到灯塔去——第三部 灯塔 1

Suddenly Mr Ramsay raised his head as he passed and looked straight at her, with his distraught wild gaze which was yet so penetrating, as if he saw you, for one second, for the first time, forever; and she pretended to drink out of her empty coffee cup so as to escape him—to escape his demand on her, to put aside a moment longer that imperious need. And he shook his head at her, and strode on (“Alone” she heard him say, “Perished” she heard him say) and like everything else this strange morning the words became symbols, wrote themselves all over the grey-green walls.

正在低头徘徊的拉姆齐先生经过窗前时，突然抬起头来，用他那激动、狂热而又非常锐利的目光盯着她瞧，好像只要他对你瞧上一秒钟，只要他一看见你，他就在永远瞅着你；她举起空杯，假装在喝咖啡，借此来避开它的目光——来回避他对她的请求，来把那个非常迫切的要求再耽搁一会儿。他对她摇摇头，继续踯躅（”孤独”，她听见他叹息；”死亡”，她又听到他悲鸣），在这个奇特的早晨，这些言辞像其他一切东西一样，成了一种象征，涂满了那灰绿色的墙壁。

But with Mr Ramsay bearing down on her, she could do nothing. Every time he approached—he was walking up and down the terrace—ruin approached, chaos approached. She could not paint. She stooped, she turned; she took up this rag; she squeezed that tube. But all she did was to ward him off a moment. He made it impossible for her to do anything. For if she gave him the least chance, if he saw her disengaged a moment, looking his way a moment, he would be on her, saying, as he had said last night, “You find us much changed.” Last night he had got up and stopped before her, and said that. Dumb and staring though they had all sat, the six children whom they used to call after the Kings and Queens of England—the Red, the Fair, the Wicked, the Ruthless—she felt how they raged under it. Kind old Mrs. Beckwith said something sensible. But it was a house full of unrelated passions—she had felt that all the evening. And on top of this chaos Mr Ramsay got up, pressed her hand, and said: “You will find us much changed” and none of them had moved or had spoken; but had sat there as if they were forced to let him say it.

然而，在拉姆齐先生的不断干扰之下，她什么也干不了。每一次，当他走近她的身旁——他还在平台上徘徊——她就觉得灾难和骚乱在向她逼近。她没法作画。她弯下腰去，她转过身来;她拿起擦笔的抹布;她挤一下那管颜料。她所干的这一切，不过是暂时把他挡开罢了。他使她什么事也干不了。因为，只要她稍微给他一点机会，只要他看见她有片刻的空闲，只要她向他那边瞥上一眼，他就会走过来对她说（就像他昨晚说过的):“你发现咱们家里变化不小吧。 “昨天晚上，他从椅子里站起来，站在她的面前，说了那句话。他们惯常用英国国王和王后的名字来称呼的那六个孩子——红色的某某、美丽的某某、任性的某某、冷酷的某某——虽然都默默地坐在那儿，瞪着眼睛瞅着他们的父亲，她感觉到他们的心中是多么愤怒。好心肠的贝克威斯老太太说了几句通情达理的话来安慰他。但是，这一家人充满着各种互不相干的强烈感情——整个黄昏，她都有这种感觉。在这混乱的情绪达到项点之时，拉姆齐先生站了起来，紧紧地握着她的手说: “你将会发现，咱们家的变化可不小。 “孩子们没有一个动弹一下，或者说一句话，他们都坐在那儿，好像迫不得已只好就让他那末说。