IELTS雅思英语写作培训作业反馈案例分享｜成都翰霖雅思咨询
The line graph and bar chart give the information about the vehicle numbers
and C02 emission in England and Wales between 2000 and 2020.
Your response
The two graphs illustrate the number of vehicles and the amount of CO2 emission in England and Wales from 2000 to 2020. It is clear that vehicle numbers showed a constant increase in that time,
with
the fact that
and
cars always generated the largest amount of
pollutants
CO2.
According to the line graph, we can see that there were 20 million vehicles in England and Wales
in 2000
, and
the
this
figure rose
stably
steadily
to approximately 35 million in 2010. In the next stage, between 2010 and 2020, England and Wales saw a faster increase
of
in the
vehicle number than
that
happened in
the
former
previous
10 years, reaching above 60 million in 2020.
Looking at the bar chart, it is obvious that the largest proportion of gas emission came from cars during the period
, rising
from roughly 2.3 tonnes in 2000 to 3 tonnes in 2020. CO2 generation from trucks remained not only the second highest, but also
witnessed
a stable increase during the whole period in that area. The amount of
polluted
CO2
gas from
the
vans showed an increase
in the
former
first
10 years, but a drop in the
latter
second decade
, with a peak of about 0.7 tonnes in 2010. Buses generated the least amount of CO2 emission
,
with all the figures below 0.5 tonnes.
Feedback
Task Achievement
The writer dealt with the requirements of the task, but the overview was not clear enough for a Band 7 overview (see comment box). To get a Band 7, there would need to be a clear overview.
Coherence and Cohesion
The writer arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression. Cohesive devices are used effectively, but referencing within sentences may be faulty, for example (
The amount of polluted gas from
the
vans showed an increase in the
former
first
10 years but a drop in the
latter second decade
, with a peak of about 0.7 tonnes in 2010
). For the candidate to attain a Band 7 in this criterion, there would need to be more accurate referencing.
Vocabulary
The writing uses a sufficientrange of vocabulary to communicate the issues with some flexibility and precision. Less common items are demonstrated with some use of collocation and style (
Buses generated the least amount of CO2 emission, with all the figures below 0.5 tonnes
). There are occasional errors in word choice (
it is obvious that the largest proportion of gas emission came from cars during the period
, rising
from roughly 2.3 tonnes in 2000 to 3 tonnes in 2020. CO2 generation from trucks remained not only the second highest, but also
witnessed
a stable increase during the whole period
). In order to achieve a Band 8, there would need to be more range and accuracy of the vocabulary displayed.
Grammar
The writing displays a mix of simple sentences and complex sentence forms (sentences with a dependent clause) For example, (
According to the line graph, we can see that there were 20 million vehicles in England and Wales
in 2000,
and
the
this
figure rose
stably
steadily
to approximately 35 million in 2010
). In order to achieve a Band 7, there would need to be frequent error free sentences with more accuracy in the complex sentences.
Sample Answer
The line graph shows us the total vehicles on the roads in the UK and Wales over a 20-year period while the bar chart shows us the amount of C02 emissions from four different types of vehicles in three different years. Overall, while the total number of vehicles increased, the CO2 emitted increased from all vehicles. As previously stated, the total amount of vehicles increased over the period. Over the duration of the first 10 years, the vehicle number increased consistently by 75%. There were 20 million on the roads in the year 2000, but this number stood at 35 million by 2010. During the following decade, the numbers continued to increase but at a faster rate, rising from 35 million to just over 60 million in 2020. This turned out to be three times the number of vehicles that were on the road in 2000. There were differences in the C02 emitted between vehicles as well as changes over the two decades. First of all, cars emitted by far the most C02 each year. This started at around 2.25 tonnes in 2000 and increased to about 2.6 tonnes in 2010 and finished at 3 tonnes in 2020. This was well over double the total produced by buses, vans and trucks. These remaining three types of vehicles all produced around 0.5 tonnes of C02 in 2000. These numbers marginally rose in 2010 but were still all under the 1-tonne mark. Finally, buses had a sharp increase to around 1.25 tonnes in 2020 from its 2010 number, which was still well under half the amount as cars while both vans and trucks showed very little change.
