TED |演讲：被爱的前提是不要为了恋爱而恋爱
“我们好像生活在这样一种文化氛围里:就是好像我们每个人都应该沉浸在爱河里,或者正爱上某人,或者至少过得性福 对吧？”
“And we sort of live in the culture that surrounds us,telling us that we should have fallen in love，or be falling in love,or at least have had great sex, right?”
“你懂得 说实话，有谁在爱情当中是为了真正成为一个更好的人？成为更善良、更正直的人？成为更理智的人？没有人那么想。这是因为我们的目光关注的不是我们自己,我们关注的是下一段经历,和更美的风景，关注的是下一个恋爱对象，所以我们不必处理那些自身的问题。我明白这一切都顺理成章对吧？你就只是遇到了一个性感的人,不管在哪里，可能是在聚会上、在火车上、或者在伦敦的地铁上.或者你们在同一天注册了Tinder，然后就配对成功了 ,多神奇啊！”
“You know, let's face it,who actually enters into the arena of love， looking to , maybe , become a better person，to be kinder , to have more integrity , to get more grounded ? No one does that. It ' s because our eyes are off ourselves. We ' re looking for that next adventure， that greener grass ,that new person, so we don ' t have to deal with any of that stuff.And I understand how easily it happens , right ? You just kind of meetsomeone sexy. I don't know where, maybe it was at a party , on the train , or the Tube , as we would say in London ， Or maybe you just met them， you both joined Tinder that day ,how magical! ”
“然后很快你们就发现彼此有一些共同之处，比如说哇你俩都喜欢杏仁酱都喜欢星球大战，你们都能说出四个忍者神龟的名字。然后突然间 你们又开始回忆你们最初相遇的场景，好像决定这是冥冥之中注定的一样,就像罗密欧与朱丽叶一样，但是 他们俩结局不太好。我们要牢记这一点。”
“And before too long, you realize that you have some stuff in common， like wow , you both like almond butter , Star Wars , you can name all four Teenage Mutant Ninja Hero Turtles. And then like suddenly you're retelling how you met，like,this serendibidus coincidence of cosmic proportions.It's like move over Romeo in Juliet.Not that that ended very well. Let's all remember that.”
“所以你想到你们其实并不是罗密欧与朱丽叶，而是生活在现实生活中的人，我们的内心活动是这样的当我们喜欢上一个人的时候,我们想的是：耶！我再也不是孤单一人了！哦耶！我做到了！啊哈！ 因为你猜接下来你会做什么？你每天晚上回到家，你躺在床上，然后你就不必去思考你自己的需求、你的渴望、你的过往，所有的这些事。但是这可能妨碍了你得到真正的快乐，因为你没有真正解决自身的那些问题。”
“ So , when you ' re thinking about you ' re not exactly being Romeo and Juliet ,and we're actually living in the real world，I think the thing is , the main sell , when you kind of fall for someone ， is it ' s like : Yippee , I ' m not alone anymore .Hooraoo!Nailed it! Uh ha! Cause you get to -guess what you do? You get to go home every night，and you get to put your head on pillow, and you don't have to think about you know, your needs, your wants your pastand actually, kind of all the stuff. that's really probably stopping from you from becoming happy,because you're not fixing it”
“相反的是你会被别人困住,被他们迷住，你的全部思都投入在新的恋爱对象身上.但我觉得当你过于关注那段完美的浪漫爱情的时候,你并没有真正做一些提升自己的事情,并没有做那些让自己变得真正快乐的事情。”
“ Instead , you get to be entrapped by somebody else , you're intrigued by them, your mind has someone new to spiral into and focus on. But I think sometimes when you're focusing on that perfect romance , you're not actually doing the real work to fix the stuff that's stopping you from becoming happy .”
“正是因为这样，当谈到爱情和约会的时候我认为我们大多数人,都需要放空和重启的时间， ”
“And because of taht,I think that most of us , when it comes to love and dating , kind of need an epic timeout and reset.”
