不要再强迫自己乐观了！有毒啊！【心理学家分享】中文字幕
Stop Being So Positive 拒绝有毒的乐观
Hey,everybody.
大家好。
Today I want to talk about toxic positivity.
今天我想谈谈有毒的积极。
I have been seen people pass around a ton of memes and graphics about this,so I thought that we should really talk about it.
我曾看见人们传递大量关于有毒的积极的模因和图片，所以我觉得我们应该好好谈谈。
And if you don't know what I mean by toxic positivity,people are pushing back against the while:you know,just focus on what you have or there are people who have a lot worse that by telling people to just be positive or to think on the bright side,we are invalidating their experience and not allowing space for painful emotions or hurtful situations.
如果你不知道我所说的有毒的积极性是什么意思，人们总会用迫使你的方式说：你知道的，专注于你所拥有的或者有些人有更糟糕的处境，他们声称通过告诉人们要往积极或往好的方面想，我们正在否定他们的经历，不给痛苦的情绪或伤害的情况留有空间。
And I want to say that I agree completely with the phrase toxic positivity.
我想说，我完全同意有毒的积极性这个说法。
But the truth is,it's much more complicated than that.
但事实是，这其实要复杂得多。
As a therapist who regularly utilizes dvt or dialectical behavior therapy tools,like backburner and other emotion regulation skills.
作为一名经常使用dvt或辩证行为作为治疗工具的治疗师，比如backburner和其他情绪控制技巧。
I believe there is a time and place to force a positive thought or to hold back a negative one at the very least.
我相信总有时间和地点可以迫使我们产生积极的想法，或者至少要抑制消极的想法。
This can keep us from oversharing with someone that maybe we don't know that well or from crying at work or maybe in a public place which could be less than desirable.
这可以防止我们和不太了解的人过度分享，也可以防止我们在工作时哭泣或者在不太理想的公共场所哭泣。
We may also find ourselves ruminating on the negative things that happen,focusing only on how terrible we are,how bad the world is and that everything is going to end anyway.
我们也会发现自己反复沉浸在所发生的的消极事情中，只关注我们有多糟糕，世界有多糟糕，一切都将结束。
So why even try?Hello,Depression or obesity or anxiety or a bunch of other mental illnesses.
所以为什么要努力好好生活？有那么多疾病——抑郁症、强迫症、焦虑症和其他一些精神疾病呢。
There are four things,likes thought stopping,distracting and looking for evidence to support a more positive outlook,are all amazing tools and techniques to use in life.
有四件事可以帮助你，比如停止思考，分散注意力和寻找证据来支持一个更积极的观点，这些都是生活中使用的很有用的工具和技巧。
It can help pull us out of a dark hole and help us see that things can actually maybe get better and that life is worth living.
它可以帮助我们走出黑洞，帮助我们看到事情实际上可能会变得更好，生活值得过下去。
Therefore,I have to argue that there is a place in life for forced positive thoughts,and having someone in our life or minus of the good can be well good.
因此，我不得不说，在生活中，强迫自己变得积极是有一定正面效果的，在我们的生活中有一个人，或者生活中减少些东西，都是可能有好效果的。
But other than that,I do agree that we should push out toxic positivity,making space for us to feel how we need to feel.
但除此之外，我更认为，我们应该排除有毒的积极性，给我们空间去感受我们真实的感受。
No one wants to open up to a friend about something horrific.
没有人愿意向朋友坦白一些可怕的事情。
That happened only to have them tell us that we have so many other things to be gratedul for.
因为通常朋友只是告诉我们，我们还有那么多值得感激的事情。
Not to mention that experience in a trauma can lead us to feeling like we've caused the bad thing to happen.
更不用说创伤的经历，会让我们觉得是我们导致了坏事的发生。
Hello,shame,or possibly,due to our repressed memories.
你好，耻辱，或者可能的话，因为我们被压抑的记忆。
We can worry that we made the whole thing us.
我们可能会担心整件事都是我们造成的。
So once we open up about something like that,it can be devastating to have someone tell us to,you know,look on the bright side,move past it,you've got so much going for you.
所以一旦我们公开了这样的事情，如果有人告诉我们：往好的方面看，往前走，忘记吧，你有这么多优点。
Often when someone opens up to us,they're looking for compassion,understanding and acceptance.
当有人向我们敞开心扉，他们在寻找怜悯同情，理解和接受。
Forcing positive thoughts or beliefs doesn't leave space for any of that,and it can compound the trauma that we may be already feel.
强迫积极的话，不会给这些真实的负面情感留下空间，他会加重我们可能已经感受到的创伤。
And in all honesty,it is a therapist's job to hold space for you to feel how you need to feel and then to validate it.
老实说，治疗师的工作是为你留出空间去感受你需要的感觉，然后去验证它。
All feelings are okay,I want you to hear that they're all OK.
所有好的坏的感觉都可以,我想让你知道任何情绪他们都是正常的。
And yes,we do have some choice when it comes to what we want to focus our energy on,but that doesn't mean that we can't allow for some downtime.
是的，当我们想要把精力集中在什么上的时候，我们确实有一些选择，但这并不意味着我们不能允许一些沮丧的时间。
We can leave time to cry,to be mad to express how upset we are at what's going on,and that's why I'm always encouraging people to journal,and while I know you'd always how about you know,making it a gratitude journal and coming up with some things that you are grateful for each day could be seen as talks of positivity.
我们可以留下时间去哭泣，去疯狂，去表达我们对所发生的事情有多难过，这就是为什么我总是鼓励人们写日记。虽然我知道，你了解这些，写一本感恩日记，每天写一些让你感恩的事情，这可以被看作是在谈论积极的事情。
I would argue that not allowing for all of our feelings to be felt and acknowledged is just as toxic.
我想说的是，不让我们所有的真实情感都被感受，是会有害的。
It's okay to journal about what sucks things that hurt you and how sad you are,but it's also okay to write about the things you are thankful for,what you're looking forward to and even what you're working on.
记下那些让你伤心的事情和你有多难过没问题，写下你所感激的事情也是可以的，你在期待什么，甚至你正在做什么。
All feelings and things are okay,we just need to make time and space for all of it,not just one side or the other.
一切情感都是正常的，我们只需要为它们腾出时间和空间，不只是乐观或沮丧。
If we don't make it okay to feel all the fields were just moving over from one extreme to another,and I don't know why,but people love an all or nothing,black and white mentality.
如果我们不能让所有感情都正常表达，这就从一个极端走向另一个极端，我不知道为什么，人们喜欢走极端，黑白心态。
It's like we're addicted to that frame of mind,I think of like diets,and just the way we will talk about stuff.
就好像我们沉迷于那种心态，我想到了节食，这就是我们讨论问题的方式。
We always like this,all or nothing.
我们总是喜欢这样，全有或全无(非黑即白)。
I'm in,I'm out,I'm doing this thing,I'm not.
我要进来，我要出去；我要做这件事，我不要做。
I'm sick of it.
我烦透了。
So instead of just thinking that everything positive is toxic and that it's okay to get someone to see something on the bright side.
所以不要认为强迫积极的东西都是有害的，让别人看到事物光明的一面也没问题。
Here are some things that I just want you to consider First.
这里有一些我想让你们先思考下的事情。
- Have they brought up this same upset over and over?But don't seem to want a solution.Maybe that's a sign that they just want to vent and all you can really do is listen or encourage them to get some professional help.Rumination and orienting really isn't working,and we could try some positivity.But they may not be open to it.
- Is this the first time they've opened up like this?If so,you should probably just listen,validate how they feel and ask if they're looking for any advice,or if they're just looking for support.Let them guide it.Don't assume that you know everything.
- Are you uncomfortable with any expression of emotion?or possibly just the ones that you think are negative,like anger or sadness?
- Do you worry that you don't know what to say if you don't try to get them to focus on the positives,like scrambling for what to come up with?
- 他们是不是一遍又一遍地提起同样的烦恼，但似乎不想要解决方法？也许这是他们想要发泄的信号，你所能做的就是倾听或鼓励他们去寻求一些专业的帮助。沉浸其中真的不起作用。我们可以尝试一些积极的东西，但他们可能不会接受。
- 这是他们第一次像这样敞开心扉吗？如果是这样，你应该只是好好倾听，确认他们的感受，问问他们是否在寻求建议或者他们只是在寻求支持。让他们来引导它。不要以为你什么都知道。
- 你对任何情绪表达都不自在吗？或者只是对那些你认为是消极的情绪表达，比如愤怒和悲伤？
- 如果你试着不让他们关注积极的方面，你是会担心你不知道该说什么吗？就像急迫地想要说点什么？
I know those questions are just a start,but I do think that we would all benefit from considering these things first.
我知道，问这些问题只是个开始，但我确实认为，首先考虑这些问题对我们大家都有好处。
Do we tend to want to push every conversation into a more positive place?
我们是否倾向于将每次对话推进到一个更积极的状态？
Are we uncomfortable with upset?And I'm not saying that we should wallow or only thing dark negative thoughts,but we should be able to feel how we feel and know that there's no judgment around it and know that there's no judgment around it and just offer some science to back up why we already seem pulled towards the negative things
我们是否因沮丧而不舒服？我并不是说我们应该堕落，或者沉迷于黑暗消极的想法中。但是我们应该能够感觉到我们真实的感受，并且知道不要苛责你的任何情绪，只是找一些科学证据来支持为什么我们似乎已经被消极的事物所吸引。
Our brain is wired to seek out threat.
我们大脑是用来寻找威胁的。
It's constantly searching our environment for any indication that it needs to ready us for fight and flight.
大脑它不断地搜索我们的环境，寻找任何它需要的迹象，让我们做好战斗和逃跑的准备。
Positive thoughts and wonderful things happening and aren't threatening to us,but those negative ones are so.
积极的想法和发生的美好事情，对我们没有威胁，但是那些消极的东西有威胁。
Our brain will want to focus in on it,so it can decide whether it needs to ready us to get the hell out of there.
我们的大脑会想要关注它，这样它就能决定是否需要让我们做好准备逃跑离开那里。
But if the thing it's focusing on is just a thought,well,then we want to ruminate,think it through a zillion different ways and get nowhere.
但是如果大脑他关注的只是一个想法，然后我们会反复思考这个想法，想了无数个不同的方法，结果却一无所获。
And that's why so many people tell others to think more positively.
这就是为什么很多人告诉别人要积极思考。
It's really difficult,and we don't do it often.
这真的很难，我们也不经常这样做。
And if you think about it,even does the fact that out brain is like surveilling our environment for threat,is what keeps us alive.
如果你仔细想想，我们的大脑就一直在监视我们的环境以防威胁，这也让我们得以生存。
So it's a pretty cool thing,but it can also be a little bit negative sometimes.
这是一件很酷的事情，但有时也有点负面的。
Overall,be cautious about how you interact with people,try to see things from their perspective.
总体而言，与人交往时要谨慎，试着从他们的角度看问题。
And if you're concerned with what to say or do,simply asking.
如果你关心该说什么或做什么，就直接去问。
And if they want you to listen or to help them can gou a long way,let them tell you what they need,instead of assuming that you always know what's best.
如果他们想要你倾听或帮助他们，这就能获得进展，让他们告诉你他们需要什么，而不是假设你总是知道什么是最好的。
I hope you found this helpful.
我希望本文对您有所帮助。
I've been hearing so much about toxic positivity lately,and I thought it deserved a more indepth conversation.
最近我听了很多关于有毒的乐观的说法，我认为应该进行更深入的讨论。
But I want to hear from you.What do you think about it?Do you think we've gone out of control with our think positive attitude or not?
但我想听听你的意见。你觉得怎么样？你是否认为我们的过于追求积极态度的状况已经失控了？
Let me know on those comments down below and I will see you next time.
在下方留言告诉我，我们下次再见。
