T40W2 家长的金钱奖励
Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
破题构思：
第一维度价值判断。题干好懂不好写，一般不赞同好写，但是基本都只能想到一个理由。可以考虑拆分+让步段。
A：
孩子可以得到激励，更加重视考试；
孩子感觉得到信任，可以自主规划钱的使用；
当然也有一定的坏处，不过只要一次别给太多钱，控制一下额度就好。
D：
孩子会变得功利，不知道为何而考试；
孩子会滥用这笔钱，导致不好的结果；
当然也有一定的好处，但是这些好处和坏处相比还是太小了。
写作批改：
It is a common phenomenon in China that money are given to children. It is either because the parents want to train their children’s ability to manage money or because children want to get some pocket money for snacks or toys they want. In my opinion, this phenomenon can benefit the children in a long term and is a very wise move. 【开头段就有点跑题。。考试去哪里了？建议直接对标题进行改写即可。】
First of all, giving money to children for achieving high grades can give incentive for children to earn good grades. 【到这个主题句救回来了。】In order to gain money to fulfill their own desires, they associate getting good grade and doing well in class, and thus they will try even harder in class to earn rewards. In this way, children can learn that working hard is an important trait because only by this way can they improve themselves. 【论证上还过得去，就是这两句话逻辑不是很清楚。用中文过一遍是“为了满足自己的一些愿望，孩子们把得高分和好好学习联系在了一起，因此会更用功去获得奖励。”这一句倒没毛病，但是和后面一句衔接上就有些问题：“在这种情况下，孩子们就知道认真学习很重要因为只有通过这种方式才能提升自己。”前一句并未提到提升自己。如果改为“只有通过这种方式才能获得奖励”就通顺了。】 For example, compared to the children living in capital cities, children in more remote but still developed 【developing?】 areas tend to work less hard because the children in the capitals are taught to work hard at a very young age. This difference in local culture caused the more marginal provinces to develop even slower than the capital province. Granting children money when they do well in class can encourage them to work hard and become more successful, and therefore, is beneficial to children. 【不过这个例子好像跟前文关系不大，为什么会说到城市发展？那金钱奖励的例子又去哪里了？并且例子并不具体。】
Moreover, giving children money can provide a chance for child to learn how to manage money at a young age. 【论点没问题】 By gaining money and have awareness of it, children will think of how to use money well after experiencing misuse of money. 【那misuse of money需要展开论述或者给例证。】 Since children of young age learn quicker than when they are older, acquiring the skill of managing the use of money can be quite influential over the life of these children because they will be more skillful and more successful in making good use of money when they get older, which can make these children happier and live easier as they get older. 【和前一句关联较弱。】【上一段156w，这一段105w，段落分配不均，说明论证不平衡。这一段主要是少例子。应是写到这里不想写了。】
In conclusion, I believe that giving children money for earning good grades in class is good for children.
343w
习作参考：
Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
不是好主意
不利于孩子形成正确的学习动机。
考试考得好会有奖励--认为学习就是为了考试--忽视考试的目的是为了检测
分高有钱--孩子抗拒不了钱的诱惑--为了钱而考试--可能会想歪点子，比如作弊
得不偿失。
不利于培养终身学习的能力。
古话说得好，活到老，学到老。在全球化发展的今天，知识更新的速度非常快，这就要求我们具备终身学习的态度和能力，否则将会很快被高竞争力的社会所淘汰。在学校里考试的每一分，家长是可以用金钱来激励；但是到了社会中之后，失去了这份激励，学习是否还可以继续下去？金钱激励只会让孩子看到学习的外部价值，却忽略了它的内部价值。
好词好句
结构词/功能句
From my perspective, financial stimulation is definitely not a good idea to ensure a good academic performance. My reasons and examples are given below.
First, money incentive on each high grade provides a wrong motivation on study. Children will study merely for a good grade. Examination, designed to examine the effect of study, is simply a checkpoint of the learning process, far away from the destination. Since no school-age children can resist the cash incentive, they will be misled to over-emphasize the importance of exam grade. Maybe for a short time grades look better, but in the long run this incentive does not last. Besides, as we all know, examinations are not always easy. Some students even cheat to gain a high score, which is the last thing to be expected. Take my nephew for example. He is a hard-working boy who loves reading and drawing but is not good at exams, which annoys his father a lot. His father came out of the idea of money incentive one day, promising that my nephew could use this money on whatever he wanted. It turned out to be effective for a couple of months for my nephew did achieve some good grade until his father was called for the boy's cheat in the exams. Who was to blame under this circumstance then?
Second, money incentive hampers the cultivation of life-long studying. An old saying goes like this: people live learning. In today's globalized world, knowledge is refreshing at an astounding rate. Only people capable of life-long studying can meet the demand of highly competitive environment. For each grade students earned, parents may award them with money; but what should be concerned is that whether students could persist in studying without this money incentive in society. Money incentive reveals merely the external value of studying, while it is the intrinsic value of studying that promotes students to "keep foolish and keep hungry". Just like the example I mentioned before, my nephew rarely opened a book after his graduation because no examination meant no need to hit the books. A notion that "study for money" failed him in his future career, which required him to be a life-long learner.
All in all, parents should stop awarding their school-age children money for each high grade they earn in exams if we are expecting children to learn for themselves and to be a life-long learner.
400w
