到什么了吗，‘莱？”亚历莎停了下来，她的手指紧紧地拧在了我的手指上。“有什么不对劲的吗？”

“没什么不对劲的，Cre’yth，我只是……”

我突发奇想地松开了亚历莎的手，把她抱在怀里，把她拉进了一个持久的深吻，她也带着热切的情感作出了回应。她的嘴以那种熟悉的可爱风格在我的嘴边移动，我们的舌头在亲密的舞蹈中相纠缠。我的一部分盼望着她此时没有穿着她的盔甲。对于我们或许会在亚历莎的姐妹们手中走向死亡我并不抱幻想，而我想要在那一刻来临前再一次感受她的柔软。

但我不能贪心。

我已经在过去的几十个昼夜中被给予了太多，远多于我有权触及的，更别说有权拥有的了。可是，我还是希望神皇不会吝惜我们可能的最后一吻所耽误的时间。

亚历莎满脸通红、气喘吁吁地离开了我，但她正微笑着。

“我们会没事的，伊莎莱，”亚历莎说，就好像她准确地知道我脑中所想似的。“我保证过……还记得吗？”

“帝皇庇佑。”

我们异口同声地说出这句话，我点了点头，然后把双唇贴上她的额头，接过她的手，又一次点头。

“那就一起走向我们的命运吧，”我说。

我引领着亚历莎走到外面，直到我们到达了广场的中心，在此我的相当一部分的人生被以最奇异的方式所决定了。就在这里我见到了自己会无可救药地爱上的女人。就在这里我遇见了我的救赎的星星之火。就在这里，为了亚历莎的笑容，我放下了剑刃并接受死亡的阴影和狂笑的神明的饥渴。

就在这里，亚历莎面对了她的信仰危机，要么保护我要么保护她的姐妹们。

就在这里，她以某种方式兼顾了两者。

因此，这趟奇异之旅的下一步应当在这里被决定，这也是再合适不过的了。

“满怀恩典的神皇呵，”亚历莎开口道，“请在这审判之时眷顾祢的女儿，愿照耀着扭曲的亚空间的光辉也能照耀我。”

在亚历莎说出最后一个字的那一刻，她把手伸进盔甲的领口，在护颈下滑动手指，重新激活了信标转发器。

 

原文：

There was a tension in the air.

I could feel it thrumming through Alessa’s entire body as she went through the ritual steps of preparing herself to meet with her sisters. Her lips moved in quiet prayer as she knelt on the floor of the den, and I took a moment to look around our small set of quarters.

To my surprise, I felt a touch of regret.

Perhaps it was simply my new attunement to my own emotions, but I found myself regretful that we would be leaving this little home of ours because, in my mind, it was ours.

Mine and Alessa’s.

This had been our home. It was where we had learned to trust one another, where we had spent so many days and nights talking, sparring, and simply being. I glanced dolefully back at our bedroom and sighed quietly. I could not help but recall all the nights spent with Alessa lying warm and safe in my arms, curled against me as I held her nightmares at bay with my embrace.

I had loved her even then, I realised. I had loved Alessa for some time, actually. At first, she was no more than an amusement for me to pass the remaining few days of my life doting on, not unlike taking in a stray, but she had so quickly become far more than that.

It would be a poor lie to say the flavor of her soul had had nothing to do with my initial interest, and yes, perhaps she had first begun as an addiction, one of the many, many vices I’d indulged over my life.

But now she was so much more.

“Isarae?”

“Hm?” I turned to regard Alessa who was looking up at me curiously from where she knelt. “What’s wrong, my love?”

“I was about to ask you that,” Alessa replied.

“It is nothing,” I said. “I was simply looking over our quarters… I suppose it is the last we will see of them, yes?”

Alessa frowned. “I suppose so, I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I do not think your Imperial soldiery will permit us to return here,” I said, gesturing around the room. “Do you?”

“No, I don’t.” Alessa sighed and stood, taking a moment to look around for herself. “A shame… I was growing comfortable here, and it was almost starting to feel like home.”

“We will find another home,” I assured her, stepping closer and pressing my forehead to hers. “But I will certainly miss the bath.”

Alessa chuckled softly before leaning in a little and brushing her lips over mine.

“As will I,” she agreed. “But I will miss the bed more.”

“Your Imperial fortress does not have beds?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, earning a roll of the eyes from Alessa.

“It does,” she replied. “But they are far less comfortable and significantly less… roomy.”

“Then we are fortunate,” I traced my fingers along her bare cheeks, and relished her little shiver, “that I need very little room to tend to you, Cre’yth.”

“As lovely as that sounds, ‘Rae…” Alessa trailed off and sighed. “Please follow my lead in this, my love,” she raised a hand and pressed it to my cheek gently. “They will want you dead, purged and burned, and I do not wish to give them any excuse to do so because if we do they will take it.”

“I know,” I said. “I trust you, Alessa.”

“No pressure then?” She asked with a wan little smile.

“None at all.” I leaned in and playfully pecked a kiss onto her nose. “Now, how shall we play this?”

Alessandra’s features hardened to something like steel, and I found I did not dislike the look of determination she wore. There was something quite charming about it, and something evocative, too.

“The Imperium is a straight-thrust blade,” she declared, “and we must be the same… there can be no machinations, no hint of subterfuge, and no ‘Eldar trickery’, which means I must have full control over this.”

“Over me, you mean,” I said, and Alessa grimaced.

“Yes,” she replied finally. “Over you.”

The look on her face told me she did not relish the prospect. I know that, even now, she tormented herself over her decision to take my life when I fought with her sisters on the plaza below. I know, too, that she still did not trust herself, but it was clear to me that whatever trust and confidence she lacked, it would not matter.

We had only one path open to us, which meant that she had to either accept that I trusted her regardless of her choices and even, in part, because of them, or she would damn us both to purgation.

‘No pressure’ indeed.

“I have given you my all, Cre’yth,” I said finally before sliding my palms over hers and twining our fingers together. “I yield my everything to your hands, we shall stand together, or die together, but in all things…”

“We will be together,” Alessa said, then leaned in.

And paused.

Since the loss of her sight, Alessa more often than not let me take the lead in our affections. A few too many bumped noses and misjudged distances had left her red-faced and me amused, if slightly bruised. Despite her tentative vision, her ability to judge three dimensions was hampered by her effectively being able to perceive far more than that.

So I answered her silent request, meeting her lips with mine, and she leaned in to kiss me as warmly as ever she did. It was soft and insistent, and I held her close to me as our tongues met. She shivered in my arms as she relaxed, and I did my best to take the strain of what was to come from her shoulders if only for a few moments.

As we parted, she traced her fingers across my brow with a thoughtful expression, then smiled mischievously.

“I’m going to need you to kneel, ‘Rae,” she said suddenly before turning away to start rooting through one of the packs of supplies.

“Why?” I raised an eyebrow as she tossed a few things haphazardly over her shoulder in her search. 

“Trust me!” She said with a hint of frustration before making a small noise of triumph, rising from over the pack, and turning back to me. “Just kneel, please!”

I held up my hands in mock surrender and got down on my knees as Alessa set a few stoppered ceramic bottles on the counter nearby, uncorked them, and began upending and mixing their contents in a small plate from one of the counters. It was the work of a few moments, and when she turned to me, she did so with a look of solemnity on her face as she dipped her finger into the mixture on the plate.

“Isarae of Commorragh,” Alessa intoned, “thou art xeno and by thy unholy biology thou art sin.”

I raised an eyebrow but remained silent as she curled her fingers and scooped something black and viscous from the plate and extended her hand towards me.

“Yet is the Emperor who is God not mighty? Does the light most divine which shines from His soul and is the Astronomicon not reach all who stand within the demesne of Mankind?” Alessa was speaking with a powerful fervor that stoked something in my heart, and on instinct, I bowed my head. “Thou art xeno, but in the light of the God-Emperor thou cans’t be of service most holy!”

“The Emperor protects.” I don’t know why I felt compelled to say it, but the words came anyway.

“Raise thy head, O’ daughter of wickedness, and look well upon His light!” Alessa commanded and I obeyed, raising my head as she lowered her hand, and began to carefully daub the viscous mixture across my face.

Her armoured fingers traced my brow and around my eyes, and under my cheeks with a rote and ritual efficiency.

“As the last of my command and acting Sister Superior, I declare thee now to be Sanctioned under Imperial law by Ecclesiarchal authority!”

A smile found its way across my lips. Alessa was perhaps a little more conniving than I had given her credit for. Sanctioning was something she had mentioned prior, and from what I gathered it was the only way for a non-human to operate in a civil manner alongside humans. Likewise, it struck me as a rare phenomenon, and while I had no idea whether or not the Imperials would recognise Alessa’s act as legitimate, it was also true that we could use every edge we could get.

Alessa wiped her fingers clean of the mix on a white cloth, and as she did she smiled. It was a soft, featherlight expression, even if her eyes weren’t fully fixed on me.

“It looks good,” Alessa said. “The mark, I mean.”

I turn to one of the smooth, decorative mirrors on the wall, and the face that looks back is borderline unrecognizable.

My hair was tied back in my usual war braid, but Alessa and I had performed some cosmetic alterations to my armor; embossing the Imperial Eagle over my chest and gilding the black edges with a shade of soft gold metallic dye. It would chip easily, but it could be properly applied once we had access to real armour facilities, which she assured me the Priory possessed.

Whether or not I would be able to avail myself of those facilities was another matter, and one about which I was considerably less sanguine than Alessa was. Alessa was absolute in her certainty that she would be able to sway her sisters, and while my fledgling faith in the words of the Imperial Creed and in the luminous being called the God-Emperor was strong, I was not quite as certain regarding his mortal servants.

Zeal had many attributes and only a handful of them were positive.

The mark though… I liked the mark.

Across the pale skin of my face, Alessa had daubed a long-feathered Imperial Aquila. The twin heads rested on my brow, and the wings crossed my eyes and fanned over my cheeks, while the two claws terminated at either side of my mouth.

It was certainly striking.

“Where to now, my love?” I asked.

Alessa smiled.

“We go to where this began, I think,” she replied, gesturing towards the window. “The plaza is open ground, and my sisters will feel more comfortable if we step into a place where they can see us easily.”

“Do we simply wait for them to find us?” I raised an eyebrow at that. “Do not forget, my Craftworld cousins are doubtless on their way.”

“I am aware,” Alessa said. “But we must play this correctly, and when I look upon the plaza I know in my heart it is the correct path.” She laid a hand on my shoulder, then reached up and trailed a single finger across my lips as she smiled. “The God-Emperor guides me, ‘Rae, and I shall follow the path He has given me.”

“The Emperor protects,” I intoned. There was something strangely comforting in saying the phrase aloud, and now I could understand why the humans said it so often.

“Come, my heart.” Alessa laced her fingers in mine.

Taking what supplies we could easily carry, we descended the spire hand-in-hand, with my grip guiding her down the treacherous and rubble-strewn steps of the ruined habitat. 

I kept my senses alert and tuned for the slightest whisper of suspicious movement. I was not certain I would see or hear one of my cousins before they were upon us. Some of their Shrine warriors were masterful assassins, no less than the terrible Mandrake, but most of my Craftworld kin preferred the old ways of battle, when we would surge across the field with witchblades held aloft and cries of battle on our lips.

Those were better times, I supposed. Before the Fall, and before the Serpent.

And yet… I would not trade my time with Alessa for any amount of time in that Golden Age.

“Alessa?” I tightened my grip on her hand as we reached the open foyer and exit of the spire, and she turned her head to regard me quizzically.

“Did you sense something, ‘Rae?” Alessa paused, and her fingers screwed fast around mine. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, Cre’yth, I just…”

On a whim, I released Alessa’s hand, took her in my arms, and pulled her into a long, deep kiss, which she returned with eager affection. Her mouth moved across mine in that lovely, familiar manner, and our tongues tangled in their intimate dance. A part of me wished she was not wearing her armour for this. I had no illusions that we both might be walking into death at the hands of Alessa’s sisters, and I wanted to feel her softness once more before that came.

But I could not be greedy.

I had already been given so much more in the last few dozen cycles than I had any right to have touched, much less held. Still, I hoped the God-Emperor would not begrudge me delaying us for one potentially final kiss.

Alessa drew away from me breathless and flushed, but smiling.

“We will be alright, Isarae,” Alessa said, as if she knew precisely the thoughts that were in my head. “I promise… remember?”

“The Emperor protects.”

We spoke the words in unison, and I nodded, then pressed my lips to her forehead, took her hand, and nodded.

“Let us go to our fate, then,” I said.

I guided Alessa outside until we reached the center of the plaza where so much of my life had been decided in the strangest manner. It was here that I had seen the woman I would fall hopelessly in love with. It was here that I would encounter the first embers of my salvation. It was here that I would lay my blade upon the ground and accept the shadow of death and the hunger of the laughing gods for the sake of Alessa’s smile.

It was here that Alessa had faced her crisis of faith, to protect me or to protect her sisters. It was here that she had chosen, in a way, to do both.

So it is fitting that it should be here that the next step in this strange journey would be decided.

“God-Emperor full of grace,” Alessa began, “watch over thy daughter in this time of trial, and may the light which illuminates the torment of the Warp also illuminate me.”

As the final words left her lips, Alessa reached past the collar of her armour, slipped her fingers beneath the gorget, and reactivated the signum transponder.